IDS #278 - Pounding the Monster

I'm using the fat bear as our graphic. It becomes my profile pic

>> Mike: I'm using the fat bear as our graphic.

>> Darin: Oh, is it Chunk or Chunk?

>> Mike: I don't know what his name is. Bess just sent me that picture and it was like 10 seconds after she sent it. It becomes my profile pic.

>> Darin: that's.

>> Mike: That's what, that's what I'm at.

>> Darin: Yeah. The fat bear contest.

>> Mike: It's like he's a bear. He's out there just minding his own business, and now he's famous as the fat ass bear.

>> Darin: He's being the fat bear. Yeah.

>> Mike: Like, are we on the COVID of some chipmunk, periodical? Look at these fat. Like, if you see us walking out of here. That's right, these two fat jackasses.

>> Darin: Yeah. He didn't ask to be. No photographed. He didn't ask to be entered in the fat bear contest.

>> Mike: Body shamed.

>> Darin: He's just being a bear. He's out there doing his thing, living his best life. And hey, let's call him fat, not big boned. No.

>> Mike: Which he certainly is.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah. Big bone biggest. Someone put one giant big bone up your ass. South Park. Okay, I'm not fat. I'm big boned. You'll meet people who have actually died. I said to myself, boy, this could be almost too much entertainment, you know?


You can help financially support this podcast by becoming a patron

>> Dave: It's time for Irritable Dad Syndrome. Today's special is country fried steak with hot buttered rolls and your choice of corn or green beans. Give it up for your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm, Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 278. This is, You know what? This episode drops every Tuesday. And I know this doesn't mean anything to the viewer or to the listener. We usually record on our Tuesday. We're recording on a Saturday at like 12:30 in the afternoon.

>> Mike: A bright, beautiful Saturday.

>> Darin: And Mike is a completely different mic than what I'm used to. Seeing lightning. Cloudy at 7:30 and in the evening. Because Mike, Mike works hard.

>> Mike: I'm a hard working man.

>> Darin: He works hard, he plays hard. And by the time I see him, he is at the end of his rope. He is, just about to. Why? He welcomes me into his home where we have Studio B. I will typically.

>> Mike: Be on me by the time the episode timing comes by. I am finishing up dinner and Darren is ringing the doorbell or texting me so that booba doesn't attack him.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: And I am in the middle of saying, jesus, Harold, R. Dream is we got to do this now and then we. We get through it. sometimes I'm on point. often I don't do the required reading. I don't,

>> Darin: I'm not there every time. Yeah.

>> Mike: And Darren has seen a morning mic. I am a morning person, as is Charlie. Charlie and I typically annoy the ever loving out of the other two people in this structure. And the other two dogs.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So what Darren is experiencing now is the tail end of a morning mic. Who's been bouncing around. I was cooking two large meals when you walked through the door, and now I'm pounding a monster. It's a drink. You can't see it.

>> Darin: I'm not actually pounding the monster.

>> Mike: Pounding the monster, but I'm drinking.

>> Darin: I did so much of that in high school. I'm just being honest with you. But no, this is. This makes me pause and wonder, should we start recording this episode in the morning? Because I am also a morning person.

>> Mike: M. Well, but here's the deal.

>> Darin: I don't know how we would ever do that.

>> Mike: I know a really good way to do that if all y' all would become patrons and make it so that we don't have to do other stuff and we can only do the podcast.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It would be so much better.

>> Darin: That's a wonderful. That's a wonderful suggestion. And you know what? If you do want to become a.

>> Mike: Patron, like and subscribe, you could.

>> Darin: Yes, you can like and subscribe, but if you want to become a patron, you can go to irritable dadsyndrome.com.

>> Dave: Right.

>> Darin: And there's a place for Patreon. Okay. You can join that. There's several plans, and you can help financially support this podcast. And listen. And it's not just throwing money away. There are plans on there that if you get on that, you get all kinds of free stuff like shirts and coffee mugs. We've got posters coming out soon, I'm told. And. And there's bonus content if you enjoy this podcast. There's stuff that we record that you don't get to hear on the audio version. We throw it out with bonus content specifically for our patrons. But if you.

>> Mike: If you don't want to spend the money, we understand, but at least, you know, like. And subscribe. Share these things.

>> Darin: Yes, please.

>> Mike: if you're. I don't know how to share. Okay. Sally, ask your grandkid to come over and put. There's a. Every. I don't care what. You're listening to this to us on every app, every website, every Toaster, whatever you're consuming this on, I listen on the toaster, as you know, has an.

>> Darin: Opportunity to share the monster.

>> Mike: Share it and make a comment, make a review. all these things help.


It's engagement, the love of God. And we've been asking for five years if you would like and share our videos

It's engagement, the love of God.

>> Darin: Yeah. And we've been asking for five years if you would like and share our videos. Yeah. And I don't know what else to do besides beg and cry.

>> Mike: We're willing to go door to door.

>> Darin: Start posting pictures of my hungry children on our front page of our website. Maybe that'll help.


Next week's episode is our best of volume five, number five

Oh, oh, hey, speaking of five, next week's episode is our best of volume five, number five. And holy crap. I was going through and. I know. Okay, I listen, I know this is biased. It's my podcast. I'm looking through this. We've got some really good stuff on here.

>> Mike: Funny stuff.

>> Darin: Year five has been a great year.

>> Mike: Look, you don't have to listen in sequence. You don't have to go back to episode one and listen all the way. We would love if you would.

>> Darin: That would be great.

>> Mike: The real psychos that love our show, like Chris Hughes, Stump.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: They all get it.

>> Darin: They guffaw, like, when I say, hey, you want to touch my beats? They.

>> Mike: They know what that.

>> Darin: They know what that was from season, one.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But next week, make sure you listen, download, tell all your friends best of volume five. And I'm telling you right now, I am so proud of this podcast. Mike asked me if I wanted to do it five years ago, and I've enjoyed every second that I've done it, and I'm proud of it, and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as we enjoy doing it, because that's our goal.

>> Dave: You are listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Mike: Do you have a plan?

>> Darin: Well, of course I do. Don't be ridiculous.

>> Mike: How you doing?

>> Darin: I'm doing really good.

>> Mike: Doing good. Yeah. You know, the Cookie Monster kind of.

>> Darin: Tells I look so fat that Cookie Monster's stomach is, like, right where my stomach is. Yeah, Cookie Monster's my spirit animal.

>> Mike: Yeah. We're not videographers, but we've learned, both of us.

>> Darin: Oh, I used to be.

>> Mike: That you need to wear dark or muted colors when we're on the thing, because the last, couple episodes, I wore a white shirt, and I look like I'm carrying triplets. but I actually. Actually, if you look, if you didn't know me, if you weren't sitting in the same room, you'd be like that.

>> Darin: He looks like he's he's not slimming down.

>> Mike: Slimming down. I weigh more now than I have in the past three months, but you can't tell from the camera. Black shirt. But we also telegraph where we're at. So I've been all about cigarettes and alcohol this morning. I haven't been smoking or drinking this morning, but I've been jamming with the oas. And you have apparently been,

>> Darin: Down with the cookie.

>> Mike: Down with the cookies, Yeah.

>> Darin: A couple of weeks ago we released an episode and we had talked about the Vintage man and we were, we were telling people that you can go to Best of Volume one and listen to Vintage Band. Yeah. And I thought, nobody's going to do that. No. Because we've been asking people to go and check this out and whatever, and nobody listening. So I did all y' all a favor and I said what I'm going to do is I'm going to tag Vintage man and slap it on the end of that episode, which I did. I'm listening to it and I'm like, holy crap, how did that air? How did we get away with that? And I ended up editing out a couple of things that I said the first time.

>> Mike: Like, I can't say, you.

>> Darin: Should have stopped me.

>> Mike: No, Some of the, some of the stuff there and some of the. Some of the stuff on Patreon has not aged well.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: But we're too lazy to go back.

>> Darin: At the 50th anniversary of cigarette Live about the skits that did not age well over the years. And they did that whole like 2 minute, 3 minute montage of. Of really bad things they did. I'm like, okay, yeah. So anyway, if you want to listen to Vintage man, listen to it at the end of episode 276.

>> Mike: our, our old school fan. The people that have been with us for the longest love the Vintage man. And we have been, oh, and by the way, inspired to. There's going to be some merch. There's going to be some special things we do with Vintage Man. It's one of our most popular bits, which is a little concerning. Scary, you know?

>> Darin: Yeah. If you, if you did listen to it and you're a fan and remember the old version, I would love to know if you noticed what I cut out. There were two things that I said. Usually Mike's the one that says that. I said, we can't do that. I said this and I listened to him like, oh, my God, Darren, you can't say that. So anyway, the redacted version is at the end of episode 276, and you ought to listen to that. So there you go.

>> Mike: I got a Chick Fil A story.

>> Darin: Oh, fantastic.


Mike has been ordering Chick Fil A for five years now

>> Dave: It's time now for the Chick Fil A story of the week.

>> Mike: Same Chick Fil A. You guys know the story. It's long time. Listeners know this is the one that has 15 people out there walking around taking orders.

>> Darin: All this stuff. Like they work at the airport.

>> Mike: They've got it down to an absolute science. You got some person takes the order. I have stopped ordering directly from them. I order off of the app now so I don't have to really talk. I just say, mike, mobile order. And they repeat the order back to me. I say, yeah. And I'm, on my way. I've got the air traffic controller down there that guides me to which lane I'm supposed to go in and whatever, and we're walking. I've bitched in the past about how someone will bring. I usually get a salad there. They will bring the salad back to me. And there's nowhere I can go. I'm just sitting there with my food. I'm not going to open it up and start eating while I'm still driving in line. So now I'm just kind of stuck there.

>> Darin: Like French fries. I would, but not with the salad.

>> Mike: So this is.

>> Darin: But they.

>> Mike: They usually have the order, right? I mean, occasionally I've been asked if I was Troy or someone else, but generally speaking, I've got it down. I've been getting my lunch from the same dude for five years. he knows what I get. And he sees me pulling up, and he looks at the bag and he looks back and he says to the lady. He looks at me and he's like, you're not Shelly.

>> Darin: And I'm like, he didn't.

>> Mike: Okay. He was half laughing when he said it. He wasn't serious. I was like, you're not Shelly. And like, no, not today I'm not. He says to the lady, we got Mike here. Oh. And she's like, oh, well, that's here. And then he said, and I quote, you're way out of order to the lady. And I was like, whoa, oh, oh. Listen, I don't want to go Al Pacino.

>> Darin: I'm not out of order.

>> Mike: You're out of order. You're out of order.

>> Darin: The whole trial is out of order.

>> Mike: They're out of order. I don't want to be involved in some kind of HR situation here. I don't want to be subpoenaed to court. Right. and all this. I was like. He's like. He gave me the salad. He's like, there, now you're set. And he looked back. He's like. The next one's Shelly. It's like, okay, I'm gonna. I'm driving. He went from,

>> Darin: He's a slow. His roll is the.

>> Mike: He went from my pleasure to. You're out of order. Like, boom.

>> Darin: Wow.

>> Mike: I felt like I was in trouble.

>> Darin: I wonder if it's the same. He seriously called you Shelly?

>> Mike: He called me Shelly.

>> Darin: I wonder if it's the same mother scratcher who called me Alana. Atlanta. But he didn't say he's like Atlanta. No, no, he was.

>> Mike: He was vehement. You're Atlanta to the point where you questioned whether or not you were Atlanta.

>> Darin: yeah.

>> Mike: We're getting to that age.

>> Darin: I know.

>> Mike: Where you call us the wrong name. We m. We 50. 50. We'll believe you.

>> Darin: Call up Libby. Am I Atlanta? No, honey, you're not Atlanta. Okay. All right. Yeah. Love you. She comes home. I'm in the yard waving at cars with my robe open, so.


Did you get paddlings when you went to elementary school

>> Mike: But they've tightened up their ship there. I mean, it's. It's been a long time since I've had a Chick Fil A story. A long time.

>> Darin: You're out of order.

>> Mike: They're fully staffed, so we don't have any, like, new employees popping up and. Right. And messing up the works. Right. But, man, whoever is in. On the register in there, and they need to get their,

>> Darin: Get their act together, get in order.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Dave: This has been the Chick Fil A story of the week.

>> Darin: So a buddy of mine who I used to work with lives in Johnson City, and he posted this picture on the Facebooks, and it was the wooden paddle with the holes drilled into it.

>> Mike: Oh, for the spanking.

>> Darin: Yeah, for the paddle corporal paddlings that we used to get in elementary school. And. Oh, the comments. And so many people I know on there used to get paddle ins all the time. My friend Natasha just got hers. A girl kept getting her paddlings because she would not stop talking. And I'm like, that sounds like me. Did you get paddlings when you went to elementary school?

>> Mike: I got paddled in first grade.

>> Darin: Okay. What did you do to get a paddle in?

>> Mike: that's a paddling. The stories on the podcast. I blew up a balloon. it flew off. I made it.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: My.

>> Darin: That's right. Yeah.

>> Mike: So we had one of those banana. The hot dog, the long Balloons. And this kid blew it up. He put it down in his crotch. He let it go, and he yelled out, my flew off. I thought that was hilarious. So I grabbed a balloon, I blew it up, and I put it down there. And right then the teacher walks in. I let it go, and I yell, my flew off too. I was immediately taken to the office.

>> Darin: And you had a paddle.

>> Mike: I got a paddling right there. Yeah.

>> Darin: Well, I had commented on this because our bus driver, who we nicknamed Bird, she had a paddle.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: She had a paddle.

>> Mike: Wait, why was she nicknamed bird?

>> Darin: Well, the paddle had a middle finger on it. Oh, she had drawn a hand with the middle finger up.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: A bird.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And she would take this paddle and she would hit. You know, it's like how the driver has the mirror up above where you can see all the students. Shut up. And she would take the paddle and hit it. And above the mirror are all These look like were bullets. She never paddled anybody that I remember. But she threatened us. She was. I will stop this bus right now and paddle your so hard. Whatever.

>> Mike: Yeah, paddle your little butts is probably what. That was the common way.

>> Darin: We never tested her. When she pulled out the Thing. Thing. And hit it over the mirror. She hit it one time and it broke in two.

>> Mike: I was gonna say, you can't. It's often you. You can't really hit a mirror too many times with a club.

>> Darin: This above the mirror.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: The metal part of, the, of the school bus. My God. And I'm thinking, how did we survive elementary school?

>> Mike: Yeah. There was a. The guy that did the paddling in middle school, junior high, as it was known when. When I was growing up.

>> Darin: My flew off.

>> Mike: Dude was an ogre of a man. He was huge. He was one of the biggest people I've ever seen. they had. I don't know what his job was other than paddling kids. I just.


Growing up in Virginia, paddlings were common in elementary schools

Whenever he was getting paddled, I forget his name. But they would say, Mr. Something. Something is coming. And we would all be like, oh. And he would come and you would hear. We would be in the classroom. The paddlings happen. In the hallway outside, you would hear the whoosh of the thing, and it was like, you know, whammo. It's hard to believe that happened now that we're talking about it. Like, I can't admit, like, if I walked into school and that was happening to one of my kids, I'd be like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

>> Darin: Hold. Hold the phone.

>> Mike: Yeah. What, what the hell? My question is, what the hell?

>> Darin: When did that stop?

>> Mike: It was when we were in college, I think in the 90s. Was it the 90s? Late night?

>> Darin: I mean, it never should have happened.

>> Mike: It should have happened with.

>> Darin: But I mean, something had to have.

>> Mike: Happened, I think, with our. With our classes. People are starting to say, maybe we shouldn't start. Maybe we should stop beating kids with boards with two by fours.

>> Darin: I mean, I'm also wondering, can I. Is it too late to sue the school system for.

>> Mike: I mean, I remember. I remember ptsd. I remember getting detention once for talking. And I remember this kid would not stop talking in detention. And they didn't want him in detention anymore. And they gave him the option. I swear, they gave him the option to take a paddling right then m. Or another week of detention. And he took the. He said, I'll do the paddling.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And they took him out there, brought it down. Ogre, you know, Shrek came down here, beat the. Out of him in the hallway, and then he just. He left. I assume he went home. Not to the hospital, but he just didn't come back in detention. And I remember thinking, is that option. I wanted to raise my hand and say, is that option available to everybody? I mean.

>> Darin: I mean, I wouldn't have taken it, but. I mean, but did your teacher have the paddle with the holes drilled into it to make it more aerodynamic?

>> Mike: Yeah, he did. Yeah.

>> Darin: God, that.

>> Mike: That seems.

>> Darin: Boy, that made a sting.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Just. I'm wondering if I can go back and sue the, Virginia elementary school system.

>> Mike: It makes me wonder, what did they do back in the 1800s? They just.

>> Darin: They waterboarded them. That's what they did. They waterboarded the kids. They held their head.

>> Mike: Yeah. And that, you know, that was a. That was a lot because they didn't have running water back then, so, you know, you had to hike a kid out to a stream.

>> Darin: They had to take 10 people with the buckets into the creek. Yeah.

>> Mike: And only seven would come back with the alligators and the anaconda and the.

>> Darin: Wild bears, because that's apparently what everybody went to school. You know, they walked uphill both ways in the snow, no shoes. Yeah.

>> Mike: But it made for entertaining. Friday, afternoon, so.

>> Darin: Got it toughened up. Yeah. Yeah. Look at me now.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You don't see me complaining.

>> Mike: Nope.

>> Dave: This portion of Irritable dad syndrome is brought to you by soap on a rope. Apparently, it's still a thing, and it's making a comeback. Soap on a Rope is antibacterial. It comes in a multitude of fragrant scents, and it's the perfect gift for that special someone. Order yours now.


Charlie got a concussion while tackling someone at a football game

Now back to you guys in the studio.

>> Mike: Charlie got a concussion. Oh. And there's a story with that.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: he plays football, as you know.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: He was going to tackle, somebody, by the way, I'm telling the story because at the end of the story, Charlie looked at both me and Bess and said, that's going on the podcast. So he was tackling somebody. and he got hit. He went down. His face mask hit the turf, and it jostled him. he threw up a couple times. It was not good. So we, you know, he was dizzy, in my opinion. He was slurring his speech. He said he wasn't.

>> Darin: Yes, his head hit the ground. No, no, his head hit another.

>> Mike: No, no, his head was in the. Yeah, his. His helmet hit the ground.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And I think it jostled him enough to where.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: They. We ended up taking him to the emergency room just as a make sure.

>> Darin: I was concerned. I was afraid. I didn't want him to have, like. Because sometimes helmet to helmet.

>> Mike: Yeah, it wasn't like that. and they said that he. They believe he had a mild concussion. Finally talk to the doctor, but we're in there. So we're at the game. And so we were planning on eating after the game. I think it was like three or whatever. But we're going directly from there to the hospital.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And then they wanted to watch him four hours after the injury. So we're sitting in the hospital for that time. You know, Charlie was starting to get hungry, which is a good sign.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I was already hungry. But that's normal.

>> Darin: That's just normal.

>> Mike: Par for the course, people. So this guy came in, was checking. He's like, just make sure you guys are okay. Is there anything we can do for you? I said, is there a vending machine near here? And he said, what do you need? And I'm like, well, I. I don't know. I mean, I was going to get snacks for everybody. I was going to take a picture of the vending machine and bring it back and then go get him. He's like, I got you. What do you want? And I'm like, okay, what do you what?

>> Darin: I said, those chocolate covered paydays.

>> Mike: He was either me or Bess said, well, what do you got? And now we're. We're in a, you know, like, what's that called? A negotiat. At that point.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And so he's like, oh, we got the, the Smart Pop. No, we've got, you know, like the Doritos. Yes, please.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: like, pretzels, those type of things.

>> Darin: We have the base lays.

>> Mike: He goes through all the drinks and all these things and I'm like, through all the drinks? All of them.

>> Darin: Dr. Pepper we have.

>> Mike: You know, it's like, well, you've flown. It's like when they come by, like, what would you like to drink? you know, liquor, is more. And it was in the hospital as well. Fun fact.

>> Darin: They have.

>> Mike: Yeah, they, they wouldn't give me a shot anyway. Of that anyway.

>> Darin: Oh, they'll give you a shot.

>> Mike: But so he's taken our order and we're being very specific. I want a Diet Coke. I'll get some pretzels. Charlie wanted the Jiffy Poof or whatever it was. And I forget what Bess wanted. And he takes it all and he left to go get it all. And then Bess is like, that's the man. I wonder what that position is called. That's amazing. Just, you just go and get people snacks in the hospital. And she was going on and on about how awesome how great that is that they have somebody whose job it is to get snacks for people.


Gary Coleman: Man in emergency room offered to get snacks for patient after surgery

>> Mike: Because you're in the emergency room, you typically don't plan your snacks in advance of the emergency room. Right. It's not like you're in a car accident and as the airbags deploying, you're thinking, I should have brought a sandwich.

>> Darin: If we can run through the chick fil a real quick correct and get a salad.

>> Mike: And I'm like, yeah, that is, that is kind of cool. I was like, I. And I will say this, I said, I don't know that that is his only job. I don't think they have people. He's walking around a surgeon taking orders.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And he, came back and Bess said, what is your job title? M. And he said, paramedic. And I said laughed. And he looked at us like I couldn't deduce the expression that he had. But it was more along the lines of, no, my job is. He was non verbally saying, my job is not to get you people snacks. I was just being a nice guy.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And best laughed. And she said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. You're just, you're just being a nice guy. He's like, well, you looked hungry. And I had a moment. So I figured I'd go get you something. And then he left. And Bess said, and I quote, hold on. Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. I can't. This is horrible. And then Andrew, or I'm sorry Charlie, looked up and said, that's going on the podcast.

>> Darin: You know, you never saw people do that on er. No, George Clooney didn't go run and get everybody a snack.

>> Mike: No, he did.

>> Darin: Before he fixed kid up.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I don't know what a paramedic uniform is, but he didn't look like a uniformed guy.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: He just seemed like a guy walking by offering to get snacks.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: So.

>> Darin: And he paid for the snacks.

>> Mike: I think we.

>> Darin: Check your bill.

>> Mike: We had.

>> Darin: Check your bill at that point.

>> Mike: We had another two hours to sit in there. So we opined and we deduced the following. They probably. They probably have snacks on hand. They do in the hospital for people. And I will say that this man, the Diet Cokes that he brought were like, the really tiny ones.

>> Darin: Ah.

>> Mike: brought me two.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Noticed my girth and said, he's gonna need two of these.

>> Darin: The last time Libby had a. She had her back surgery. And when they were done or, when she was done. Well, they were done at the same time that she was done. Be bad if they finished her surgery, but she was still having something. That would be weird. It wouldn't make any sense. Just like, I need to stop this.

>> Mike: synchronization is important.

>> Darin: Absolutely. Never more important than when there's a.

>> Mike: Patient need to be finished at the same time.

>> Darin: But when Libby was done and out of her surgery, they brought her back, and then she, you know, came out of the. The anesthesia, and they asked if she wanted anything to drink, and she did. And the nurses were like. And, Darren, would you like anything? I'm like, oh, my God, I would. And they. Yeah, they had. And so prime rib and the baked potato. Yeah. Oh, the baked potato with the salt on the outside. Yeah. You gotta bake it, right? Yeah, you do. You do. But no, they brought Libby Jello, and she didn't like, the Jello, so I ate her Jello. And then they asked me if I wanted more Jello.

>> Mike: They noticed your girth.

>> Darin: They did. They did. I'm like, I would love some Jello. I love Jello.

>> Mike: Isn't that something? When, Damn, I can't believe I just said that. Isn't that something?

>> Darin: Isn't that wild? And that's something. Gary Coleman is here tonight.


The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Golly. Isn't that something

The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Isn't that wild. Isn't that something?

>> Mike: Morning Mike says, isn't that something? That's the first time I've said that on this podcast. Five years.

>> Darin: We'll shuck my corn.

>> Mike: Yeah. G willikers.

>> Darin: Golly.

>> Mike: I'll be dag. Blasted.

>> Darin: Zoinks.


Whenever I shop at Kroger, it always takes me about an hour

>> Dave: It's time now for the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: I know this doesn't qualify as a Kroger story of the week, but I still want to know. I want the answer to this question. Whenever I shop at Kroger, it always takes me. How long does it take you to shop? An hour, hour and a half?

>> Mike: Less than 25 minutes.

>> Darin: Really?

>> Mike: I have the spots that I go to. You and I are going to go Kroger shopping one time.

>> Darin: Oh, no. I'm never Kroger shopping with you again because you were a madman.

>> Mike: Charlie was in shock, and Bess was in real. Bess was having trouble keeping up with me. I just. I know what I want. I know where I'm going. I know where it is. I zip, zip, zip, zip, zip.

>> Darin: Well, I know all those things, too, but there's usually other people there. My point is, you go with other people when there's other people at the store. No, I won't go shopping with my family.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: No. Absolutely not. Living there's like. Do you want me to go with you? No, I don't. Stay home.

>> Mike: Yeah. Other people at the store knock them. I mean, you use a. Use a cart, right?

>> Darin: Do use a cart.

>> Mike: There's a reason it's pointed at the front like a cow catcher. Get them out of the way. Knock them into the Cream of Wheat.

>> Darin: Yeah, I can. It usually takes about an hour.

>> Mike: The hell are you doing? Are you looking at labels?

>> Darin: No, I'm shopping.

>> Mike: This one has monosodium glutamate, and this.

>> Darin: One has your mom, so resource and all.

>> Mike: Yeah, I can't. I've had way too much Sorbitol today.

>> Darin: I go into the. I get my bananas and I get my produce and my grapes and my, some spinach and all that stuff.

>> Mike: Two minutes, tops. Sorry.

>> Darin: Now I'm wishing that we were doing this at night. My point is, it takes me about an hour to do my grocery shopping. And every time I'm at the store, I hear the.


Ann: I used to work at Kroger back in the 90s

Attention Kroger Associates. It's time for your top of the hour conditioning. What's the top of the hour conditioning?

>> Mike: Do they do burpees?

>> Darin: I don't know. I never see any employee stop. They don't put down their box cutters. They don't walk away from their register, they don't do anything. And I just want to know, what is this top of the hour conditioning?

>> Mike: I used to work at Kroger back in the 90s.

>> Darin: What is the top of the hour conditioning? What's going on?

>> Mike: It might be what they call facing because that's what I was in charge of. I was in the pharmacy area.

>> Darin: We called that blocking.

>> Mike: Okay, so they may have changed. Facing may not be the politically correct term now, but for people with no faces. So they're like, we need to call it convincing.

>> Darin: Very insulting to our non facing.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Viewers. Which if you don't have a face, you can't be watching us.

>> Mike: Yeah, correct. So they may just call it conditioning. Now. They used to say, security, we've got, ah, code three in area B. And then I am, I don't know about you, I start going up and down the aisles as fast as I can.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: I don't know what area B is, but I want to see the code three in progress.

>> Darin: I worked at Winn Dixie. Our meat department manager, Jackson, if he caught somebody, if he saw somebody was up to no good, they, he could tell that they're, they're up to shoplifting. He would security code four. And I asked one of our, other baggers, I'm like, what the hell is that? He goes, I don't know, but I think somebody shoplifted. And I'm like, do we have security? No, we don't have security. Well, that store's been closed now for 25 years. But Mr. Wilcox, my manager, there at Winn Dixie, whenever he would catch a shoplifter or he would suspect somebody was doing it, a lot of times they would go and they would take stakes. Yeah. And then they would put them behind a cereal box or on the bread aisle or something. And then somebody would go up behind them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And grab them. I don't know why stealing steaks was a two man job, but we caught I don't know how many people doing this. And so Wilcox would come up and he would get me and Mark and Adam and Bull. There was a guy named Bullshit. No, no, he looked like a Bull. Giant. One of the nicest.

>> Mike: They usually are.

>> Darin: Giant teddy bear. But if you saw him in an alley, you would drop everything, give him all your money. Please don't hurt me.

>> Mike: Yeah, please.

>> Darin: So he would get us all on, alert. He would tell us who. He's like, it's, he's on aisle four now. He's Wearing a red hat and, and a, denim jacket. Yeah. And so I would walk past this guy. How you doing today, sir? Is there anything I can help you with? No, I'm good. And then he'd pass. Mark, welcome to Winn Dixie. Can I help you find anything? No. And then somebody else would, ask him. And he's like, I like your shoes. He's like, ah. And he ran out of the store. No, we were on him. Wilcox used to fight people. Mr. Wilcox was fighting this guy in the produce department. He caught him stealing steaks. Dude took a swing at him. Wilcox was, military. And you didn't with Mr. Wilcox? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. He would, he would fight like, let's go. You know. But that has nothing to do with the top of the hour conditioning. But I have no idea what that is. If, you know, go to irritable dadcenter.com, go to one of our Facebook pages or our TikToks and, leave us a message. You know what? I bet you my friend Ann knows what top of the hour can do because she works for the Kroger.

>> Mike: A Kroger story. Addendum. And this happened a long time ago.

>> Darin: And I don't know why I didn't talk about it.


I always get the crinkle cut fries because I like them

>> Mike: Addendum. I like crinkle cut fries.

>> Darin: I love crinkle cut fries.

>> Mike: And I always get the crinkle cut fries. And I was standing in front of the potato section, the frozen potato section, which is where they keep the crinkle cut fries.

>> Darin: That's right. And the tots.

>> Mike: And they have the tots.

>> Darin: You know, there's tater tots and tater rounds.

>> Mike: And they have the steak fries, which if you go to a high end steak Place, they never give you steak fries. It was only at Ponderosa. But I digress. But I'm waiting. This lady was getting whatever potato she needed and I'm waiting for her to get out of the way so I could get my kiriko cut fries. The big five pounder. Oh, I don't around.

>> Darin: That was also my nickname in high school.

>> Mike: And she, she gets her au, gratin stuff, whatever the hell. And she gets out of my way and I open up and I get the crinkle cut fries. and I'm pulling them out and she, oh, do you like the crinkle cut better? And I, I said I'm getting them. I mean, isn't it obvious that I prefer the crinkle cut fries? I'm selecting them and all the potatoes are available to me. No, I hate these. That's why I'm buying them. I'm,

>> Darin: M. You know what? I'm just trying something new.

>> Mike: So I. I said. I just looked over and I said, yes, I like the crinkle cut. And she said, are they better? Huh? I said, for my purposes, they are.

>> Darin: What other purposes are.

>> Mike: I don't know. But what the hell kind of question is that, huh? I'm getting the crickle cut fries because I like the crickle cut fries. I don't just walk in and randomly pick. Yeah, I get the crickle cut fries because I like them. I prefer them. In my opinion, they're better. Your mileage may vary. You might like tots. You might like the steak fries. I don't know what weird, you're into.

>> Darin: You know what I would have done? I would have said, I like the waffle fries, but my wife always wants the crinkle cut. And I'm like, every single time, I'm like, can we not get the crinkle cut? And she's like, get the crinkle cut. And I'm like, every time with her, every time I go to the store, she tells me to get these, and I don't like them. And you know what? We didn't even want to live here, but, oh, we've got to move to Ohio. So what do I do? I changed my job. Okay? It's like, all my friends. I don't have any friends up here.

>> Mike: Yeah, okay.

>> Darin: They all live in Tennessee.

>> Mike: Right?

>> Darin: But no, no, let's move up to Ohio so that you can work up here and. Yeah, and we'll get your crinkle cut price, and we'll get your favorite ice cream, and we'll get your diet root beer.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then you keep doing that until the lady walks away.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I would. I'm ready for that conversation. When I'm getting my Tillamook ice cream, right? I see people buying ice cream all the time. They're buying their weird ice creams. They're getting the briar, but not the good briar. They're getting the. Wait a minute. There's a tub. The tub of, like, the big plastic tub that you buy for your kid when they're having a party with, like, a bunch of people. You know what I'm talking about?

>> Darin: I do.

>> Mike: The big plan. It says vanilla.

>> Darin: The nice.

>> Mike: They can't call it ice cream. They call it vanilla frozen product.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: Or something on the side.

>> Darin: Because it's not. It's actually not ice cream.

>> Mike: Look, I have a long. A long standing relationship with ice cream.

>> Darin: Okay? That's where you're going.

>> Mike: I know.


Ice cream. You ask my opinion on ice cream, I'm gonna give you Tillamook

Ice cream.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm. If you. You ask my opinion on ice cream, I'm gonna give you Tillamook. Uh-huh. Is among the best ice cream you can get.

>> Darin: But you gotta take a loan out for it, though.

>> Mike: It's awesome. And I'm always waiting for somebody. I will reach in. I'll retch in to get the Killamook. And I'm waiting for a similar lady to say, oh, you like the Tillamook? To which I'll say, yes, it's the best ice cream here. Get your hag and Daz and your. You know what? I'll say this. I'm not a graters fan. I don't like graters. Ice cream.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Every time we've gone to graters, I'm like, I'm gonna try a different flavor. whatever. I just don't like the way they make it. I don't like the name. I don't like people who like it. I don't like the store. I don't like that they sell gummies in the line when you're buying ice cream. What the are you. You're an ice CRE ice cream store, and I've got a kid that would always get the gummies and not get the ice cream. I hate all. Everything about graters.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: Tillamook.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Is where it's at.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I'm very opinionated on Telemuk.

>> Darin: You're opinionated on everything.

>> Mike: No one ever asks me my opinion until. But when it comes to crinkle cut fries.

>> Darin: Do you like.

>> Mike: She looked right past the fact that I'm selecting Orida out of all the other brands there.

>> Darin: I like. It's Oreita, not. Oh, Ryder.

>> Mike: Yeah. You know, they probably. When they were trademarking, they were. They were standing there having a debate about what they could call their company, and somebody said. Or Idaho. And they're like, all right.

>> Darin: Yeah, I like that.

>> Mike: The guy that, you know, I'm thinking it's probably founded back in the 1800s. The guy was hard of hearing. He had, like, one of those horns that he stuck in his ear, you know, back in the thing. And he's like, all right, that's what we'll call it. And he typed it. And when you type something back then, it was over. You know, you couldn't change it. They had the press.

>> Darin: You know what? There's probably a lady. We've done this podcast for five years now. And I assume now that most other people probably have their own podcast, because you listening?

>> Mike: You probably have a podcast.

>> Darin: You probably have a podcast. Yeah. Check. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: Google your name.

>> Darin: Go to do I have a podcast dot com. Put in your email and your six digit code and you'll find out.


Darren Callahan gets unexpected phone call at 11:30 at night

Yeah, but I'm in the meat section. Kroger is, losing their mind.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Because for, like the third or fourth time in the past couple of months, they've had by with, with the chicken breast and the chicken wings and the chicken legs. Buy one, get two free.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm like, my God, are they just sitting on a mountain of chicken? They can't.

>> Mike: I think something happened at the chicken farm.

>> Darin: But, I'm not complaining. And I looked at this, I looked at the chicken, I looked at this lady and I said, what's going on here? Are they losing their mind?

>> Mike: What's the deal?

>> Darin: What's with all the free chicken? She goes, oh, you got to get the chicken. You got to get the chicken.

>> Mike: You got to get the chicken.

>> Darin: And then I said, I said, I.

>> Mike: Started, what are you gonna get the pork when there's chicken?

>> Darin: But no. And then it's like, you know what? This lady, she just came to the store, all she wants to do is get her groceries. She. I'm certain she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm like, my kids and I, we take these chicken legs, throw them in the air fryer for 28 minutes, boom.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: And she's like, what do you season it with? Well, you put some Lawry, some garlic salt and onion powder and little pepper. She goes, really? I said, yeah, that's what I do. Yeah. And anyway, I'm probably on her podcast.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Dave: This has been the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: I have a friend who, I'm m not going to embarrass because she's already embarrassed enough about this. This, and you know, or you've met her. Okay, okay. She's a good friend, but she's not like, she's not one of those really good friends who I've known for a very long time or whatever. So the other night, it's like 11:30 and I'm getting ready to go into bed, and I'm putting my phone on the charger and I look, I'm like, I've missed a notification. my friend called me at 11:30 and I missed it. Darren, we've never called each other.

>> Mike: Yeah. There's no good news that happens at 11:30.

>> Darin: No, no, we've. At our age, we have never. Now it's like, you are someone who would. Me at 11:30.

>> Mike: I did call you at 11:30 because we had a cinnamon roll art that looked.

>> Darin: Yes. Yeah.

>> Mike: And we had to. We had to have a creative.

>> Darin: It was a very important call to make at that time. Yeah. Right. But she and I, we've never called each other.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Ever. So I'm like, this has to be a butt dial.

>> Mike: Right. Or it's.

>> Darin: It's. Yeah.

>> Mike: I was gonna say booty call. And then you went butt dial. So there we go.

>> Darin: So I called her back. Yeah. Because it's odd that she would call me.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I thought, what type of emergency would happen that she would call me, that she's never called before in my life. She, didn't answer. And I texted. I was like, hey, blank, blank, blank. I assume that this was a butt dial, but if not, you know, I'm awake, let me know or whatever. And the next day, she texted me. She says, I'm so sorry. Yes, I called you accidentally. I said, okay.

>> Mike: Ah.

>> Darin: Three days later, 11:30. Ish. I get another call from her. I had just went to bed, Darren. And the phone rings. And I answered the phone. I'm like, listen, this has to stop, okay? I'm married. Okay. When I get these phone calls at this time of night from a woman, my wife starts to. And you know me.

>> Mike: Your butt's making calls that you're. Check. Can't cash something. Yeah.

>> Darin: I said, I'm not above filing a restraining order.


Bess says she thought I was serious about the restraining order

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Like I said, we're friends. We've not known each other that long. she thought I was serious about the restraining order. Okay. And she started. Oh, I'm. I'm so sorry. No. Okay, listen, let me back up. I'm like, I'm joking.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm really joking. I'm not going to file a restraining order because you called me. I know you're not. And the thing is, she has another friend named Darren. Yeah, Darren. And she would like, hey, Siri, call Darren. And then it called me because I happened to be in her. In her phone. Right. But she was trying to reach this other Darren for, an important reason. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then she gets me and my dumb ass threatening to sue her. Yeah. So I took what could have been something really funny and made it really awkward. More awkward than it needed to be. And I had to assure her I'm not going to file a restraining order. Right. And please tell your other friend named Darren that I hope everything's fine.

>> Mike: So the absolute worst thing that you can do to two like me and Darren when we're trying to be funny is take us seriously.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: If we're telling a story. I've told the story about collective soul. Bess and I saw collective soul at Bogart's, and there a fight erupted in the. In the pit. You don't typically, don't think about collective soul having a pit or fight. A pit erupted because of a fight, and Bess actually, I mean, she didn't catch one to the face, but she came close, and I got pushed over into her, and I. You know, it's telling the story once to somebody, and I'm like, yeah, when you're going to see collective soul, you got to be ready to cut a bitch if you're in the. And they looked at me. I was like. Then I'm like, ah, they don't know me well enough to know that I'm just.

>> Darin: That you're not around going to cut a.

>> Mike: And then I'm like, look, I wouldn't really do that. Which is exactly what somebody who would do that would say. And I'm like, that's right. At that point, I'm just, you know, scorched earth. Cutting all ties and bridges with. This is a person I can never talk to again. Yeah, it's not good. We joke around all the time.

>> Darin: All the time. But now that. That's not to mean. Because, see, I used to have.

>> Mike: That's not to mean we won't cut a bitch.

>> Darin: It's not to mean that you can't take me seriously either. But I had a problem for the longest time because I was like. Like, I got picked on and bullied a lot when I was younger. Okay, A lot. I used to get in fights in elementary school. Won some of them, lost some of them. I just became the older I got, I got more and more sarcastic. And then, you know, I got a friend group, and I was trying to be the guy who joked around all the time, Right. And then I went for so long, so many years of being the guy who jokes around all the time that nobody could take me seriously. And then it's like, I would notice. I would be in the workplace, and I would start talking about things that meant a lot to me, and then people would start laughing. I'm like, what are you. Oh, dear. You are so nuts, Darren.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then I'm Trying to explain to them that I'm really not making a joke here. And then they thought that was even funnier. So I had to, I had to reset myself. And yeah, it took a long time. And then once we moved to Ohio and, and here in Cincinnati and everything, I just had to really dial it down so that people wouldn't think that I was just screwing around all the time.

>> Mike: Yeah, I mean, really, you don't want a dude screwing around all the time. Everybody has that guy in their group that just keeps cutting jokes.

>> Darin: And I didn't realize I was like, my God, I was annoying as hell. And I apologize to those, friends who I've annoyed all those years. Have a great day and stay cool.


People were talking about artificial flavorings and how they come about

>> Mike: I was in a discussion the other day, and I'm going to be careful because I don't want to out any companies and I'm not going to. But we're talking about flavorings and artificial flavorings and how they come about. And different people were calling out, you know, Mountain Dew M and Doritos and you know, the chemicals that go into the dust. And some opinions were thrown out there about, well, I don't think I would ever eat that. Now that I see how that's made or now that I know what goes in there. I was like. And everybody agreed except for me. I, wouldn't eat that. Nobody would eat that. And I'm like, you, you people, you don't know how depraved I am. I'm willing to bet that if you walk me through the Dorito factory, I.

>> Darin: Would drop my head right into the vat.

>> Mike: Not only would it, would it not stop me from eating Doritos, I would probably discover new Doritos flavors.

>> Mike: you take me through the R and D Dorito. That's my dream job. Are you kidding? Yeah, we got a new dust. It, it tastes like hate and we're gonna put it on chips.

>> Darin: Hey everybody, we got a new dust.

>> Mike: You know, they were talking about the different flavors of Mountain Dew and how they make them and that's disgusting. I'm like, that's not disgusting. Baja, blast. Are you kidding me? Grape watermelon. Hey, I was the guy that liked the watermelon flavor of you do it. I did Major melon. Oh, I didn't, I could not. I didn't like it. No, I didn't like the, the sugared one, but the, the artificial. Yes please. And I know that they pour a little bit more to the artificial one, but can't.

>> Dave: Please stand By. We're experiencing technical difficulties. Thank you.

>> Mike: It's delicious.

>> Darin: That's the lawsuit of the day.

>> Mike: I have no idea what they put in Major Melon, but whatever it is. More, please.


Dave Lay tells a beautiful story about working at a cracker factory

>> Darin: So I told you, you've met Dave Lay, our announcer.

>> Mike: I have.

>> Darin: Dave's a good guy.

>> Dave: Hi, I'm Dave Lay.

>> Darin: Dave and I used to work together doing, corporate video production. Yeah. And Dave had a gig where he went to this factory that made crackers. The cracker factory. Okay.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: And he was shooting video of how they make all these crackers. And he comes back and he says, darren, I ate a graham cracker right off the conveyor belt. And he has told me more than once how proud he was and how delicious that cracker was right off the conveyor belt. Hadn't been put in the packages or nothing.

>> Mike: Walk me through the. The. Whatever room that. They're all in Hazmat suits. And they're developing the new dust for, Doritos.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: I'm there in my mind. You remember in Breaking Bad, they had the. The episode where it started with the German guy and they bring out the nuggets?

>> Darin: And we watched that just last night.

>> Mike: Okay. In my.

>> Darin: This one is a hot, habanero.

>> Mike: This one is the ranch. And he's like, what?

>> Darin: Ranch dressing and French dressing. We call it French.

>> Mike: Yeah. M m. And he just starts going crazy on the ketchup. And they're like, that's just ketchup. Just need.

>> Darin: Just ketchup.

>> Mike: And the sauce is dripping down.

>> Darin: And we thought that those were chicken nuggets.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: No, those were Tater tots.

>> Mike: Right. And he goes, recharges himself. Anyway, the point is, in my dream, you go to the Doritos Dorito World, and they let you in, and they give you, naked chips. Nude chips. Nude, a bowl of them. And you just go around the little dust, and you say, here, give me the. The fancy dust here.

>> Darin: Or whatever.

>> Mike: Give me the hell dust. Whatever this one is. Whatever those dusts are. Little fairy just. And I mean, like Tinkerbell, they just. They hit it with the. With the wand. And now, you're. You're eating that chip.

>> Darin: Exactly.

>> Mike: That is beautiful. That's a beautiful story. It is like the Willy Wonka, but with Doritos.

>> Darin: Yes. Pick your own dust.

>> Mike: Yeah. I don't care what you show me. I don't care what. I don't know if they're. If they're taking cute otters and they're grading them, and that's the dust, baby. Ground up baby Ground up otters. That's how we make, our cool ranch. Yeah. More. Please find better otters. Do the older otters taste different than the younger otters? Is that how you get to, Spicy Nacho now with more otter.

>> Darin: They.

>> Mike: Could make it part of the commercial otter. Not miss the Doritos. You know, have a mascot with, like, part of his.

>> Dave: Please stand by. We're experiencing technical difficulties. Thank you.

>> Darin: Hey, what, happened?

>> Mike: This used to be a. This used to be a respectable show.

>> Darin: When was our podcast ever respectable?


Time now for the Gumby episode review of the week

>> Dave: Time now for the Gumby episode review of the week.

>> Darin: I want to know what kind of drugs they were taken when they made Gumby, because there's an episode called Gumbot.

>> Mike: Oh, back to the robot factory right down the street.

>> Darin: This is kind of disturbing. The only reason I mentioned this episode is because in this particular episode, Gumbot Pokey finally does something. Okay, I don't know how many episodes of this I've watched, but Pokey's just like, wow, that's something. And, hey, what's going on over there? And are you really gonna do this? He's just standing there with his hoof up his butt.

>> Mike: He's a horse. He's not a workhorse. That's right.

>> Darin: Gumby is out working in the yard, minding his own business, doing the yard work. What Gumby people do and pissed the fuck his butt.

>> Mike: I'm sorry. It took a while to get to me.

>> Darin: Yes, I'm just. Heard that back. I'm good. So a helicopter flies over and drops this giant net on top of Gumby. They scoop him up, and they haul his ass out of there, and. Whoa. And. And Pokey's like, this is wrong.

>> Mike: My question is, what the hell?

>> Darin: Yeah.


Gumby and Goo are in this episode. Gumby just got kidnapped

So, hey, Prickle. Prickle and Goo are in this episode. Gumby just got kidnapped. And Prickle's like, okay, well, well, let's, go find him. And so he gets in there, and they're convertible. It takes a while to start sound effects.

>> Mike: Maybe less money on the convertible. More money for, a reliable Honda. Just saying.

>> Darin: So Goo can fly. I didn't know Goo.

>> Mike: I've seen, what?

>> Darin: I had no idea, okay. That Goo could fly.

>> Mike: So Goo's like.

>> Darin: Goo says, I'm gonna run reconnaissance. You guys follow me on the ground.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So they're in their convertible, driving. She's flying, and she's looking for the building where they took Gumby. Okay. So she's flying, and they're like, prickle to Goo. Purple goo Are you up there, Prickle Over. And she's like, I'm still looking for the helicopter. And she's just flying and flying. And this is where they got this really cool aerial shot of the, the buildings, the neighborhoods, right? So she's flying, and she sees the helicopter. She says, I found the helicopter. And they're like, what building are you at? She goes, it says, neutron Robotics. Okay. More robots? Yeah. So she's like, let me look in the window, and I'll see if Gumby's in there. And she looks, and there he is. The Blockheads. The Blockheads have red heads. They're square. Okay.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: They look like Gumby, except for the redheads. And one has a G on his head and one has a J.

>> Mike: That's how you tell them apart.

>> Darin: G and J. And I don't know which one's more fun at parties and which one likes ice cream and which one prefers crinkle cuts. I don't know that. I don't know enough about the Blockheads. I just know there's G and J. But G and J are the ones responsible for abducting Gumby. They swept him up with a net, and they took him to this building. And what they did in this building is despicable. It's deplorable. They put him in this giant glass thing and they m. With these weird lights?

>> Mike: Sorta. Yeah.

>> Darin: And what they turned him into, like, a slave robot.

>> Mike: Okay. Like the lady in Superman 3 with the wires coming across? Yeah, kind of.

>> Darin: Kind of, sort of. Yeah. So Gumby gets this weird sheen over him. Then his eyes are, like, locked wide open. And.

>> Mike: And are they red? Is he, like, the T800?

>> Darin: Well, he's. He's got red in the. In the center.

>> Mike: Was that playing in the background?

>> Darin: No. The composer of that music wasn't boring. Yet when this thing came out, they turned him into a slave robot, and they put him in this room with other slave robots who are making, some type of computer machines.

>> Mike: So they've been at it for a while. They've been doing this?

>> Darin: Yes. They've been abducting people and m forcing them into slave labor. That's, like, where Kathy Lee Gifford's kids made the.

>> Dave: Please stand by. Experiencing technical difficulties. Thank you.

>> Darin: And that may have to come out.

>> Mike: There's not much law enforcement in Gumbieland, is there?

>> Darin: No. No.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So anyway, goo says, I found him. He's at this building. Prickle and Pokey show up, and they walk in and the door's wide open. They're like, hey, what's going on there? G and J Blockhead, come and slam the door. Lock it. Prickle looks at Pokey, says, do your thing. What does Pokey do? He turns around with his back hooves. Boom, there we go.


So somebody just storyboarded this. They wrote the script. It was like a four minute video

kicks that door wide open. Knocks the door right into G and J's big dumbass faces. Knocks them into the wall. They're out. Okay, they're gone.

>> Mike: They're toast.

>> Darin: They are gone. Okay. And then Prickle, Pokey and goo all go in there, and then they rescue Gumby and he's still, like a zombie fied robot. And he's like just. His eyes are just. All he can do is just look straight. He don't know he's there. And Goose starts crying. Oh, I can't believe the gummies and the tears. The tears landed on Gumby's arm. And then he's like. He's like, oh, hey, hey, what's going on, everybody? What's up? Hey, what up? And he comes back and then it just ends. It just ended.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, again, I was proud of Pokey for finally contributing and doing something. And Pokey saved the day by just. You should have seen him. He kicked that door open like a boss.

>> Mike: So somebody just storyboarded this. They wrote the script. They wrote the script and they got to that point. They're like, we're at. What are we at? 29 minutes? We good? Four.

>> Darin: Okay. It was like a four minute video.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.


This has been the Gumby episode review of the week

>> Mike: All right.

>> Dave: This has been the Gumby episode review of the week.

>> Darin: We've got some other stuff, but we're gonna wrap this one up. I've enjoyed the, afternoon. Afternoon production of Irritable Dad Syndrome. Yeah, we mentioned at the beginning of the podcast that you can go to irritable dadsinder.com you can become a patron. Please, please, like and share the videos and tell your friends and share the podcast. And absolutely please come back next week because we are going to release the Best of Volume five. And by the way, if you go to our website, up, at the top there's, ah, new to the podcast question mark. And in that is a bunch of great episodes. And there you can find best of volume 1, 2, 3, and 4. I went back and looked at these. There's some really fun stuff.

>> Mike: There's some good stuff.

>> Darin: Some really fun stuff. And if you're new to the podcast, listen to best of 1, 2, 3, and 4 at your convenience. And then please come back next week for Best of Volume five. And we will See you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome was videotaped before a live studio audience.

>> Mike: I asked, you said, do you want to hear the Gumby story? And I said, you said, yes, and I'm glad you told it.

>> Darin: Thank you. Pokey kicked that door open like a mother. Had his hoof, up his butt.

>> Mike: That's. Yeah. I don't know why that took so long. It's like it traveled through jello to get. It happens a lot. If I listen to an episode, in all our episodes, there's a lot of times you'll throw a zinger in there, and I walk right past it. I laugh at it in the car I need.

>> Darin: It's like, you know what?

>> Mike: That's what I call my car.

>> Darin: I keep telling myself, please edit that out.

>> Mike: Let's, start over.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I don't know if we should do this on Saturday morning. You know, they call them naked.

>> Darin: Do you prefer. What would you.

>> Mike: When you don't season them? I'd like some naked wings. That's the title. Noticed my girl.

>> Darin: He noticed my girth.

>> Mike: Yeah. No one's ever gotten in trouble quoting south park before?

>> Darin: No. No, no, no. Certainly not us. I'm surprised that you're still a fan of south park because of the episode with Bono and the world's giant.

>> Mike: Oh, I thought it was hilarious.

>> Darin: Most giant sight turd.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: He hated PF Changs.

>> Mike: That's one of those. We're gonna feel our way through it, okay? We're gonna tropic thunder our way through it, Go through the jungle, film a scene, see what happens, Go to the next scene. If it doesn't work, if it doesn't and Jack Black is, you know, snorting a line off an ox, then we'll cut it.

>> Darin: Well, yeah, the thing said, what is your favorite Madonna song? And you can't say, we got the beat. And there's a picture of Joan. Jack. I got it. I knew what they were doing. I thought it was funny.

>> Mike: Five years, folks.

>> Darin: Five years proud.

>> Mike: M. Proud.

>> Darin: Five years proud. Five years. Yeah, my flew, off.