IDS #276 - Strap a Zapper To An Otter

Are you seriously, Are you doing this again? Are you allergic to electricity

>> Darin: Are you seriously, Are you doing this again? Are you allergic to electricity? Are you turning into Chuck from Better Call Saul?

>> Mike: I think I am becoming Chuck. You're gonna come over here one of these days, and I'm gonna be down here with a candle.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: And wrapped in an aluminum foil.

>> Darin: Yeah. Speaking water.

>> Mike: Did you ground yourself when you walked in?

>> Darin: I did. I left my phone and my keys in your mailbox. Thank you. Yeah. I can't believe that I can walk.

>> Mike: Into a building with a piece of.

>> Darin: Paper in my hand and look at another adult and go for 55 cents. Will you take this to Alaska? And they do it.


Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast

>> Dave: It's time for Irritable Dad Syndrome. Weird Al knows about this podcast. Give it up for your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: Hi, I'm Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 276, and this episode has everything you could possibly want in a podcast with. We have a Kroger story of the week. We have a Chick Fil. A story of the week. We have a Gumby review of the week that's going to knock your socks off. Because the episode of Gumby that I've chosen to talk about this week has a link to our favorite show, Breaking Bad. Yes.

>> Mike: Science. Whoa.

>> Darin: Yep. something happened in this episode of Gumby that I'm convinced that Vince Gilligan saw, and he took this line from Gumby and he put it in an episode of Science. Close. Okay, close.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Very, very close. All right. The line. And it wasn't pokey. It was a new character. Well, not a new character. It's a character new to us, new to this segment of the podcast. the. The character's name is Prickle, and he said a line that Jesse Pinkman says later on.

>> Mike: Much, much Funions are the bomb.

>> Darin: Funions. Fun, Yo. Funyuns are awesome.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Welcome. How you doing?

>> Mike: Yeah, I'm starting to worry about, my brain and how it works, because I told you right before we started, I had an amazing. I had a content. I had a thing for this show that was automatically going to be a video.

>> Darin: It was going to be, like, the best. Like, it was best of volume five.

>> Mike: It was going to be, strategy, like, drunk Yoda level. He m. Was going to be Mike Drake, his contacts gonna be the giant eagle cake. It was in the stratosphere.

>> Darin: I love how all your great ideas were things that you.

>> Mike: Well, this is my thing, right?

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Don't, don't, don't. Don't get all. The point is, this was so good.

>> Darin: Slaughter signed my kiss.

>> Mike: Briefly thought, I need to write this down. And then I thought, there's no way, no earthly way you're gonna forget this. Just get. Just go. Yeah, there's no way. Once you guys get going, it'll come right back to you. For the life of me, I remember. It's gone.

>> Darin: It's gone.

>> Mike: And I know what.

>> Darin: Some of you all happen to me so many times.

>> Mike: Some of you are probably thinking, well, it couldn't have been that good. No, that's. That's. Those are the best ones.

>> Darin: That's true. That is true.

>> Mike: The only reason the Godfather exists is because the dude wrote it down.

>> Darin: That's right. He did. He did.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Mario Van Peebles.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Wrote it down. Was that the wrong Mario? Yeah. no, it's Mario Puzo. You're right. Mario Van Peebles. Another Mario.


Weird Al knows about this podcast because one of our patrons met him

The start of this podcast had our announcer, Dave Lay, introduce the show, and he said that Weird Al knows about this podcast. And you want to know why Weird Al knows about this podcast? Why? Well, one of our patrons, Chris Hughes, went to see Weird Al. Wait, he got to meet Weird Al? And what did he do? Chris Hughes has been banned for this podcast for, like, four years, and he's still trying vehemently. It's almost embarrassing how hard he's trying to make good with us and get back in our favor. He tells Weird Al, he says, hi, I'm Chris. And he says, hi, I'm Weird Al. And Chris says, oh, my favorite podcast is Irritable Dad Syndrome. To which Weird Al said, irritable what? So Chris told Weird Al that we have a podcast.

>> Mike: When?

>> Darin: just a few days ago, he was in Nashville.

>> Mike: Did you not notice what I told you before we came down here to do the show? That we had a load of downloads.

>> Darin: Holy crap. We had a lot of downloads.

>> Mike: Yeah. There's, like, a cat that shows its. That gets 20,000 downloads every other week.

>> Darin: So that does drive me crazy when the people on the TikTok have the cat that shows that has a million likes. And I'm like, I put six hours into this episode. It doesn't have that many.

>> Mike: I bet you a, lot of stuff.

>> Darin: So you think that correlates?

>> Mike: I think it does.

>> Darin: It's the Weird Al factor.

>> Mike: The Weird Al fact. Thanks to, like, the O'Reilly Factor, but less political.

>> Darin: Thank you, Chris Hughes.

>> Mike: Thank you, Chris.

>> Darin: Thank you, Mr. Huggies.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: For telling Weird Al, one of. My God, I'VE loved Weird Al forever.

>> Darin: And Chris Hughes told Weird Al that that is his favorite podcast. And. Okay, you're not banned anymore.


The name Pink Zebra just doesn't make any sense to me

>> Dave: Time now for the Weird Al Yankovic song segment of the week. This has been the Weird Al Yankovic song segment of the week.

>> Darin: So a few things happen. I'm driving down the road the other day, and I'm behind this truck, and it's a pink zebra truck. And I'm like, what?

>> Mike: That's.

>> Darin: Well, that's a good question. I'm like, what?

>> Mike: It said pink Zebra.

>> Darin: Pink Zebra. And I'm like, that could be anything. It sounds like it could be an ice cream company. It sounds like it could be a company that sells, I don't know, sex toys. I don't know. I don't know what Pink Zebra is. But I did some investigation. I basically pulled up a little closer and read more of the back of the van. They're a moving company, okay? Pink Zebra. Zebra is a moving company. So I'm thinking, the next time I need to move, who do you call? Well, you call Pink Zebra, that's who. The name has nothing to do with moving. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. They, they may be fantastic movers. I'm not going to smear their name or run it through the mud.

>> Mike: Or is it. Is it a. Because, you know, back in the 60s and 70s, like, every place was called, like, you know, ah, plumbing. You know what? Lawyer. Because they wanted to be the first in the yellow pages.

>> Darin: They did that because a lot of the plumbers weren't Alcoholics Anonymous. That's what. God, Mike, be sensitive.

>> Mike: Pink Zebra.

>> Darin: Pink zebra.

>> Mike: Maybe that's a. Is that a. Is that a thing?

>> Darin: I don't know.

>> Mike: That's stupid. You're gonna have a hell of a hard time editing. Or not. You may just let this one raw dog it.

>> Darin: It's gonna be like every other episode. But the name just doesn't make any sense to me. And their phone number.

>> Mike: Throw this out raw like you're behind a dumpster of the Chili's. Look, listen to me, okay? My point is your point. Pink Zebra may be a pop culture thing, a recent pop culture thing that we're too boomer to understand. Hey, how about a pink zebra?

>> Darin: Yeah, it's like I think about. So there's two guys in a truck. That's a good name.

>> Mike: Tells the story.

>> Darin: It's a good name for a moving company.

>> Mike: It is, right?

>> Darin: Hank's Movers. Okay?

>> Mike: Until three of them show up and.

>> Darin: You'Re like, who the hey, yeah, what's going on here?

>> Mike: But the. Yeah, but you're right, you're right. Pink zebra sounds like something you got to pay a lot of money for. And then visit a clinic later.

>> Darin: Exactly. I was in Vietnam. I got the pink zebra. And, you can get anything you want for 50, but it costs you 500 to fix it when you get home.


Paul Rudd and Jack Black are starring in a new Anaconda movie

>> Mike: Speaking of things that are going to leave my mind if I don't talk about them right now.

>> Darin: by the way, I'm bleeding out.

>> Mike: Yeah. Have you seen the trailer for Anaconda?

>> Darin: Yes, I have. Paul Rudd and Jack Black. And I. As soon as I saw Anaconda, I'm like, no, no, my Anaconda don't want.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I was like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no, because I'm so, so tired of people rebooting. And it's a movie about them rebooting Anaconda, and I'm like, I'm all in.

>> Mike: Perfect.

>> Darin: I'm ready. I've already got my tickets.

>> Mike: Yeah. Bess is already excited because something that she said, we say it as a family all the time. It's a long story. We just don't feel like talking about anything. And there's a part in the trailer where Jack Black is running with a pig on his back and he's like, what is this? What's on my back and part. It's a long story. And so now we're all in.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: We're gonna go see.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I will go see that. Absolutely. I'm a fan of Jack Black and I'm a fan of Paul Rudd. And if Paul Rudd. If you're listening, because Weird Al told you to, we have said many, many times that when the movie about irritable dad syndrome comes out, Paul Rudd and Jon Hamm are going to play me and Mike.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: and Paul and John. You guys can fight over who gets to be Mike.

>> Mike: Billy Corgan and Billy Ray Cyrus. Whichever.

>> Darin: No, no, no. Bryan Cranston is going to be the role of Dave Lay, and Steve Buscemi is going to play Chris Hughes. So whenever that happens, I'm just happy to talk to Paul and Jon Hamm about that.

>> Dave: You are listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Darin: Boy, you're really fun. Give you 100 on the last meter.

>> Mike: So I came up with an idea.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: and I ran it by Bess. We've been married a long time. It takes a lot for me to horrify her with an idea.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So she actually laughed at this a little bit.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: But I'm serious. So it's a new product. Okay. And I'm gonna throw this out here to the irritable dad syndrome community. To see if you guys think this is a good idea, if it can be done safely or if it's even possible. If we're even in legal trouble talking about it.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Here we go.

>> Darin: Okay.


A dog collar with a tranquilizer dart could keep your dog paralyzed

>> Mike: So. So let me set up the problem. A problem to solve. This is an invention. Here's, the problem. Booba. you'll agree.

>> Darin: Yes. Is a problem.

>> Mike: So I would love to take Booba out to the various parks and fields that we have and throw a ball.

>> Mike: And have her bring it back to me. Our previous dog, Molly, brought it back all the time. Because Molly was a German shepherd and German shepherds are smart. Molly knew that if she didn't come back to us.

>> Darin: In theory.

>> Mike: In theory, but. But she was also trying to protect us from everyone. So she would always come back. She never just bounded through the woods.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Booba, back in her puppy days, would just randomly run off into the woods.

>> Darin: That's what Conrad would do.

>> Mike: Marbles came to us as a runaway and tries to escape all the time. That's why we have to put him on that.

>> Darin: does he still try to run away?

>> Mike: Yeah, we have to put him on that Oz chain out in the back there to keep him from. From leaving the yard. So my thought was here. Here we go.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It's a dog collar, right? It's a dog collar.

>> Darin: Yeah, Yeah, a dog collar with a.

>> Mike: Tranquilizer dart on, the inside.

>> Darin: Huh? Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Bluetooth activated. Oh, you get an app.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Zap a dog or stop dot com. Yeah, yeah. And then you just, you just play with your dog like normal.

>> Darin: Bark no more.

>> Mike: Yeah. Bark has stopped everything right now. And if the dog is bringing the ball back normally, then, hey, everything's wonderful. If it suddenly starts to bound off in the woods and they're paralyzed for five minutes, you go over, you retrieve your clearly, obviously terrified said dog, return it to a safe location. it's probably not gonna PETA. PETA is not going to like this at all. But hear me out.

>> Darin: Hear me out. Yeah, yeah, I'm hearing.

>> Mike: I think there should be some form of evaluation. You know, like a license to be able to use the dog collar. Because there's psychos out there that are just going to buy the dog collar.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Put it on their kid and zap them.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Or put it on the. A parakeet or whatever.

>> Darin: I see. I see you strap one to an otter. I see no problem with this whatsoever.

>> Mike: That's the title of this episode. Strap one to an otter.

>> Darin: Strap a zapper to an otter.

>> Mike: Strap a zapper to an otter. But I mean, it's not a choker collar. It lets them run free as long as they're paying and listening. M. But if there's. If you need them. What if it's running towards a busy highway?

>> Darin: It's a gentle, very mild 10,000 volts of electricity.

>> Mike: Well, not electricity. I want to chemically stunt. Like, you know when they see the nature shows, when they zap a bear or something. It's just like, I'm sleepy. I'm talking paralyzed.

>> Darin: I'm talking like, God, I wish I had one. I wish I had one. I'm talking.

>> Mike: They go. They go stiff when we.

>> Darin: Oh, hello.

>> Mike: And they continue.

>> Darin: That's what she said.

>> Mike: They. They go stiff. Right. Now their legs freeze in position. And if they were running, they continue forward.

>> Darin: Their back legs would go over their front leg.

>> Mike: That's right. Their nose goes in the dirt.


One of the last times that Conrad ran off, I ran by the house

They flip like a boomerang on the. On the ground. Like a grounder.

>> Darin: Yeah. And I have no problem.

>> Mike: Just go over and you can just. The. The collar itself would have a little handle.

>> Mike: So you could just pick the dog up by the hand like a suitcase.

>> Darin: I see no problem. Nothing wrong with it.

>> Mike: Maybe some wheels.

>> Darin: No, we got to pull.

>> Mike: To pull. Like. Like carry your dog like luggage, like through an airport.

>> Darin: One of the last times that Conrad ran off, I ran by the house. I know I've told this story before, but I ran by the house and I had like 10 minutes. And I had to get snacks and changes of clothes for both the boys. Yeah. Because I was going to pick them up at daycare and then run them to. I believe they were both going to karate. They used to go to the dojo and do karate. So I had to run by the house first. And I'm letting the dog out and I come in and I, let the dog out and then I bring him in. I forgot that I left the door open to the garage.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: And so here I am making snacks, grabbing stuff. I'm like, where's the dog?

>> Mike: Yeah. Now you got a first 48 situation.

>> Darin: Yes. The dog was gone. I go out and it had rained.

>> Mike: Oh God.

>> Darin: And we had lived in a cul de sac and the dog was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 houses around the cul de Sac on the other side, looking at me like, hey, hey, I know you.

>> Mike: You're.

>> Darin: You're my dad.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: This dumbass dog.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And I'm like. And you'd call him. He knows his name, Conrad. He would not come to me.

>> Mike: And so I'm looking at you like, why are you yelling my name?

>> Darin: Yeah, like, what, What? What's what? You said my name. That's my name. I started going for him. He ran, through Mike. I had to go through three yards. Like I said, it was raining, so my shoes are covered in mud. My pants are covered in mud.

>> Mike: Let me ask you.

>> Darin: And I finally got the dog.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he's covered in mud. So I get him home, and I have to clean his feet and wipe all the mud off his stomach. And then I had to change clothes. I'm late getting to daycare, and I'm late get karate.

>> Mike: Was there. Was there a certain number of houses that you would traverse, where you would. At some number say, you know what? I'm just gonna tell the kids he ran away.

>> Darin: It was. It was nice while we had him.

>> Mike: Yeah, he was good. He was a good dog. damned if I know where he went, but.

>> Darin: Oh, if we had had one of those things, I would have said, oh, oh, just go get him. Yeah, yeah. No more. No more chasing. It's chase no more.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. Dogs running.

>> Darin: Stupid dog. And just. Yeah.

>> Mike: And then just go.

>> Darin: No, get him. Nose right into the ground.

>> Mike: And the reason it's going to be on the collar. I mean, you could, if you were skilled, you could bring a blow dart and, you know, just hawkeye him down, but you can't. you know, that's. You know, you'll be panicked. You'll miss somebody else. Yeah, lawsuit. But you can't have nice things like that because some jackass is going to go out there and put it on a mule and think it's funny, and it's just not.


Mike went to a clean comedy competition over the weekend in Ohio

>> Darin: Yep. Did I tell you that I did stand up comedy over the weekend? No. Yeah, I went. Where did you go on the weekend? I went to a little town in Ohio called Bellbrook, Ohio. Bellbrook is a lovely little. It's almost like going to Mayberry. It's a very, very quaint little, nice, clean town. And I was there last year. They had a clean comedy competition sponsored by Kevin, Rupert and our friend, at Bricky's Comedy Club.

>> Mike: So you didn't tell anybody that you went?

>> Darin: You didn't know? It takes like 40 some minutes to get there. Yeah, it's outdoors. And you've got to bring your own camping chair. And there's a Florida toilet.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, there was, 10 comedians performing in this, competition. Yeah. I didn't tell anybody because it's just a hall. It's such a hall for anybody to gather. It was at noon. It's weird having a comedy competition.

>> Mike: My funniest.

>> Darin: Well, I certainly wasn't this day. Last year, I think there was 13 comedians. and, Kevin told me that I came in fifth out of the 13. Something like. That's pretty good.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I didn't ask where I came in. Ask me if I won. Did you win? No.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I did not.

>> Mike: Did any of the other comedians make you laugh?

>> Darin: yes.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah, the other comedians were. Some of them were pretty funny. Yeah. And a clean competition. And I'll just. And I'm not going to talk bad about any of the other comics, but some of them were kind of out of their element with it being a clean competition. Right. I did my five minutes. People are scattered. A lot of them are way, way, way back where they're like in the shade underneath a tree. There's a little creek separating the stage from where the crowd was, which is good, because if they decided to rush the stage, that would be in the comedian's favor to get out of there.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But, yeah, I didn't, I didn't win. I didn't place. There was a tie for third, and then they said second place. And I'm thinking, well, I mean, that's got to be me. No, it wasn't me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: and I figured. And I'm not gonna do the people vote.

>> Mike: Is that what happens?

>> Darin: Yes, they vote. They vote. They went to. They went to Bricky's website, and then they could pick their top three comedians. And I think I figured out what the problem was. And like I said, I'm not going to blame the crowd. I'm not going to blame the situation. I'm not going to blame anything.

>> Mike: You're not going to blame Conan?

>> Darin: Don't blame Conan.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Here's what the problem was, Mike. They didn't think I was funny. They did not think I was funny.

>> Mike: There was think you were funny.

>> Darin: It was. It's, it's weird doing stand up comedy outdoors because when you're indoors, sound, you know, vibrates off, the ceiling and the walls.

>> Mike: Science.

>> Darin: You get science and you can hear people laughing. Right. I could see a few people laughing, but I couldn't hear any laughter. So if people were laughing, oh, they were keeping it to themselves. And there was one guy who was standing like. Everyone else is sitting in their camp chairs. He's standing by himself, like, in the middle of this field. And. And he keeps throwing his arm up and you're like, yeah, yeah. Woo. Pointing at me like, yeah, he was. If it was up to him. Yeah. Oh, man, would I want. But it wasn't up to him.

>> Mike: No, no, no. He was just a.


What are the rules in a clean comedy? No language. No bad language

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: A, voice in the crowd.

>> Darin: So I did not win.

>> Mike: Did anybody break the clean rule? What are the rules in a clean comedy?

>> Darin: No language. No.

>> Mike: No say no language.

>> Darin: No bad. No bad language.

>> Mike: Can I say. Damn it.

>> Darin: Well, there's a lot of kids in the crowd.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So no bad language. And to keep the, the subject matter also family friendly.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't win. Not funny. Not my best. Not my best at all. Will I do comedy again? Probably. Yeah. Do I.

>> Mike: Are you gonna tell anybody this time? You're gonna.

>> Darin: You know what? The last time I did the show at the cafe. Uh-huh. I, told a lot of people because it was indoors and you could eat and. And I thought it was going to be a better environment. Plus, it wasn't 45 minutes away from us. The cafe where I performed was like 15 minutes away. So. Yeah, yeah. If it's close. If it's. I don't like inconveniencing people, asking them to come and. And support me and do that. So. Excuse me. But. Yeah, but we'll see.

>> Mike: Well, I mean, it might be fun to come heckle you. Not directly. Yeah, just like when you tell a couple of jokes and just like, oh, my God, when are they. When's the.

>> Darin: When.

>> Mike: When are the good ones?

>> Darin: When does the comedy competition start?

>> Mike: Happens.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing tastes better at a cookout than a whompers. Ah. All be footlong hot dog. Hey, you know our friend Mike Ciproni at the Miami Valley Cable Council?

>> Mike: I do, yeah.

>> Darin: Ah, because we.

>> Mike: Yeah, because we were on, our Dayton viewers.

>> Darin: We used to be on tv. Yeah, we on Community Access. The television for what, like, nine weeks?

>> Mike: Nine.

>> Darin: Nine or ten weeks.

>> Mike: Ten days.

>> Darin: How many. How many weeks were we on?

>> Mike: I think it's about nine or ten.

>> Darin: Weeks before we were like, yeah. And we. And we gave up on it.


Miami Valley Cable Council is putting together a Halloween spooktacular

Anyway, so I'm going to return on Miami Valley Cable Council. Their. Their channel. They have put together the Halloween spooktacular. This is the 28th. I don't know how many of these I've known. Mike Ciproni since before Jacob was born and Jacob was 21. Okay. And I think I have helped out on 20 some of these Halloween spooktaculars. But I recorded the intro for this one again this year and it's a tribute to silent films and it's free. And if you ever want to watch it, you can go to this website because they're going to stream it. you can go to VOD MVCC Video and check out the Halloween Spooktacular. You're gonna love it.

>> Mike: So are you gonna appear on the spooktacular?

>> Darin: I record the intro.

>> Mike: I mean, are you going to, like, is there the thing you go to? Okay.

>> Darin: No. Well, I mean, I'm. I'm at the beginning of it. So if you want to watch the beginning of it and then turn it off, he's not going to know.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Last year, TV boy Jim Boer, who is famous as hell in the Dayton Miami Valley area, he and I were all over last year's Halloween spooktacular. We recorded segments that were in between each, movie that they showed. And we won, awards for that, you know.

>> Mike: You know what else?

>> Darin: What's that?

>> Mike: We got invite. I got invited. I don't know if, you know, this might be awkward.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: The Scary Movie.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Jim Timmerman.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Have you signed up for that this year?

>> Darin: I did.

>> Mike: I had fun with that last time.

>> Darin: Oh yeah. Mike and I were judges last year for local short horror films. I use that term loosely. Some of them, well, they were.

>> Mike: Some of them were horrible.

>> Darin: Horrible.

>> Mike: I tend to do this a lot. I will make a commitment that I'm going to watch or listen to something and then I don't.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Even when I'm appearing on someone else's podcast to talk about that thing, part of it is because I just, I didn't have the time to do so. The. A large part of it is it's fun for me to see how long I can be incognito in the podcast episode before it becomes blindingly clear that you're not consume any of the. Of the.

>> Darin: Oh, like on Allison Lips's show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lipses.

>> Mike: especially when we're doing shows that I recommend. But in the case of the. The Jim Timmerman Horror Hour.

>> Mike: I watched them all and I had a hoot.

>> Darin: Oh, you watched him this year?

>> Mike: No, no, no.

>> Darin: Yeah, I did too.

>> Mike: I watched the first one and, my first thought was, my God, what have I gotten myself into? And I watched the second one and I thought I. Is it cheating if I watch them at triple speed? You know, just to. By like the third, four, or fourth one, I started to actually have a good time.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: They. It's really. You talk about all over the place. It's like. It's like judging. I'll tell you this. We're music guys. It's like someone asking you to judge a music competition. M. And then Guar walks out.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And you watch Gwar. Like, okay, that's the general tone of this. And then they leave. And then Barry Manilow comes out. Okay. That's completely different. And then they leave. And then,

>> Darin: The Dixie Chicks.

>> Mike: The Dixie Chicks come out. You know, it was like they're just all over the place. And some of them were really, really long, really boring. Really not good.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But it's fun to watch them.

>> Darin: Well, there was.

>> Mike: And I try to give constructive criticism because I believe that they would give the criticism back to the person.


You don't want to say, what the hell have you done

You don't want to say, what the hell have you done? Or I want this moment of my life back.

>> Darin: But I mentioned that the Halloween spooktacular. My buddy, Mike Ciproni, he has, over the years, started entering these in the Philo Awards contest. Philo T. Farnsworth was the guy who. He didn't invent the television. I don't know what he did.

>> Mike: He perfected it.

>> Darin: He perfected the television. And so they have every year, the Philo T. Farnsworth Awards. That is for excellence in community access television. And I now have, Mike, five Philo Awards.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Five?

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm actually.

>> Darin: And it's pretty cool. It's, you know, it's nice being. And thank you to the Philo Awards. Thank you to my family. Thank you to all my friends who supported me and cared all these years. Thank you to everybody in the balcony. I appreciate this award. And, like Brad Garrett said at the Emmys, I am not going to let it go to my head. I know that my life is not going to change because of this.


I get uncomfortable around the fall and winter because the daylight goes away

>> Mike: Yeah. I have a question for you.

>> Darin: What's that?

>> Mike: I haven't vetted this at all. It's not on the rundown.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So you may have to cut the entirety of it out. But here's my question.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I get uncomfortable around this time of year, and I'll tell you to. For two reasons. One is, is I don't like the fall and winter because the daylight goes away.

>> Darin: I don't like it either.

>> Mike: I get the seasonal effective. I just generally get sad.

>> Darin: Do you have one of those Lights. No, you should get one of those lights. Yes, they do.

>> Mike: I just. I don't like leaving for work and it's dark and I get back from work and it's dark and it's like that for like 10 months straight. And it's colder than hell.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm cussing if you are out on the road when I'm leaving for work, you hear a constant stream. Stream that would make Andrew Dice Clay blush until I get to the drive through of Dunkin Donuts. That's when the heat actually turns on.

>> Darin: In your Kia?

>> Mike: Yeah, in my Kia. Anyway, that. That's one thing that I don't like, but the other thing, and it makes me very uncomfortable when people hero worship, horror movie icons. You know what I like? You see somebody with like a. A Jason, Voorhees or a, Michael Myers shirt or, you know, the shirt doesn't necessarily bother me, but it's all. It seems like it becomes their identity and they're all all over their Facebooks and the stuff and they're in there. It's just not going anywhere.

>> Darin: Akin to someone who, say, likes the group you2.

>> Mike: It's a similar thing, but something about it being a horror thing makes it uncomfortable. Do you know what I'm saying?

>> Darin: I think I do.

>> Mike: Am I being judgy a little bit?

>> Darin: No, no. it's. It's definitely, Okay, so I'm gonna walk around. I'm gonna wear a T shirt with Billy Idol, or I'm gonna wear my T shirt with Devo or, ah, Gumby and Pokey or something like that. Yes, that's entertaining. But, you know, you think of these horror, characters that are on the T shirts and. Yeah, it takes a different type of brain to wear a shirt with a person who has killed 75 people on it.

>> Mike: Yeah, in.

>> Darin: In the movies. You saw him do it? Yeah, you know, he did it and.

>> Mike: Then wore their face as a mask. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I've seen a Texas Chainsaw Massacre hoodie. M. and it had, like, little chainsaws all over the back and, like blood stripes.

>> Darin: Freaked me out until. Until, like, it was so boring. So boring. It's like the girl, can I use your phone? Kind of like the Rocky Horror Picture Show. She goes in and I'm like, God, get to it. And then they got to it. He opens the door, hits her, closes the door. I'm like, okay, yeah, all right, I'm done. And I turned it off. I went back and revisited it like a week later and watched it now, the scene where they're going through the woods at night, through the trees, and he's chasing them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Scary as hell.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Okay. And then, spoiler alert, when they get to the part where they're in the house and we meet, his parents, and they're sitting there all zombified at the table, eating then.

>> Mike: And the game's on in the back.

>> Darin: Yeah, that's right.

>> Mike: Touchdown, Grandpa. That's all he wants to do.

>> Darin: And I. It wasn't scary to me anymore with the whole table scene. And it was just. It took me out of it because I believe and I don't believe and I believe that there's possibility of a crazy person with a chainsaw.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, right.

>> Darin: The. You know, he could take somebody's skin and put it on his face. That's all believable. Totally, totally possible.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then they took it and made it impossible. And then it wasn't scaring me.


Mike came very close to buying a Lord of the Rings jacket a couple of weeks ago

>> Mike: Well, see, I. Let me add this little, tidbit. Addendum.

>> Darin: that's the first time you've said addendum on this podcast.

>> Mike: Now that I've said all this, I came very close to buying a Lord of the Rings jacket a couple of weeks ago.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It was in a. A store called Box Lunch, which is basically a meme store. And they will have, you know, the. The Star Trek Starship Enterprise jersey that I have. Yes, that's where that came from.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: They had a very, very nice jacket with a hood, a hooded jacket, like a suede thing to it.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: It had a leather thing here on the shoulders with an imprint of the one ring. And on the back, it was, the silver tree.

>> Darin: Nerd.

>> Mike: all stitched, it looked like something you would wear to the opera.

>> Darin: The tree outside of, Gondor.

>> Mike: I'm not taking any questions at this moment.

>> Darin: I'm just telling you I can't remember the name of where the tree was, where the final battle was held.

>> Mike: It was classy enough to. Where. If someone.

>> Darin: Where was m. Where was the final battle held?

>> Mike: Gondor.

>> Darin: Okay. I was right.

>> Mike: No, the. The Fields of Pelenor.

>> Darin: Thank you.

>> Mike: Out in front of, Yes, Minister. It was the Gondor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When. When we call for aid, where was Gondor?

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Gondor will answer. Yeah, that's not how he says. Yeah. The point is, M, this thing was classy enough to.

>> Darin: Where.

>> Mike: If you didn't know what Lord of the Rings was, you would say, man, that's A sharp looking jacket. And then the Lord of the Rings fans have lots of friends look at you. Like, dude should lead us into battle.

>> Darin: I'm voting for you.

>> Mike: I came mayor. And then they had a little thing. If you scan a QR code, you get 30% off any purchase. Which made this something amount come down to like 30 or 40 bucks. I came. I mean a nice jacket.

>> Darin: Nice jacket, Mike, that's practically free.

>> Mike: A nice one. And I didn't do it well because when it came down to it, I thought, you know what? This is real life. This is not the Internet.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And I'm gonna wear it to one of my kids games.

>> Darin: They're gonna be dead. They're gonna be like, wait for us in the car.

>> Mike: One of their friends is gonna say, is that your dad over there with the Lord of the Rings jacket on?

>> Darin: Yeah. Your dad's up, Libby. And my mom spit all that money buying me a late show with David Letterman. An actual jacket. That's an actual one that crew members wore.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we, they bought it off of a guy who used to run audio for Letterman. Okay. It's an authentic actual. Yes. Late show with David Letterman jacket. And I'm afraid it's like, if it rains, I'm not wearing it.

>> Mike: Oh Lord.

>> Darin: If it's snowing. No. Hey, Wayne, hell, I'm gonna wear it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: If it's just cold, you. Yes, I'll wear it. But I almost wore it to a Lakota west football game and I'm like, no. Some dumbass is going to get cotton candy on my jacket.

>> Mike: I bought when we went to go see the U2s at the fear. I bought an Octung baby jacket. Which is awesome. It's cool. I'm too fat for it. How much is that? And then. But it looks, it's very classy.

>> Darin: Yes.


I ripped one of my jackets at a game the other day

>> Mike: And it looks great.

>> Darin: All the chicks dig it.

>> Mike: I have not worn it. I wore it at the airport on the way home. And then after that, it's in the closet. It's in a hyperbaric chamber.

>> Darin: Sealed.

>> Mike: Sealed.

>> Darin: Vacuum fresh. I came close underneath your house with all your money.

>> Mike: Yeah. We went to a game the other day and I thought it might get chilly. I might wear that. And I'm m like, no, A bird might fly by.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: And get a mite on it. And then I got it. Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Some dumbass is going to walk by with his keys out and scratch it.

>> Mike: Because I did wear my.

>> Darin: So freaked out paranoid that somebody is going to scratch my Jacket.

>> Mike: I ripped one of my jackets. Here's a horror story for you.

>> Darin: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: The, this is all useless material. The, the VIP gold tool jacket that I got. That was badass. I lifted my fat arm up too fast and ripped the armpit out of it.

>> Darin: Oh, wow.

>> Mike: Find a tailor.

>> Darin: Quality.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, let's talk about quality. I mean, I guess I could wear it if I never lift my arm.


Chick Fil A is notorious for screwing up my name

>> Dave: It's time now for the Chick Fil? A story of the week.

>> Darin: I mentioned at the beginning of the show. By the way, we've got more to come. This is irritable dad syndrome.

>> Mike: Yeah. We are a show.

>> Darin: We are a show. Yes, a comedy show. I went to Chick Fil A today, and I haven't had anything happen for a long time at Chick Fil? A. Chick Fil A is notorious for screwing up my name. They've called me Darwin before. They always misspell it. And today I had a feeling, Mike. feeling in my bones that this is going to happen. So I pull up and I make my order. And the first thing the lady asks me, what's a good name? I hate that. I'm like, well, there's all kinds of good names. Do you want to know good name or do you want my name? He goes, oh, it could be both. And she's trying to play along, but you could tell she's getting pissed at me. I told her my name and I told her my order, and I drove through. And I'm only waiting for like a minute or two. This guy comes out and he's got his bag and he's looking very, very curious. He's like, he doesn't even know if he's at Chick Fil A still. He has lost his mind. He can't figure out what's going on. Where is he supposed to go? He walks by my car and he says, alana. No. He looks at me and asks if my name is Alana. And then, no, he had to physically ask that and look at me before realizing that my name. A guy with a goatee is not a lot. Clearly in my 50s. Alana.

>> Mike: Alana.

>> Dave: This has been the Chick Fil? A story of the week.


Mike and Darwin share their Kroger story of the week

Now back to you, Mike and Darwin. It's time now for the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: I mentioned we're having, like, back to back stories of the week. I mentioned that we haven't had a Kroger story the week in forever.

>> Mike: No, it doesn't happen at Kroger's.

>> Darin: I know. I'm starting to get worried. I'm like, why? And I've been going through the typical lines, right?

>> Mike: I've been touching beats.

>> Darin: I've been touching all the stuff you're supposed to. I've been hanging out next to the ice cream. I've been going through the line of my favorite cashier, and nothing has happened. So I go to Kroger the other day, and I buy the Reese Cup Oreo cookies. M. They're okay.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: They're just okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Don't rush out. Don't make a big deal. They're not worth the big woo that everybody's making. So whatever. I'm going out to the car, and somebody has left, One of my biggest pet peeves, Mike, is when people leave their carts in the parking lot.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Just put it away. Put it in the bin. Right. Walk it over. Do that. Somebody left one of them little, scooter carts.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And it's parked right. Perfectly into two spots. Okay. And I can't just leave it there. So I'm like, well, let's put this son of a. Back where it goes. Have you ever ridden one of them scooters?

>> Mike: no.

>> Darin: They're fun.

>> Mike: Okay. Did you ride it in the Kroger?

>> Darin: I did a little couple laps around the parking lot. Not the whole parking lot.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But I was like, this is fun. So I pull. You go maybe 40ft an hour. There's not a lot of juice to it. But I pull it up, and I look left, I look right, and it's clear. And then I take a left, and I go down, and then I cross where the main traffic area is in, front of Kroger. And now I'm on the sidewalk, and I pull it in, and, I wait for a couple of customers to walk by. And I know they're either thinking, this guy doesn't need to be riding one of those scooters.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: Because those are reserved for people who need them. Right. So people kind of eyeballed me. Why are you doing this? And I just wanted to say, hey. They left it in the parking lot, and I'm bringing it back because I'm being a good Samaritan. But I pulled it in, and a couple of the, Workers. Workers thing. That's the word. A couple of the workers were there, and they looked at me funny, and I said, somebody left this in the middle of the parking lot between two spots. And I'm bringing it in.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Did they thank me? No, no, no. They just said, okay. Anyway, I've got this idea. I've got an idea. Yeah. You and I drive it around and.

>> Mike: Ask people to get a. From the top shelf.

>> Darin: But that's. That's not a bad idea.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: No, I was thinking you and I have a competition. One day, we both go to Kroger, and we have to enter on opposite sides of the building. and we each have 10 items that we have to get. So we enter the store on opposite sides, and we have to get these 10 items and then check out and then get to, our car. And whoever gets first wins. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah, it's like Mario Kart, but it's Kroger.

>> Darin: It's Kroger Kart. Yeah. But I think that would be fun. And I wonder how long we could do that without them asking us to.

>> Mike: I bet we could roll them out and drive down the road with them before anybody says anything. But I would like to.

>> Darin: You know what? I almost did that. I thought, how far can I take this?


Bess and I feel like horrible parents because we haven't taught kids new

With my luck, battery would die.

>> Mike: At what point do I reach a litigious distance from.

>> Darin: From Kroger's litigious addendum? You have been using your thesaurus.

>> Mike: I've been reading. no. When you start telling the story, just. I had a vision in my brain of you driving through the Kroger asking for something on the top shelf. Somebody gets it to you, and you just sit there and read the ingredients and you say, nah, and you either hand it back to them and ask for something else, or if they walk away, just throw it on the ground.

>> Darin: No, I wanted this. I wanted the eight ounce jar. The eight ounce jar.

>> Mike: After you read all the ingredients. Oh, yeah. No, no. This has pesto. I thought it was asparagus. And tell him to put it back.

>> Dave: This has been the Kroger story of the week.

>> Mike: Bess and I feel, like horrible parents.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: because we haven't taught our kids new. We haven't taught our kids life skills that they need.

>> Darin: Like what?

>> Mike: I. I don't know. That's part of the issue. It's like, we asked them. we're gonna. Here's what we're doing is I don't. I don't want to say some things that we found out because I don't want to embarrass anybody. Here's what I want to do.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: We. Here's what we are doing. We've asked the kids to make a list.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Of things that they want to know. Right.

>> Darin: How to do, where I came from, who's my real dad.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Why does daddy drink.

>> Mike: All these things? And then Bess and I will make lists of things that we think they should know.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And then on the weekend now, are.

>> Darin: You guys going to make a list of things that you want to know? Like what. What? Skibidi. Toilet.

>> Mike: no. No, no, no.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And we're gonna, like, go down the list. We're gonna compare all the lists. We're gonna make a list for each kid, things that we're gonna teach them. Now, obviously, Andrew is gonna have a little bit more, What do you call that? Urgency to it, because he's almost 18m. So, you know, we got to catch up on some of these things. But, you know, so I mentioned I cook all the time, right? Best cooks. But you guys don't know how to make any of this stuff that we make. Like, if they left home right now, right. They could eat pizza, right?

>> Darin: Cereal.

>> Mike: Ramen cereal and sandwiches. And that's if someone buys the ingredients.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But there's all kinds of things you need to know to be a human adult.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: You got to know how to pay your taxes, pay a bill.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Mail a thing.

>> Darin: Right. We've recently showed our oldest son, you know, how to solve a lot of the issues he's having, like, with his, getting his classes.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: For college.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: It's like he knows how to go in and check the money in his bank account, and he. I, believe he knows how to go and do an e visit with his doctor.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Which I don't know how to do that.

>> Mike: Here's the thing. And I. I don't want to call anybody out, okay. But we've done a thing with our. You know, we. I like the video games, and we. The kids have, like.

>> Darin: What happened? I do, too. Oh, oh, games.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.


Mike: Both of my kids do their own laundry

I was like, mike, this is a clean. What the. I like. I'm sorry.

>> Mike: I like the vidigate.

>> Darin: I do.

>> Mike: The kids have account. They have, like, PlayStation accounts. They don't know how to get into them. I mean, they, Let's end this back at the.

>> Darin: Anyway, the point is point.

>> Mike: At some point, these. These people that we've created need to take care of themselves. They need to know basic life skills.

>> Mike: How do you get food?

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: How do you clothe yourself? how do you wash the clothes that you wear?

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Two things that came up. One of our kids said, I want to know how to do laundry.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Another one is I told Andrew. I was like, do you know when you need to change the oil in your car right when the light comes off. No, no.

>> Darin: Yeah. every 3,000 miles, right?

>> Mike: Or 5,000. Five some cars or whatever.

>> Darin: 12,000 miles.

>> Mike: The behemoth that best drives. It's every 10,000 miles. Yeah, it's crazy.

>> Darin: Jeez.

>> Mike: But then they put a sticker that says, you need it in 3000 because they're all about the. It's big. Toyota, I wouldn't recommend.

>> Darin: Well, yeah, you can't trust. Yeah, yeah. No. Both of my kids do their own laundry.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Yes. Okay. That's awesome.

>> Mike: That's amazing.

>> Darin: Yes, it is. It's very, very cool.


This Gumby story has a link to Breaking Bad, I'm convinced

>> Dave: Time now for the Gumby episode review of the week.

>> Darin: All right. You ready for the Gumby story of the week?

>> Mike: Ready for the Gumby story?

>> Darin: This one. Holy crap. This Gumby story, like I said, has a link that I'm convinced. I think Vince Gilligan.

>> Mike: Gilligan plagiarized.

>> Darin: He did. He used a line out of this episode. He stole it, and he put it in Breaking Bad. Okay, so let me set up the story. We open up, and Gumby is pissed. He is. Take that. And. And he's kicking his, little Hot Wheels cars.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: He's kicking them, and he is pissed. And he's.

>> Mike: He can't find the ricin.

>> Darin: He kicks one car, and it almost hits Pokey. And Pokey says, hey, what's going on? You know, you almost hit me. And he says, I am mad. I am good and mad today. And Pokey's like, and what, pray tell, has precipitated this unfortunate state of.

>> Mike: Mind that just elevated my. I know. I'm angry.

>> Darin: I'm like, pokey is talking like you.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: What's the addendum to litigate this circumstance? Whatever. And Gumby is pissed at Prickle. There is a new character in Gumby world. He wasn't in the episodes in the. In the early or mid-50s. This episode was made in, like, 60 something. Oh, he is pissed all the way.

>> Mike: Right smacking the dab in the middle of the drug revolution. Yes. At Prickle.

>> Darin: Because Gumby was on a walk with Goo. Goo is this little girl. She looks like a snail. She's blue. He's on a walk with Goo Goo drops her handkerchief. Gumby goes to pick up the handkerchief, and Prickle runs in like a prick, knocks Gumby down, picks up the handkerchief and hands it to Prickle, and she goes, oh. Oh, thank you. I'm thinking whore. Really? Really? Goo should have said Prickle. What are you doing? Gumby and I are walking. He's Trying to pick up my handkerchief, and you're acting like a moron, like a jerk. And Gumby's like, hey, Prickle. Not cool, man.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And. And Prickle says, nobody talks to me like that.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: I think his exact words were, sir, I allow no one to address me in that tone of voice.

>> Mike: What is Prickle? Is he a cactus?

>> Darin: He's like, a little. He looks like a little yellow dinosaur. He's got spikes down his back on his long tail. Okay, he's shorter than Gumby.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Gumby can take him. Gumby's got the arm length. Gumby's got the height.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Gumby's got the big feet.

>> Mike: And Gumby could clock slanted head.

>> Darin: He does.

>> Mike: He does headbutt him.

>> Darin: And Gumby's like, oh, yeah. And Prickles like, no, ain't nobody gonna talk to me like that. And he said, if I had a glove, I'd show you a thing or two. And this. This is where Gumby is like, f around and find out.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: He pulls off a glove. It's green, I think. I think it's just like a piece of clay. He goes, here. Here's your glove.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: So Prickle throws it in Gumby's face.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Right up in his face, huh? And Gumby's like, all right, that's it.


Gumby challenges Prickle to a duel in the toy shop tomorrow

I've had enough with your. He goes, I challenge you to a duel in the toy shop at dawn. And Prickle says, yeah, I'll be there. And he says, And goo is just watching the whole time. She goes, oh, boys, there's no sense in fighting over little old me. And Prickle says, I'll take care of this ruffian. Calls him a ruffian. Okay, I'll take care of this ruffian. He says, see you at noon tomorrow. And you use the weapon of your choice.

>> Mike: Well, he knows that Gumby lives right next to the Terminator factory.

>> Darin: Yes, Gumby could get the robots. He could get a missile. He could drop a steel pillar on top of his head.

>> Mike: Run over him with his dad's fire truck.

>> Darin: Exactly. I mean, Gumby could have done anything. But you won't believe what Gumby did. So Gumby goes out, and he's talking to Pokey. And Pokey's like, what's going on? He says, well, I'm about to have a fight tomorrow. And Pokey's like, you're fighting over a handkerchief. To which Gumby says, I'd fight over a straw when it comes to my honor. Okay, all right, again, f around. And Find out.

>> Mike: Yeah, this has gone way out of.

>> Darin: Bounds here over a handkerchief.


So here we are, it's dawn, and they show up with a train

So here we are, it's dawn, and they show up, and Prickle comes in. He's got a shield and a sword.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: And he says, all right, man, here we go. Let's get ready to rumble. So Gumby goes, and he hops on his train. A train?

>> Mike: He brought a train?

>> Darin: And he's like, here we go. And Prickle says, well, now, hold on. That's not fair.

>> Mike: All Prickle has to do is not be on the tracks. Right.

>> Darin: Well, and Libby asked about that, too. The tracks regenerate. They keep moving, one in front of another. for some reason, there's magic tracks on the ground.

>> Mike: It's a Harry Potter train.

>> Darin: That's, like, one of the flaws.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: In this story.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah. He could have gotten in his dad's fire truck. He gets on the train, and Prickles says, hey, this isn't fair. And Gumby's like, what do you mean, it ain't fair? You're the one who said, pick any weapon I want. Yeah, this is my weapon. This is what I want.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And you better back up, bitch, because here I come.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And Gumby starts chasing him with this train. And Prickle, the look in his eyes, like, he starts running, and he's running out of breath, And Gumby's like, I'm catching up on you. Here we go. You better keep running faster, because I'm gonna get you. And Prickle's like, oh, God, what am I gonna do? I'm running out of breath. And then Prickle says, I've got an idea. I'm gonna get a magnet.

>> Mike: I know a magnet.

>> Darin: What about a magnet? Yeah, magnets.

>> Mike: Oh, what about a magnet?

>> Darin: What about a magnet?

>> Mike: What about a magnet?

>> Darin: Exactly. Okay, that's the. Jesse, what about a magnet?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Prickle gets this big magnet, and he hooks it up, and sure enough, the train runs and sticks to the magnet. Okay. And Prickles like, whoa, man. And Gummy's like, I can't believe he got a magnet.


I have a question. Because I'm imagining this ridiculous story that you're telling

>> Mike: I have a question. I have a question.

>> Darin: Okay, all right.

>> Mike: Because I'm imagining this ridiculous story that you're telling. I'm imagining.

>> Darin: You can't make this up, by the way.

>> Mike: I'm imagining a yellow dinosaur that's somehow smaller than Gumby.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: With a sword and a shield. Shield. Running away.

>> Darin: Well, he's dropped the sword and the shield.

>> Mike: Okay. Now he's running for his.

>> Darin: Because he's a scared little bitch.

>> Mike: From a train that generates its own traps. Generates its Own traps any which way. So he's running as hard as he can. He's getting out of breath. He has an idea to get a magnet.

>> Darin: He has enough time to stop.

>> Mike: Does he run by a magnet store?

>> Darin: We. He just magically gets a magnet.

>> Mike: He just has a magnet?

>> Darin: Yeah, he goes to Mike's Magnets incorporated.

>> Mike: Or.

>> Darin: What about a magnet?

>> Mike: What magnet? What about it? So I really don't like this one. I really don't like this one.

>> Darin: The train sticks to the magnet.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And Prickle looks like. Yeah, okay, I. Man, I dodged that bullet.

>> Mike: But now it's just a train with a magnet, right?

>> Darin: Well, the train stuck to the magnet. So what does Gumby do? Gumby's like, I can't believe he got a magnet. Wait, hold it. And he throws the train into reverse. And the train starts. It's got, like, six cars on it. I think it starts going clockwise.

>> Mike: Like, okay.

>> Darin: And it. Prickle is so stupid, he. All he had to do is get out of the way face first.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Smacked. Knocked into the wall.

>> Mike: It's the Prometheus factor.

>> Darin: Yes. Gumby gets off the train and says, oh, you know what? I seem to have gotten a little bit of dirt here on my tunic. How about you loan me your handkerchief there?

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: And he takes his. Takes his handkerchief from him. And, Prickles like, boy, that backtracked.

>> Mike: Geez.

>> Darin: And so Gumby goes over to goo. And he goes, hey, here's your, handkerchief. You seem to have dropped this. This is another flaw in the story, because she had already, you know, Prickle had already given her her handkerchief. So why does he have the handkerchief? Again, it's a flaw in the story anyway.

>> Mike: And otherwise, structurally and scientifically sound.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Episode.

>> Darin: Yeah. Gumby gives her the handkerchief. You're so gallant. She's like, seriously, why are you wasting your time with this chick? Yeah, because it's like, as soon as Prickle starts showing his ass again, she's gonna run off with him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She's like, guys, dude, she's not worth your time.


You mentioned Gallant. Did you ever read Highlights magazine? Goofus and Gallant

>> Mike: You mentioned Gallant.

>> Darin: Gallant.

>> Mike: Did you ever read Highlights magazine? Goofus and Gallant. Where, like, one of them, like, Gallant would. Which, you know, say I. He put his coat down on a rain puddle for, someone to walk on. And then Goofus would come by and say, check out these nuts, or something stupid. And you're in. The end of the episode would be. Everyone's happy with Gallant, and Goofus is a big over here that everybody hates. And then the next month, that would come as, like, what are they going to get up to today? They're told to read a story. And Gallant starts reading his story as he's supposed to. And Goofus is over there dropping meth with, Sally Struts a lot or whatever. And then, I don't know, he gets thrown in jail while Gallant learns a new trade.

>> Darin: I love those comics you mentioned. The whole puddle and the jacket over the puddle.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. I've been with Libby now for. We met and our first date was in November of 1998.

>> Mike: Holy Lord.

>> Darin: And we've been together practically since. Okay. We were crazy about each other from the beginning. Okay. we have been just inseparable since then. I love her with all my heart and I would do anything for her. I have never put my jacket over a puddle so that she could step on my jacket in a puddle. Walk around the puddle.

>> Mike: Yeah, walk around the puddle.

>> Darin: Walk around it.

>> Mike: Yeah. Lady into the street.

>> Darin: What's. Yes.

>> Mike: I mean, who.

>> Darin: Why would somebody put their jacket.

>> Mike: Now you got a wet jacket.

>> Darin: Yes. That she's gonna have to clean. Right. Because. Because she's the woman.

>> Mike: Because every once in a while, women do the light. Every once in a while.

>> Darin: The cooking and the cleaning. Okay, do you remember this episode of. There has been. We're experiencing technical difficulties. But why did you put your jacket over the bottle?

>> Mike: Yeah, why? There was always, always that point in every Batman and Robin where Batman would go off half cocked and Robin would just be like, I'm good. I'm staying back here. I'm good. You go. You just. You just Batman the hell out of there for a second. I'm gonna have to catch up with you. Went rogue. We need to bring back the vintage, man, is what we need to do.

>> Darin: The good news is, is that nobody listens to this. This is part of the podcast. People give up on us after five minutes.

>> Mike: So I'm gonna write myself. I'm not gonna do what I did today. We're gonna have to pause this podcast for a moment. I'm writing myself a note. I'm going to create this.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It's going to take me some time. Hold on, hold on. Okay, I. This is important.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Where did it go? IDs folder. You put it in here.

>> Darin: Kel Hills. I may need to sleep on your couch.

>> Mike: Hold on, I gotta.

>> Darin: What is wrong with me?

>> Mike: No, no, no.


We would not be able to do this podcast if it wasn't for our patrons

Vintage, man merch.

>> Darin: Oh, you talk about.

>> Mike: Because I've always, always wondered if there's. If there's, like, people buy.

>> Darin: Horrible idea.

>> Mike: some. It's awful.

>> Darin: Oh, we Would never do that.

>> Mike: We do have people that have purchased some of our merch.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Very few people.

>> Darin: Very.

>> Mike: And our. We know that our merch shop blows. We found that out from our attorney.

>> Darin: From Andrew. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. so we're gonna get a new merch shot. But one of the things I think would be a, hit even outside of the show is, is the vintage.

>> Darin: Vintage Man. Horrible idea.

>> Mike: Terrible.

>> Darin: We would never do it.

>> Mike: Not at all.

>> Darin: But my God, would it make a lot of money?

>> Mike: We'd be, oh, we'd be set for life.

>> Darin: Oh, for the rest of our lives.

>> Mike: Wouldn't be able to show our faces in public.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: We might have to do like, Daft Punk. Just start wearing helmets so nobody knows what we look like.

>> Darin: Vintage man is on episode Best of Year one, right?

>> Mike: It is.

>> Darin: Yeah, it is. So if you're new to the podcast, if you don't know what Vintage man.

>> Mike: Is, just type Vintage man in the search thing in our website and every time we mention it, it'll pop up.

>> Darin: It's on the best of year 1m. Which you can find at Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And also at Irritable Dad Syndrome m dot com. If you want to become a patron of the show like our friend, Chris Calloway or our friend Mr. Chris Huckies.

>> Mike: And our attorney. Our attorney has recently signed up.

>> Darin: Are you serious?

>> Mike: He's a free member. It's a free trial. Okay, so he's on the free side.

>> Darin: Yeah. But if you want to become a.

>> Mike: Member, free trial, you can sign up. You get seven days for free. See if it's worth it. Yeah, you can't get through all the content on there in seven days. I will tell you right now, Huggies. Huggies came into it when it was brand new and we just had like a, a picture of a there and it was it. But now there are literally hundreds of hours of entertainment there.

>> Darin: Yeah. We have on. Why would you become a patron? I'll tell you why. What you can do is go to Irritable Dads and calm and we have bonus content. Okay. We have tons and tons of bonus clips that you can't get on, the. On the Reg Kids go on the regular.

>> Mike: Because sometimes happens. That's so hilarious. But it doesn't fit into anything that we're talking about.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Much like the majority of this episode.

>> Darin: And that's right.

>> Mike: But we will make them in bonus clips. Some of my favorite moments.

>> Darin: All these thoughts are totally non connected.

>> Mike: And there we, we try to keep the podcast Family friendly. But there are times when we go off non family friendly. So you'll listen to the show, right? There are some segments of the show that are damn near incomprehensible because of all the quacking. But if you hear them uncensored, you. You might pass a stone laughing.

>> Darin: We would not be able to do this podcast if it wasn't for our patrons.

>> Mike: We literally would not be able to. And all the raw feeds go up. all the raw video.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: So we'll spend an hour and a half recording an episode of which you'll get to hear maybe 30 minutes.

>> Darin: 38.

>> Mike: 30. eight.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: On, good nights. and there's some good stuff in the. In the other stuff. Sometimes there really. Really.


The following segment is a joke. For the record, we do not condone this

Sometimes you just gotta cut things.

>> Darin: Yeah. We hope to see you next week on Irritable Deaths. And we're gonna go.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production.

>> Darin: I thought you said a puddle. Okay, yeah.

>> Mike: A picture of a.

>> Darin: Of goo. A picture of a coat on top of a puddle of water.

>> Mike: Exactly. I'm not wearing anything but black on this show ever again. I look like I'm pregnant with a freaking kangaroo. Huh? You can cut that out. I just do. That's just a scientific fact. You could place a mammal in me. I know you're not a gamer, but Resident Evil 7 with the VR version. And you can do VR and there is a scene around the table with the crazy family just like that. And, that's not fun at all. Right, cut that completely out.

>> Darin: The point is, what was the name of the sips? it's in there somewhere.

>> Mike: Bazingas on my bazinga zinga face or something.

>> Darin: And that's it? You're going to fight a duel over a little handkerchief? I'd fight over a straw when honor's at stake.

>> Mike: So something. Something that we talked about at the Scouts and we had to talk in hushed tones.

>> Darin: Yes, we did.

>> Mike: Because there was a gaggle of women.

>> Darin: Of moms.

>> Mike: Of moms all around in the area. But then this idea hit. And I mean, when the idea hits, you gotta talk it out. Yes, we talked about, what did we call it? The Vintage Man.

>> Darin: Vintage man.

>> Mike: Now here's. Here's a business idea for Chris Hughes. Listen up. Take. This is experience service. Okay?

>> Darin: You ask men the question, guys, how often have you wanted to go back to when things were right? Back when things were how they're supposed to be?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Dave: The following segment is a joke. The hosts, staff and management of Irritable Dad Syndrome Incorporated would like to sincerely apologize. If anyone's offended, it is not recommended that you try to sue us because our lawyer, Andrew Gibbons, does not screw around. And if you meet him in court, he will crush you. Thank you for understanding.

>> Mike: Now, there's a certain demographic that just fits.

>> Darin: Oh, there's a certain demographic.

>> Mike: We believe.

>> Darin: We believe we have.

>> Mike: That there's a market for it for you.

>> Darin: For the record, I just want to say neither you or I condone this.

>> Mike: No, neither. This idea horrifies both of us, and that's part of what makes it.

>> Darin: We knew it would work.

>> Mike: So the vintage man, we do not condone.

>> Darin: No, this is a great idea, but.

>> Mike: We would make a lot of money with it. Yes, yes, the vintage man. And we. We had. We had three. So you go in, there's three scenarios. You have a living room. A car.

>> Darin: And the office.

>> Mike: And the office.

>> Darin: Right. You can be part of the vintage man experience. you can sign up for. For like an hour for half a day, A day, A weekend. There'll be several packages. Yeah. What we can do is you could step back into what it was like to be a man back in the 50s. Yeah.

>> Mike: And so you. You pay different levels. So, yes, everything will have, like a 50s decor. Obviously, there'll be some scotch there for you to. Waiting for you when you get paper, your slippers. You know, you could pay to have a woman there to pretend to be your wife. You could tell her to bring you the paper. Tell her to bring you your scotch.

>> Darin: Exactly, exactly.

>> Mike: You could pay different fee levels. There'd be a level where you can complain about the roast.

>> Darin: She says, you know what, honey?


You could pay for the secretary to come in and cut your meat for you

I was thinking that maybe I can get a job. He says, well, I was thinking that maybe you could get me my supper. And then she. Oh, sorry, dear. And then she brings it to you.

>> Mike: She's an actor.

>> Darin: She cuts your meat for you.

>> Mike: She's an actor.

>> Darin: She's an actress.

>> Mike: This is a service.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: I think you call everyone actor now at this point. Whatever. Okay, but I'm just saying, right? She's. This is. This is a service for the type of man. Not us, right?

>> Darin: No, not you or I. No, I would never do this. This makes me sick. I have no interest at all in this.

>> Mike: Now the office is basically Mad Men.

>> Darin: Just. You just go.

>> Mike: It's just. You go in, you smoke at your desk. Smoke at your desk. You drink the. You could pay for the secretary to come in. You all laugh.

>> Darin: Color toots.

>> Mike: Yeah, that's a lot of Money for that service. and she walks out. It's a service. This is a horrible thing. Or this is awful.

>> Darin: This is awful. Yes. I do not condone.

>> Mike: This should never be done.

>> Darin: No, not at all.

>> Mike: But people would pay a lot of money. It would make a lot of money. It would make a lot of money. And then the third one is the car.

>> Darin: The car.

>> Mike: Now, this one I'm particularly excited about because it could be like a ride, at like, Disney or something. An actual track.

>> Darin: Exactly.

>> Mike: With a couple of things.

>> Darin: Well, one, you're the man, the only person allowed to pack the trunk.

>> Mike: Yeah. You. You pack the trunk because you were.

>> Darin: The only one who could pack it correctly.

>> Mike: And you can bring your own things to pack in there. Or we would supp. Business owners.

>> Darin: No gps. You got a real map that you can read. Yeah.

>> Mike: and there's a. A wife there. Supplied.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: You're not going to put your own wife through this because you'd be divorced within a, minute. No, but there's a lady there who would suggest directions, at which point you could say, I know exactly where I'm going.

>> Darin: Exactly.

>> Mike: There's a guy. You can have a guy along the track, that you could stop if she demands you stop and ask for directions. And you could stop and tell him to go find himself and then pull on around the track. There's even going to be a place on the track to pull over and yell at your kid.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Who's. You could buy a kid.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: People who love to, like, clip sections. Don't clip me saying you could buy a kid. I don't want any weird emails from Wayfair or any of this stuff. It's a thing.

>> Darin: It's a thing. Okay.

>> Mike: Don't look it up on your home computer. I will not look it up on your work computer.

>> Darin: A little.

>> Mike: Not. and. And you could yell at that kid.

>> Darin: Uhhuh.

>> Mike: An actor.

>> Darin: An actor.

>> Mike: He's a kid actor.

>> Darin: Yes.


Could we add a barber shop in there? Oh, absolutely. It'd be a lot of money

>> Mike: It's like they. They had a kid.

>> Darin: They're all in on it.

>> Mike: They had a kid in the movie the Cemetery that, like, chewed somebody's neck and, like, stab them with. He didn't really stab anybody.

>> Darin: They were somebody.

>> Mike: They were all actors.

>> Darin: That's disgusting. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So you're not sick people.

>> Mike: You get to act out these things. It's like, It's like the movie Hostel, but nobody gets hurt.

>> Darin: No. Nobody. Yeah, no, they're all. They're all in there. Actually, they're quite happy to be there. Vintage man.

>> Mike: Vintage man. Different levels And I think we just. We just pointed out, like, that would be the top level. And I'm talking a lot of money. Yeah. It'd be a lot of money for this.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you like smoking at your desk.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And yelling at kids and doing things the way things are supposed to be.

>> Mike: you said it. We could add a barber shop. Can we add a barber shop in there?

>> Darin: Oh, absolutely.

>> Mike: Because the barbershops, like, green. Dark and green.

>> Darin: Yes. With a candy cane thing. But there was.

>> Mike: Yeah. I remember one of my dad always went to everyone. There was a. There was a, An ashtray at every barber chair.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And there was a lot of dark green and dark, like cherry wood. And the barbers had a towel raped over one shoulder, an apron for some stupid reason, and everybody. And they gave every man the same damn haircut. All you did was sit down and said, shorten it up a bit.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: None of this.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: If you said fade, you'd have. Yeah. Freaking Al Pacino would come from the bathroom with a pistol and put it at your brain sip. You'd be gone. It'd be it.

>> Darin: Don't say. It's like a fade.

>> Mike: I'd like, give me a. Please give me a flock of seagulls. Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Or was it business in the front and party in the back?

>> Darin: Get a moment.

>> Mike: That's as far as you could get a little.

>> Darin: So, again, we do not condone the vintage, man. Nor would we. We'd ever do it. No. Never would we do it. But we know it would make a lot of money because I told my wife about this.

>> Mike: We would be the cold stare. Oh, my God.

>> Darin: By the way, we're gonna have to. We've got to run the disclaimer. Oh, yeah. At the end of this, we would.

>> Mike: Be like the my pillow guy. Like, everybody hates him. Oh, if we did this. Yeah. It would survive for maybe six months, possibly seven.

>> Darin: But we're not going to do it because we know it is disgusting.

>> Mike: I would never do anything.

>> Darin: Like, never.

>> Mike: It's awful.

>> Darin: Never. That particular episode aired.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we got a review that said it was three words, dude, vintage man.