IDS #259 - Excuse Me While I Masticate

This episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome is brought to you completely ad free

>> Dave: This episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome is brought to you completely ad free, thanks to our friends at Whopper's All Beef Footlong hot dogs. Enjoy.

>> Mike: Do you think that's loud? I get for this constant. Oh, I got lightheaded on that one.

>> Darin: It makes the trumpets sound. I don't make the trumpet sound when.

>> Mike: I blow my nose. I get for this all the time. I get, can you stop with your nose? I like, I gotta blow my nose.

>> Mike: I mean, we talked about it on the podcast. I didn't even know how to blow my nose until the end of college and now somebody wants me to stop.

>> Darin: It's one of the best segments we've ever done. I don't care how loud you blow your nose. If you would just stop clearing your throat in the middle of my sentences. I honestly, this show's gonna get more.

>> Mike: And more like that as we get older. It's just gonna be one of us going, we don't even have it off the side. I went down. Excuse me. While I masticate.

>> Darin: I think that's the. We've lost control. We haven't even started.

>> Mike: it was just me and the doctor and he looks at me and he just goes, do you pee a lot at night? And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Did my dad just walk in the room? How old do you think I am? I've never peed at night in my life. How about that?

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Ask about our summer intern program. Please welcome your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable dad syndrome. This is episode 259.

>> Mike: Yes. And this is a very special episode. Very special. Masticated earlier.

>> Darin: Yes, you did. And I sat here and watched him do it.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I may. And give. Give it a minute for things to settle. I may masticate more as the episode continues. yeah.

>> Darin: Exclusively on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Yeah.


It would mean the world to us if you liked the video

>> Darin: So tonight, Mike and I are going to talk about HBO Max.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: These guys. Oh, my God. Also, usually we always bitching about how people are doing stupid things and annoying things and basically stuff that makes us irritable. I am going to tell a very kind, loving story about a stranger, a complete and total stranger, who I met at the movies a couple weeks ago. Yeah. Hi. Welcome to the show.

>> Mike: Welcome to the show. I'm going to talk about, Charlie's football tournament.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: Flag football tournament. This, this past weekend.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Which included a journey.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: An odyssey. An epic.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: Journey to get to the tourney and then come back from it.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Very long walk.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. As it were before we get into the show. We've been saying for weeks now, actually, we've been saying for years, we've been trying to get people to go to irritable dadcenter.com and download more episodes. And if you want to become a patron, you can. And, if you wanted to leave a review, you can. And nobody's doing that ever. And so we just don't understand why it's so hard. but what we want you to do now, we've. We've shifted gears. We've given up on asking you to become a patron. Although you can still do it if you want.

>> Mike: No, I'm masticating. I didn't know I could start again this soon.

>> Darin: Mike is eating corn. No, we want you to go to the TikTok or Instagram or YouTube or, X. And if you follow us on any of those platforms, we're on Blue sky, too. Yeah, we're on Blue Sky.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: We want you to go there, and when you watch our videos. Oh, my God, it would mean the world to us if you liked the video. And if you were to share the.

>> Mike: Video, my Lord, if you shared it.

>> Darin: If you comment on the video, that jacks up our algorithm.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Hey, can you do that?

>> Mike: Can you just.

>> Darin: That would be great. Yeah, that would be great.

>> Mike: Look.

>> Darin: Yeah. Hi.

>> Mike: We offer this, this entertainment for free.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Is it too much to ask?

>> Darin: I don't think so.

>> Mike: To click a little, Like.

>> Darin: Just click the.

>> Mike: Like, click a.

>> Darin: Come on, share. Yeah.

>> Mike: What. What are you doing that's so important that you can't click a Share. post?

>> Darin: So, yes, please, if you see us on Tik Tok, blue sky, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, X. X, yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. Good pods. Yeah, we're pod bean.

>> Darin: We're. We're, on the, boat. We're in your grocer's freezer section. Like the video and share it. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.


The Thunderbolts cast has been telling dad jokes

Hey, a few weeks ago, I went to see the Thunderbolts.

>> Mike: Whoa.

>> Darin: Marvel's Thunderbolts?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: The New Avengers.

>> Darin: It's the New Avengers, and it is entertaining as hell, start to finish. You will love it. Go see it twice, take your whole family, tell them you heard about it on Irritable Dad Syndrome, and you will get a free bucket of popcorn at participating theaters.

>> Mike: Can I interrupt your story very quickly?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Hopper. What's the guy's name that plays Hopper?

>> Darin: David Harbour.

>> Mike: David harbor is the Red Guardian has been telling, a dad joke. Yeah, as the. In the Thunderbolts.

>> Darin: The Thunderbolts as Red Guardian.

>> Mike: Well, not as him, but the Thunderbolts cast has been telling dad jokes. And I'd like to tell his joke because it's one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Not my joke. A bear walks into a bar, okay? He goes up to the bartender and he says, I'd like a beer. The bartender says, what's with the big paws, huh?

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: Yeah, I completely stole that. It's literally, if you follow us on TikTok, you can find that TikTok where David Harbour says that he does it 10 times better than I just did. A thousand times better. But I just wanted an opportunity to do it at least once.

>> Darin: I thought that you were choked on the corn there for a second.

>> Mike: I was like, mike, no.


Woman in line behind me tells her kids to shut up about movie tickets

>> Darin: So anyway, we're in line to see the Thunderbolts. Actually, I'm in line to buy the tickets. And one son went and got our seats. the other kid was going to the bathroom, and then I don't remember where. Libby was probably looking for a different husband or another family entirely to leave with. The nice lady in front of me had three kids with her, and her kids are hopping up and down, mommy, can I have this? And Mommy, can I have that? Mommy, can I. I have this? And she says, well, I've already got you that. And the kids are getting kinda kind of mouthy with her, right?

>> Mike: And they're getting a little lippy.

>> Darin: They're getting a little lippy with her. It's like, but, Mommy, I want this. And she says, look, I got you the one thing I'm not getting you both. You can have one or the other, okay? And I'm sitting there thinking, yeah, one or the other or nothing at all. Or you can go home and, And Daddy will go see the movie by himself, right? Anyway, so the kids are getting a little lip with mom. And the woman running the register says, okay, so it's the two of you and the kids. And the woman says, what do you mean? And she says, the man behind you is that he's not with you? Oh, no, he's not with me.

>> Mike: She's referring to you.

>> Darin: She was referring to me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm standing five feet behind her. It's not like I'm, you know, got my arm around her and whatever.

>> Mike: You're like sniper coverage. You're far enough away.

>> Darin: But it's like if she thought I was the dad. that makes sense, because I'm just, like, not getting involved at all in the raising of these bratty children. And I joked. I said, oh, you can buy my ticket if you want. And she says, oh, I'll buy your ticket. Oh, what are you going to see? And I said, I'm kidding. And she says, I'm not kidding. I'll buy your ticket if you. If you want.

>> Mike: Now you've done it.

>> Darin: I said, that's very kind. I appreciate you saying that, but there's me, and then I've got four people with me, and. And I know you ain't buying five tickets, but thank you very much. And she smiled, and I smiled. And then she continued to tell her bratty kids that they needed to shut the hell up. But. And the change in her voice. Oh, no, no, no. I can buy your ticket all shut up.

>> Mike: Stop it.

>> Darin: She was, like, I guess I had a smiling face. And maybe she's like, you know what? I'd rather go to the movie where with this complete stranger than these kids. I doubt seriously she listens to this podcast, but thank you, stranger lady at the movie theater.


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Charlie had his flag football tournament this weekend in Mason, Ohio

Now back to you guys in the studio.

>> Mike: So Charlie had his flag football tournament.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: This weekend. M. And, we were. We meaning me and Charlie. So Bess was unable to go. So it was my job to get Charlie to the game.

>> Darin: Was best at her book club?

>> Mike: No, she. One of her friends. They were having a birthday bash. Oh, as it were.

>> Darin: Yes. Yes.

>> Mike: and they were doing a tour through Cincinnati through some paranormal. They did like the paranormal tour. They got the paranormal ghostbuster equipment. And they went into tunnels.

>> Darin: And did they cross the streams?

>> Mike: I hope not. It's in Mason. Now, I know most of our listeners are not from this area, have no.

>> Darin: Idea where Mason is.

>> Mike: You don't need to know anything about, all you need to know is that it's about 20 minutes away where we needed to go.

>> Darin: Mason is full of criminals.

>> Mike: And the instructions on how to get to the field, I thought, who needs instructions?

>> Darin: Horrible thing to say.

>> Mike: You can edit, you're the editor. It's all in your power. How hard is it to get to a football field? Right?

>> Darin: It shouldn't be that hard at all.

>> Mike: So I drive, I put the navigation, the thing in the, the global positioning system, the gps, as it were, the gypsy. And it takes me to a parking lot wherein the football field is within view and scrawled on a pink sign. Duct. Huh? Taped to the chain link fence askance. The football field said, and I quote, no flag football parking here. Oh, here is underlined M. And it said go. And it had an arrow pointing go to the front of the building. This building in Mason is a large building. It's probably the largest building in Ohio. So Charlie and I turned around out of that parking lot and we went, we journeyed like two blocks down to the other side of this building. We parked there and there's an opening to a field. I assumed that it was a football field. It. Wasn't. This is why it's hard for sports kids to have a non sports dad. No, this was a baseball field.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And that's evidenced by all the baseball players who were on it playing a game. I go up to the concession person and I say, where is the flag football? Where's the football? She's like, it's probably in the football field. And I said yes. And she said it's that way. And I said, can I get to it by walking down this lane? And she said yes. So me and Charlie started our trek. We went all the way down there. Somehow we ended up on the other side of the line where you pay. It's $5 to get in. We're on the other side of that for flag football. Flag football.

>> Darin: This ain't the NFL.

>> Mike: And I get a call from a number I've never seen before. And I answer the way I normally do when it's numbers. I don't know.

>> Darin: Mike Odle?

>> Mike: No. I answer, what.

>> Darin: Happened?

>> Mike: She says, is this Mike? And I'm like, yeah. She's like, I can see you right now. You're in the wrong place. Cue the heavy music. Is this severance I started? It was like a camera. I felt like a camera would go around me. And I'm looking with the music going right and I was looking for red dots to appear on me or Charlie.

>> Darin: Slowly walk toward the black football field.

>> Mike: One of the other moms saw me, saw that I was in the wrong space, didn't know how I got there, and was trying to direct me to the right place, which was across from a softball field in a completely different area. It took 20 minutes to get to this place. So by the time we actually got there, the practice portion was over. It's like, you got to go in to the game.

>> Darin: This is why. Okay. My kids used to wonder, dad, we've got 45 minutes. No, we need to go early.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: This is why I have always wanted to leave early in case there is an accident on the highway. In case there you can't find parking.

>> Mike: We were there.


Charlie's team won both games, so congratulations to them

>> Darin: There's a donkey in the middle of the road.

>> Mike: That happens all the time.

>> Darin: All the time.

>> Mike: We got to the place where he's supposed to practice. They had about 15 minutes or so to practice. Now, that gave me time to. To find out where the game's being played. The game was not being played on the football field.

>> Darin: It wasn't being played where he was practicing?

>> Mike: No. Where he was practicing. Where he was practicing was a softball field. Where it was being played was next to the football field, but it was a soccer field.

>> Darin: I've never been more confused in my life.

>> Mike: I was so confused. There were parents.

>> Darin: Did you. Did you bring your flag football bat?

>> Mike: There were parents in various stages of pissed. Trying to figure out.

>> Darin: Thought you were gonna say, I've undressed.

>> Mike: What? That's a different game, the whole thing. one of his friends, One of his good friends, was actually about 8 to 10 minutes late to the game because they just couldn't find it. They were there on time. They couldn't find it.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: It was so. It was like an adventure game. Trying to find this. Had some, by the way, in the process of trying to find this, they had a coffee truck. Some of the best coffee I've ever had in my life.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Tom's coffee.

>> Darin: Tom's coffee.

>> Mike: Anyway, the tournament went great. Charlie's team, they won both games. Charlie got the first touchdown. I think he got. He's going to kill me if I get this wrong. I think he got five touchdowns, maybe three. He got it. He got it. He got a good number of them.

>> Darin: We'll call it five.

>> Mike: The other. They had two games, and in the winner. The winner of both those games is the champion. They won both games. Other teams didn't score a point.

>> Darin: Wow. Wow.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: That's what you call a good old Fashioned ass whooping.

>> Mike: So he got a ring.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: They got a ring, like, you know, like when you win the super bowl, you get a Super Bowl. Ring.

>> Darin: Bowl, ring.

>> Mike: They gave the kids a ring. And it comes in like a little plastic, you know, cellophane wrapper.

>> Darin: Does it have a big piece of bubble gum on it?

>> Mike: Check it out. I thought, this is cute. They get a little plastic ring. He handed it to me in the car and it had heft.

>> Mike: It was weighty.

>> Darin: It was weighty.

>> Mike: It was like a metal. It's like a metal ring. Like it's a. A ring.

>> Darin: Honest to God ring.

>> Mike: It was pretty cool.

>> Darin: Cool.

>> Mike: That's so proud.

>> Darin: Well, congratulations to Charlie. Yeah. And the team. What's the name of his team?

>> Mike: The. The Browns. Every. Every team. M was like based off of a. Of a NFL team. So they were the. They were the Browns.

>> Darin: Well, this team won more than the actual Browns, so congratulations to that. That's not saying much.


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HBO Max has decided to go back to calling their station, HBO Max

>> Darin: We're back. HBO Max has decided to go back to calling their station, their streaming service, HBO Max. I went back and did some research on my own. In June of 2023, Mike and I, we released a special episode, five minutes long. That's right.

>> Mike: Go back and listen.

>> Darin: Episode 155. What is it? What do we call it? Hey, what the hell?

>> Mike: What the hell, hbo.

>> Darin: What are you doing?

>> Mike: My question is, what the hell?

>> Darin: HBO Max decided because they were just hbo.

>> Mike: That's how the Lord intended it.

>> Darin: Home.

>> Mike: Home.

>> Darin: Home. Box Office.

>> Mike: Box Office.

>> Darin: Back in the day, in the 70s, they were the first movie channel right.

>> Mike: On TV. Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh my God, Yeah. It's like you'd be in this holy. you have hbo? Can I go over to Mike's house? He has hbo.

>> Mike: I had the hbo.

>> Darin: It was hbo, the Original Comedy Specials and HBO Boxing.

>> Mike: Fraggle Rock.

>> Darin: Yes. HBO was Brain Games. Yes. HBO was the. Necessarily the news.

>> Darin: Was on hbo.

>> Mike: Oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: And they just, they dominated. All y' all stand back. This is how we do it. They would drop the mic and they would just sit back and crack their knuckles and count the money as it poured in.

>> Mike: Back in the. Excuse me. Back in the 80s, I'm going to help you out back in the 80s.

>> Darin: Because I needed help.

>> Mike: You're doing fine. You're doing great.

>> Darin: Thank you.

>> Mike: There were the kids who had hbo and then there were the kids who had Cinemax. And everybody looked at the kids that had Cinemax, like, we know why you have Cinemax. That's right. They'd look at their dad, be like, come on, dude. Really?

>> Darin: It was the kids, their eyes were a little blue underneath the bottom there from staying up all night.

>> Mike: So masticating the HBO guide and the Cinemax Guide, if you remember, they were the cinema. The same guide. It came like a little guide like that big in all the movies. So you'd get the movies, it was like, oh, what's on HBO? Predator, RoboCop, First Blood Part 2M. And you go over to Cinemax. What's on Cinemax? Hey, hello. I'm not allowed to watch any of that. They have all of that. And then that one movie by Yahoo, Sirius, it's all that was on Cinemax. So anyway, that's what you had. HBO was so good in the 80s that if you knew someone that had the satellite, that's when satellite TV came out. People would be like, can you get HBO on that?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And you'd be like, no, I get a thousand channels. But they're like, Right. Where's hbo?

>> Darin: Yeah, everybody loved hbo. And by the way, those friends called it Skinimax.

>> Mike: Skin.

>> Darin: Yeah, that's, that's why you got that. So HBO, CinemaState and CinemaX merged. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And they become, two souls in one.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And it was great for, you know, while it lasted. Then Netflix came out and put Blockbuster out of business.

>> Darin: And HBO is like, you know what I feel like around and getting in on this fight. And that's what HBO did. They said, okay, I'M gonna show y' all what we're made of.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: HBO comes out with their streaming channel. Holy crap.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: HBO had a lot of good stuff on there. Because hbo, what they did was they threw their entire back catalog.


HBO was seriously a contender for Netflix. Yeah. HBO was awesome. They were the cool premium channel

The Sex in the City, everything. Thrones, the Sopranos, Sex in the City.

>> Mike: Game of Thrones, Six Feet Under.

>> Darin: Yes. Six. Yes, yes, yes. And then. And a lot of other cool stuff. And so they were, like, a contender. And because you were like, hey, Darren, have you. Do you have hbo?

>> Mike: M. Yeah.

>> Darin: And I was like, no. And you.

>> Mike: I don't think we can be friends.

>> Darin: So I checked it out, and sure enough, they were seriously a contender for Netflix. And then what?

>> Mike: They did hbo. They were the cool. Excuse me. They were the cool. They were the cool premium channel. When people would get kicked off of regular cable for being like, when Bill Maher got kicked off.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: HBO gave him a show.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: When, Robin Williams. The heyday of Robin Williams. Like, when you talk about Robin Williams as a comedian. Comedian.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: All of his stuff was on the. Hbo.

>> Darin: He and George Carlin had the HBO.

>> Mike: Comedy special, Mike Tyson's, boxing, all on hbo. The point is. The point is HBO was awesome.

>> Darin: HBO was awesome. And then they decided to throw their hat in the ring. Huh? Huh? Metaphor.

>> Mike: Yeah. Ah.

>> Darin: With the whole streaming thing. And they were making Netflix, shaking their boots, making bank. Netflix is like, what the hell are we gonna do now? Oh, my God, we've got to do something. What are we going to do? They were freaking out, right? And then hbo, just when they've got the upper hand, they got Netflix and all those other knuckleheads in the corner and their noses are all bleeding. HBO says we're changing our name to Max.

>> Mike: And in.

>> Darin: We're going to take the least cool part about our name. Hbo. Max, we're going to drop the HBO part.

>> Mike: And. And Netflix said. And I quote.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And.

>> Darin: Yeah, that's what Netflix said.

>> Mike: And Hulu like, wow, we might actually get in on this.

>> Darin: Even Crackle was like, right, honey, get your. Together. We're back in it.

>> Mike: We're back.

>> Darin: We're Crackle was like, yes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: With all the Crackle original programming, we.

>> Mike: Had to put out the episode 150. Whatever it was 155 to say, come on. What?

>> Darin: Come on.

>> Mike: What are you doing?

>> Darin: What are you doing?

>> Mike: It's.

>> Darin: Yeah. So I think, we are fully responsible for this, because I know. I know people, and I have a feeling that HBO went and listened to this and, like, God, Mike and Darren are on us.

>> Mike: did you see what?

>> Darin: You're welcome, by the way. It's the smartest thing that. Well, the smartest thing they ever could have done was not change their name. Idiots.

>> Mike: Did you see John Oliver's take on it?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: Oh, I love John Oliver, by the way. John, Oliver's a national treasure.

>> Mike: Oh, it's. It's beautiful.


Nobody ever really liked Cinemax. The only reason people liked it was nudity

>> Darin: So hbo Max. What you ought to do is drop.

>> Mike: Drop the Max.

>> Darin: Just be hbo.

>> Mike: Nobody ever really liked Cinemax. They m. I mean, yeah.

>> Darin: The only reason people liked it was because if you watched anything after 11 o' clock, there were naked people.

>> Mike: But it happened on HBO too. Yeah, but just less.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: So. So I've heard.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Anyway, the point is just get rid of the Mac. Nobody.

>> Darin: Nobody have Taxicab Confessions. Boy, that show was weird.

>> Mike: But nobody these days even knows what Cinemax. It hasn't been Cinemax for decades.

>> Darin: No, they don't know.

>> Mike: Know what's. What that is.

>> Darin: They don't know the lore.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Of it.

>> Mike: Yeah. So get rid of it. Drop it. Just go back to hbo.

>> Darin: Hbo Foreign. And I have been trying to teach my wife how to do an impression or two impressions. She came home one day and Cameron and I were doing, having a conversation as Beavis and Butthead.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And I think Libby started to get jealous and she's like, I want to learn how to do Beavis and Butthead. So we were trying to teach her how to do Beavis and Butthead. And I don't do a perfect Beavis or Butthead, but Cameron and I both are close enough because you can do Beavis and, you know, whatever. It doesn't sound anything like Beavis, but we have fun and then, you know,

>> Mike: So, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

>> Darin: We're at the dinner table and Libby's trying, and she let me record it. And here, for your enjoyment.

>> Mike: No way.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: For the first time, have you been given.

>> Darin: I've been given permission, yes.

>> Mike: Oh, my.

>> Darin: The world premiere of, my wife Libby. My beautiful, lovely and talented wife Libby is going to be on Irritable Dad Syndrome doing her impressions, her attempted impressions of Beavis and Butthead. Enjoy.

>> Mike: He would say like, two for the price of one. And Beavis would be like, two for the price of 1. I can't get Butthead.

>> Darin: Like, you gotta breathe.

>> Mike: I can't get Beavis either.

>> Darin: I'm better at Beavis.

>> Mike: two for the price of one. And then Butthead's like, he has like a really Distinct way of talking. Like.

>> Darin: Yeah, they both do. Yes.

>> Mike: No, like his, his accent's a little bit different. Like 2m for the price.

>> Darin: 2 for the price of 1. How 2? Because you have to exhale at the same time.

>> Mike: How do you exhale when you're talking?

>> Darin: 2 for the price of 1. That makes it sound.

>> Mike: You can get 2 for the price of 1. 2, 2. 2 for 2 for the price of one. Okay.

>> Darin: Welcome back. Don't you wish your wife did Beavis and Impressions? Okay, so I love you, Libby.


I did a thing this weekend that makes me a bad father

>> Mike: I did a thing this weekend. What was that? Makes me a bad father. Oh. And a bad human being. That's every day together at the same time.

>> Darin: What did you do?

>> Mike: I yelled out a bad word at the King's island. And I.

>> Darin: All the time.

>> Mike: The chances that the gentleman who was offended and turned around and looked at me, the chances that he listens to this podcast are exceptionally low.

>> Darin: Were you wearing your irritable dad syndrome?

>> Mike: Not at all.

>> Darin: Okay, well then you're good.

>> Mike: I'm good. So Charlie, wanted to go to the Kings island on Saturday and I said, well, why don't we all go on Sunday? Because you have a game today. You don't want to do Kings island on the same day as a game. We had stuff going on.

>> Darin: No, that's ridiculous.

>> Mike: Whole family gets together, we all go to Kings island, we decide we're going to ride Mystic Timbers. My favorite people in my family think that Mystic Timbers is a tame ride. I think it is a horror show. We get on it and it proceeds to beat the ever loving piss out of me. Mystic Timbers, Yes. My elbow hit the side of the thing and my arm went numb. and then while I'm looking at that, it wretched me over and twisted my neck a little bit. And then I hit my knee on a thing. And right when the ride stopped, I yelled out, bull. Fill in the what comes from a bull thing really loud. And Bess turned around, was like, oh my God, there's kids on there. And there was a kid right in front of her. And her, I assume, is her dad turned around and I'm assuming he glared a hole through me. I suddenly got very interested in a tree that was over here. And Charlie was, laughing. He was right next to me. He's like, oh my God. What did you just do that? I felt horrible.

>> Mike: And it didn't help that. And that was right when we're going into the little barn where they show the little movie. Yeah. And the little movie wasn't working.

>> Darin: You either have the haunt, the. The bat, the haunted tree.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Or the. What's the third thing? There's a third thing that comes out that. Yeah. The dragon.

>> Mike: I don't know. But we got the fourth. We got the hidden one, where no movie at all plays. You just have to sit there and listen to that, which I'm like, cars. Why do you,

>> Darin: For all y' all who've never been to Kings island in Mason, Ohio, there's a ride called Mystic Timbers. It's one of their newer roller coasters. I think it's four, maybe five years old.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And after you ride, it's a woody. That's what she said. It's a wooden roller coaster. It's my favorite. after you ride it, you get into the little shack. And here's the thing. The story behind is it's a haunted logging company, where all these people had vanished or whatever. And you go into the shed at the end, and the question is, what's in the shed? What type of monster pops up? And there's a cassette player, a boombox, as it were, on the wall. And for the longest time, the only song they would play, it would kick on was Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Which is weird. And then they started mixing it up. They would go from that to Man Eater by Daryl hall and John Oates. I still call them hall and Oates.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Right. And so. Oh, here she comes. Watch out, boy, she'll chew you up. It's a man eat. Okay, that's kind of haunted. Okay. Sorta. But then they started playing Cars by Gary Newman.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And that makes no sense at all.

>> Mike: It's an 80s. This thing was built in the height of the 80s. Nostalgia. Things which. Allow me for a moment, and there's already been memes about this, but bedrooms did not look like what people think the 80s bedrooms look like. They were wood paneling.

>> Darin: Yes.


Mike Timbers: Someone yelled a bad word at me at Kings Island

>> Mike: And.

>> Darin: Or a blank wall with thumbtacks holding your posters.

>> Mike: We didn't have a bunch of posters. We had some.

>> Darin: I did.

>> Mike: Did you?

>> Darin: I walled wall.

>> Mike: I didn't.

>> Darin: Covered in posters.

>> Mike: Some did, others didn't.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But my point is, do you want.

>> Darin: To know what posters I had on my wall?

>> Mike: Mike, what'd you have?

>> Darin: I had three or four Billy Idol posters at Van Halen. Okay. I had a Duran Duran poster. They were huge at the time.

>> Mike: In the 80s, your wall would grow a Duran Duran poster.

>> Darin: I had a Cindy Crawford poster.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: No, no, no, no.

>> Mike: Oh, I think I was thinking Cindy Lauper.

>> Darin: I Had a Christie Brinkley poster.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: In my room. Yeah. Gumby and Pokey and I had a devo poster. And I still have the devo poster on the wall in my drum room.

>> Mike: Are we not men? We are devil. Are we not many? I would like to apologize to this gentleman. He didn't need to hear this expletive. I was hurt. I was in pain, but that's no excuse. I felt bad about this for days at this point.

>> Darin: So maybe you should write him a, concerned list.

>> Mike: I don't know his name or his address. He was wearing a red shirt.

>> Darin: That narrows it down. So if you're a male with a.

>> Mike: Child and you had a red shirt on.

>> Darin: Red shirt on. And you were at Kings island park.

>> Mike: In Mason, Ohio, and somebody yelled a bad word on.

>> Darin: And you were two rows in front of Mike Timbers.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm going to get in on this with you. Mike and I, we. We apologize.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah. Reach out to us and we'll send you a, mug.

>> Darin: I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person pissing off people at Kings Island. I bumped into a guy in line, and then he just told me that I needed. I need to. I need to step back.

>> Mike: Yeah. Another thing happened.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Another thing happened. We were in line for the Diamondback.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Right. That's my favorite. one of my favorite.

>> Darin: Well, I had to. I had to stop riding Diamondback.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It made me dizzy. I would write it, and then I get all oogie, and that's no fun.

>> Mike: There was this whole. A, gaggle of kids, and they were yelling at another couple of brats. Hey, come over to, like, line cut and get in the line. We were at the point, right? We got up the stairs.

>> Darin: Nope, that's where I.

>> Mike: And this girl. This woman's yelling.

>> Darin: This female, this.

>> Mike: Well, to me, she was a girl. I'm, like, 50 now, so I think she was maybe in her 20s.

>> Darin: You're not like, 50. You are.

>> Mike: Seemed like she was five to me.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And she's like, just. Come on. Nobody's gonna care. Nobody's gonna care. She kept saying that.


Darren: When you vote, remember that people around you care

And I'm right behind her. And I thought about saying, you know, I kind of.

>> Darin: I do care.

>> Mike: Yeah. You know, you just get. You know, just. If you cared enough to be together, you would have gotten in line together. That's how that works. Now, I'll tell you, they may have gotten away. They did get away with it. At an amusement park. You try that at a concert, bruh?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I've got you. Talk about, if they gave out patches and medals for concerts and Darren and I would be. We'd be war heroes up there. Yeah. All over the place. You try that with us.

>> Darin: Yeah. They're gonna fly.

>> Mike: No, I ain't gonna fly.

>> Darin: now here's the thing. If they preemptively, it's like you get in line and someone in front of you says, my sister and her boyfriend are coming. Is it okay if we hold. It's like, absolutely. Because they're decent, nice people and they say, is it okay if we save this place in line for them? Sure. Right. Am I going to be a real jerk about it? No.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: But when you take advantage of people's kindness and just assume, ain't nobody going to care. Get on up here.

>> Mike: Yeah, I care.

>> Darin: it's like, normally I wouldn't had you asked, but now that you're just all willy nilly.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, I flies off my handle when someone gets all willy nilly with me. Yeah.

>> Mike: I also, I didn't want to make a scene in front of my kids, but I thought, you know, if I was here by myself and had a few drinks in me, I'd get all, I get all pissy.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: When we voted, we went to early voting and there's a gazillion people in line for early voting.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And Jacob got there first. And as soon as. When he got in line, he said, my. The rest of my family are coming. This is my first time voting. We were going to vote together. Absolutely.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: nobody had a problem. And when, mom and Libby and I got there and we found where Jacob was and we apologize to the people behind us and they were cool. Why were they cool with it? Because Jacob said that beforehand. Is it okay if I hold a place in line for the rest of my family before the people got in line? There's a way to do things.

>> Mike: There's a way to do.

>> Darin: There's a way not to do.

>> Mike: That's right. So just be. Remember that people around you.

>> Darin: Yeah. when we went to see the Band that Shall Not Be Named.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: In Louisville.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: So we went to see the Band that Shall Not Be Named in Louisville. And. And we got a wristband. Okay. We were General Admission, or GA as the kids call it. We're General Admission. And they give you a wristband that has a number. The lower numbers are closer to the stage. The bigger numbers are farther away from the stage. Right. And everyone was cool. Like, everybody was cool about this.

>> Mike: And they've been going on for 40 years. Yeah, literally 40 years at that point.

>> Darin: Yeah. They're like, this is how it works. When you have this number, you abide by this common courtesy.


The first probably 20 concerts I went to were general admission

Well, we were talking to this guy and his girlfriend and this dude tries to weasel past us. She goes, hey, hey, hey, I don't know you. Yeah, I haven't seen you get, Give me, show me your sticker. Show me your past. Nope, you go back, back.

>> Mike: Like she's talking to Lucky back. Ah, yeah, he's lucky. He didn't get cut and he just.

>> Darin: I mean I wouldn't have messed with her either.

>> Mike: When I went to go see them.

>> Darin: And I'm afraid of women in general, but she.

>> Mike: Yeah, when I went to go see this band that should not be named in the in Sin City, I was in line at 4am and there was somebody that kind of walked up the thing and these two nice ladies that were running the line, they were just talking, just normal like, excuse me, the end of the line is back there. We need to write you like, like hardcore. They write your name down on a list. And the dude just looked at him like he didn't want any trouble. Yeah, you know, know four in the morning, you don't want any trouble with anybody on the street. Back and got in line.

>> Darin: Don't mess around with it, I say, and I'm so old.

>> Mike: Where.

>> Darin: God. The first probably 20 concerts I went to were general admission.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we would go at the concert started at 8, we would get there at 2 in the afternoon, get in line so that we could get our choice place. Right. And it would piss me off when I would get there five, six hours before the show started. And then some Jack gets in front of me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It's like, dude, no, I was here for a long time. That's how it was when my buddy Don and I went to see Letterman back in the day when you would go see the Late show with David Letterman, they started recording at five and they started lining people up I think at three thirty or four. We got there at ah, one in the afternoon and the lady at the gate says, no, go away. Yeah, so we walked around the block, screwed around for a little bit, come back at 1:30. She says no, and you can't stand in line, you're, you're like hours too early. So we left and then we came back and at 2 and she gave up. She's like, fine, stand right here. You stand here. You stand here.

>> Darin: Don't move. And she was like, I'm like, I'm done with you.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: She went in and then like at 3:30, 4:00, all these people started coming and milling around at the door.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Don and I are standing on the sidewalk and these people are lined up at the door. And we were like, we've lost our place in line. And this lady who was like, she really scared me.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: She goes. I goes, hey, all y' all need. She didn't say all y' all. This isn't. What in Virginia. All you guys, all you need to get back and get in line. These two guys have been here for four hours. You're gonna stand behind him. He's number one. He's number two.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darin: Whoever wants to be number three can stand behind that guy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And it's like, oh. I was like, yes.

>> Mike: It's awesome. There's a code. Yeah, there's a code to that kind of stuff. And. Yeah. You don't mess around with that. You too. I did not know it at the time. I knew you had to be there early. I knew what the numbers meant, but it wasn't until I was.

>> Darin: I know what all the numbers mean.

>> Mike: It wasn't until I was researching the. The. My plan of attack for Vegas that I realized that this is a 40 plus year tradition with the band.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And here's the deal. One of the guys that I was. I was in line for. Oh, my gosh. What is it? From 4am until. I don't remember, like, hours and hours and hours. You run out of stuff to talk about, but unless you're, us. One of the guys that I was in line with that had been in two hundreds of concerts of the band that should not be named told me that when they found venues that weren't going to honor the number system, they would say, and can you imagine a bunch of fans of the band that shall not be named saying this in unison? That's fine. We'll just all rush the gate as soon as the doors open. You can't. Okay. 1, 2, 3, 4. Yes. Yeah. We don't want a stampede here.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: and then he started to tell me about a time there he was part of a stampede.


A guy passed out right before the show. I hope he's okay

I quit listening because, I mean, it'd been hours. This guy had been quite going on.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. Nice guy. Miss the show. He's the guy that. That passed out right before the show. That's right. I hope he's okay.


Do not look through a Cheez it when watching the eclipse

>> Dave: Irritable dad syndrome was brought to you by Whompers all beef, footlong hot dogs, and listeners like you.

>> Darin: A couple weeks ago, we were talking about how Google and the Internet has ruined family arguments and that. How you can't just. You, you know, say, what is it that you said? That, you said that John F. Kennedy was our first president. And I'm gonna stand by that. And before we had the Internet.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you could have. There were. There's debate. There was arguments.

>> Darin: You could have that debate. You could have the argument. Somebody instantly.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Proving you wrong. Well, that has also ruined other things. Libby and I are eating dinner, and what, we like to eat for dinner some night is Cheez Its. We'll just sit there and eat a whole box of Cheez Its. No, we did have some Cheez Its.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And Libby said, why is there a hole in the middle of the Cheez It?

>> Mike: Yeah, why is there a hole?

>> Darin: And I thought maybe, maybe because it's a perfectly little placed hole right dead center of the Cheez it square. And I thought maybe you could. It's big enough to put a thread through. You can make a nice little Cheez it necklace.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darin: Or my take on it was you could hold the Cheez it up to the sun, and that's how you can watch the eclipse. I don't advise doing that. And that's the most I've made you laugh in years. And then we're laughing, and all you got to do is go on Google and look up. Why does.

>> Mike: Why does it have a thing?

>> Darin: That's all you have to do. And it says it's poked in the middle there to keep the thing from baking and rising. Right. If you poke a hole in the center, it bakes flat. It's a practical reason. There's no humor to it. Somebody wasn't screwing around.

>> Mike: I like the eclipse.

>> Darin: They didn't accidentally do it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But that's why they do it. And then I was like, well, it's not fun anymore.

>> Mike: So.

>> Darin: But I seriously, do not. Do not look through a Cheez it when watching the eclipse. No.

>> Mike: Well, I mean, if you don't have anything else.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, my God. If somebody does this.

>> Mike: Don't look at the. Just if. If you have. If you don't have, FDA approved or whatever the hell it is.

>> Darin: Yes. The Food and Drug Administration approves.

>> Mike: If you don't have CIA approved, don't. If you're taking advice from us, you're already. You're screwed. So I was grilling the chicken sandwich that I. That you.

>> Darin: That I enjoyed right before the show that you masticated.

>> Mike: And, I'm out there in public.

>> Darin: Right in your backyard.

>> Mike: In the backyard. But other people. Other people can see. Other neighbors were within earshot. And Bess opens the door.

>> Darin: Huh?

>> Mike: And says, did you order drugs online? Loud as science. Like, what? Apparently, I'm 50 now, right? So I ordered a probiotic.

>> Darin: Just.

>> Mike: I've. I've never had one before. I wanted to try a probiotic. I got sold to on Facebook because.

>> Darin: You were tired of the antibiotics.

>> Mike: And I said, yeah, it's a pro. It's not a drug. Why are you yelling about drugs? It's not like I'm shooting up heroin here. She's like, oh. She started laughing.

>> Darin: Did you order drugs?

>> Mike: Now it's funny. But all the neighbors are looking over at the.


Did you order drugs online? I mean, what are we doing here

At our house. I'm waiting for the cops to bang on our door.

>> Darin: Jesse Pinkman delivered it.

>> Mike: Hank is going to knock on the door.

>> Darin: I am the danger. I am the one who knocks.

>> Mike: Couldn't you have phrased that a little differently or not screamed it out there? Did you order drugs online? I mean, what are we doing here?

>> Darin: This has been a lot of fun. We're gonna go. We want you to go to irritabledancenddom.com. we want you to go to Instagram and Facebook and Tick Tock and all those things.

>> Mike: And Todd Bean.

>> Darin: Yes. Anywhere you see one of our videos. We're just begging you, God, please like our video and share the video.

>> Mike: You have no idea the whole damn thing.

>> Darin: Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, that'd be fantastic.

>> Mike: If you could do that.

>> Darin: It would jack up our algorithm. Our Al Gore.

>> Darin: Yeah. We hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome is a Mike Odle, Darren Cox production.

>> Mike: Oh, she did do that. I was. The neighbors. They were talking to me. They were talking about their pool. It just. Did you order drugs online? What if I was out there talking to the pastor?

>> Darin: Yeah. Is there a pastor in the neighborhood?

>> Mike: No, but there could be.

>> Darin: Could have been. It could have been.

>> Mike: I forgot what I was going to say.

>> Darin: Mowing or mastating.

>> Mike: Damn. It was good, too. I bet I got the giggles. This is what I got to do this from now on, I get down two Diet Mountain. Holy. Lord. And some corn. And he has an editor that does the editing, and that'll pop up.

>> Darin: So the editor does.

>> Mike: The editor does the editing. Don't let me talk today. Hold on.

>> Darin: M. Okay. I like how you telling me to pause. I'm not doing anything.

>> Mike: It's like it makes a funny soup in your tummy. I looked it up, I looked it.

>> Darin: Down I searched the world over and thought I found true love. This is the Mike Eats a Chicken Sandwich episode.

>> Mike: I'm, corny.

>> Darin: They washed it down with some milk, sucker punch, bread and bucker. Good God.

>> Mike: Let's get ready to roll. Cut that out.

>> Darin: You actually pretty seriously pretty sure that was wrestling. No, you said, I don't know what.

>> Mike: You were talking about. I was reading the comments over here. Are you threatening me? You will give me tv. I think we enjoyed that episode more than anyone else.

>> Darin: Ain't nobody out there gonna laugh at this as hard as we did. That's for damn sure.

>> Mike: Like a floppy Skittle.

>> Darin: Oh, it's floppy.

>> Mike: A flaccid Skittle. And it's all this. The classic Skittle flavors.

>> Darin: All the Skittle goodness.

>> Mike: All the classic Skittle goodness in a flaccid package.

>> Darin: Okay. Boy, it was a long walk. It was funnier when Tim Kaczorinski did it.

>> Mike: Why would you say chew when you can say masticate? It took a while to get that out.

>> Darin: That's what she said. And nobody listens.

>> Mike: Nobody. No. This is the. This is. This is gold.


Sound like dying aardvarks. That's the sound of our episode dropping every Tuesday

>> Darin: This is comedy gold. Nobody. That's the sound of our episode dropping every Tuesday. Whoo. Excuse me.

>> Mike: Huh?

>> Mike: Sound like a dying aardvarks. I don't even know what an aardvark is.

>> Darin: That sounds about right. Yet you know what masticate means?