IDS #277 - More Underwear and More Coconuts

Irritable Dad Syndrome is a Mike and Darren joint

>> Darin: So we're gonna talk about underpants.

>> Mike: We need, underpants, coconuts, and jaundice.

>> Mike: Go. Hello.

>> Darin: That's a title. Underpants, Coconuts, and Jaundice.

>> Dave: Whenever I think about the past, it.

>> Mike: Just brings back so many memories.

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, a Mike and Darren joint.

>> Mike: Hey, I'm Mike.

>> Darin: And I'm Darren.

>> Mike: You are listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome. This is episode 100, and who gives a. Tonight, I'm going to be talking about something that I almost did to a Ferrari in a parking lot.

>> Darin: Oh, fun. I am going to talk about the fact that I went to Chicago and I had a very extremely interesting thing happen to me in an Uber.

>> Mike: And I'm going to talk about the fact that Bess and I paid $180 to not see the Bare Naked Ladies.

>> Darin: It's been one week.

>> Mike: One week since we lost our money.

>> Darin: Welcome to the show.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Before we start.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Darren: I have some questions about chair placement at a party

>> Darin: I. I want to get into something real quick. And this has bothered me because we record this show in advance.

>> Mike: We do.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: It doesn't sound like it.

>> Darin: I. I know. Sounds like we just slipped it out and then threw it on the. On the thing.

>> Mike: That's what she said.

>> Darin: So, my son Jacob graduated high school.

>> Darin: We had a party at our house just for our close family.

>> Darin: And then a. Had a party with all our close friends.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Darin: So, we're having this party in the backyard.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Beautiful day you have.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: And, I borrowed a ton of chairs. I borrowed a bunch of tables. I borrowed some tents. I borrowed several crock pots. We borrowed a lot of stuff. So I'm out there in the backyard and I'm m. And I'm, I'm setting up the chairs.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And my question is about chair placement because.

>> Mike: Yeah, I. I figured you would have some questions about.

>> Darin: There was a. There were a lot of chairs on our patio. We've got a gazebo. Or as you call it, a gazebo.

>> Mike: Gazebo.

>> Darin: And then there were chairs next to the gazebo.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And those chairs are facing the gazebo.

>> Mike: Okay. Yeah.

>> Darin: So I figure if there were people sitting in the gazebo, then the people outside would look at the people who are in the gazebo.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Then I laid out a bunch of.

>> Mike: Chairs in the yard, theater style.

>> Darin: And they were facing the. The house.

>> Mike: The wall, the back of the house.

>> Darin: Yeah. So, my friend Joy says, hey, Darren, why are the chairs facing the house? Is somebody going to make a speech?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I said, no, they're Just facing the house. Because if there are people on the porch, then the people in the yard would want to feel in. Included.

>> Mike: What?

>> Darin: Ah, yeah, they're facing the house because that's where all the people are.

>> Darin: Just like if you had dinner at your house, everybody would face each other.

>> Mike: Right. You want to see the people, most of the people in your family when you're eating.

>> Darin: So I had that conversation with my friend Joy. Then 10 minutes later, Jason Durbin, that pill. I'm walking up to him and you're there and he's like, hey, Darren.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: how come all the chairs are facing the house? Is somebody going to make a speech word for word, as if Joy walked over and says, hey, give him about the chair placement in the yard.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then he wouldn't let it go.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: Of course you're standing there. And if, it's like, if I've got Certs in my pocket, how come you're carrying search in your pocket? You make fun of everything that you can when we're outside of this podcast. yeah. So Jason's.

>> Mike: That's what I. Yeah.

>> Darin: Because the chairs are facing the house.


I enjoyed the way that your yard was set up because I felt VIP

>> Mike: Well, you're not painting the entire picture here, so allow me, if you will.

>> Darin: what am I missing?

>> Mike: Let me, let me take the brush from you for a moment and complete this canvas.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: So further out in the yard, you have another set of chairs around long.

>> Darin: Tables and they were under tents. Under tents.

>> Mike: And they were facing each other, far away from the theater style chairs that were facing the opposite direction towards the house.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: It looked like you were going to put people you don't like and. Or don't want to see m in the far tables and that you were going to either conduct a show, an execution. Don't know why, you were gonna do some oration.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: The, I'm not gonna do that with people.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darin: Talking.

>> Mike: Exactly.

>> Mike: Okay. Yeah.

>> Darin: The chairs.

>> Mike: Odd.

>> Darin: And the tents were at the bottom of the yard because there's a hill. We can't place them on the hill. Everybody fall over. So we put them at the flat part of the yard, which is the bottom.

>> Mike: But yeah.

>> Mike: And you faced everyone else away from them. Like, don't fraternize with those people.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So that's the thing. Those chairs should have faced the tents at the bottom of the yard.

>> Mike: I go to a lot of concerts.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: I go to a lot of concerts.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: And sometimes I pay the premium to get the VIP treatment.

>> Mike: Right, Right.

>> Mike: And you. And when you do that, you get the first couple of rows, you get all, you get like your own beer place, your own thing.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: You get treat, you get your own merch. You get put into the venue maybe an hour before to stand around with your martini. Gl ago. Yes, indeed. And watch the rest of the plebeians come into the other seats.

>> Darin: First album was their best album.

>> Mike: I enjoyed the way that your yard was set up because I felt like I was in the VIP section.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: Right there at the front row, facing the. The back of your house. And I looked down and I just thought, ah, that's for all the late comers and the people who aren't as you don't view as highly as everyone else.

>> Darin: That's not true. It has nothing to do with how much we like or dislike anybody. Because there were lots of people that I dislike that sat close to the house.

>> Mike: Name one.

>> Darin: There's nobody at the house that I dislike. So there were people that. I had no idea who they were. Like, I walked outside and there's this man and a woman sitting there. No clue who they are.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And hey, how you doing? Now my brother, would go, I don't know you. Yeah, right. I'm not like that. I said, hi, how's it going? And thanks for coming and I really appreciate. Did you get enough to eat? Are you having a good time? I'm asking all the questions. I'm trying to be a very good host.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I'm asking all the questions. And they talked to me maybe 10 minutes.

>> Darin: Before they said, we're Joey's parents. Joey is a friend of Jacob.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And I'm like, oh, cool.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You could have told me that 10 minutes ago. Because I'm like, do I know you from church? I'm pretty sure you don't work with Libby. And then I'm trying to. It's like they're not any of our neighbors. I could not figure out who they were because I'd never met him before. But here's my thing.

>> Mike: Okay.


We had less chairs and tables than people who came to the party

>> Darin: Okay. So we had less chairs and tables than people who came to the party.

>> Mike: Okay. Yeah.

>> Darin: The deal is like, if everybody shows up at once.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And everybody wants to eat at the same time. We wanted to be prepared.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: That's why we had the tables at the bottom of the yard.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Now there's a ton of kids who were playing the Smash Brothers.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And they stayed inside and played super smash. There's like 12, 14 kids playing Super Smash Brothers.

>> Darin: Hence the tables at the bottom of the Yard were empty. That's why those tables. Dave Lay was sick. He couldn't make it. So those were the kids tables?

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Darin: No, they were. They weren't reserved for anybody.

>> Mike: okay.

>> Darin: They were just.

>> Mike: They were overflow.

>> Darin: They were just there in case they were like the.

>> Mike: The.

>> Darin: They would have been right up next to everything else at the house and had the yard not sloped.

>> Mike: If I may, they're like the lawn at Riverbend.

>> Mike: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: It's just the tables would have been. Yeah, they would have been all the way up to the house had the yard not sloped.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Darin: That's why they're at the bottom.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It wasn't a preference thing, but anyway. But Jason couldn't just. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the chairs are facing the house.

>> Mike: He may or may not have had someone coach him. before you came over, was it you?

>> Mike: What?

>> Darin: I think it was you.

>> Mike: Maybe.

>> Darin: Did you overhear Joy asking me that?

>> Mike: I asked her to ask you that.

>> Darin: You did not.

>> Mike: I did.

>> Darin: Yeah. Are you serious? Hey, what happened?

>> Mike: And I asked Jason to ask you that. I asked everybody I ran into to come talk to you about the chairs.

>> Darin: This whole time, I was like, what?

>> Mike: Word for word.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

>> Darin: Then, Joy, I owe you an apology.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because you don't.

>> Darin: But anyway, it was. And then I want to say something else about the part.

>> Mike: Okay.


We had a walking, uh, taco party. I think the head count was possibly 50 people

All right.

>> Darin: We had a walking, taco party.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And I noticed that you had a.

>> Mike: Few of those in college.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You had seconds on the walking talk.

>> Mike: I did.

>> Darin: They were a huge hit.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But now we're trying to figure out. I think the head count was possibly 50 people.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: It was coming.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I'm trying to figure out, how much stuff do we get to make for this taco party? Libby, who's the smart one in the family, went on the Internet, and there's a thing called a taco bar calculator.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: A taco bar calculator. You go on to tacobar calculator.com, and, you put in how many people. It will tell you how many pounds of meat. How many.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: How many jars of salsa, how many heads of lettuce.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: How many pounds of cheese?

>> Mike: Holy.

>> Darin: I went roughly by the taco bar calculator.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: That's why I had three heads of lettuce. Two giant things of salsa. I still have tomatoes at the house.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: But I made 20 pounds of taco Bell.

>> Mike: Made a lot of meat. In there?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: £20. And we borrowed. We had five crock pots in the house full of taco meat.

>> Mike: I mean, I had. I know that, Andrew had a bowl. I think Charlie had a bowl. Bess had one. I had two. We packed up a couple of bowls for Booba and marbles. I mean, you made. You made enough.

>> Darin: We ended up giving so much taco meat to the Durbans.

>> Mike: I did.

>> Darin: To the Michaels. Yeah, that's fine, but.

>> Mike: And the cake.

>> Darin: No, I.

>> Mike: Can I talk to you about the cake?

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: The illegal cake we got at Costco.

>> Mike: That was an amazing. They always have an amazing cake.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Ah, Costco is the bomb when it comes to cake.


So something else happened at the, uh, your party that you're not aware of

>> Mike: So something else happened at the, your party that you're not aware of that is directly related to the show. So Bess and I are talking to a person.

>> Mike: Who is one of Cameron's friends.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: And he mentioned something that sounds like something on Irritable Dad.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: And then Bess said, do your parents listen to the Irritable dad syndrome? He's like, oh, yeah. And she's like, do you listen to it? And he start, you know who I'm talking?

>> Darin: Miles.

>> Mike: Miles.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And you need to go to bed, Miles.

>> Mike: So it's. It's a long conversation, and Bess is, like, tactfully trying to get more information on him. She's like, oh, so you hear a lot of quacking. And he said, oh, yeah.

>> Darin: Miles is. And then there's a 14 or 15 years.

>> Mike: There's a long, uncomfortable pause. And, she's. And I said. Because I had to know. I said, do you watch the live stream? And he said, oh, yeah. And I said, oh, yeah.

>> Darin: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

>> Mike: I'm. M not editing myself. I know I'm not editing myself, but.

>> Darin: if I can.

>> Mike: Hi to Miles.

>> Darin: If I can say. When we started this podcast, we said, we're gonna be clean. And then the last episode was just.

>> Mike: All.

>> Darin: Okay, bing and ding dang.

>> Mike: So you. Do you do all of the editing now? Occasionally I'll edit.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: So I did a couple.

>> Darin: I think the quacks are funny.

>> Mike: They are funny.

>> Darin: So we throw those in.

>> Mike: Here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. Yeah, I will start editing, and you'll throw out, curse word that.

>> Mike: I have to quack.

>> Mike: And then you'll do another one and then a third one. And I actually start whispering in because I usually do it in Panera. usually Darren can you comment? I got. Because I have to stop every time. And I. And I prepare myself. I'm like, this is going to be a topic on the next show. I'm going to tell Darren, calm down, Andrew Dice Clay. And then I start kicking in, and then it's like we go neck to neck. And then sometimes I run away with it. I'm Sam Kenison for the episode. And other times, you run away with it. So we're pretty. We're pretty.

>> Darin: Even though the week you were talking about Casey's. Oh, my God, I haven't listened to that one yet. Oh, yeah.


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>> Darin: Hell no.

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I just poked myself in the eyeball with a paper towel

Now back to you guys in the studio.

>> Mike: Ow.

>> Mike: I just poked myself in the eyeball. Have you ever done that?

>> Darin: Poked myself in the eye?

>> Mike: Yeah, actually, right in the old eyeball.

>> Darin: I have. Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay, here's the deal. Booba's been having butt problems, okay?

>> Darin: And best Booba has just all around problems.

>> Mike: Been wiping Booba's butt.

>> Darin: Your dog is a psychopath.

>> Mike: And Boo Bob will run if you come at her with a paper towel now. Because she doesn't want to get her butt wiped, Right? But she had goopies on her eye, okay? On her eye. Like goopy.

>> Darin: Are you telling me. Wait, does your dog have mange?

>> Mike: No, it's a little bit of rabies. The point is.

>> Darin: Oh, my God.

>> Mike: I come at Booba with the paper towel and she gets skittish. But she let me. Listen to me. She let me. Traverse.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: The paper towel.

>> Mike: Huh?

>> Mike: Across her eyeball. Her bald, naked eyeball, and got the goopies out.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Mike: Not just a corner touching the Bit of the goopy and dragging it out. a raw dogging. Literally, raw. Dogged her eyeball with a m. Paper towel.

>> Darin: I'm serious. Does she have mange? Because I am actively bleeding because of this dog of yours.

>> Mike: That's just she. Her bite has a little bit of venom.

>> Darin: It's my mistake. I wore shorts over here and now I'm gonna no longer am I going to be able to model.

>> Mike: It has a blood swimwear blood thinner in her. It's fine. You'll be fine. Just change the sheets tomorrow.

>> Darin: God.

>> Dave: Check 1, 2, 3. Check 1, 2, 3.

>> Mike: I'm going to talk about what I did. Almost did to this Ferrari. And I want to get the audience's, opinion. Opinion.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: On this.

>> Mike: Okay.


Kroger parking lot has one parking space per car, right

>> Dave: It's time now for the Kroger story of the week.

>> Mike: I am a firm believer in parking spaces. And by that I mean I believe they exist. One parking space per car, right?

>> Darin: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: That's the way the good God fearing Christian parking lots work.

>> Darin: Absolutely.

>> Mike: There was a Ferrari, and I think it's a Ferrari. I don't care enough to look up the insignia, but it looked like. It didn't look like a normal Ferrari. It looked like a station wagon, but it had a Ferrari insignia on it. It was weird looking because I was.

>> Darin: Ferrari makes a hatchback.

>> Mike: Yeah. I stood out in the parking lot a good 30 to 40 seconds staring at it, thinking, what the. Is that? Because Crockett and Tubbs never drove around in that. No, but that is the insignia because it's the Ferrari has like the horse thing. Yeah.

>> Darin: Question.

>> Mike: And it was not a Mustang.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Crockett drove a Ferrari. But what was Tubbs car?

>> Mike: didn't they drive together sometimes?

>> Darin: Yeah, they had separate cars. They'd be like, you and I. You don't. You and I don't drive.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Crockett had a Testarossa.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: But in the beginning he had like a black.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: Ferrari.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: I don't know.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: Anyway, it wasn't one of those. It looked like the, Griswold's station wagon. But I had a Ferrari emblem on it.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: I don't know what the hell this thing was.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: But whoever drove it decided that they were going to pull halfway in one space and halfway in the other.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And that pissed me off because I'm looking for a space.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I start to pull in and all of a sudden there's this bumper there. And I'm like, what in the hell is going on? I go around and I end up parking next to it. I got as close as I could to the door so they would have trouble opening it because I don't care if somebody dings my car.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: But I would think that the Ferrari people would care about dinging their car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: So I at least wanted to give them a little bit of. I'm just that much of a jerk.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: I go into Kroger, I do my business, I buy things, I come back out.

>> Mike: Right. Yeah.

>> Mike: And I. They're right next to the, cart corral.

>> Mike: Yeah. Right.

>> Mike: And I think.

>> Mike: Hm.

>> Mike: I want to put half the carts out of the cart corral in front and half in the back.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Move my car and then line another all the way around this thing.

>> Darin: That sounds like a great plan.

>> Mike: Do you agree with that?

>> Darin: I agree with you. 109.

>> Mike: So close to doing that. And I told Best that. And she looked at me. Have you seen the Shining? when he is typing, Jack is all work and no play makes Jack a doughboy. And she finds what's. That's written on the typewriter. And she gets that look of horror on her face because she realizes her husband is insane.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And she's stuck. That's the look that Bess gave me. She's like, you weren't really gonna do that to somebody's car. And I said, I wasn't gonna key it. You know, I'm not gonna ram it.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: I'm gonna make it for them for a few minutes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: The way they did for me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Nobody's car is that wonderful.

>> Darin: No.


On TikTok, there's a guy who has been putting magnets on cars

To warrant, you don't need two spots.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: You're just being a douche.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: And if it is, what are you doing bringing your car to Kroger anyway?

>> Darin: Now, on the TikTok, there's a guy who has been putting magnets.

>> Mike: Oh, the,

>> Darin: He put a magnet on people's car when they. When he catches them. Not returning the buggies.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: Oh, I've seen.

>> Darin: Oh, they get that guy. Where you get that damn magnet off my car. It's a magnet.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: It's not. It's not going to scratch it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And they get so pissed about it. And so there's that. But if you really wanted to be horrible.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I've seen people who take the. The cart or the buggy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: If you live in Tennessee.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: they put that next to the handle and they zip tie it to the car that I'm like, that would be nice. Because you're not doing anything to the car.

>> Mike: No. Yeah.

>> Mike: Oh, I'M stopping by Home Depot and getting some of those hardcore zip ties. The ones that they, like, hold skyscrapers together with.

>> Darin: Or we can go 120 episodes back and you can just put a coconut on their car, and they'll go the rest of the day wondering who put a coconut on my car.

>> Mike: I.

>> Mike: So, yeah, two things stopped me from doing that. One was I didn't want to get caught. And doing it because, I don't know, what. What do you say at that point? You're a dude. You have to say, I'm doing this because you're a douchebag.

>> Mike: Right? Yeah.

>> Mike: And, well, you're just jealous because you don't have a variety. No, I'm. I'm not. I would like to have a Ferrari. I wouldn't have chosen this one. It's a damn hatchback.

>> Darin: I have never had. I have never wanted a Ferrari.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Ever.

>> Mike: Yeah, I. I wanted the one that Crockett had.

>> Darin: I like Mac and PI. Is one better?

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: as far as crazy ass awesome cars, I was always partial to, the street hawk motorcycle.

>> Darin: Okay, that's not a car. That's a. That's a motorcycle.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, an Airwolf.

>> Mike: But that's not us. Also not a car.

>> Dave: This has been the Kroger story of the week.


I went to Chicago, the Windy city, the nation's capital

>> Darin: I went to Chicago, the Windy city, the nation's capital. Man, I love Chicago.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I had so much fun. Had a great time.

>> Mike: Did you have that pizza that's like a bowl of cheese?

>> Darin: I did not have any pizza while I was in Chicago.

>> Mike: I'm not a fan.

>> Darin: There's a place here in Cincinnati, in Mason, Ohio, called, Two Cities Pizza, where you can get the Chicago deep dish style or you could get the New York style pizza.

>> Mike: See, if it was deep dish, it was all dough. I would dig that. But it's like the soup or something.

>> Darin: For the longest time, we have gone and we've always gotten the deep dish.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: So we went and we brought Mom. We needed more pizza, and we got a deep dish and a New York style.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I was like, I turned against the family. I'm like, I prefer the New York style. Thin crust.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Over the deep dish. Chicago guy, that's not why you called.


Uh, so I went to Chicago. I had a business trip. I make promos for antenna TV and Rewind

so I went to Chicago. I had a business trip. I went up and did a promotion.

>> Mike: You work in Chicago?

>> Darin: Yeah, my company is in Chicago. I work there remotely.

>> Mike: You work for Sears? They are centered in the Sears Tower.

>> Darin: I make promos for antenna TV and Rewind.

>> Mike: Rewind tv. Yeah.

>> Darin: So I'm up there. And I did a promotional shoot for Rewind tv. And then I did some training and our team for the first time, ever were able to go on a team dinner.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: To celebrate all our successes. It was a great trip.


The flight attendant asked passengers to remove snakes from their necks before takeoff

Okay, well, I'm on the plane. I flew up there.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm on the plane. And you know the. When the passenger or when the flight attendant does the thing, the exit doors are here, here's your seat. If the thing comes down and put.

>> Mike: It on your stuff.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: To help yourself for the flotation device.

>> Mike: Head between your legs and pray.

>> Darin: Exactly. So she's going through the whole thing and she said, oh, and by the way, if anybody has something around their neck like, ah, like a scarf or like a boa feather necklace or perhaps a boa constrictor, if you could take that off before we take off, my.

>> Mike: Question is, what the hell?

>> Darin: that would be great. Thank you so much. And I looked and I asked a lot. Am I the only one who heard her say boa constrictor? Is that.

>> Mike: Is.

>> Darin: Am I. Was that me?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And the people around me were laughing like she said, if you have a boa constrictor around your neck, please, please take that.

>> Mike: What's good advice?

>> Darin: Yeah, you know, I mean, I wouldn't think you'd get through security. Hey, listen, you're going to have to put that in your carry on.

>> Mike: Well, it wouldn't set off the metal detector.

>> Darin: No, it wouldn't. I would just think that they would frown upon that.

>> Mike: Well, these are sensitive times.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Nobody knows whether that's a goiter that happens to be shaped like A.

>> Darin: Before 9 11, you could take anything around your nec.

>> Mike: Enough is enough. I have had it with these mother.

>> Darin: Snakes on this mother plane. Everybody strap in. About to open some windows. while I was in Chicago, I. I saw the big magic bean.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: The giant metal. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it's there. It's a big bean. I don't know what has.

>> Mike: Everybody gets pictures of it.

>> Mike: That's.

>> Darin: Yeah, I did that. State law got it, you know.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Went, by the Hard Rock Cafe and I sent you a picture of Bono's vest and went and had a delicious meal at the House of Blues in Chicago.

>> Mike: Oh my God, the House of Blues is awesome. I've been, I've been to that. I've actually been to that House of Blues.

>> Mike: Yeah. Good stuff.

>> Darin: The trip went great. It's Friday morning and I'M heading back to the airport.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I called an Uber. I got on the phone, and I said, I dealt 1-800-uber, and they sent one to my hotel. So I know you don't call an Uber. I got on the app. The kids.

>> Mike: I was about to throw a boomer.

>> Darin: The kids call it an app. Got on the app, and I said, I'm at this place.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: I need to go to this place.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And that place was Chicago o' Hare Airport.

>> Mike: Yeah. Boom.

>> Darin: Confirm. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then, And then, your driver will be there in five minutes.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And you got to. This is the craziest thing about Uber. It says you need to wait at this point.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: If you're next to that point and you start spinning around your little circle, your. Your, triangle, lose its mind, your triangle will spin around with you. That is messed.

>> Mike: Up. Up. Yeah.

>> Darin: So. So. And then I'm like. And then I'm standing right where I need to stand. Exactly.


Uber driver insists on taking you to Martin Luther King Drive, which is inconvenient

>> Mike: 1984, bruh. My triangle on the grid.

>> Darin: My triangle is right on top of the circle.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Mike: That's what she said.

>> Darin: M. I'm waiting and waiting, and the Uber finally shows up. It's the, the red Toyota 4Runner.

>> Mike: Of course.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: That's the one you want. If you're going to the airport.

>> Darin: Guy gets out. I put my luggage in the car.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: He gets in there in the driver's seat. In the driver's seat.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he says, Looks at his.

>> Mike: Did he offer you a mint?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: No, he did not.

>> Darin: He looks at his phone. He says, okay, so it looks like I'm, Looks like I'm taking you to Martin Luther King drive, which is 4.4 miles away.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: That's why I said, no. no, no. I need to go to Chicago o' Hare Airport.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: To which he looks at his phone again. He goes, google says, that's, Martin Luther King 4.4 miles away.

>> Mike: This is where you're going to.

>> Darin: Which I looked at my phone.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I look. Well, my Google says that this is the address, which is not 4.4 miles away.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And he said. He's insistent. He's like, this is where it says I'm supposed to take you.

>> Mike: You were under the impression that it's up to you where you're going. That's the problem here, Right?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Right. And he said. He just keeps insisting. This is where it says I'm supposed to take.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: I'm like, how do we solve this problem.

>> Darin: Yeah. And I'm trying to be as nice as I can.

>> Mike: Yeah. We've got a car, but I'm like, customer and an address. What could be done?

>> Darin: What's the problem?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Hey, what happened? I can't go to Martin Luther King. I need to go to the airport.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I have a flight.

>> Mike: It's not like it's an odd request from a hotel.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: One would think that they get that quite a bit.

>> Darin: So I said, so, can you not take me to the airport? And he goes, it says, I'm supposed to take you here. I'm like, okay, wait a little bit.

>> Mike: Was there a layover on Martin Luther King Drive? And you're supposed to get another.

>> Darin: I don't know. I've seen Martin Luther King drive here in Cincinnati. I don't know what it's like there in Chicago.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I'm like, okay, thank you. And I got out and I got my suitcase.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm pissed.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm just. And so everything and the trip had went fine until this guy, up until this.

>> Mike: What did he do? Did he drive away?

>> Darin: He sat there for a minute, like. Like, I'm going to change my mind. You know what? I don't really change your heart. You know what? Take me to Mark.

>> Mike: I've heard good things about this.

>> Darin: You've got a 4.6 rating. What could go wrong? So now I'm, Okay, I've only.


Mike: I got billed 13 bucks for a ride I didn't take

>> Mike: Now you go to Lyft, the Lyft app, Right. Because you don't want to get the same guy.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: See his phone ring and he backs up.

>> Mike: I'm ready.

>> Darin: I've only done the Uber app two or three times, and the last time was when we went to Florida last year.

>> Mike: Okay, okay, okay.

>> Darin: So I'm rusty with it. so I'm trying figure out how to request another Uber when this one is still jacked up. It's still in, In,

>> Mike: Flux.

>> Darin: Flux. Thank you. Thank you, Mike.

>> Mike: You're welcome.

>> Darin: I eventually cleared that out, okay. And I requested another Uber. And that guy's coming. Within like, five or ten minutes, this guy shows up.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And again, I'm flustered. I'm. I'm not in a good mood now. He comes up, opens his trunk, and I said, can you take me to the airport? And he looks at me, he says, do you want to go to the airport? I said, yeah. He goes, well, okay, I'll take you to the airport. Like. Like, why are you asking me? He has no. He's like, this is what I'm supposed to do. And this guy's awesome.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Darin: Because you know me when I'm in an Uber, I like to talk to people.

>> Mike: Yeah, I know you do.

>> Darin: I do. And so, he asks me, you know, how's everything going? Because he could tell. And I was explaining to Hm him that the last guy was a. Yeah. And that he kept insisting on taking me somewhere else. And he's like, was he trying to take you to the train that takes you to the airport? I'm like, I don't know. I think the first guy. He may do this over and over again to people.

>> Mike: He may.

>> Darin: Because here's where my suspicion lurks, Mike.

>> Mike: Because he could get more rides that way.

>> Mike: No. Okay.

>> Darin: I got billed for that ride.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: I got billed 13 bucks for a ride I didn't take. He charged me. And it's like, you go on the Uber app and it says zero miles. And he. He got me at eight, hundred and four and talked to me till 8O. Nine.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Or something. And so I had to. Later on that evening, I had. Yeah. I had to go and find where to, you know, dispute. To lodge a dispute with Uber. And they. They dropped the charge. Yeah, they apologized vehemently.

>> Mike: So they didn't call you and ask you why you didn't go to Martin Luther King?

>> Darin: No, they didn't.


Jeff Rogers: Funny story about reading at the airport

So, anyway, back to the second guy. I'm in the car with him, and he's. He's asking me all these questions. Did you enjoy your stay? I said, yeah, Chicago's been great. The people are very friendly. And he says, well, you know what? You come off as a naturally friendly person, so you probably, seek out friendly people, which I think is why you find so many friendly people. I thought he was really nice. And then he asked me if I had any hobbies, and he said that he loves to read.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And so I'm talking to him about reading now and again. I was,

>> Mike: You were in Unfamiliar Territor. Oh.

>> Darin: Funny story about reading at the airport. Everybody and their brother is on their phone. I'm the only person in the airport with an actual book. Should.

>> Mike: I had a pipe.

>> Darin: I was wearing my smoking jacket. Yeah. I was reading my David Sedaris book, and everyone else had their face in their phone. So the person who doesn't read was the only person there with a book.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darin: Anywho. So I'm telling the guy that I don't typically read because I have a short. A very short attention span.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I Said, you know, I'll get 20 pages into a book. And then I'm like, who's Jeff? And I'll have to go back. Yeah. He goes, I have a solution for you.

>> Mike: Oh, boy.

>> Darin: Read shorter books.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Just read books that are 20 pages long.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darin: I get to the airport, and we're on the plane.

>> Mike: Yep.

>> Darin: And, we're leaving now. and the lady gets on there, a different lady, and she's talking about, you know, the. The thing drops, and you use that for your oxygen flotation device. She said, it's time now to turn off your cell phones or laptops if you're on your cell phone. If you're in a conversation, gently say goodbye. Turn off your phone.

>> Mike: And,

>> Darin: And you can call them back later. It's like, honey, listen, I love you so much.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm gonna get off the phone now. And, And I'll call you right back. What am I, Mr. Rogers? Gently say goodbye. Gently.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I don't know if they're throwing in this stuff just to see if people are paying attention, because, like, when we were in Australia, we were flying Qantas everywhere. they're nuts on Qantas. They're hilarious. They had Peter Jackson and all the hobbits, and all those guys do the airline thing.

>> Mike: Yeah. For.

>> Darin: For years.

>> Mike: That's awesome.

>> Darin: I know.

>> Mike: That's pretty cool.


Irritable dad Syndrome talks about the Bare Naked Ladies on Saturday

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome is brought to you by Bone Sucking Mustard and listeners like you.

>> Mike: Thank you.

>> Mike: I need to talk about, the Bare Naked Ladies.

>> Darin: Yes, you do.

>> Mike: Quickly, quickly. It's been one week since you looked at me, so. Months, ago. I saw. I get emails from. I get emails, too, from, like, Ticketmaster and Live Nation, and they're like, hey, you like to give us tons of money. Here's some that's coming.

>> Darin: Why don't you give us some more money?

>> Mike: And so they'll list all these things. I go down through, and I see Barenaked Ladies.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I sent a text to Bess. Do you have any desire to see any of these groups? She's like, oh, Bare Naked Ladies. And it's on Saturday. That'll work.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay.

>> Mike: I was like, I. We don't go to concerts that often together. Like, I'm always going, you know, with. With you guys or by myself. Because I'm seeing, like, Tool.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: Or Gojira. And those aren't really date.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: worthy.

>> Darin: No, they're not.

>> Mike: So I get what I consider pretty decent seats. I'm not right up against them because they're. They're not a band. I don't need to. Up on stage.

>> Darin: Well, they're. They're bare naked.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I don't. I don't need that.

>> Mike: So I get these seats, and then they just kind of sit there. And I'm waiting. We're waiting, waiting. And it's like, holy crap. This weekend is the day of the. The show.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I'm actually kind of not that excited because I'm not a Bare Naked Ladies fan. I got the. The one week I like the chicken, the China, the Chinese chicken. One week I like that one line in, that one song.

>> Darin: Chicken to China, the Chinese chicken.

>> Mike: But I'm going for her.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: Because I think she really wants to go.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: On the other hand, she doesn't really want to go. She's going because she thinks I want to go. So she texts and she's like, I don't know if I feel like going this weekend. maybe you could take Darren, Huh?

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And I texted back, I don't want to take Darren. No offense. But I. I said, I bought the ticket for you. I want to go with you. I want to make this is a date thing. She said, okay. All right. So now there's tension. A day or. A day or two goes by, and I'm. I'm mowing grass the day of the concert, and I'm like, ah, I gotta go to Bare Naked Ladies in a couple hours. I really don't wanna. I gotta go in there. I gotta take a shower.

>> Mike: There you go. Put on clothes.

>> Mike: That thing.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: I get halfway through, and I always get half. I get done with the back, and I'm gonna come do the front. And I see a text from her saying something along the lines of, I don't. I don't really want to go. M. But if you really want to go, then we can go. But I'm not that excited about seeing the Bare Naked Ladies or something to that effect. So then I get finished outside, and I come in, and I'm like, do you. You really don't care about the Bare Naked Ladies? And she says, no, but if you want to go. I was like, I don't want to see him at all.

>> Mike: Oh, my God.


Ticketmaster has a thing where you can just sell them directly on their thing

>> Mike: I'm going because I thought you wanted to go.

>> Darin: This is the equivalent of where do you want to eat? I don't know. Where do you want to eat? We go over there. Well, if you want to.

>> Mike: We already bought the damn tickets.

>> Darin: But it's like, if you want to eat there, we'll eat there. Well, I thought, you wanted to eat there.

>> Mike: So I'm like, okay.

>> Darin: Except it's a $180 sandwich.

>> Mike: I'm like, okay, we gotta get rid of these damn things. So I text and call you.

>> Mike: And you're something about. It's not even the original guy. So I was like, okay, I don't even. Absolutely.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: One of the. It was a duo. And then, the, one of the guys is no longer part of the Barenaked Ladies. He left.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I told Best that. She's like, well, the hell with them then. I know. She's like, do you want me to put it on the Buy Nothing cult group that she's in? I'm like, no, these were $90 a piece.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Tickets. Tickets, yeah, I'm gonna sell them on Ticketmaster. So Ticketmaster has a thing where you can just sell them directly on their thing. I say, they say, what do you want? I offer them to you for $90 for both of them. Like, I'll put it on Ticketmaster.

>> Darin: That's almost half off.

>> Mike: $45 a ticket.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And it came back. I said, you will receive 0.$00, so you must charge 76 point something dollars per ticket. And my first thought was, nobody's going to pay that much for Barenaked Ladies. Even though I did.

>> Darin: Even though you did. So I put it be crazy enough to buy these things.

>> Mike: So then I put in that number. I put in that number and then a screen came up, said, are you sure?

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Mike: And it showed a graph, that showed the median price for tickets in this section are $45. Which led to a whole host of questions from me.

>> Darin: That's what you said.

>> Mike: Primary. Primary of which being why did you charge me 90 if most tickets in this section cost 45?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then they said I would receive 60 something dollars per ticket. I don't need $60 per ticket. So I want 45 per ticket.

>> Mike: So I figured, I'll subtract $15 from that and I'll charge $60 a ticket. Still way too much for them people, but it'll get me what I originally wanted. And when I put that in, it came back, it said, you will get 0.$0. So it was forcing me to at least charge $76 and something cents. And we did. And, and nobody. And nobody bought them.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And then why didn't you call like somebody else, like, like the Michaels?

>> Mike: I don't have any friends. then.

>> Darin: Oh, that. I keep forgetting I'm your only friend.

>> Mike: Then those emailed me and said, how was the show?

>> Mike: What the hell did you just say?

>> Mike: You know, I didn't go to the show. Ticketmaster knows I didn't go to the show.

>> Darin: And you always give me because I don't like current technology. I don't like. Because I was talking about how it.

>> Mike: Would be even worse if I had paper tickets because then I have to take it to something or.

>> Darin: I know, but I was talking about how when I go to a concert, I don't like having it on the phone.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I don't like having that on the phone because when we went to that marching band competition and we're trying to unload some tickets, it was like trying to pass a bill through Congress.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Well, I could have gone if I just had the tickets. I could have just sold them to somebody.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: While I was there, I could have driven down there. But part of the reason I didn't want to get down there is because I didn't want to drive the river. But I do not like that Riverbend. I don't.


I said, maybe we can go just. We'll be in the pavilion, and they have beer

>> Darin: I don't mind it.

>> Mike: It's okay if you get an aisle seat. But we were in the pavilion, which I told Bess is nice. I said, maybe we can go just. We'll be in the pavilion, and they have beer. We'll go, and we'll have a beer.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And neither of, like, we stare at each other like, I don't want to drive anywhere.

>> Mike: So,


You guys need to be open about your feelings. Well, and I'm no marriage expert. But you should talk about it

>> Darin: So next time, what you guys need to do. Well, and I'm no marriage expert.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: But you should talk about it.

>> Darin: You guys need to be open about your feelings.

>> Mike: We did talk about. So I bought her tickets. I bought her tickets to another show.

>> Mike: Oh, God.

>> Darin: Which one?

>> Mike: Toad the Wet Sprocket.

>> Darin: Does she want to go?

>> Mike: And I verify.

>> Darin: Do you want to go to that?

>> Mike: I'm going for her.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: I like that song. They have, Walk to the Water.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: And I verified both Toad and Wet Sprocket are still in the band.

>> Mike: Oh, good.

>> Mike: And it's at the Taft Theater.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: And then when this hit, when we both accepted, we both said, we just paid $180 to not see Bare Naked Ladies.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: We laughed. And then she said, do you really want to go see Toad? I was like, you're going to see Toad. That was a birthday present. You've talked about toad since the 90s. She's like, I really like one or two songs I was like, we're going to see Toad the Wet Sprock. That's what we're doing. We're going to do that.

>> Darin: I just remember at least I forgot to go see Big Bad bought the tickets. And two weeks after the show I'm like, oh, I forgot to go to.

>> Mike: The concert the whole night. I'm not a, I'm not a person that like worries or constantly thinks about that kind of stuff. Like I just lost this amount of money. But I did that night Diablo, four came out.

>> Mike: New game.

>> Mike: I'm a Diablo freak. So I'm like, I had some time to play Diablo 4. And while the concert was going, I was, I was thinking, I'm, spending 180 right now to sit here and play this instead of sit and watch the non Bare Naked Ladies. At least only one of the ladies is there. the other one they kicked out of the band. We'd like to thank you for listening.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: To Irritable Dad Syndrome with Mike and Darren. M. Or Irritable Dad Syndrome with Darren and Mike.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Mike: We go both ways.

>> Darin: Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Mike: Cincinnati's comedy podcast. If you like what we do or if you don't, go to irritable dadsyndrome.com you can listen to all of our episodes there.

>> Mike: Every one of them.

>> Mike: Hey, here's a thought. You could subscribe to the show.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then it would just like show up in whatever app you're listening to.

>> Darin: Then you don't have to go seek it out.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And download it.

>> Mike: Just.

>> Darin: Just gives it to you.

>> Mike: So go to your nearest computer, ask your grandson to get on HTTP. Ah, www. That stands for World Wide Web.

>> Mike: Huh?

>> Mike: Dot Irritable Dad Syndrome. All lowercase. Those are the small letters.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: The show used to be an hour dot com. And this was going to be an hour.

>> Mike: And you hit enter.

>> Darin: Enter.

>> Mike: Wait a minute. Because if it's the first time, there's a lot of graphics.

>> Darin: If you see a thing, a little thing spinning around.

>> Mike: Wait, just wait it out.

>> Darin: It'll be fine.

>> Mike: It's okay.

>> Darin: It'll be just fine.

>> Mike: And you'll click the newest episode. All those little app things are there. Click one and then just go ahead and subscribe.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then leave a review somewhere. M. Come on. Tell you. And share it with people that you know and people that you love.

>> Darin: A friend of mine.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Do you remember when I told the story about Donnie breaking his foot?

>> Darin: And my neighbor, the girl who lived next door to me, who was the doctor Studying to be a doctor.


Georgia Warder: Jennifer loves our podcast. And she sent a message to us

>> Mike: Doctor.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Well, she still listens to our podcast.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And she sent a message to us the other day. She, says, I love you guys. You guys are hilarious. And she hasn't. She's, like, missed the past few and she's gonna catch up, but she wanted to let me know that she loves our podcast.

>> Mike: That's wonderful.

>> Darin: So, Jennifer, thank you for saying. I really appreciate it.

>> Mike: Could you put that in a review? Would it kill you to click the little five star thing and. And make it official?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Mike: Thanks, Jennifer.

>> Darin: We'll see you guys next time on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Dave: Well, the show is over and I'm going to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. I make mine with Texas toast, cheddar, Colby and American cheese, two pieces of hickory smoked bacon, and a big ass slice of tomato. Mmm. We'll see you next time.

>> Darin: Will you cut a tease for us? Say, hi, this is. Hi, this is Georgia Warder, and you're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Cut a tease. Not a strip tease. Like a.

>> Mike: He wants you to do it.

>> Mike: Yeah, okay.

>> Darin: She worked in advertising. She knows what a tease is. Yeah, Mike, I want her to strip for us. Take your boots off.

>> Mike: It is an audio podcast.

>> Mike: This is the promo.

>> Darin: No, this is the promo video right here.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: No, I could do that. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

>> Mike: wait, what?

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Georgia Warder, and you're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Georgia Warder, and you're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome.