IDS #279 - It's a Long Story - The Best of Year 5

Doom 1 and 2 have been remastered with heavy metal soundtracks

>> Mike: Doom 1 and 2 have been remastered with heavy metal soundtracks. They originally had heavy metal soundtracks, but they were like midi. Like.

>> Darren: Are you recording?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Oh, good. Like that. Now there, like an actual guitar.

>> Darren: Come on.

>> Mike: Awesome.


Irritable Dad Syndrome has a Best of Year 5 special coming out

It's time for the Irritable Dead Syndrome.

>> Darren: Best of year five special.

>> Mike: I'm your announcer, Dave Lay. Please put your hands together for your.

>> Darren: Hosts, Mike and Darren. Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I am Mike.

>> Darren: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. M. This is. We are beside ourselves because this is our Best of Year 5 special. Last year, we didn't have one of these where you and I hosted it because you and I were both out of town. And Dave Lay, our announcer, God love him, he pitched in and hosted Best of your four. But we're back and we're doing best of your five. And year five was six. Such a great year for Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: I get excited when we do these things because, we have people that we know who do not listen to the podcast. Yes. No matter how much we beg and plead.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And threaten. they just will not listen. But then when the Best of hits, they're like, oh, wait, I can listen to one.

>> Darren: I will check it out, and I will catch up.

>> Mike: And I get credit for the other 51 podcast.

>> Darren: I will get 52 hours of entertainment out of, out of one special.

>> Mike: So now some would say, m, that if we were funny the entire episode, every episode, it. You wouldn't need a best of. You would just. When we say best of, you would just point to our catalog of greatness. Here we are.

>> Darren: What I say is, you know what? We are funny every episode, but this Best of is really funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


Miles and Libby discuss why men should continue to wear cargo shorts

We're gonna kick it off. shortly after we started season five, we got into a very serious discussion about how important it is that men continue to wear cargo shorts. Enjoy. Hey. What happened?

>> Mike: Hey.

>> Darren: I went to Lakota, West football game. Libby and I. Did you? Yeah. So Cameron's not in band anymore.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: we still have friends who their kids are in band, like Dan and Laura. They're Miles's mom and dad.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: They asked if we wanted to go to a game with them. We said, sure. That sounds like fun. And we wanted to see what the marching band was up to, even though Cameron is no longer in the marching band. So we go to this game, and, we're walking in, and I'm making a case as to why I like cargo shorts.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: I don't care what people say about cargo shorts. People joke about Dads wearing cargo shorts and they're so out of style. And papa. Yeah, I don't care because we go in. So I walk in and I've got my cargo shorts on. I have my wallet, I have my keys, and then I have my cell phone.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Libby wants. Libby demanded. Go get me some nachos and Peanut M and M's. Okay. And she told me that I have to get my own peeing and M and M's because she's not going to share her. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah. So that's reasonable.

>> Darren: I. Yeah, fair enough. And I sneaked in a drink.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Okay. So in my pockets, I have a wallet, keys, my phone, and her shorts that she was wearing. She didn't have a pocket. So I'm holding her phone.

>> Mike: Mm.

>> Darren: So I've got wallet, keys.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: phone, her phone, and a drink that I sneaked in.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Okay. Then I buy two boxes of Peanut M and Ms. That went in my pockets. And then I'm holding a box of nachos. I did not put the nachos in my pockets, but I put a big old stack of napkins in my pockets. Yeah. And I walked around. I was as comfortable as could possibly be.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I still had two other pockets, the back pockets that I could have put stuff in. Yeah. everybody, I love cargo.

>> Mike: Anybody against cargo shorts can right off. I'll tell you why.

>> Darren: You can go straight to Hades. Get a h E double hocko stick.

>> Mike: You go to a concert cockle stick. So they don't put pockets in. In women's pants. They just don't even.

>> Darren: It's to torture men.

>> Mike: They don't even think about it. Right. So if me and Bess go to a concert, I'm carrying her phone, her lips, ID and all that stuff.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm already carrying my phone. And then I always buy T shirts at this show, and then so does Bess. So when we went to go see, Hootie, Hoodie and the Blowfish and the. The collective soul. Collective souls with you. We both bought a collective soul shirt. Right. I had my phone, her phone, I had the wallet, and I. I had multiple pockets left over.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I mean, it was amazing.

>> Darren: Yeah, it's great.

>> Mike: And then you look at people that have those like, I'm. I'm too scared to walk around in cover shorts because people are gonna make fun of me. Shorts. Sissies y wearing. They buy a shirt, they've got to put it over their other shirt. They're hot and sweaty. They're nasty looking.

>> Darren: They need to Grow a pair.

>> Mike: They need. Grow a pair.

>> Darren: Yeah, yeah. You can take my cargo shorts when you pull them off my cold, dead ass.

>> Mike: That's the title.


For years, I've been lying to the optometrist about what I can see

Yeah, that's the title. And I'm going to use ass. You could have my cargo shorts when you pull them up my cold, dead ass. There you go. I'm generally a very busy person. I got a lot of stuff going on. I'm doing a lot of things. I can also be exceptionally lazy. One of the ways in which I've been lazy is when getting an eye exam. For years, I've been lying to the optometrist about what I can see and what I can't because I just don't want to deal with it. And I thought it was normal until I started telling it to Darren here and he thought it was hilarious. So here's that story. So I have new contacts, okay? And I can see better than I have in the past 20 years.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah. Isn't that amazing?

>> Mike: Here's what I did.

>> Darren: When you can actually see well, you.

>> Mike: Know how the person asks you which looks better, A or B? I never told the truth on those. And I'll tell you why. Because.

>> Darren: Do you not want to see?

>> Mike: I've accepted issues. I've just accepted that I would see, like, little blurry edges on things because I'm getting older. And this time I am. I realized after I got.

>> Darren: You're the smartest stupid person I know here.

>> Mike: It's an anxiety. I swear it's an anxiety thing. It's some. I'll blame it on some eye doctor from ages ago that nobody can check up on from. Nobody could ask from Czechoslovakia, who said, yeah, you just. You have astigmatism. So you get a little bit of blurry here and a little blurry. It's just normal, right? So I just accepted that that's normal. And I've always seen a little blurry on the edges of text. Not a big deal. Just.

>> Darren: It's just there, just noticeable. Yeah.

>> Mike: And then I noticed it when I went, to the mirror. I noticed that I could. Like, some sections of it looked a little blurry, and people were talking about how clear everything was. It's like the next time I go get my eyes checked, huh? I'm going to not leave that chair until my eye. Until I can see. It just sounds crazy.

>> Darren: What a goal, right?

>> Mike: But I said, it's the same eye doctor I've been going to forever. And she's just, she's like one or two. And I said, I Literally said this. Normally, I would choose one, but I'm going to on this one. And she paused for a significant amount of time, and she said, okay. And then it was a B. And I did it again. I'm like, a looks better than B. so I went with it.

>> Darren: So what?

>> Mike: And I went with all through A. I would. You know how the letters look, how letters look, how they're supposed to look sharp.

>> Darren: I do know how I went with.

>> Mike: All the instances where they were sharp. And I said no to all the ones that they were blurry. And I was filled with anxiety that I would get to the end when she. Because, you know, they do one eye at a time.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: You're looking at me like I'm a science experiment over here.

>> Darren: Who you are. And you just are. Mike.

>> Mike: They. She. She got both eyes dialed in. And I was really proud of myself. Yeah, I was. I was so happy with my decisions to this point.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And then they do the thing where they have. They show you the two lines that aren't all wonky. Yeah. And then. You got it. They're moving them. And then this is for the video portion of the podcast. They're moving them. And then you have to say.

>> Darren: Such captivating video.

>> Mike: You have to say, stop when they're lined up.

>> Darren: Oh, they don't do that. Oh. Because I can't see.

>> Mike: It's the same time I thought, here it is.


When I put these contacts in, I can't see for about 20 minutes

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I've made it this far, and this is where I'm gonna screw it up. I'm gonna wonk them. And then.

>> Darren: Hello.

>> Mike: I'm gonna get weird eyes. And I told her where it looked like they were lined up. I told her then.

>> Mike: And she locked them in. And then she did that thing. You know, you almost hear the. When they, like, take the thing away, and then they show you the.

>> Darren: I have no idea.

>> Mike: The text. That's, like the smallest that can. It's like micro print from across the alley there. And I looked at it, and I could see all of it. And I just blurted them out before she even asked. And she's like, oh. She's like, you're doing a little better than 2020.

>> Darren: And I was like, suck it.

>> Mike: But then I thought, you know, the manufacturers are not going to be able to reproduce that experience. And I put these in. Now here's the problem. When I put these contacts in, I can't see for about 20 minutes. I can't. I'm not safe to leave the house. I have so much astigmatism. They've got to rotate the right way.

>> Mike: There's little notches there that when you blink, they slowly align.

>> Darren: Okay. I used to have contacts that had a little, Or they were flat on the bottom. Okay, so you knew where to put them in?

>> Mike: yeah.

>> Darren: Really?

>> Mike: These are not. These. They have, like, a little notch.

>> Darren: I hated my contact.

>> Mike: It's like a little lip in there. If you look at. Hold it up. It's like a little,

>> Darren: It's like a human diggy.

>> Mike: Yeah. And then as you blink, it'll align itself.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And after about 20 minutes, it's like, yeah, I can see. And I've been looking at stuff a lot, like, around the house, like those lights.

>> Darren: Honey, have you seen this?

>> Mike: All of that. Like, okay, look at all that. Look at all those. All those, like, movies and stuff over there. Oh, yeah. I could see individual. I. I can. Almost the last of us. I could. I know where the last of us is. If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: Hey, Mike, where's the last of us? And I told Bess this, and she's like, don't you tell them the truth all the time. I'm like, it gets to a point where I've gone too far down the road.

>> Darren: Just baffle me. You are just a, piece of work.

>> Mike: For more than 20 years, I've been lying in the eye doctors. This last time, I thought, I'm only hurting myself. Kids, the moral of the story.

>> Darren: Don't lie at the eye doctor.

>> Mike: Don't lie at the eye doctor. You're just cheating yourself.


Sometimes our children make us irritable, which is why the podcast is called

>> Darren: As many of you know, Mike and I are both fathers. We don't share the same children. But Mike has two sons. I have two sons. The show is called Irritable Dad Syndrome. One of the reasons why it's called that is because sometimes our kids make us irritable. Well, here's a news flash. Sometimes we make our children irritable. My youngest son loves playing Dungeons and Dragons, and I was driving him to Dungeons and Dragons one day, and I was convinced that I had the right house. He was convinced I had the wrong house, and he was right. And here's the story. Here's another story of how dumb I am. Last weekend, Cameron is invited to a friend's house, and they were going to play Dungeons and Dragons.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darren: Satanic kids call it D and D.

>> Mike: Yeah, I call it Lucifer's, Tic Tac Toe.

>> Darren: What the hell? That means Lucifer's Tic Tac Toe. That's the title of the podcast. So I've got the address of this kid's house. It's 1068. And I'm on the street and I'm driving Cameron there and I'm looking. And on this particular street, the houses go 10, 1020, 1 030, 1040.

>> Mike: What's the 04?

>> Darren: Where's the other? Where's one? Where's all the missing houses? Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Why are they skipping? Because I've seen like, odd number houses on one side, even numbers on the other side. That's very common.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: Very. I've seen lots of houses. Many houses. No one knows houses more than Derek.

>> Mike: Plethora. M. So many a plethora.

>> Darren: I drive up to 1070, I'm like, here we are. And Cameron says, dad, this isn't his house. I said, cameron, it's got to be his house.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And he says, dad, this isn't his house. I'm like, cameron, look. We, we. You saw the streets. The X5.0 comes in 304-05-06070.

>> Mike: Let me ask you a question.

>> Darren: I told Cameron, I said, your friend had to have texted you the wrong number. Never did I think that maybe Darren was wrong.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darren: This kid clearly doesn't know where he lives. So this is. Not only am I stupid, but I'm a bad father. Because I said, just go ring the doorbell. They're home.

>> Mike: You're not a bad father.

>> Darren: Cameron gets out of the car and he's reluctantly walking up to the door. He doesn't want to ring the doorbell because Cameron knows that's the wrong house.

>> Mike: Willing to send your kid into the wrong house to a Complete. Yeah, it's a Complete.

>> Darren: Maybe they'll play Dungeons and Dragons with you.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darren: And he, like, looks, shakes his head, starts texting, and he comes back, says, dad, that's not his house. I'm like, where in the hell is his house? Yeah, because it's not here. It's just like Harry Potter again. The, three and a third or whatever.

>> Mike: Just gotta run your car through nine and three quarters. Whatever. Yeah.

>> Darren: So Cameron texts this kid who clearly doesn't know where he lives.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: And the kid tells us, where are you? And he said, we're on Blank Street.

>> Mike: We're in Indiana.

>> Darren: He says, you know, Blank street goes all the way around. It's like, you can go. Did you go left on Blank street or right on Blank street when you came up to the sign? Like, left you to go right.

>> Mike: Like, of course.

>> Darren: I'm like, this stupid Kid. So I back the car out, and I'm driving. And of course, if you go right, then you see 6, 2, 6, 4, 6, 8. Yeah, I'm M. Like I told you, that's where his house was. and Cameron. Not would never. Never.


Darren: Doing a podcast is not the only job Darren has had

Cameron's such a good kid. He never said, dad, I told you so.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: But you could tell that he had that look in his eyes like, Dad's always joking about waving at cars, wearing his robe in the front yard. It's coming sooner than later.

>> Mike: Yeah. There's a little. There's a little list. There's a little checklist in their heads. Daddy's lost his mind. And you just went, I have to.

>> Darren: Go ring the doorbell.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darren: A complete stranger would come up.

>> Mike: That's what a dad does. You double down.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I never admit that I'm wrong, because I'll fight to the death over it.

>> Darren: I thought this stupid kid didn't know where he lived. Why would you accidentally tell somebody the wrong house?

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: I need a nap.

>> Mike: Never.

>> Darren: I need a vacation. I need. I think I have low sugar. I need to eat. I need a snack.

>> Mike: It may be tough to believe, but, doing a podcast is not the only job that Darren and I have had.

>> Darren: That's right.

>> Mike: And. And in our previous jobs and current employers. Previous jobs.

>> Darren: Previous.

>> Mike: It's specific.

>> Darren: That's very important.

>> Mike: Jobs before the ones we have now, we had a little bit of fun. One of my favorite stories. I can't believe it took five years for this to come out on the podcast, was when we had a particular individual that I worked with who really wanted to keep a low profile. And then once we found that out, we did everything we could to, completely ruin that.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.


Carl: When I worked at my first TV station, I was doing promotions

I really want to hear the Carl, but tell the poll one first.

>> Darren: Okay. When I worked at my first TV station in Johnson City, Tennessee, I was doing promotions. And I'm not going to give my boss's name.

>> Mike: Harold.

>> Darren: No, a female. So we were all. I had an editing bay where I edited on what's called, Avid. The Avid Technology. And I was in there editing some commercials. And the production assistants and the directors, a lot of them would come back in because I'm one of the cool guys.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: People love coming in and sitting and chatting with me. So there's three or four people in my office, in my editing bay. And one of the directors had gotten into a fight at a bar the night before, and he had a shiner, a black eye.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Okay. My Boss, a female comes in. And for the record, she started this. Okay. She looked at, my director friend and she says, hey, I see you got a black eye. Were you in a fight at a strip bar last night or something? And he, it's a very specific question. He said, yeah, I went to the stripper because I was looking for you.

>> Mike: Okay, well, all right.

>> Darren: Okay. And then I thought, could I make this worse? I thought, yes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I said, can you imagine her at a strip bar? People like, hey, move away from the pole, we can't see you because she's not skinny.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: But she was thin.

>> Mike: All my HR alarms are going off right now. Every, all of them.

>> Darren: But when I said, move away from the pole, we can't see you. Oh God. Did that get a laugh. And, and I don't think she liked that very much.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darren: She goes, okay, okay, okay, okay. Again, she started it. Okay. And then she's like, okay, I gotta go. And she left. This was an opportunity where I could have just let things go or I could have made things worse. And what did I do? I made things worse.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darren: I called up a buddy of mine at the station. I said, hey, I think we ought to put a pole in her office. And he said, absolutely. So the news is going on, the 6 o' clock evening news is going on. We go into the studio and walk into where they store all the lights and stuff and there's a bunch of metal poles there where they used for what's called the grid. He grabbed one in the pole, I grabbed another end of the pole, this 10 foot light long pole. We walk through the studio.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: While they're doing the six o' clock news and the weather guy gives us a. What are you, what the. What? You know, the camera people turn and look and we're like, hi. Give them a wave.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And we go into her office after hours.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And we take one of the tiles out of the ceiling and we put a pole in her office. Okay. This is, the next morning.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I pull into work and my friend Natasha is standing out on the back dock waiting for me. And she said, you do not want to go in there.

>> Mike: She didn't think it was that funny.

>> Darren: She did not think it was funny at all.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: At all.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And my buddy was already in there getting, what's referred to as a good talking to. We got our asses handed to us.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Yeah. I went in and she was not happy. I had to promise I would never, do it again.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I had to remove the pole. I had to replace the ceiling tile.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And we vacuumed up the carpet where we did that. And we promised never to do that again. And nobody spoke about this, did you say.

>> Mike: In my defense, I thought.

>> Darren: I thought it was funny.

>> Mike: I wished it's perfect opportunity.

>> Darren: I wish I had.

>> Darren: No.


You apologize for calling someone by a nickname at a TV station

No, I didn't. But weeks and weeks later, one of the higher ups, higher than my boss, had said something to us about how some people in. In the building need to learn how to take a joke. Anyway, I apologize profusely. Yeah. And, learned my lesson, and I thought I do need to be more professional.

>> Mike: Did you giggle at all when you were apologizing?

>> Darren: No. Okay. Oh, my God. She. I was scared to death, Okay. I really.

>> Mike: Did you think you were going to be fine?

>> Darren: I thought this was my last day at the TV show station.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And I did learn my lesson.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And I realized that, yes, she, is, my, my boss.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And like on the office, it's like, look, you know, you need to respect me.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: And I should have paid more respect.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Yeah. So I learned my lesson.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And I never did that again. Now, when I worked at Winn Dixie, I used to work at a grocery store. This was in high school. And then the first couple years that I was in college. And we were all famous for calling people something that's not their name. It's m. Not so much a nickname. It was just we'd give people a different name. Every truck driver, every single truck driver who ever made a delivery to Winn Dixie, we called him Will.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And he would call us Will.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Hey, Will, how's it going? Pretty good, Will. How are you? Good, good. Our manager called the truck drivers Will. Our produce people called the truck driver Will. Everybody was willing to. Okay. I used to have a. An assistant manager there named Oscar or a, name Tony, but I called him Oscar and he would call me Oscar. And then there was a guy who, worked there named Chester. He called everybody neighbor. So we would do that all the time.

>> Mike: You guys ever had to fill out a police report, this would be not good.

>> Darren: So we had a guy, a new person, name is Bob, Okay. And I learned this from David Letterman. Okay. David Letterman would call Anton Fig was always Anton Zip or Buddy Rich Jr. He rarely ever called him Anton Fig. He always called him Anton Zip. Okay. And then he was talking about Jimmy Fallon one time, and he called him, Lonnie Donegan. Okay. You know. Yeah. And I thought that was Funny. So this guy named Bob works there, and I called him Carl.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And then the next day I saw him, hey, Carl, how's it going? He says, my name's not Carl. My name is Bob. I said, okay. Third day, I called him Carl. Yeah. And he corrects me again. My name isn't Carl. My name is Bob.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Okay. Fourth day, same thing. Fifth day, same thing, sixth day. You'd think you get kid catch. I would have caught on. Well, I. I knew, but did I care? No, I didn't care. I thought it was funny.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And he's like, look, you're gonna stop calling me Carl. Okay, whatever you say, Carl. Oh, I come out of work one night, the store closed.

>> Mike: You get a 2x4 up the side of your head.

>> Darren: He brought like a dozen friends or something.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: They're out in the parking lot. They have formed this giant circle around my car. Like Michael Jackson in the Beat it video.

>> Mike: Yeah, right.


Mike: I called him Carl Ward too many times. Yeah. The funny part about this story

Yeah.

>> Darren: And he's like, we're stopping this right now. You are gonna stop calling me Carl or I'm gonna beat your right here, right now.

>> Mike: Oh, my Lord. you had to have called him Carl Ward, I guess. Carl. What are you talking about?

>> Darren: I said, okay, all right. I'm not gonna call you Carl anymore. Yeah, Bob.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I'm not gonna do it. Yeah. Everybody watching. I'm not gonna get my ass kicked because I won't stop. I'm gonna stop calling him Carl. His name. None of them laugh. They were all. They were all looking like, tonight's night that we lose Darren.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah. Okay.

>> Darren: And so I never called him Carl again.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: The funny part about this story, okay, my buddy Adam got transferred to a different Winn Dixie, where Oscar. Tony. Yeah, Oscar went and became manager at another Winn Dixie. And Adam followed him to that store. And so Adam worked at a completely different Winn Dixie. And then Bob.

>> Mike: Carl. Carl. Yeah.

>> Darren: Bob also got transferred to the store. And when he got there, every single person who worked there called him Carl. Now listen, I doubt seriously that Bob is listening. And Bob, if you're listening, I'm going to apologize. You said it I don't know how many times.

>> Darren: And I should have just caught on and figured out that you didn't like it for whatever reason. And I apologize if I offended you for I pissed you off. And he told me I had so many opportunities. Stop doing this. But did he need to get that pissed about it?

>> Mike: Yeah, I mean, I wasn't.

>> Darren: Hey, face. I wasn't. I wasn't Calling him anything. Despairing. I wasn't, I wasn't mean. Yeah.

>> Mike: You didn't call him a hot carl.

>> Darren: No, I called him Carl. I was just annoying. Yeah. I was so annoying. I know. You're like, got Darren annoying. Yeah, I was so annoying.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darren: So you ever really pissed somebody off, Mike?

>> Mike: Let me think. If I pissed somebody off to that degree.

>> Darren: I mean, he was going to. He was gonna drag me from one end of the parking lot to another. He studied karate.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darren: He was in a stance.

>> Mike: Karate.

>> Darren: Karate.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: He was going to whoop and then wham.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: He was going to give me the old one too.

>> Mike: Put the whomp on you.

>> Darren: There was going to be two hits. He was going to hit me and. And I was going to hit the ground.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: I mean, Bob, again, if you're listening, I'm sorry. And I'm not giving the guy's last name. I don't remember his last name.

>> Mike: See, that's the curse of being funny.

>> Darren: God, I was annoying.

>> Mike: Yeah. You out there listening, you draw your own conclusions of where you think any of this funny at all. But we're having a blast. Yes, it's the curse of it is you'll be in situations that clearly are not calling for humor.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: But you'll think, man, it'd be funny if somebody would just say this. And then you gotta weigh your options.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Am I gonna be the guy to say this thing? And I think, tell me if I'm wrong.


Carl: I used to work at an oil refinery. So I was in the labor crew

When you're in your 20s, which is probably what you were. The Winn Dixie. Oh, yeah. That's when you. Oh, yeah, I'm absolutely gonna say that thing.

>> Darren: I'm saying it cuz I'm hilarious.

>> Mike: I can't wait. You'll be in situations. I can't wait till I think of something crazy and silly and stupid to say. Say, boom, there it hits. And then you kind of gain control of yourself as you go through life.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: I'm starting to hit that age again where I'll just say the thing, you know, where I want to say the. The stupid thing to see how many people I can get to either gasp or laugh. I should.

>> Darren: I mean, it's like he was. I knew I was pissing him off and I just kept going. Now I feel like, no, you're not.

>> Mike: It's like the story, the Sam story I told a few weeks ago.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: It was clear to everyone involved that this was not, being viewed at in a kind way by the person and. But he just kept doing it that was hilarious. Each time he did it was funnier than last. Even after it got serious. I was just praying and turning. Please hit the ground and say science one more time. Yeah. So I wonder how many wars have started. I don't know of something like that.

>> Darren: But can you imagine, like, if the cops had showed up to the parking lot? Or, like, the next day, if my general manager asks, darren, how come both of your arms are broken? I'm like, well, I wouldn't stop calling Bob Carl. Right.

>> Mike: The further you take it, the funnier gets. People more people need to recognize this. Yeah.

>> Darren: Now I feel bad that I'm drenching it up 40 years later.

>> Mike: No, you should feel bad that you eventually stopped.

>> Darren: Well, I did think it was funny when he went to the other store and then everybody, everybody.

>> Mike: Did you get any, Any follow up? Did they say anything about how he reacted?

>> Darren: He, was not happy.

>> Mike: Okay. Yeah. So there was a guy.

>> Darren: I mean, all the baggers, all the stock crew, all the guys in the produce. I think even the guys in the meat department. Are you the new guy, Carl?

>> Mike: I think I've told this story on here before, but nobody listens. Anyway, I'll tell it again. I used to work at an oil refinery, and I'm not going to use the guy's actual name, right? Because I'm pretty sure he still works there. I'll just say Lonnie Stevens.

>> Darren: Lonnie Donegan.

>> Mike: Let's just say his name is Lonnie Stevens.

>> Darren: Okay?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Lonnie.

>> Mike: Lonnie. So I was in the. The labor crew. and so we would do labor, you know.

>> Darren: As.

>> Mike: As one does.

>> Darren: As one does when they're in the labor.

>> Mike: And then we would take breaks where the operators took their breaks. so we were the lowest of the low in the refinery. You had the labor people, which was us.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Then you had the first year operators, second year operators, senior operators. Then you go up to the engineers and beyond. So we were. We were the guys where if you said, hey, I stepped in some crap out in the parking lot, you, go clean it up.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: I had to go clean it up.

>> Darren: Yep.

>> Mike: And there was one of the operators, Lonnie Stevens. Lonnie Stevens was, a stickler for the rules. You get a 15 minute break.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And no more, no less. And no more, no less. You, go here to get your coke, you go here to smoke your cigarette. If you smoke and you go here to take your break. What are you doing over there? Are you taking a break? Because you're not supposed to be taking your break right now. You're supposed to be doing. That Was Lonnie Stevens, okay? Stickler for the rules.

>> Mike: And he would do that to everybody, even the senior operators. The only people he wouldn't do that to were the engineers.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: At this place, when an engineer walked in the room, it was.


When the aliens would show up, everyone's demeanor changed

You remember in Aliens, the movie Aliens? When the aliens would show up, suddenly everyone's demeanor changed.

>> Darren: Well, yeah, they had in their pants.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: They were running.

>> Mike: Yeah. It didn't matter what was happening.

>> Darren: Hey, what happened?

>> Mike: They're playing with Ripley's cat.

>> Darren: Or they're.

>> Mike: They're talking to Newt about her family that left her in the laundry event.

>> Darren: They're like, guys, I think we have a situation.

>> Mike: Yeah. When an alien walked in the room, that's when Hudson starts losing his game over, man. Hicks gets that serious.

>> Darren: You lead the troops, man.

>> Mike: Vasquez. Yeah. Vasquez turns around the thing, you know, let's get up. You know, their demeanor changed.

>> Darren: God. I had a friend in high school who. It was one of those things.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: he Game over, man.

>> Mike: Came over his girlfriend. It drove her crazy when he would do that.

>> Darren: But, yeah, he knew I thought it was funny. So he kept saying, game over, man. You lead the troops.

>> Mike: Game over. So that's how this place was when an engineer walked in the room. So, Lonnie Stevens had nothing on the engineers, but everybody below. An engineer. Uh-huh. He felt like he was in control of.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: So we had a stencil made up. Bonnie Stevens. Now, on everyone's locker, or you had everyone had a locker. We didn't. The laborers didn't.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: But all the lockers had everybody's name stenciled. So Lonnie Stevens had his name. Lonnie Stevens stencil.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: We took that stencil.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Now, as labor, we were all over the refinery. This place was huge, Right. Everyone used trucks to get around. It was like a small city.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: We put Lonnie Stevens, his name on reactors, on storage tanks, on other trucks, in the mess hall where we would eat, in the parking lot, on spaces, over to the engineering building, we would find areas where we could just put it. Lonnie Stevens name was everywhere. I was there for three years during the summers.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And every summer, we would go and find, as we would have contests who could come with the most creative place to put Lonnie's name. And it pissed him off so much. He had a mustache, by the way. It pissed him off so much. Horsey does it Pissed him off so much because he's such a rule stickler. And then the engineers.

>> Darren: You're wasting stuff. Stencil.

>> Mike: Yeah. every once in a while, the engineers would come in. Remember aliens? You know, they'd walk in. Is there Lonnie Stevens here? And Lonnie. Ah, yeah. He's like, why is your name in.

>> Darren: The parking lot on the reactor?

>> Mike: And Lonnie. His face would go blood red. He would have done. And we would all watch, and we would do what you're doing. We would laugh. Everyone, all of them laughed their. Laugh themselves silly.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Which meant nobody knew who did it. Of course, me and, like, a few other people were the ones who did it.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: It was the gift that never stopped giving. That was all mostly in the first year. In my third year there, Lonnie was still there. He'd come back in, hey, Lonnie, what's going on? And we would go out to work on something, and there'd be a pipe.

>> Darren: You know, fun fact about Lonnie Stevens is when he left the band, his brother Donnie Stevens filled in. And then his other brother, Ronnie Stevens.

>> Mike: Okay.


Michael: Lonnie Stevens works in a refinery in northern Minnesota

>> Darren: Is, lead singer. 38 special.

>> Mike: Yeah. Just a different letter. But it just. Every once in a while, if I'm ever feeling down, it makes me feel a little bit better to think somewhere. And I know he tried to get rid of them as he found them. I know he hasn't found them all. He can't have. I'll tell you, anybody who knows what refinery I'm talking about, huh? You can figure it out.

>> Darren: There's not two together.

>> Mike: There's not that many in the.

>> Darren: In the northern area refinery.

>> Mike: Michael. There are massive storage tanks that you can see from the highway.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: They hold hundreds of thousands of gallons of stuff. Lonnie.

>> Darren: Lonnie.

>> Mike: Lonnie Stevens. His name is on, I think all of them.

>> Darren: Once again, you and I share the.

>> Mike: Same brain, and that's like an investment. It's just like when the people called him Carl at the other place. You invested in that?

>> Darren: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: Payoff. And you got it later. It's like, ah, beautiful. We're 20. We're 20 plus years. I'm sure if Lonnie hasn't retired yet. He's close to retiring. I guarantee you, within the past few years, an engineer has come up to him. Lonnie, why is your name on the underside of the toilet in the engineering building?

>> Darren: That's brilliant. M. Oh, I wish I had done that. Just put Carl everywhere.


My son Cameron got a job at Culver's earlier this year

I mentioned this year that my son Cameron got a job at Culver's. He runs food out to the people who order at the drive thru window. And it was within two or three days of him having this new job that he comes home and he says, dad, I have a Culver's story of the week for you that you will not believe. And he did not disappoint. Time now for the Culver's story of the week. Cameron got his first job. He's worked at Culver's now for like a, month, I think.

>> Mike: Yeah. With their, with their custard and their butter burgers.

>> Darren: The Butterburg, home of the butter burger.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And Culver's is great and he loves his job. And I went to pick him up at work the other day and I said, how'd it go? And he goes, oh, great. He goes, you're not gonna believe what I heard.

>> Mike: Oh, some Culver's gossip.

>> Darren: So we've got the Culver story of the week.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Cameron's job is to run food out to the people who get stuck stuff at the drive thru. Okay. So he runs this order out to this gentleman and he asks the man and he says, is there anything else I can get you? And the guy said, yeah, how about a fat girl to keep me warm?

>> Mike: Uh-huh. Did he drop the bag? Man?

>> Darren: And it gets better. So Cameron.

>> Mike: Did Cameron bring out a fat girl.

>> Darren: To keep it warm? Now I probably would have said, hang on, I'll be right back. Cameron looks at him and says, I don't think I can do that.

>> Mike: To which I would have said, yeah, you can. It's all in the legs. Lift with the legs.

>> Darren: Oh my God. How about a fat girl to keep me warm?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: He's making more money than he's ever seen before in his life.

>> Mike: Is that the one in Hamilton?

>> Darren: Yeah, it's one, right down the street.

>> Mike: You have to be in Hamilton for that kind of response.


After this podcast, make some homemade fudge

>> Darren: This has been the Culver's story of the week.

>> Mike: This portion of our show is brought.

>> Darren: To you by Fudge. Hi, I'm Dave Lay and I love fudge.

>> Mike: I'm not talking about that store bought crap.

>> Darren: I mean, honest to God, homemade fudge. You know, if you start to say.

>> Mike: It over and over, it starts to.

>> Darren: Sound like it's not even a real word.

>> Mike: Fudge, fudge, fudge.

>> Darren: Haha.

>> Mike: anywho, where was I?

>> Darren: After this podcast, hop on over to the stove and make a batch of delicious fudge. You'll thank me when Colder weather rolls in.


Darren: A cacophony is a harsh, discordant mixture of sounds

Now back to the show. Hey, honey, where's all the stuff? I need to make some fudge. And I don't know if you guys know this, but Mike doesn't talk to me at all when we're not doing this podcast. He doesn't answer texts. He doesn't call me if I ran into him at the store. I don't know that. Yeah, I ran into you at Kroger one time. We stood in the damn parking lot and talked for 25 minutes.

>> Mike: Did an episode. We should add something recording that was like.

>> Darren: This is like on a Thursday.

>> Mike: This is how we talk to each other in normally, like at the party. That's right up at a table together. M. And God forbid if Chris, Michael or Durbin are there, then, it's a hootenanny. It is.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: But yeah, you. You posted a thing and I, I said, Or I posted a link to last episode that dropped today and I called it a cacophony of idiocy. And I think it's beautiful.

>> Darren: It might text was cacophony.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Really? And you said, tonight we're gonna educate Darren on what cacophony means. And I looked up what cacophony means.

>> Mike: A harsh, discordant mixture of sounds.

>> Darren: Yeah. Often at loud volume. That doesn't. Doesn't apply.

>> Mike: The noun is cacophony.

>> Darren: And I said, boy, do you know how to sell a podcast?

>> Mike: the plural is cacophonies, not cacophony.

>> Darren: Oh, I thought it would just be cacophony. Like moose is a plural for moose is moose.

>> Mike: It's Greek. A combination of cacos, which is bad.

>> Darren: I put a little cone. I put a little cacos in my.

>> Mike: coffee this morning. Marbles lets big cackles out there. For a small dog, his cacos are huge. And he has multiple cackos.

>> Darren: Oh God. When we had Conrad, he cackled all the time.

>> Mike: And then phone. And then you put cacophonos together.

>> Darren: Cacophon.

>> Mike: Greek for ill sounding.

>> Mike: Which I think is probably the best description of.

>> Darren: See, I don't think our podcast is ill sounding. I think our podcast is pleasant. I think it's fun. I think it's entertaining. I think it brings people joy. And I'm happy that our friends and our fans and our people out there who don't know us personally, who want to know us personally. I'm, ah, glad that they're all here listening now. Welcome to Irritable Dads.

>> Mike: In the mid 17th century, those French Stole it.

>> Darren: Don't get me started on the French.

>> Mike: They stole it from the Greeks. It, used to be K, A K. Uh-huh. French made them seas. And here's interesting. if you look at usage over time for cacophony. This. Look at this. Back in the 18. Back in the 1800s, there's a holding.

>> Darren: There's been a graph. There's a cacophony graph on how often it's used over time.

>> Mike: There is Jesus, who had that job somewhere in the. Somewhere in the 90s, 90s. It just. Look, it goes off the chart up in where we are right now. 20, 25 is the highest usage of the word cacophony.

>> Darren: It's not a real graph. This is.

>> Mike: Look it up yourself.

>> Darren: There's a cacophony graph.

>> Mike: I'm going to show kids we are.

>> Darren: Living in the age of cacophony.

>> Mike: there it is. Yeah. Cacophony right there. This is the age of cacophony.

>> Darren: There's. There's a graph. Thank God for the Internet. Thank you, Al Gore.

>> Mike: That is amazing.


Chris Michael: We're living in the age of cacophony

>> Darren: Yeah. Of how often the word cacophony is used, because I was going to tell you that nobody uses that word.

>> Mike: They use it more now than they ever have.

>> Darren: Who's they? Them who? Them. Yoder. Those people. Those people. This is. We're living in the age of cacophony.

>> Mike: It started to. It started to rise around World War I. World War II, which you would expect.

>> Darren: Right, okay.

>> Mike: Just. You would expect. There's a lot of cacophonies going on there. And then, boy, howdy, 1990, huh? I mean, what was going on tonight?

>> Darren: Yeah. Nirvana, Free Love.

>> Mike: Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam and. And all them. Damn. The New Age hippies.

>> Darren: Exactly.

>> Mike: The Bill Clinton and, What's his name? Kirk Hammett or the guy. Soundgarden.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Chris Cornell.

>> Darren: Chris Cornell.

>> Mike: That's who I meant by Kirk Hammond.

>> Darren: Joe Soundgarden.

>> Mike: Yeah. Joe Soundgarden and the Furious 5.

>> Darren: Yeah, yeah. They're just. They're slinging right and left.

>> Mike: They take off like crazy. When the Marvel movies started coming out. Oh, which the Marvel movies are a cacophony of.

>> Darren: Of light and color M and penultimateness. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: another. Another aside.

>> Darren: It's going nowhere.

>> Mike: And there's another one.

>> Darren: Welcome back, everybody.

>> Mike: Yeah, I'm not gonna go off on another aside. We'll save that for later. Later around year five is when I finally discovered that there is a store near us called Costco.

>> Darren: Right. Yes.

>> Mike: I've been hearing about this place. Forever. And the reason that I discovered it was because of their cake.

>> Darren: They.

>> Mike: Have good cakes.

>> Darren: Oh, they have great cake.

>> Mike: So I love going to Costco to get stuff. I hate going to Costco for every other reason there is.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: When you went to Costco illegally, did you walk through Costco?

>> Darren: I didn't go through. Chris went.

>> Mike: I thought you had to. You, you were you working with your friend and I was calling you Chris Michael.

>> Darren: Oh. That was when my brother in law, Eddie and I, we went there and one time. But they're cracking down on that.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: They will throw your ass in prison if you go in there with someone else's id. Kind of like going into, North Korea.

>> Mike: So I've gone back and forth on Costco.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: I enjoy Costco. I enjoy. We're using paper towels, trash bags and toilet paper now that I bought there, I think about 15 years ago in our garage.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: So that's great. their steaks are amazing. They're like half the cow. One steak, it's like, it's massive.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: But the people. Oh my Lord. And I realized that I'm a Costco member, so I'm one of those people. But no self awareness. No. Just like, just will stop dead stop in the middle of an aisle.


Some people listen to podcasts while they're walking through Costco

Yeah. It's like, oh, let me taste that bacon wrapped battery, you know, and just chew it.

>> Darren: You're talking about the other shopper.

>> Mike: Other shoppers.

>> Darren: Okay, gotcha. yeah.

>> Mike: If you are at Costco because some people listen to podcasts while they're walking through Costco.

>> Darren: That's true.

>> Mike: If you're walking through Costco right now and you're not me, you're annoying as hell. And if you see me get out.

>> Darren: Of my mic, you're annoying as hell.

>> Mike: See, you're not at Costco to meander around and shop. That's what people don't understand. M. When you go in there, you are making a commitment.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: To whatever it is you're buying. You're not just buying some, frosted Mini Wheats. You're buying a month supply.

>> Darren: A month or at least six weeks. Yeah.

>> Mike: These are. Nothing in there is an impulse buy with the exception of the birthday cakes. but I go there specifically for those. So I take those off the list.

>> Darren: You have to order those in advance. So you can impulsively or.

>> Mike: Yeah, you can. I, you know, birthday cakes there all the time.

>> Darren: You're right.

>> Mike: One for Antonio Banderas just a few weeks ago. I hope he enjoyed it.

>> Darren: Happy birthday, Antonio.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. I don't understand people that are lollygagging around looking at stuff.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: My question is what the hell? That's what Kroger, Target, Walmart, Traders World. That's what those places are for. Walking around and lollygagging. Dilly dally, dilly dallying. Yeah, Costco. Get that out of my way, man. I got to get that tub of barbecue sauce and you're in my way. Standing there eating a dog wrapped pickle. or whatever the hell they're. They're always selling, they're always giving away dog wrapped pickles. You know, it's results may vary depending on which Costco you go to different, different areas or different things.

>> Darren: no easy. No, no easy. No easy.

>> Mike: But I'll see people walking.

>> Darren: Not gonna do it.

>> Mike: I'll see people walking with like three or four little bags of sample stuff like, oh, have you tried the, the herring flavored pickles? And this disgusting woman is shoving this disgusting pickle in her disgusting husband's disgusting mouth. He's chewing it frickin teeth and spurting out. And I just want to get past him to get my frickin Tide pods. Don't sell bacon wrapped in front of my Tide pods.

>> Darren: That kills me. Because a line will form. Yeah, okay. There'll be a lady and she's usually between 85 and 95 years old. Would you like a cracker? And she's a cracker with squeeze cheese. And the line is out the door for a cracker with squeeze cheese on it. Yeah, she's this stupid. Made fresh last week.

>> Mike: No, it's not. some pomegranate flavored frog testicles here. There's some standing there because they're handing out in those little, those little cups that they gave that fluoride to you back in the day. Huh? Back when the state forced us to drink fluoride. And he'd get those to you and you pop them.

>> Darren: I thought I was the only one who was forced fluoride when we grew up.

>> Mike: Yeah, that pink.

>> Darren: And every kid in school, their mouth would look like they just eaten somebody else.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Like they're on the Walking Dead and.

>> Mike: Glowed in the dark for a few days. Then everybody acted like it was no big deal.

>> Darren: You know what else kills me with those people that give the samples?

>> Mike: What?

>> Darren: It's like they're giving you the sample and they're like, yeah, these are the chicken nuggets. They're on sale this week. and then you take a bite. That's pretty good. Then you look at you like huh? that's a. Yeah, yeah. And. And then. But, oh, my God. If you don't buy it. The look, though. I mean, I get the look. Like I just gave you a chicken nugget and you're not gonna. Really?


Southern Culture on the Skids guitarist Rick Miller does podcast

>> Mike: Yeah, that's. I.

>> Darren: What?

>> Mike: I really. Yeah. Since I've been going to Costco, I've developed the ability to say with my eyes without. Without directly.

>> Darren: The lady who said it to me.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They get mad, they get angry. Just like, come on. Hello. Well, you have to walk past all the electronics.

>> Darren: Pretzel.

>> Mike: You have to walk past this, like, 90 inch Samsung Galaxy TV.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: That has, like, Ultron staring at you 85. And there's a dude. They got a little. There's a little, like, at T&A little other thing, and there's some guy going, hey, how's your cable acting these days? Yeah, I'm like, I don't. I'm not talking to you. I want my Tide Pods. I want you.

>> Darren: Yeah, I don't like that. Because there are people who try to, finagle you. Yeah. I was gonna say sway.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: You into. Dump the satellite dish.

>> Mike: Or if you're on the satellite dish. or if you're not on the satellite dish, we'd like you to get the satellite.

>> Darren: The satellite dish. Yeah. Again, I'm here for the Tide Pods. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: They're delicious.

>> Darren: You're not supposed to eat them. Mike, did you not pay any attention four years ago?

>> Mike: Great. On the birthday cake. Perfect little garnish, by the way. And our lawyers have told us we have to say, don't eat Tide.

>> Darren: Do not eat Tide Pods. That was a joke. Yeah, yeah. I've mentioned this many times on the podcast that my favorite band in the world is Southern Culture on the Skids. And last year, I went to see them live in Newport, Kentucky, and I was talking to them, and I asked Rick Miller, he's the lead singer and the guitarist, would you be on my podcast? And without hesitating, yeah, I'll do your podcast. Because I've met him several times now. Does he know me personally? But I know he recognizes my face. Anyway, it took m. Months of coordinating and emailing and finally getting him to narrow down a date. And we got him to do the podcast and we got him here, and we're talking to him. And it was a half hour, 40 minutes into it when Mike tells me we weren't recording his audio. And the look on my face was priceless. And by the way, we continued Doing the podcast after that. It was an honest mistake. Anyway, we got, we salvaged the last half hour of the show and we're able to air this. But my favorite clip was when he was talking about his idol, Link Ray.

>> Mike: Suss up. It says, okay, boom, we're here. And that big opening chord of Skull Bucket is a great way to start a show.

>> Darren: Just a giant shrank.

>> Mike: Big chord, vibrato reverb, nasty guitar boom. And then you, you just kind of, you kind of feel it on that one. It's always a good place to start for us. It's got a Link Ray vibe, you know, kind of like if you had to say, what are you about? I'm about Link Ray guitar wise.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then in the Voodoo Cadillac where you got the Tony Joe White CCR thing, great groove, everybody can start dancing. And then from there, wherever.

>> Darren: I took a buddy of mine to see you. this is years ago, and he had never seen you, didn't know anything about you. And you came out and you opened up with Run Chicken Run and his jaw dropped, just literally dropped. And then it was just hell on wheels the rest of the show. You guys never slowed down, he never stopped. It was incredible.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darren: Well, that's the one.

>> Mike: You know, I, I love my old Dan Electro guitar.

>> Darren: I mean, that's a hundred dollar guitar.

>> Mike: But that thing will play all night long. You never have to change a guitar. you know, don't you hate. I mean, I don't necessarily hate it.

>> Darren: Sometimes I like it.

>> Mike: I don't like going to see a.


The song is called 40 miles to Vegas and it's based on a true story

>> Darren: Band and then the guy has to.

>> Mike: Change guitars every two songs.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah, right.

>> Mike: It just kills the flow. Yeah, yeah, it kills the flow. Right. I'm always kind of proud that I can get that old den electro to stay in tune and sound good for like, you know, 90 minutes. But it keeps the flow going too, you know?

>> Darren: Yeah. Can you tell me one more time what Link Ray said when you did the COVID of his song?

>> Mike: He said, me, that should have been a hit.

>> Darren: And then you told him that it was a hit.

>> Mike: Yeah. Well, first he said, rick, what was that last song you played? I love it. I love it. Is that one of yours?

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I said, no, Link, that's one of yours. And that's when he looked at me just like befuddled and said, well, me, he said, that should have been a hit.

>> Darren: And I said, you're right. Hey, what happened?

>> Mike: 40 miles to Vegas, There's a song.

>> Darren: That Southern culture did and it's on their Album Plastic Seat Sweat. And it's also on the bootlegger's choice where they re recorded it. It's called 40 miles to Vegas. And it's based on a true story. And I'm gonna tell you the story now because it's gone into as microfers. The ether. Yeah, it's. It's gone. So when they were just starting, they were really, really, really poor. They were scraping together two nickels to, you know, to eat. Cuz Mary used to be a waitress and Rick used to work at a screen print place and Dave was a census worker and that's. Those were their day jobs. And we talked about their day jobs. But you know, Mary, if there was a, a couple eating at her restaurant, they got in a fight and they would like leave. She would grab their leftovers and box them up and bring them home and they would eat leftovers that people either just tossed away half of or whatever. So they had made this trade. They needed a vehicle. They made a trade for this. Was it a van or a truck?

>> Mike: It was a van. It's a van. I got a screwdriver.

>> Darren: Yeah, they made a trade for a van and this van was a piece of crap. And it had one tire that was the wrong size. They couldn't drive more than 30 miles an hour without the thing.

>> Mike: It didn't have brake. No brakes.

>> Darren: No brakes. When they. I don't know, I don't remember what they traded for it.

>> Mike: You had to start it with a screwdriver. But I handed him a screw.

>> Darren: What did they give this person for the van? Because they.

>> Mike: I don't remember.

>> Darren: Anyway, he gives them the title and a screwdriver. And Rick says, we don't need the screwdriver. We've got a toolbox right here. And he says, oh no, you need the screwdriver to start it. Yeah, because they didn't have a key.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So they're driving this piece of van and they're getting ready to. They were going into Canada and so they looked at the title and then they realized the title on the car wasn't the same in the same name of the guy who gave it to him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So now they're thinking, great, this is probably a stolen vehicle.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So Rick calls his mom, his mom was dating a judge. and he was asking, should we call the police and report this before we try and judge? No. What? They're, they're totally not going to let you into Canada. And he says, take your best shot. And so they crossed over into Canada without any. You know, didn't get stopped. They did. They did not get stopped. So that was the deal with that. But they're driving it, and they had a gig in Las Vegas, and it completely breaks down. So they had to call a tow truck. And the guy who shows up was high as on crack.

>> Mike: Was it crack? Miles of crack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: High on crack. And Dave, the drummer and their roadie, had to lay down in the back of the tow truck while Rick and Mary rode up front with this guy. his hands are twitching. His. His eyes are twitching. He's talking about how he had to peel this person off the sidewalk here, and he found that dead person there. And they're like, just slow down. You know, Opened up his smokes because his hands were shaking. That's.


Rick tells an amazing story about St. Patrick's Day at an Irish pub

The guy was jittery. They were scared to death.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: But he told this amazing story. Rick told it way better than me.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darren: Oh, you should have heard it. It was amazing.

>> Mike: We don't go crazy on St. Patrick's Day. Usually. Bess and I will take. The kids can. We'll go to an Irish pub or something. We'll have some bangers and mash. I like Harp. That's. That's my beer. That's my Irish beer. Yeah. And we'll just take in some of the local entertainment. This particular time, we were at an Irish pub, and there was a bagpipe player, and I jokingly said to Bess, well, they should play AC DC It's a long way to the top if.

>> Darren: You want to rock and roll.

>> Mike: And hilarity ensued. So we also saw a live band.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: on Sunday.

>> Darren: Yeah, it was.

>> Mike: We didn't know. so Bess said, It's almost St. Patrick's Day. Let's go see if there's anywhere that has, like, a green beer. So we always go to the. The. We call it Dingleberries, but it's the Dingle House.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Right there in the. In the West Jet.

>> Darren: I love Dingleberries. Did they have the green beer?

>> Mike: Well, they did. When we walked in, we didn't see any. So we just ordered our normal, which is Harp. Harp is my beer. And then we saw people with green beer. And I asked the server. I was like, what was. How do you get the green beer? And she said, that's Michelob Ultra. And I said, okay, you keep your green beer. Keep. Keep your.

>> Darren: It's pbr.

>> Mike: Keep your damn tincture away from me. And you can look that word up later. Anyway, the point is, there was a, I want to be kind.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: There was a local band there.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: I think they were local. They had a bagpipe player.

>> Darren: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: Okay. Now I know before the Hm. Lord of the Rings movies came out, before I saw Return of the King.

>> Darren: Was it Ally the piper? No, I've seen her.

>> Mike: no.

>> Darren: Yeah. No, no.

>> Mike: This person had no name.

>> Darren: Brave.

>> Mike: I'll say this. Braveheart used to be my favorite movie.

>> Darren: Would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to.

>> Mike: Come back here and tell our adventure.

>> Darren: Enemies that they may take our lives.

>> Mike: But they'll never take our freedom. Okay, so I don't have a problem with back. But I thought the music in Braveheart was beautiful. I love the few soundtracks that I've like, purchased. Yeah, I love that soundtrack.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: When I heard the bagpipes in that soundtrack, I would think, why would anybody dislike bagpipes?

>> Darren: Yeah. Okay. Exhibit A.

>> Mike: So it's me and Bess and Charlie. And I said. And we. Me and Bess both say to Charlie, oh, look, there's this guy has bagpipe. Those are bagpipes.

>> Darren: Those are bad.

>> Mike: So he starts to play. Now I am.


Mike: There was not a drummer. There was somebody that had drums

>> Darren: Was it just a bagpipe player?

>> Mike: No, no. There was somebody that had drums. There was somebody that had a guitar.

>> Darren: Was it a drum kit or like a. Like a drum?

>> Mike: It was like. I didn't get a good view of it.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: It wasn't like a full kit. It was like a half kit. Like where you have the snare and the. In the thing. Sure.

>> Darren: the thing.

>> Mike: Notice I'm saying there was a guy that had drums. There was a guy that had a guitar. And there was the guy that had the bagpipes. And there was a lady that had the microphone to see.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: There was not a guitar player. There was not a drummer.

>> Darren: They just was. There was not a magpie player and people accompanying the instruments. Okay.

>> Mike: And then they had like a. A hype lady. I don't know. She.

>> Darren: A hype lady.

>> Mike: She was. She was just dancing like this, like, moving like, thing.

>> Darren: Like it would start like wood.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And she had metal rings hanging off.

>> Darren: Like hippies at a fish concert.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: Okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: I didn't want to come out and say it, but there you go. Hippies and their plan. So they got a bagpipe guy, right?

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: All right. Uh-huh. So you're gonna play some bagpipe. You know, some class this St. Patrick's Day.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Some classical, classy bagpipes. No, they were playing cranberries. Zombie, if you want to hear now.

>> Darren: I love Zombie.

>> Mike: I love. Yeah, the Cranberries. I wasn't really a big fan of that song.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: But I, appreciate it for what it was.

>> Darren: Yep.

>> Mike: I love the Cranberries.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Dolores, this lady was not the Cranberry. No, this band was not.

>> Darren: No, you can't.

>> Mike: You could recognize the song. And then when the bagpipes came in. I don't know if you've heard Zombie. I have recently. there's no bagpipes. No. This gentleman added in bagpipes. Now let me add the rest of the. The rest of the quote band, unquote, were wearing normal clothes. The bagpipe dude was full. He was in full regalia. He had the kilt and he had the button up shirt. He had a big mustache. He had a green hat with a.

>> Darren: Thingy on the top like he's golfing.

>> Mike: Like he's golfing. And he was going, I think they were out of tune.

>> Darren: I'm.

>> Mike: Mike. How do you know they were out of tune? I'll tell you. When they came in, I thought an accident was happening. You know where Dingle house is? You can see the road outside. I thought a car was screeching into another car, but it was this guy playing the bagpipes. And I said to Bess, and I'm going to post this video on our Facebook account and on our Instagram account.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: I said, the best they need to. Since they're playing like contemporary stuff, they need to play, It's a long way to the top.

>> Darren: If you want to rock and roll.


Libby says AC DC fans played bagpipes during a concert

AC DC Bagpipe. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: So they started playing that. I didn't request it.

>> Darren: it was just like they intuitively.

>> Mike: Said, I heard what Mike wants to hear. And I will put it in their hearts to play this boy M. When they got to it. And when he kicked in, I. Who.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: No, no, no.

>> Darren: Oh, no. God, please, no, no. What the hell was that?

>> Mike: Boy howdy. It's got to be heard to believe. Be believed. And so I, I did post it on my personal account and I, I sent it into our little, group. And, you know, Dan, our friend Dan tried to be nice. He said, I, I recognize that song. one of our fans on the, on the group is also fans. Fans with me on. Friends with me on, on Facebook, like my normal Facebook account. And she said, and I quote, awful. And there were laughings at it. And I feel bad for the dude, but somebody should have told her. So I had this recording on my Phone.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: We were driving back, and I said, I know that those bagpipes had to be out of tune. I don't know how you tune a bagpipe. Right. But we played the AC DC Song up M through. Through the bagpipe part. Okay. That's how it's supposed to sound. And then we played what we heard, what I had on my video.

>> Darren: I don't think so.

>> Mike: I mean, we used to watch American Idol. You remember Randy would say his little pitchy dog. Yeah, little pitchy dog. Yeah.

>> Darren: It was definitely a little bit on the pitchy side.

>> Mike: backpack. Dude, take those puppies into. I mean, I know they don't have a Sam Goody or whatever anymore, but wherever you take these damn things. And at home, back. Back where I'm from, it was called the Pied Piper. Was the music store. And they would tune your. For you. He needs to find the. Go to the ticket to the guitar center. I don't know if there's a bagpipe center.

>> Darren: I don't know that you tune bagpipes, because it's like, I don't think you can tune a trumpet. Can you?

>> Mike: Well, these were either out of tune, or he was playing them incorrectly. You could hear the notes. You could hear what he was. He was trying to get there. You could tell that he'd heard the song before.

>> Darren: Yeah, cut that out.

>> Mike: You ever heard a kid like, you go to, like, your. Your kids, like, they call them recorders now, but back when we were kids, they call them flutophones.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Remember those?

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: You got to play the.

>> Darren: I never called it a flutophone.

>> Mike: That's what we called them, the flutophones. And I know our parents had to come, and we had to. Mary played a little.

>> Darren: Mary had a little lamb Had a little lamb. Hot cross fleece was white as snow.

>> Mike: Yeah. Little Miss Muffet sent on a tough end.

>> Darren: Oh, what's in the bowl?

>> Mike: Anyway? I felt like I was at one of those things. I felt like when, we were clapping at the end, I felt like staying in that precious.

>> Darren: Well, you remember that concert we went to when the kids were little? We had that band thing.

>> Mike: Oh, we gotten so much. I almost got us both in trouble. I couldn't stop laughing.

>> Darren: The first kid comes up, and the teacher introduces us. And little Billy's gonna do a solo here.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And he comes out there with his flute or trumpet goes. And then he walks off his mic, looks at me like, the hell was that? Ah. And then I had to stop looking at you because we were front row.

>> Mike: I remember.

>> Darren: And then Libby.


You had to stop looking at Mike Odle during Crazy Train

>> Mike: Yeah. Oh.

>> Darren: Oh. She like steps on my foot. Stop it. I'm like, Mike's making me m. Stop looking at Mike.

>> Mike: There was a little girl that got up there because I got the glare.

>> Darren: That kid nailed the B flat scale. I just thought he was gonna be so stupid.

>> Mike: I got a glare from Bess, a slap on my knee, and a. Stop it. Because this little girl came up. Everything's dead. Qu. Quiet.

>> Darren: And she.

>> Mike: Whatever instrument she put to her mouth, it just went. And it couldn't hold it back. I just went. It just came out just like a briefest, like only us. I pray that only us in the.

>> Darren: Front row, because I. I remember I looked at you. I had to stop looking at you at 1 minute and 12 seconds into the concert. I was. I was just looking away. Yeah. I'm like, mike Odle does not exist.

>> Mike: No. I was.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darren: Well, the. The bagpipes. I feel bad for anybody who plays the bagpipes because I follow Ali the Piper on social media. And M. Cameron and I went last year to see Ellie the piper.

>> Mike: Yeah. Amazing. Yeah.

>> Darren: Right? She can do Long Way to the Top if you want to rock and roll. She can do Freebird. Yeah. Okay. You can go on the YouTubes and see video of her playing Crazy Train. Killing it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: On Crazy Train. She is amazing.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Everybody else, not so much.

>> Mike: Yeah. This guy.

>> Darren: Why do you not play the cowbell song and the bagpipes?

>> Mike: I. I had read long ago that the bagpipes were invented. They were like, They taken the stomach of a goat.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And put horns on the. On the different holes and squeezed it. I think that's what. I think he was trying to emulate the original.

>> Darren: It was old school.

>> Mike: Old school. And the original bagpipes sound.

>> Darren: Trying to go old school.


I went to Walmart to pick up something for my mom. And I cannot find this thing

>> Mike: Time now for the Walmart story of the week.

>> Darren: I had an experience at Walmart the other day. I rarely Breaking Bad Walmart or the Breaking Bad Walmart. I rarely ever go into Walmart. But I went in there to pick up something for my mom. Okay. And I cannot find this thing that she needs. So I asked somebody for help. Can you tell me where this thing is? Yeah. I'm going to be secret about the.

>> Mike: Fresh colored weed whacker.

>> Darren: No. I'm going to be very secretive and people are going to be like, my God, what is he getting for his mother? This thing that I needed. I asked this woman, can you tell me where this thing is? She looks at me and she holds up her phone to my face and she says, speak. And I said, thing. Right, the thing that I'm looking for. And then she looks and she goes, G. 1, 2.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darren: so it's on ILG. And she says, she nods her head up and down.

>> Mike: Like, did she reach in and pull her face off to reveal a lizard person? Not like V. So I.

>> Darren: So I said, it's on ilg. And she says, nods her head up and down. I look up, we're on F. Okay.

>> Mike: Which is just right next door.

>> Darren: G should be right over there. So I point to my. Use my right hand.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: This is an audio podcast. So this way. And she keeps doing her head, up and down. Yeah. Okay. So I.

>> Mike: Did she work there?

>> Darren: Yes. Okay. She had. She had the vest. If she didn't work, she. She went to the mop sink, punched somebody out, stole their vest, and was acting like a Walmart employee.

>> Mike: I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna wear a vest to Walmart. Just wear a blue vest, hold a phone up.

>> Darren: Speak, Speak. So I leave aisle F. Yeah. And I look over and the next aisle I see is H. Yeah. F from F. That's not how that works. Skip G. and you go to H. My question is, what the hell? And I walk down and I walk. And. And I'm. And I'm looking.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I'm using my eyes. And I cannot find aisle G. He's.

>> Mike: Just like the nine and three quarters Harry Potter. You've got to jump into a middle.

>> Darren: That's exactly what I thought.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So I find the little gnome, opens.

>> Mike: A little door at the bottom of F. Come on in here.

>> Darren: We've got thing. I find another employee. Okay. This is where I'm going to be very sensitive.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Because this man, as nice as can be.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: Did not speak very good English.

>> Mike: Okay. You'll have that.

>> Darren: He did not speak very good English. Yeah. I asked him. I said I'm.

>> Mike: Neither did the previous one, by the way. You don't know.

>> Darren: Speak maybe the only word she knew.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Again, I'm being very sensitive about.

>> Mike: You should have barked when she said that.

>> Darren: Should have. I should have wagged my tail. No, not sit.

>> Mike: Dig a in the aisle and then go talk to the next employee.

>> Darren: So I go up to this, second gentleman who. An employee there. Again, very nice. I said, yeah, I'm looking for aisle G. And he looks kind of confused. And I said, I'm looking for aisle G. And he says, G said yes.


I went to Walmart to get my eyes checked. That's the only reason I go there

>> Mike: He thought you were calling him G. Yes. Yeah.

>> Darren: G. Aisle G. I need Ilg. Goes, come. And he starts walking. Come?

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Darren: Come. So I got one woman saying, speak.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And another guy saying, come.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So they all think I'm, a dog.

>> Mike: Yeah. They're gonna put a leash on you.

>> Darren: He walks and walks and walks toward the back of the store. And then he points and he goes, g. G, G, G. I said, okay. And I walk over, and now I'm in J. It's gonna say, now you're in a different story. Not G. That's J.

>> Mike: Is it the garden department?

>> Darren: No, no, I mean boots. And I'm in footwear. So I find. You're in the third employee. A third employee.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: This is some kid with bangs. I'm like, oh, my God.

>> Mike: No, he doesn't know anything.

>> Darren: I have never had somebody who looks like this person know what they're doing.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And I have bad experience at Walmart. Walmart's the time. You know, I asked this guy said, do you sell buttermilk? I don't know.

>> Mike: And he kept walking.

>> Darren: So I asked this kid, I said, I'm looking for aisle G. And I'm in J. I said I was on F. And I walked over, and there's H. So G is missing. Is this like one of these Harry Potter. And he starts laughing, goes, G is up at the front of the store near the pharmacy.

>> Mike: Oh, of course.

>> Darren: I'm like, thank you.

>> Mike: Yeah. Because pharmacy starts with F. G is right there.

>> Darren: It starts with a dir.

>> Mike: That's why I get. Because you were in Walmart is why this happened.

>> Darren: I get to G. Yeah. I'm in G now.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And now I can't find the thing. Okay.

>> Mike: Did you even remember what the thing is?

>> Darren: A fourth employee comes over.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darren: And I thought, what the hell?

>> Mike: They yell, how'd you get off your leash?

>> Darren: What the hell? Let's ask somebody else that. I said, I'm looking for this thing.

>> Darren: And she holds up the phone and says, speak. Oh, my gosh. And then I found it.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: I bought it. Yeah. Probably going to have to return it.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: But that was my experience. Wow.

>> Mike: Oh, my Lord. This has been the Walmart story of the week. Yeah. I try not to go in Walmart ever.

>> Darren: I hate.

>> Mike: I get my eyes checked at Walmart. That's where I. That's where I go get my. My eye thing.

>> Darren: You go to the vision center?

>> Mike: I do. I do. I've been going there for over a decade and lying to them the entire time. We talked about the Last. And I told him the truth this last time. And now I can see.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: But, yeah, that's. That's the only reason I go there. There.

>> Darren: That.

>> Mike: And then when I had my issue, I had to poo.


Mia Best got her Toyota when she was 18

>> Darren: And what?

>> Mike: When I had the hernia operation on my stomach.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: and then I was afraid to strain too much. I didn't want to explode.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: But I had to poo. And I was constipated, and I just slammed an energy drink, and Bess took me to Walmart. And I was like, walmart is a place where I was. I felt comfortable myself in public because I never go in there. We talked about it.

>> Darren: You just fit right in.

>> Mike: I just. Yeah, nobody would bat an eye ball guy himself in Ilg. Yeah.

>> Darren: You can't do that at a Target.

>> Mike: Huh? No Target. No. They. They ban you. Your picture would be up on the front.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: cvs. Any of those places is too small. Yeah. They never let you get away with it. Walmart, you could all over that store. They would just never know it.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: yeah. It's only times I go there.

>> Darren: Yeah. I don't want to buy another car. I just don't.

>> Mike: Buying cars.

>> Darren: Hated.

>> Mike: I told this story, when Mia Best got her Toyota. I love Toyota. I'm a Toyota fan. I'm a Toyota guy. And we went to get it, and when we were doing the financing, the guy just. I'm an idiot. Also, the guy said, you know, what are you driving? I'm like a Kia. and he. And he looked at me and I'm like, yeah. And I just. I just unloaded on him with. I've been dealing with. And I'm, you know, I'm self deprecating. I was just, like, telling him the whole thing. I didn't tell him about the handle coming off, because that hadn't happened yet. Right. But I was.

>> Darren: Because you can't tell me into the.

>> Mike: Future telling him all this. And, yeah, I told it on here. He just kept saying, yeah, they really drink the oil. They really guzzle the oil.

>> Mike: Ah, okay. Yeah, I got it. And then we go to the next step in Bess's. You know, how many kids are going to ride in this car? Do you need, you know, knife protection on the seats or whatever the hell they're trying to sell? And. And then he. And then while she's answering that, he looks at me, he's like, yeah, those kids really drink the oil. They guzzle it. They pour a nice tall glass of.

>> Darren: Oil and drop it back, head on it.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. It's like, I got it, dude. They drink the oil, and then the other dude, the mechanic guy, came in, who was setting up the car that we bought. Uh-huh. And he came in and said, the car is ready to be taken.

>> Darren: Out of the port.

>> Mike: Like, we're Star Trek. Like Captain Kirk and. And Spock are going to get in this thing and take it out of the. Out of the port. They have a port when you get from, Kings Toyota, when you buy a car, they put it in the port, and you go in there and they show it off. It's all sexy. And you get in it, and they wave as you drive out of the port.

>> Darren: You know what, honey? I think I'm gonna. I want to get a port at our house.

>> Mike: It is a cool thing. They did it with Bess's van back in the day. Bess's van, the Sienna, was new.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: It wasn't the van that you've seen for years. It was a new, nice one. And we drove out of the port, and we were so happy and so excited about the next 10 to 15 years we're going to spend with this car.


Dave Letterman jokes about drinking oil on his late night show

And it's the same thing with the Highlander. But he came in to say it, and let's just call the guy Russ, because I can't remember his name.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And the finance guy, then he's like, russ, yeah. You remember that Kia we got last year? And Russell's like, yeah, I remember the Kia. And then he said, yeah, I really drank the oil. Really put the oil back. Like, Russ, do you guys come up with this. This routine?

>> Darren: Maybe he sells oil on the side.

>> Mike: It got in my head, though. And then, so over the winter, you know, when you're. When the exhaust comes out, it's white. You know, it just condensing. But a little part of me said, yeah, it's really drinking the oil. A little oil in that. Is it bluish? Is it bluish? If it's bluish, it's a samorial.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Maybe a little red day. Does it just take, like, a little. Little shot?

>> Darren: Yeah. He chases it.

>> Mike: According to him, it's like a Viking. Just wham.

>> Darren: While we were eating with Steve, he had asked. He started talking to Don, asking Don, what do you do? And what's going on? And Don lives in Indianapolis. My buddy Don used to work for Wish TV in Indianapolis. Okay. And. Which was the CBS affiliate. And when Letterman was on the Late show on cbs every now and then, once every Couple of a. Couple times a year he would go and do a live remote at his mom's house. And Dave's mom lived in Indianapolis. So Don was one of the crew that would go out to Dorothy Letterman's house. And he did that a couple of times. So there was one year for Thanksgiving, they did the thing. Dave guessed what type of pie, she made, and they did the thing. And then before they wrapped, he says, mom, what's in your refrigerator? And she opens the refrigerator up and it is full of Colt 45, top to bottom jam packed with bottles of Colt 45 malt liquor. So dawn, the friend of mine, knows how big a Letterman fan I am. She gave Everybody bottles of Colt 45. She says, Here, take this. I'm not going to do anything with it. So everybody took Colt 45. So Don calls him, and says, hey, I got you a bottle of Colt 45 that was in Dave's mom's refrigerator. I'm like, that is awesome. And he says, when I come down to Tennessee, I will bring it to you. And I said, fantastic. Can't wait. And so he was supposed to come visit and couldn't. And then he did come, but he forgot to bring it. And then he was supposed to bring it the next time. And he calls me up one night and he's upset. I said, don, what's going on? He goes, there's, there's a problem with the bottle of Colt 45. I said, I said, what? He goes, my mom drank it. She got into the fridge.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Pulled out the Colt 45 drank.

>> Mike: And I'm like, that makes it even better, actually.

>> Darren: Yeah, I'm dying because I'm like, you know, you could have just bought a bottle of Colt 45 and I never would have known the difference. And Don's like, I would have known the difference.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So, like, okay. And so anyway, Steve is laughing and he says, how great is that? That this joke that, you know, that Dave and his writers performed on the show ended up having a life after that and led to another humorous story. And he really appreciated that. You could tell that he appreciated that. But he told us behind the scenes story of Dave and, and the other writers and stuff. And he was fascinating. He's a really good guy.

>> Mike: Awesome.


Billy Dee Williams talks about changing times. A girl called me up and asked for a date

Billy Dee Williams talks about changing times. Time sure are changing. A girl called me up and asked me for a date.

>> Darren: Says she's making the dinner reservations.

>> Mike: It says she's coming to pick me up.

>> Darren: Well, at least I can still say to her, how about a nice cool, smooth cult 45.

>> Mike: Hi.

>> Darren: How about a nice, cool, smooth colt 45?

>> Mike: Colt 45. Every time.


Mike and Libby went to see Wicked with me years ago

>> Darren: so this year I went to see Wicked and I went with my wife and my mom came along and, my kid came along and we absolutely loved it. And I'm talking about Wicked with Mike, and boy, did that send us on a direction that I wasn't even expecting at all. Because you got the Witch of the east, the Witch of the west, and now we have the Witch of the north and the South.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Enjoy. I'll tell you, Wicked was great. Ariana Grande was fantastic.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: She was really, really. She's funny. And that chickens sing her face off. Okay, so we're really enjoying it. And now Libby and I had went to see the play, okay. At, the Aaronoff center, years ago, Right. And I don't remember anything about it. I just remembered that we really liked it, that it was fun and, the music was great and we liked it. So. So what?

>> Mike: Okay, go ahead.

>> Darren: It's. It's like a prequel to the wizard of Oz.

>> Mike: What's the damn story like? She's.

>> Darren: I'm trying to tell you, she's a.

>> Mike: Witch and they make fun of her because her broom keeps falling apart.

>> Darren: You've seen the wizard of Oz, right?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Okay, so the Wicked Witch of the West.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: The one that gets killed under the house. Ah, that's what, Wicked is about. And the Witch of the Wiis, the.

>> Mike: Witch of the Wiest.

>> Darren: Diane Wiest. Okay. It's the Witch of the West.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And the black hat. And then the Witch of the east, the blonde woman.

>> Mike: It's East Coast, west coast thing.

>> Darren: Exactly. They have a friendship. Okay. They didn't like each other at first.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: Well, the blonde one didn't really like the girl with the black hat at first, and then they became friendly.

>> Mike: Was there a Northern witch and a Southern witch?

>> Darren: There was a Northeast witch. Yeah.

>> Mike: Was a South Southwest witch. That's the witch I wanted. Yeah.

>> Darren: Southern witch, speaks Cuban.

>> Mike: Ah, no thinking Southern witch.

>> Darren: Y' all get away from my broom. Wanting everybody to eat grits.

>> Mike: Leave my munchkins alone. You mother.

>> Darren: Got a piece of hay in her mouth. Yeah. Hey, y', all, what time's he haw? Come on. Yeah. No, there was no Northern witch. Betty June, there's a new Jerry Springer on. Betty.

>> Mike: Uncle Bob's on there.

>> Darren: Turn it on, Channel three. They about to go fitting.

>> Mike: Get the pork skins.

>> Darren: Yeah. Lord, is tutor still open? My apologies to everyone in the Johnson City area and Southern Roll Tag.


We had seen the play, uh, and we're watching the movie

We had seen the play, and we're watching the movie, and the best song in the movie is Defying Gravity.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: It's a fantastic song.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: And I've told you and I've told everybody many times that I am prone to falling asleep in the movie theater. I do it almost every time I go to the movies. I'm like, m. By God, I am not falling asleep during this movie. And watching the movie. And it's a long movie. It's. It's like three hours long. Again, very long movie. And I lean over to Libby and I said, did I fall asleep? And she goes, well, I don't know if I fell asleep. And I said, have I missed Defying Gravity? And she says, no. And then she thought, oh, crap, that might be in the next one. And I said, the next one? There's another one. I mean, I was like, I'm enjoying the movie, but I didn't know there was going to be another three hours. Anyway, they end Wicked with Defying Gravity. Spoiler alert.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Yeah. So it's a great movie. We loved it. Jacob went with us. Jacob had the time of his life. Jacob.

>> Mike: Mom, does it end with the house landing on her?

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: No. That's how the wizard of Oz begins.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So there's a sequel, a part two of Wicked.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Called Wicked for Good or. I think.

>> Mike: And it ends with her in a field and like, a shadow of a house going, it's getting bigger. Bigger, bigger.

>> Darren: Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

>> Mike: And her looking up and going, oh.

>> Darren: I guess we ain't going to.

>> Mike: This is the Witch of the West.

>> Darren: Yeah, that's right. Not the witch.

>> Mike: Oh, my God.

>> Darren: Of the South.

>> Mike: The Valley girl witch. Was she a valley? Was she, like.

>> Darren: She was surfing? Yeah. She had tan lines.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: She drove her car everywhere.

>> Mike: Subaru.

>> Darren: Because, see, the Witch of the east usually takes, like, subways and Ubers. Yeah.

>> Mike: She sent the Jersey shore, you know.

>> Darren: Go on. What's the Witch of the north like?

>> Mike: It's all shoveling snow.

>> Darren: I'm the Witch of the North.

>> Mike: Get some monkeys out there, eh? Get your monkeys out there, eh? Yeah. She's the nicest witch. Just makes cocoa for everybody. Sitting up there with her free health care on a moose.

>> Darren: Eating pancakes, and she's getting syrup right out of the tree.

>> Mike: It's just. Yeah, that's her special power.

>> Darren: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah, you betcha.

>> Darren: That's a. That's a broom you got there.

>> Mike: You keep your hands off a broom. I put you in the wood chipper.

>> Darren: Ah.


This year we had some great guests on the show

>> Darren: Hey, what happened? So this year we had some great guests. You know, we normally don't have guests. No, occasionally we bring them on. And one of our favorite guests is a gentleman named Adam Nediff. He is a game show historian and author. And then another person who we brought on, brand new guest, Mark Malkoff, who wrote a book about Johnny Carson. So we had these guys in and Adam told a hilarious story and Mark told a hilarious story, and here they are right now.


Dog escapes from his carrier and urinates all over plane luggage

Earlier you mentioned the Strong Museum of Play, and I was going to ask you, have you ever been to the Field Museum in Chicago? I've not.

>> Mike: the, the most time I've spent in Chicago is the, the Christmas.

>> Darren: When my flight got delayed, my connection.

>> Mike: Flight to West Virginia, because a dog escaped from his carrier and urinated all over the luggage.

>> Darren: So I was supposed to fly from.

>> Mike: I was supposed to fly from.

>> Darren: Los Angeles to Chicago and then a connecting flight into West Virginia. This dog broke out of his carrier and just pissed everywhere.

>> Mike: Yes. And we're all looking out because we're.

>> Darren: All realizing, you know, our flight hasn't taken off. We're still sitting here on the tarmac in Los Angeles and it's been 40.

>> Mike: Minutes and it's, why aren't we taking off?

>> Darren: And we see these crew guys pulling our luggage off and we're going, why is everyone pulling a luggage off? And so finally folks, this is the captain speaking. Dog escaped from his carrier and well, he got caught in a cargo net and well, the dog kind of panicked when he realized he was tangled in the net and he did what frightened dogs tend to do.

>> Mike: so we have to sterilize.

>> Darren: The entire luggage area. And also honesty is the best policy. I'm just going to tell you folks right now, we're going through your luggage and some of you have been more affected by this incident than others. That's a nice way.

>> Mike: That's a very professional way to put it. So flight school.

>> Darren: By the time we landed in Chicago, the flight was already gone. So I was stuck in Chicago for the night. But yeah, so I've never gotten a chance to explore Chicago. Although if another dog ever urinates on my luggage, I will be sure to.

>> Mike: Go to the Field Museum.

>> Darren: I wasn't expecting that at all.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darren: Mike and I, one of our jokes is when we have a guest on, we asks where do you get your ideas as a. Because of the guy, the co host on Norm MacDonald's Adam Egan. It was always so funny when he would do that in a Show. Honest to God. I was wondering, where did you figure that out? How did you come about asking for keys to the city? Your mind baffles me. Oh, that's nice. Just curiosity. That's it. I love asking for ridiculous things and to see if I can pull the stuff off. And it just.

>> Mike: I don't know.

>> Darren: I would like, just ask hypothetically. I would like to friends. I'm like, do you think this would. People would do this? And a lot of times people were like, there's no way. And I'm like, I think I can pull it off. I'm pretty good with my persistence and convincing, with positive things. But it was just like, I don't know. I would just always write down stuff that amused me, stuff that the concepts that I thought were funny. And then usually maybe like, I don't know, wait like a week or two and go back. And some would just like, stand out. But I rejected most of them. And some of them were kind of dangerous. So Christine would occasionally have to say no to those. But, Okay, what did you turn down? I think one of them. Was I one of them. I was gonna like myself overseas legally or something like that. I was, I was. I. I was. That was not good questions.

>> Mike: Is it illegal to yourself in some.

>> Darren: Countries, the ship, ship, ship mail myself overseas.

>> Mike: I was like, I could go somewhere right now.

>> Darren: So, yeah, I think you would die doing that. Yeah. I remember at one point when I. The tourism board of the Netherlands had me go to Amsterdam and I wanted to tie myself to a windmill and do something that they were like, they wisely. And Christine would have been like, no, but they were like, safety. And I was like, come on, it'll be fine. What could possibly go wrong? Right. Right. So, yeah, some of those were, intense. The Starbucks one was the hardest one. That was 171 Starbucks where I went to every single. I wanted to see if it was possible at all the stores in Manhattan in less than 24 hours make a purchase to consume something. All 171 stores at the time.

>> Mike: Oh, wow.

>> Darren: And that was. I had to go to a store every eight minutes for 23 hours straight. And I was freaking mass. And then you had to get a kidney transplant. I had to train on a bicycle for months because. And get a director and a camera person that were bike proficient. And it was just.


The thing was logistically so difficult. And like, we tried it once with a car and it didn't work

The thing was logistically so difficult. And like, we tried it once with a car and it didn't work. And then I had to buy a bicycle in Kmart. And just train. And that was rough, and I was in pain for days on, that one. But that. Ah, yeah, I think it did well. People like that one at the time is a long time ago.


Darren tells a hilarious story about a ZZ Top concert

>> Mike: So I make videos for the podcast, and I usually grab things that kind of stand out. I made a video of this story that Darren tells about the ZZ Top concert. It's one of my favorite things that Darren has ever told on the podcast.

>> Darren: It's perfect, and it's absolutely true.

>> Mike: You want to talk about the William Gibbons?

>> Darren: Oh, sure. When Libby and I, on the 4th of July, we live in the Cincinnati area, and there's a thing called Red, White and Blue Ash, and it's a free concert every year. And I think I looked on the Google, and I think like, upwards of close to 80,000 people or something came to Red, White and Blue Ash, right, for this free concert with Billy Gibbons. Now, somebody lied to Billy Gibbons. Somebody told him that every person in attendance paid 100 to $150 a ticket to see this show. Because that's the type of performance he put on. He was absolutely amazing. Just, amazing. So, it was a thrill to see him. I'd seen ZZ Top a couple times back in the day. ZZ Top are amazing. I've got all their albums. I've always enjoyed their music. So, yeah, we're gonna go see Billy Gibbons. It's a free show. We're sitting there, and before the concert starts, this guy, he comes up and he sits down next to me, and he's like another version of me. Hey, have you seen ZZ Top? I'm like, yes, I have. How many times have you seen him? Just a couple. I've seen them four times. And, my wife bought this shirt and blah, blah, blah. And seriously, he's like a me. And I'm thinking, is this what I'm like? Is this. Is this really what I'm like when I start chatting up people at concerts? Because I will. I'll sit next to somebody and start asking them, how many times have you seen this band? And what's your favorite album? And can you believe that they don't have this bass player with them anymore and stuff like that. So this is the first of two things that's never happened to me at a concert. This particular concert, Libby was the one who started acting out, okay? Who started screwing with total strangers in their. In their heads, right? We're sitting there, and there's a guy next to me. And Libby said, who are we seeing again? I said, we're seeing Billy Gibbons. And she said, who? Rib Givens? No, wow. it's not Rib Givens. It's Billy Gibbons. And who is he again? I said, he's lead singer of ZZ Top. And she goes, the guys with the beards. I said, yeah, the guys with the beards. And she said, is that all he does? To which the guy next to me butts in and he says, he plays guitar. Now, normally, I would be like, hey, I'm having a conversation with my wife, and this doesn't concern you. But I thought that was hilarious. And he looks at her, he says, he plays guitar. And she says, is he any good?

>> Mike: Oh, hey.

>> Darren: And the guy says, he's one of the best guitarists of all time. To which Libby responded, well, if he's that good, how come I've never heard of him? And I leaned over, I said, libby, stop, stop. You're going to send this guy into a fit of rage.

>> Mike: Oh, my gosh.

>> Darren: And.

>> Mike: Is awesome.

>> Darren: If he's that good, how come I've.

>> Mike: Never heard of him?

>> Darren: And I thought that was brilliant.


This Next story is 100% true. Nothing in this story is embellished

>> Mike: This Next story is 100% true. I did not believe it as it was happening to me. So we have stories on here that occasionally we embellish. Usually we point that out during the story or at the end of the story. Nothing in this story is embellished. As a matter of fact, there's probably. It's probably crazier than the way I told it. It happened more than 20 years ago, and I. It's, It's still like it was yesterday to me. This is the story of Fred, the dead horse. Ever tell the dead Fred story?

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: About the horse named Fred that got a boner and died?

>> Darren: Go ahead, tell this story. Yeah, finally we've got a reason for people to stay the entire podcast. All right.

>> Mike: This is not my story. I was told this story by very close friends.

>> Darren: This is Fred the horse who got a boner and die.

>> Mike: Well, don't give it away. Okay, so you just.

>> Darren: You said that.

>> Mike: Anyway, there's an area in our town, in. Not our town, in this town I'm speaking of.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Called Tick Ridge.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Tick Ridge.

>> Darren: Tick Ridge.

>> Mike: And there was like a spiral of, what are those called? Mobile homes.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Off Tick Ridge.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: and you. You could see them. And there was a family down there.

>> Darren: A trailer park.

>> Mike: A trailer kind of.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: But kinda. Yeah, that's a nice way of putting it.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: So me and my friend were going down there to deliver my friend And I would deliver some food and stuff for a, Thanksgiving English deal.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I went in and there was a girl, a young girl, standing on a stool, stirring a pot. She didn't look like she was old enough to be. Do, like, maybe. Yeah, she was old enough to be doing that. But there was a beer. Well, you are. You need to be old enough to drink a beer. There was a beer right next to it. I wasn't sure if that was her beard or not.

>> Darren: stern pots at this age.

>> Mike: And there was a table with a turkey on it. Uh-huh. And there were kids running through the living room where the turkey was out the back into a shed, around the shed, back into the front, door of the trailer. and just this, like, cavalcade of kids. All right.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: It's been a long time since I told this story. It's been about 20 years since I've told this story. So I'm going to remember things as I go.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: I do remember one of the kids picked up this ashtray. This ashtray was epic. This was a legendary ashtray. It had. It was so full of ashes and cigarette butts. It was like one of those that. Remember the old time. Like, barbershops had those big ashtrays.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: yeah, it was one of those.

>> Darren: Was it made of glass or was it like.

>> Mike: It was like a. Like a bronze, Like a. Like a. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a wire thing holding it.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: Okay. Ashtray, perfectly rounded mound. One of the kids grabbed that, threw it across the room. Of course, the ashes, it was like fallout.

>> Mike: Covered the turkey. The lady of the house with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth took her bare hand over the. I was present over the turkey. It's like, it's still good. And I remember looking at my friend.


A horse died on a couch in a trailer park

I remember we were delivering a Christmas tree. I remember looking at her and saying, oh, hell no.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Meanwhile, kids are going out into the shed.

>> Darren: We found out doing things you do in the shed.

>> Mike: And we got the hell out of there. I was like, I don't know what's going on in this house. I had a conversation. Oh, yeah. No, no. They had a. the window. The front window of the living room was plastic sheeting. Uh-huh. Turns out the guy had taken an ax to the window.

>> Darren: Oh.

>> Mike: For some reason.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: and there was also.

>> Darren: Any reason.

>> Mike: There was also a couch with an interesting stain outside the trailer.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: On the other side of this broken glass.

>> Darren: It gives a new definition to the word lawn furniture.

>> Mike: Yeah. So I made the mistake of asking what was in the shed. And they said, one of the kids yelled out, fred. I'm like, okay.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: So we leave.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: About a week later, my friend calls me and she said, I've got the story on Fred and what was happening there. Fred was a horse.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: They lived in a trailer park. Their yard was the size of the room that we're currently in.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And they had a horse.

>> Darren: Plenty of room to turn around.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I think the statute of limitations on the story is over, so I'm comfortable telling it. Sure. The horse one day got a boner. An erection. Hello.

>> Darren: A hard on. Yeah. A woody.

>> Mike: A woody.

>> Darren: A stiffy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: A standing Hampton didn't know what to do with it.

>> Mike: And it wouldn't go down.

>> Darren: Oh.

>> Mike: And it got infected.

>> Darren: Oh.

>> Mike: And the infection killed the horse. Oh. And the horse laid down on the couch in front of the trailer and. And passed. Okay.

>> Darren: It laid on the couch.

>> Mike: On the couch.

>> Darren: The horse is like, I gotta sit down.

>> Mike: And he died on the couch. This family had a well.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: In their backyard where the horse was. Uh-huh. That they got their water from. And they buried the horse on the couch.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: In their backyard.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: Where they have a well.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: Yeah. So my friend's mother had visited them and noticed this huge horse sized mound near their well.

>> Darren: Right. So there's an additional mound.

>> Mike: And said, what you guys putting in a garden? The horse had an erection and they said that. No, no, the horse Fred died and they buried in there. And she's like, you. You can't. You can't bury a horse next to your well.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: So they exhumed Fred and his. And a couch. They put Fred in the shed behind the trailer, and they were like, well, it's a perfectly good couch. Does it put the couch right back out in front of the trailer? No. Yes.


Darren: Watching a movie on your phone is different from watching a movie

I told myself for decades now, literally, that the kids were just going out and looking at Fred and not playing with him because they kept running through and touching everything.

>> Mike: But I don't know what they were doing. But that's the. The dead Fred story. And I remember the first time I told that story was to my roommates. I've talked about Neil and Kim, that I were my roommates back then.

>> Mike: We went out to the, BW3s. I told the story on this podcast about going to Star, Wars. Episode one.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. We would go to bw. It was one of those trips out there, I had to tell. I had to relay this story. I didn't believe it myself, and I was there for a good portion of it.

>> Darren: It.

>> Mike: I will tell you this. I don't believe it now, but I know it's true. At least the couch. I've saw the couch. Uh-huh. A kid said they were playing with Fred. I watched the ashes go across the turkey and the lady wipe them off. And the dude told me what happened to his window. I know those parts are true.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: So with all that that I saw and the stain on the couch, and I believe the. The story. Are you sure? I've never told this.

>> Darren: I would. I'd like to think I'd remember the story of a horse that died because of an erection. My dad says the book was pretty good. It's one of the, nine books that I've read. Actually, I didn't read the book. I'd listened to the audiobook, and that counts. I've talked to historians, people at the library, and they say that counts.

>> Mike: Liberry Library.

>> Darren: Yeah. Yeah. Do you think that counts? If you listen to a book on tape, it counts as reading it?

>> Mike: in a way.

>> Darren: Okay, well, it's gonna have to, because.

>> Mike: It'S like watching a movie on your phone. Yeah. You've still. You've seen it, but you haven't really.

>> Darren: Well, that's the same thing. You're watching it. You're. You're absorbing it.

>> Mike: Yeah. Really? Okay, let me ask you this. You remember when Avengers Endgame came out?

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And me and the family are going to go see it in the theater. And then you want to go along, and I say, Darren, you can watch it on your phone. Just sit in the car, watch it on your phone. We're going to go into theater. You think that's the same? That's the same as what you're telling me. It's the same thing.

>> Darren: I'm, No, it's not the same. But you're still watching it, are you? Okay, continue, please. Oh, you're still watching it and hearing it. Okay, so, yeah. You got a book that you got from the library and you read it.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: There's no audio. There's no video. It's all your imagination. Yeah. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: But if you get.

>> Mike: Ah. See what you did?

>> Darren: Yeah. You get the book on tape.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: Right, the audiobook.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And you hear it.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: Okay, that's. It's different.

>> Mike: Okay. It's different in the way that watching a movie on the Theater versus on your phone is different.

>> Darren: It's a completely different type of difference.


Reading a book is completely different than listening to it on audiobook

Type of different.

>> Mike: It's not a different type of different. It's a similar type of different. Allow me to elaborate.

>> Darren: Reading a book. Reading an actual book.

>> Mike: Reading a book.

>> Darren: Turning the page.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: There's no audio, there's no video.

>> Mike: You could have a CD going in the background.

>> Darren: Yeah. Which would be of something different. like, a U2 CD or the Southern culture on the skids or something.

>> Mike: Right?

>> Darren: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Reading it is completely different than listening to it on audiobook.

>> Mike: Wait, didn't you start this by saying it's the same?

>> Darren: No, you.

>> Mike: I thought you did. I thought you were saying it's the. If you listen to it, it's the same as reading it. And I said it's not the same.

>> Darren: Okay, well, it counts. Is what I'm. What I'm saying is it counts because.

>> Mike: It'S the same or because it's not the same. Talking about.

>> Darren: Don't know. It counts.

>> Mike: You just bugs Bunnied me. You just made me take the opposite side of the argument.

>> Darren: Rabbit season. My point is, m. If I can quote the great Mike Odle. My point is, yes, it counts.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Okay. It counts as, you're absorb. You're, absorbing.

>> Mike: Absolving.

>> Darren: You're absorbing the content of the book.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: You know what I'm going to call this right now, okay? There will become a term or a movement. Reading in hd. Are you ready for this? Huh? And you're going to groan and you're going to roll your eyes, okay? And be like, oh, my God. But hear me out now.

>> Darren: I'm being you.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Imagine, if you will, it's the 1970s.

>> Darren: Okay? Maybe, maybe, maybe Darren Cox was just born, okay?

>> Mike: And you decide. I'm going to read Lord of the Rings.

>> Darren: Okay?

>> Mike: And the only thing you have to go by is the description in the book. And then scenes of Monty Python that you've seen. All the Gondor knights are going to look like the knights in Monty Python.

>> Darren: With the coconut in your head.

>> Mike: Yeah, with the coconuts. You're gonna think of when they do the ride of the Rohirrim. You're gonna think of the coconut. You won't be able to stop it. It'll happen. Now, you fast Forward into the 80s. Now, there's been a animated movie. We've talked about the animated movie, the Lord of the Rings.

>> Darren: Yeah, horrible.

>> Mike: Where the hobbit's like a little fat dude with curly hair. Oh, Gandalf I'm so happy that I saw you. Let me hate sweet cake.

>> Darren: And they walk and they go.

>> Mike: Yeah. Look like they just got done making fudge stripe cookies in the back.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: None of them are doing the Matrix stuff that, that Legolas did anything like that. No. You read the book then, and it's just kind of lame because you're imagining that now you read Lord of the Rings. And who are you imagine as Gandalf? Ian, McKellen.

>> Darren: Ed Asner.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay, well, yeah, your visual. Visualization.

>> Darren: Yeah. If you read the book after seeing the movie.


Go back and watch the original fight between Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Reading in hd. You. If you read a book when you're a kid and then you go forth with. You see other things. bullet time in the Matrix. You see the, the current superhero movies we have.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: You see Jedi flipping around and do all this stuff and you go back and you read the same thing.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: It's a lot cooler.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And I have proof. I have proof. Go back and watch the original fight between Obi Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader in Star Wars A New hope.

>> Mike: It's two old men.

>> Darren: Yep. Bing, bing bong.

>> Mike: Go watch the YouTube remake that some genius did right. A year or two ago, where they made it look like the battles in the recent Star wars movies, they like mapped, what's his name, Sir Alec Guinness's face, face on there. And they, and they just like doing flips. Shooting fire. M. Flipping things around, throwing stars. Badass fight.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then it, it retained that look that Alec Guinness. Obiwan Kenobi. Obi Wan.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Shot to Luke right before he got ate by Vader.

>> Darren: Yep. Yep.

>> Mike: And then he goes, still badass. Still badass.

>> Darren: Strike me down. You'll only make me stronger.

>> Mike: Exactly. Yeah.

>> Darren: That's what, that's what they should have. I'm surprised they didn't add that back in when they realized it.

>> Mike: Perfectly set up in McGregor.


RINO Records is releasing a box set of the first five David Lee Roth solo albums

>> Darren: My point is, a book on audio.

>> Mike: Oh, yes.

>> Darren: Counts as is reading it.

>> Mike: No, it doesn't.

>> Darren: It does.

>> Mike: It's not. It's the same, but different.

>> Darren: You absorb it. You absorb all the. You absorb all the information.

>> Mike: Yes, yes. It's curated.

>> Darren: It's filtered.

>> Mike: It's, cold.

>> Darren: Filtered for freshness.

>> Mike: So I was grilling the chicken sandwich that you. That I enjoyed right before the show that you masticated. And, I'm out there in public in your backyard. In the backyard. But other people, other people can see. Other neighbors were within earshot. And Bess opens the door and says, did you order drugs Online. Loud as. Yes. Science. Like what.

>> Darren: It Sundays.

>> Mike: Apparently, I'm 50 now, right. So I ordered a probiotic.

>> Darren: Just.

>> Mike: I've never had one before. I wanted to try a probiotic. I got sold to on Facebook because.

>> Darren: You were tired of the antibiotics.

>> Mike: And I said, yeah, it's not a drug. Why are you yelling about drugs? It's not like I'm shooting up heroin here. She's like, oh. She started laughing.

>> Darren: Did you order drugs?

>> Mike: Now, it's funny, but all the neighbors are looking over at the. At our house. I'm waiting for the cops to bang on our door. Hank is gonna knock on the door.

>> Darren: I am the danger. I am the one who knocks.

>> Mike: Couldn't you have phrased that a little differently or not screamed it out there? Did you order drugs online? I mean, what are we doing here?

>> Darren: You know how I love pissing, off people on the Internet?

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: I tried. I was trying so hard this particular time.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: And I think I made a new best friend. I saw an ad. RINO Records is releasing a box set of the first five David Lee Roth solo albums. Okay. Right. And I. I instantly. I went straight to the comments, and people were like, are there any bonus tracks? Is this. Is this. Are these reissues? Are they. Yeah.

>> Mike: Are there,

>> Darren: Or did they. Are they remastered?

>> Mike: Censored. Yeah.

>> Darren: You know, and these people are complaining because it's just the five albums.

>> Mike: I didn't know he had five albums.

>> Darren: There's crazy from the Heat.

>> Mike: Yeah. Was just a Gigolo album that was off of, something in this.

>> Darren: I don't know what they're called. But anyway, so all these people are complaining that they weren't remastered. There's not bonus songs or whatever. And I said, this would be great if it weren't for all the David Lee Roth music. And within, like, 20 minutes, this guy comments. Hey, I like Dave. Oh, but that's hilarious. That's a joke.


This is episode 225 of Irritable Dad Syndrome. Darren, welcome to the podcast

Boy, you missed it. You mentioned Disney. Years ago, a buddy and I, we went. This is in the 90s. We went to Disney World. It was, like, two weeks before Universal.

>> Mike: Studios opened, where Disney was really the only thing.

>> Darren: It's the only game in town. Yeah, we parked, in Goofy. Leave it to me to park in the Goofy parking lot. so we're in the Goofy parking lot, and then the shuttle comes. Me and my buddy, we get on the shuttle, and it's taken off. And then you hear this guy go, oh, don't worry about it, lady. No, don't worry about that at all. I Can get the next shuttle. Yeah. Kids, I'll see you in the park. I'll get the next shuttle. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'll see you when I see you go. Don't wait on me. Have fun without me. I'll get there when I get there. So, lady, thanks. I'll just stay right here. And I'm like this poor family. They just got out of the car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And Dad's already lost his damn mind.

>> Mike: I'm sorry. I love vacation meltdowns. I don't know if it's the National Lampoon in me.

>> Darren: Hasn't even started, and he's just done.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm Mike.

>> Darren: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Mike and I, we want to be your podcast friend.

>> Mike: Live from Gooch Land, Virginia.

>> Darren: This is episode 225 of Irritable Dad Syndrome. We found out today that somebody in a town in Virginia known as Goochland.

>> Mike: Gooch Land.

>> Darren: Goochland. I went and I looked up on the www. You look up Gooch Land, and they pronounce it Goochland. And it's a town about 32, 34 miles away from Richmond, Virginia. rich in, heritage and beauty and.

>> Mike: Mike, slang. The word gooch is slang for the perineum. The perineum is the area of skin between the anus and the genitals.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And is also known as the taint.

>> Darren: The taint.

>> Mike: The old joke of taint the balls. Taint the ass. In British slang, it's also known as the chad or the grundle.

>> Darren: The grendel. The grendel.

>> Mike: Which sounds like a character in Harry Potter. Oh, grundle.

>> Darren: Go get the grundle.

>> Mike: Oh, grundle pants over there. Grundle britches.

>> Darren: You know, I was gonna invite the mayor. Goochland.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Goochtown. I don't think he's gonna. Or she. The mayor may be a she.

>> Mike: A Gooch crucible, huh?

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Because we talked about the crucible.

>> Darren: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: A Gooch crucible is a small crucible, okay, With a perforated bottom. That means it has holes in it.

>> Darren: Darren, I know what perforated means.

>> Mike: That is used to collect stupid dry and weigh precipitates.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: It is also known as a Gooch filter.

>> Darren: Okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: In American English, gooch can refer to conduct that is or is not in line with social custom. What the hell kind of definition is that? I don't.

>> Darren: I don't know. It is or is not in line.

>> Mike: It is or is not.

>> Darren: However, that means that I am or am not mayor.


If you live in Goochland, Virginia, send us a message

Okay, But Westchester, Ohio, here's what you.

>> Mike: Guys in, Goochland, Goochland or Gooch Land, have been waiting for in the Laguna beach area of Southern California. Yeah, Gooch is sometimes used as a slang for excellent or awesome.

>> Darren: Gooch.

>> Mike: Like, gooch.

>> Darren: Gooch.

>> Mike: Dude, you totally gooched it, man.

>> Darren: Dude, that's gooch, bud. And listen, if you live in Goochland, hey, it looks like a beautiful town. Mike and I were doing our research today, and Mike says me this text. What pray tell, is Goochland, Virginia?

>> Mike: Gooch.

>> Darren: What? Seriously, if you live in Goochland, Gooch Land, Gooch City. the Gooch. If you live there and you downloaded our podcast last week, send us a message. We want to talk to you about what it's like living in Goochland during the week. I will keep a list on my phone of things to talk about during the podcast. And there was one week where I just didn't have a lot of stuff, and I was on YouTube, and I don't know how it happened. I didn't search Gumby. I don't know why, but Gumby popped up on YouTube. I no idea why the algorithm did that. So I watched an episode of Gumby, and, oh, my God, I had to tell Mike everything about it. So we watched Gumby vs. The Robots, and then Gumby went to the moon, and then Gumby helped, a Native American kid find the brain spirits. And we've watched many Gumby episodes, but this one, I believe, was my favorite. Have you ever watched an old TV show or old movie? we're talking, like, old, old. And then you're really caught up at how it has a message that resonates with, things that happen today.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yes.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: I've always considering what you said.

>> Darren: I'm watching this old, old episode of Gumby. Okay. I have.

>> Mike: I'm okay. I'm all right.

>> Darren: I haven't got to the funny part. It's just.

>> Mike: I wasn't expecting that.

>> Darren: And Gumby. Right, Gumby. I'm searching through Gumby.

>> Mike: Damn it.

>> Darren: I'm Gumby. Damn it. Yeah, I'm searching through, on Roku, on the Roku channel.

>> Mike: Who's farted?

>> Darren: Or was it Roku or Tubi? Is.

>> Mike: They're all the same.

>> Darren: It was one of those free things. Yeah. And it's Crackle Gumby. Yeah. I'm like, okay, so I'm watching Gumby, and there was an Episode called Robot Rumpus. Here's the premise. Gumby is out doing chores. He's mowing the grass. And his best friend, Pokey. Pokey. Thank you. The little orange horse, he comes back. Hey, Gumby, wanna play? And Gumby says, I don't know, Pokey. I've got lots of chores to do. Then Pokey says, well, like, what if we didn't have to or something. He says, I got an idea. Come with me. So they get in their car and they drive over to where all these robots are stored. In this big garage. Yeah. And so they take five or six robots and they put them in the back of their truck. Thing. Their automobile.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And they drive them back. And Gumby has this great idea. So he's got one robot cutting the grass. He's got one robot, with a hoe. In the.

>> Mike: What?

>> Darren: With a hoe.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: In the flower bed.

>> Mike: Oh, that's. I guess, Weedy, you get thorns that way.

>> Darren: He's got one robot painting the house.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Another robot painting the fence. And then he's got one robot taking out the trash. And one. I'm thinking, my God, how many chores does Gumby's parents make him do?

>> Mike: Yeah.


The robots want milk. Robots don't drink milk. Plus they're lactose intolerant

>> Darren: This is prison.

>> Mike: Does he have parents? I thought he was independent.

>> Darren: He has. He does have parents. His father is Gumbo.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darren: His mother is Gumba. Gumba. Gumba is green. Gumbo is orange.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darren: Which leads to the question, how is.

>> Mike: I guess Gumbo may not be Gumby's real dad.

>> Darren: Maybe. Maybe that's. There's questioning because Pokey's orange. Yes. Yeah. You're one step ahead of me. Okay, so. So Gumba and Gumbo are parents of Gumby. Right. So Gumby's like, I'm gonna let, these robots do all my work. And then they go inside. Hey, mom, can we have a glass of milk? And the mom says, sure. So she pours them a glass of milk.

>> Mike: The robots want milk.

>> Darren: No, no. Robots don't drink milk.

>> Mike: I know. That's why I was concerned. You mess up their gears.

>> Darren: That's right. Plus they're lactose intolerant. That's right.

>> Mike: They. So they won't stand for it.

>> Darren: So Gumby and Pokey say, can we have some milk? And the mom says, sure. She pours them some milk, and then they ask, hey, can we have some crackers? Which is weird. Who's gonna eat crackers and milk? And the mom's like, yeah, you boys can have some crackers. And then the mom's like, hold on a second. I thought you had chores to do. And Gubby says, check it out. Look what I'm doing out there.

>> Mike: There.

>> Darren: so the mom. The mom works smarter. She looks out the window, and she sees the robots doing all these chores. She says, and I quote, how clever. How very clever of you. Well, everything's fine and great until the robots turn.

>> Mike: Skynet. Became self.

>> Darren: Aware. Exactly. They turned into Ultron.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darren: And one robot, the one who is weeding the garden, starts digging this ditch like he's going to China.

>> Mike: He's looking for the Infinity Stone.

>> Darren: Exactly. The robot who is mowing the grass mowed through the fence.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: The robot who was painting the house started painting the white house red. And he's painting up and down, all the way up. He's painting over the windows.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: The robot who was taking out the trash is like throwing trash.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darren: Everywhere. One robot starts lifting up the house.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Like the. Lifting up the whole entire house off of its, house.

>> Mike: Yeah. Office foundation.

>> Darren: Off its foundation. Thank you, Mike. Well, Mom, Gumba. She's like, what's going on? So she calls. She calls Gumby's dad, Gumbo. Now, Gumbo works at the firehouse. He is a fireman. A fire. He's a firefighter.

>> Mike: Firefighter.

>> Darren: He's a firefighter. And she says, help. Help.


Gumbo turns off one robot and then tries to turn off another

You got to get home. Help. He says, I'll be right there, honey. And he gets in his fire truck.

>> Mike: Yeah. Oh, he brings the fire truck home.

>> Darren: He brings the fire truck.

>> Mike: Can't use company like a government property. For personal.

>> Darren: For personal use.

>> Mike: He sure did okay.

>> Darren: He sure did. Yeah.

>> Mike: I guess that's how is in Gumbo land.

>> Darren: Exactly. Yeah. Write that off and see what your supervisor thinks. So Gumbo shows up, and then he looks and he's like, what the hell is going on here?

>> Mike: It's pretty apparent.

>> Darren: And he runs and he starts turning these robots off with their switch that's on the back. But he would turn one robot off and then go and try to turn off another robot. One robot would go.

>> Mike: And the one.

>> Darren: The robots that turns off, he would.

>> Mike: Turn it back because they're self. Aware.

>> Darren: They're self aware.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Again, Ultron.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Right. And he's like, honey, are you okay? She's like, oh, m. I'm so scared. And something, something. And then Gumby thinks, I need to help dad out. Yeah.

>> Mike: He's laying on his ass over there eating crackers and drinking milk.

>> Darren: Like a weird that he started. Yeah, right. And so he runs out and starts helping his dad. They turned off a robot and turned off another robot. They got the house back down on the ground. But the one that was digging the ditch, like to China, his dad said.

>> Mike: Just let him go.

>> Darren: There's only one way to stop this one. And what does he do? He throws a wrench at the robot.

>> Mike: Oh, oh, violence.

>> Darren: Just throw a wrench at a robot. He throws it. What does the robot do?

>> Mike: Throws it back.

>> Darren: He throws it back. And it goes through. Through Gumbas chest. Oh my. And it makes the imprint of a wrench. It goes right through.

>> Mike: And what does this turn into? A saw movie?

>> Darren: Well, this is what the badass part was. He regenerates. He looks at his. Yeah, he looks at his chest like, I've got a wrench hole in my chest.

>> Mike: And he just wolverines it away.

>> Darren: He reforms. And then Gumby gets a giant crane, a construction crane.

>> Mike: Just pour water down the hole. Yeah, yeah, right, yeah.

>> Darren: Robots hate water.

>> Mike: Basically douche him out of there.

>> Darren: Gumby comes over with the crane, really drops it down there and grabs the robot by the back and pulls it up. And they. So they got that robot out the ditch.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: And then they turn that one off. And then Gumba and Gumbo are really pissed at Gumby. And I'm thinking, mom, you know, you have no right to be pissed. Cause literally 10 minutes ago you're like, that's clever. Oh, how clever. Yeah, Listen, if you're not for him using robots to do the chores, you need to call that off at the start.

>> Mike: Is nobody asking questions about why there's a warehouse full of semi sentient. No. Robot warriors down the street from a pack of mentally impaired gum. Based life forms. Where's the. Where's the police? Where's the professors? The damn intelligentsia stopping this from happening.

>> Darren: Gum based life forms.

>> Mike: I mean, anytime they can just pop in their car.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: Drive down to the Skynet Incorporated.

>> Darren: So not only is there a warehouse full of robots, you can just walk right in and get as you want.

>> Mike: Just take them.


It's Taco Tuesday and I don't like tacos that much

>> Darren: Yeah, just floor models, throw them in the back of the car.

>> Mike: Demo models.

>> Darren: Right, right. But this is. In my opinion, this is AI all over again. Wacky Gumby. And it ends with Gumbo and Gumba, arms crossed. Ah, stern look, they. Boy, were they pissed.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And then watching Gumby mow the grass. Sweat all over him. Just sweating like crazy. And they're looking at him like, yeah, you're damn right you're mowing the grass.

>> Mike: What was Pokey doing when. When all the robots went crazy?

>> Darren: Pokey was like, oh, I'm out of here. He didn't leave, but he certainly didn't do anything to help. And it was Poki's idea to do this to begin with. So Thanks a lot, Pokey. Yeah, thanks a lot.

>> Mike: I don't like tacos that much. I'm gonna talk about how can you.

>> Darren: Not like a taco?

>> Mike: I don't. this whole thing.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: There's somebody on my Facebook that if you look at their page, it's all tacos. It's Taco Tuesday. Life isn't that bad. You've got tacos. I'm like, I don't draw the line of tacos. Yeah. That doesn't get me. If I'm having a day and you give me a taco.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm probably just going to walk away from the taco.

>> Darren: Really?

>> Mike: Who gives a about a taco?

>> Darren: Wow. Your. Your language is just on fire tonight.

>> Mike: Now, nerds, gummies, my mom is going.

>> Darren: To want you to settle down on that language.

>> Mike: Well, I'm just saying tacos aren't worth.

>> Darren: My thing is, if we're having tacos, I'd rather have a soft shell taco. And if I'm gonna have a soft shell taco, you might as well m. Make that a burrito.

>> Mike: Yeah, make it. Make it because make it human size.

>> Darren: I get frustrated biting into a taco and then everything goes everywhere.

>> Mike: Yeah. I'm like, a taco is just a fun sized burrito and there ain't nothing fun about that size.

>> Darren: No, if you're gonna have a taco, make it a soft shell taco and then just. Hey, you. Hey, garcon, Bump that up to a burrito for me. Thanks. If you're gonna eat a hard taco, you might as well just crunch it up and put it in a bowl and make a taco salad or throw.

>> Mike: It on a trash and get a steak.

>> Darren: Do you like Rod Swanson?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I'd like a sample, please. May I have another? Thank you. Is there a problem? No problem at all. I just want to make sure nobody else eats this filth.

>> Mike: I do the artwork for the podcast, and usually it's Darren and I, we have our roles and we usually don't get in each other's way, but occasionally we'll ask each other for advice. Darren will say, can you say this? Can we put this in the podcast? We had a podcast episode that was titled My cinnamon roll looks like a beaver. Yeah.

>> Darren: Now that's very safe.

>> Mike: Yeah. And when I put it into the AI prompt to create the art. Oh, boy. well, we had to have a meeting.


Every once in a while we have a title that we don't like

It's time now for an Irritable Dead Syndrome.

>> Darren: Previous story Story update.

>> Mike: Every once in a while we. I have a title or something that you don't like, but we push it forward. And then you have one that I don't like and we push it forward. We.

>> Darren: I don't think we've done that in a long time, though.

>> Mike: Most of the time we agree. But every once in a while there's one. last night. We had what I'm going to call the 2025 beaver conspiracy. So I'm gonna.

>> Darren: Last week's episode was My Cinnamon Roll Looks like a Beaver.

>> Mike: So I'm gonna pull the curtain back on this show a little bit. I think it's time to let listeners in on a little secret. If you haven't figured it out already. Our art department is. AI. Yeah. Because I'm not an artiste, as it were.

>> Darren: Neither am I.

>> Mike: And we have in the past we've collected other little bits of art and things and created artwork for the show. And then we found, hey, we don't want to get sued for anything, right? And then it was like, wow, we can make AI art. so we do. So I start with the album or the, I'm sorry, the episode title. I put it into the program. Ah. And. And I see what comes back. So you could try this at home, kids. Put in My beaver or My Cinnamon roll Looks like a Beaver.

>> Darren: My cinnamon roll.

>> Mike: Yeah. And see what comes back. An image came back almost instantly.

>> Darren: And boy, did that cinnamon roll look like a beaver. Yeah.

>> Mike: Boy, there were. No, you can't say that.

>> Darren: No, you can't.

>> Mike: Boy, did that cinnamon roll look like a beaver. It did. It looked pornographically like a.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: So I called Darren.

>> Darren: Darren knows Mike never calls me.

>> Mike: Never.

>> Darren: Never. If something's happened to Mike.

>> Mike: So our episodes release on Tuesdays. Darren M. Knows if the phone rings Monday night, I haven't sent him the clip. You got to answer it. Yeah, you got to answer. Something's happening. And when you answered the phone, what happened here was I called Bess into the room because I'm like, maybe I have a damaged mind, Darren. I see.

>> Darren: I agree.

>> Mike: I see things that aren't there.

>> Darren: And sadly, you and I are pretty much on the same wavelength.

>> Mike: And she came over the computer and I. She said, and I quote, what's that? And I said, I. Is this. Does it look to you? And like what it looks like to me? And she's like, yeah. She's like, well, what's the title? I was like. And she's like, why did you guys name it that? It became, what. What do you guys talk about? And I was like, you listen to the show?

>> Darren: Yeah. We were talking right out the gate.

>> Mike: How did this happen? I'm like, yeah, okay, I am partially responsible for the title, but that's not what's important right now. What's important is what's on our screen and what FBI watch list we're probably on right now.


Mike: I sent you an image of a beaver. And we had decided we were going to blur out parts

So I called you. Yeah. Now you had. I don't know what. You were having family time in front of the computer. I call and there's like a whole. It's like the Waltons. There's you and Libby and everyone. Cameron, gathered around the computer.

>> Darren: Well, we're eating dinner in my dining room. And the dining room is also where I edit the podcast.

>> Mike: So I sent you this image.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And you, you sent your child out of the room.

>> Darren: He did.

>> Mike: I asked you to.

>> Darren: Huh? Uh-huh.

>> Mike: We could tell because you were like, I can't see. There's nothing coming. And we could tell the instant it came over because you were out of breath laughing. And then we hear Libby in the background laughing, and Cameron confused laughing.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And, boy howdy, kids. we're gonna unveil that image to our patrons.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah, the podcast. You can see the rejected artwork.

>> Mike: we may start a, Irritable Dad Syndrome only fans page. That'll be a.

>> Darren: So what's. For a second there, you said, I don't think we're going to be able to do this. Do you have another possible title? To which I said, then what about Percy and the Mouse Jiggler? M. No, we're right back where we started.

>> Mike: Right back where we started. And I. I started.

>> Darren: And that wasn't a bad title either.

>> Mike: No, no, no.

>> Darren: But nothing as good as My Cinnamon Roll Looks like a Beaver.

>> Mike: And I began to convince myself that we're just going to use this picture. And.

>> Darren: And.

>> Mike: And we had decided we were going to blur out the. More the beaverish parts.

>> Darren: Yeah. And then put censored across.

>> Mike: Censored.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And then I just. As a. As a Hail Mary. That's a sports reference.

>> Darren: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: Football As a Hail Mary. I entered the prompt again to see what would come back, and then what came back was the actual.

>> Darren: The most adorable beaver that looks like a cinnamon roll. Yeah, that was a beaver that looked like a cinnamon roll.

>> Mike: Yeah. The other one was a cinnamon roll.

>> Darren: that looks like a beaver.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: That's.

>> Mike: There are moments when we're doing this podcast. I think someday, if. If this thing ever takes off, one of us or both of us is going to write a book. And I'm like, this is going to be.

>> Darren: This will be a chapter.

>> Mike: A chapter. Yeah. The. The cin roll looks like a.

>> Darren: One of these days. It's going to happen. It's going to happen, Mike. It's going to happen.


Elizabeth York: There are a few things that I look forward to on Christmas

I think every family has their own unique Christmas traditions. This year at Christmas, I just. You gotta listen to this story. Your wife.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: My God, Bess. Yeah. Best.

>> Mike: Elizabeth.

>> Darren: Elizabeth. So, there's a few things in this world that I look forward to the most on Christmas. One is my friend Leanne Bowman, who I went to high school and college with. She has this amazing photo of her when she was a little girl sitting on Santa's lap. And she's crying. She's bawling, screaming like blood. Red eyes. Tears. Visible tears come down her cheeks. Santa's holding her off his lap. Santa looks hungover. His. Okay, you can see the tattoo on his arm.

>> Mike: That's the title of this episode.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Looks hungover.

>> Darren: And she posts, it every year, and I love that she posted every year. And it's like, it's not Christmas until I see that picture from my friend Leanne. So I've started doing. Every year at Christmas time, I post a picture. When my kids were little, we have some Christmas stuffed animals. I don't know why my kids. I don't remember where they got the handcuffs, but we have handcuffs that they used to play with. They handcuffed Mickey Mouse and Kermit the Frog together, and they were laying on the floor, and we took a photo of it, and it looks like the last scene from Saw Before Cary always cuts off his own foot. So. Okay.

>> Mike: Spoiler.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Oh, sorry. So. But your wife added a new photo into my Christmas. Gotta look at memories.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: your boys are decorating the Christmas tree.

>> Mike: Beautiful moment.

>> Darren: But the. The boys. Oh, yeah, they're decorating the tree.

>> Mike: It was our new tree, by the way.

>> Darren: Yeah. Adorable. There they are putting ornaments and lights on the tree. And in the foreground is, Mike's dog, Booba, humping his other dog, Marbles, tumbling around the Christmas tree. We have a happy holidays.

>> Mike: Here's a fun fact. Boo Bah was assigned female at birth and identifies as a female.

>> Darren: Does, Marvel identifies as a freak.

>> Mike: Now, Marbles.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Was assigned male at birth. He has no balls. Those hap. That's what happens when you neuter.

>> Darren: He's. He's animal. That's right. Is that.

>> Mike: Was that called spade?

>> Darren: No, spade is when you make a girl cat no longer able to have,

>> Mike: Oh, neutered. I used the right word.

>> Darren: Neuter is boy spade as well. Have your pet spayed or neutered.

>> Mike: I'm just saying, watching the female dog hump the. The male dog, it just.

>> Darren: And it's like something out of New.

>> Mike: York out of front of a Christmas tree that your children are decorating. He was about as Norman Rockwell as we get. He was amazing.

>> Darren: I've been humming up and around the Christmas tree five days.

>> Mike: So we. This is 222 as the crow Flies.

>> Darren: That's another one I've been using as the crow flies.

>> Mike: Yeah, it annoys best because I don't use it correctly. So say, how long should this be in the microwave? Three minutes is the crow flies. That's not what that means.


Our category is Rejected names for Roller Coasters

And now it's time for this week's top five list. Our category is Rejected names for Roller Coasters. Here we go.

>> Darren: Number five. Vomitron. Number four.

>> Mike: Hurl a Whirl. Number three.

>> Darren: The Big Heave. Number two, Captain Upchuck's Puke Tastic Thrill Coaster. Number one. And the number one rejected name for.

>> Mike: A roller coaster.

>> Darren: Spew Mountain.


Irritable Dad Syndrome: Do not look through Cheez Its during eclipse

>> Mike: This has been the Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Darren: Top five list, brought to you by Otis Elevators. Now back to the show. I'm gonna tell one more story.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: I was having fun. I was pissing off people on the Internet. I love doing this.

>> Mike: I guess you're good at it.

>> Darren: I love doing this.

>> Mike: Yeah, you're good at being a.

>> Darren: Somebody on Instagram asked the question, name the only state that starts and ends with a different vowel. It starts and ends with a different vowel.

>> Mike: Idaho.

>> Darren: Okay. That's one of them.

>> Mike: Iowa.

>> Darren: I was another one.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I said, Hawaii. To which somebody felt the urge to correct me. He gets on there and he said, h is not a vowel. And I said, well, it should be. And I do not.

>> Mike: Which is the perfect response. It should be a vowel.

>> Darren: I. You not. Somebody got on behind me, goes, yeah, H should be a vowel. You started a movement. It's a joke. Yeah, I know that H isn't a vowel. I know that. That's. That's where the humor lies.

>> Mike: It should be.

>> Darren: It should be.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: So starting now, there's A, E, I, O, U. Sometimes Y. Yeah. Sometimes H. Yeah. A couple weeks ago, we were talking about how Google and the Internet has ruined family arguments and that how you can't Just, you know, say, what is it that you said that, you said that John F. Kennedy was our first president. And I'm gonna stand by that. And before we had the Internet. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, you could have. There were, there's debate, there was arguments.

>> Darren: You could have that debate. You could have the argument somebody instantly.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Proving you wrong. Well, that has also ruined other things. Libby and I are eating dinner and what, we like to eat for dinner some night is Cheez Its.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darren: We'll just sit there and eat a whole box of Cheez Its? No, we did have some Cheez Its. Okay. And Libby said, why is there a hole in the middle of the Cheez It?

>> Mike: Yeah, why is there a hole?

>> Darren: And I thought maybe, maybe because it's a perfectly little placed hole right dead center of the Cheez it square. And I thought maybe you could. It's big enough to put a thread through. You can make a nice little Cheez it necklace.

>> Mike: There you go.

>> Darren: Or my take on it was you could hold the Cheez it up to the sun and that's how you can watch the eclipse. I don't advise doing that. And that's the most I've made you laugh, in years. And then we're laughing and all you got to do is go on Google and look up.

>> Mike: Why does, why does it have a thing?

>> Darren: That's all you have to do. And it's just, it's poked in the middle there to keep the thing from baking and rising. Right. If you poke a hole in the center, it bakes flat. It's a practical reason. There's no humor to it. Somebody wasn't screwing around. What?

>> Mike: They like the eclipse?

>> Darren: They didn't accidentally do it. Yeah, but that's why they do it. And then I was like, well, it's not fun anymore.

>> Mike: So.

>> Darren: But I seriously do not, do not look through a Cheez it when watching the. No.

>> Mike: Well, I mean, if you don't have anything else.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Oh my God.

>> Mike: If somebody does this, don't look at the. Just if, if you have. If you don't have fda, approved or whatever the hell it is.

>> Darren: Yes, the Food and Drug Administration approves.

>> Mike: If you don't have CIA approved, don't. If you're taking advice from us, you're already. You're screwed.


There were two minutes left in the game. One team is ahead by 300 points

So Charlie had another game at, ah, 8 o' clock on a Sunday night.

>> Darren: What? Who does that?

>> Mike: The Hades. And it was a half hour away.

>> Darren: That's bedtime.

>> Mike: So we get there early enough to where we see the end of the previous game. My God, there's two minutes left. In the game. Yeah, two minutes left. Two minutes previous game.

>> Darren: That's when they have that two minute warning.

>> Mike: Exactly. One team is ahead. Warning by about, I don't know, 300 points.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Like it's clear they're going to win.

>> Darren: Huh? Uh-huh. Yeah.

>> Mike: And their coach calls the timeout. Yes. They use. Yes.

>> Darren: The last two minutes because we gotta score 298 points.

>> Mike: Where at least three timeouts. I think four timeouts.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: He was slamming. He got down on his knees, both hands up, slammed the court.

>> Darren: Why?

>> Mike: And screamed at Percy. Percy, Percy, Percy, Percy. Up. I don't know what Percy did because.

>> Darren: Nobody'S name was Percy's name was Percy.

>> Mike: I don't know what Percy did because nobody was watching the game. everybody was watching this, coach. Now for the full visual. Red from, no, no, no. From 70s, show.

>> Darren: Oh, that's Robocop. Okay. Yeah, that guy.

>> Mike: Exactly. Clarence Bodicker look exactly like him. Slamming the court. Percy.

>> Darren: Percy, throw them.

>> Mike: When Percy didn't throw the ball, he was yelling at Percy to throw the ball.

>> Darren: Damn it.

>> Mike: When, when Percy threw the ball.

>> Darren: Percy, hold on to the ball. Percy.

>> Mike: Percy, shoot the ball. Percy would shoot the ball. Percy.

>> Darren: That's not a made up name.

>> Mike: That's not a made up, name. There was a kid out there named Percy. Now remember when I said there were two minutes left in the game? Percy. In that two minutes, at least three to four timeouts, Percy got cussed up one side and down the other, the court got slammed. Me and Bess were like, we looked at each other like, should we call somebody? Because we, for a long time we thought that that was the losing team.

>> Darren: Poor people.

>> Mike: Until one of the kids, Percy, I think, accidentally made a basket. and we saw the score. That was, it was like, like I said 300 to 5 and it went 302. And I'm like, oh my God, why is he even still in here? Why? Just get out and get the car warmed up. What are you doing? Dude? Good, you're done.

>> Darren: Jacob had a friend who. I will not mention his name. But for every game they would get in a big huddle and they would, you know, you know, do what you do in a huddle. Have you ever been in a huddle? Have you?

>> Mike: No, I have.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: No, I've never been in a hunt. I really haven't. Well, maybe.

>> Darren: Okay. When I was accident, when I was on the wrestling team, we would Huddle up before, the match.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darren: Okay. So. And, I may have been. I'm legally not allowed to discuss what is said inside a huddle.

>> Mike: You really should.


Darren: I occasionally fart when I pee. Yeah. Sometimes. It's one of the few things I do well

>> Darren: I can't. Because what happens in the huddle stays in the huddle. Exactly. Thank you. Anyway, so the kids would get in their huddle.

>> Mike: I may have been in a non consensual huddle at some point.

>> Darren: Well, you went to college.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: It had to be happen. So the kids are in their huddle and then once they're done, they put their hands in the middle and then they yell, go Firehawks. or, or whatever their name is. Yeah. And so this kid, everybody would yell firehawks. And he would go, people. He wants to be inclusive. He did it week after week, after week after week.

>> Mike: Yeah. People.

>> Darren: Until, one of his parents sit down.

>> Mike: Stop saying yeah, you gotta pull Percy aside. Say, dude, come on. I missed. Like I said, I think everybody knows people long term listeners know that I was never into sports or anything like that. So that whole world is alien to me.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: And just watching the kids go through it, it's. It's hilarious. It is amazingly hilarious. The different characters that you see, the different, the different. It goes down.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Occasionally I'll start telling a story. An audio only podcast. You guys don't get to see all the glory. You can see it if you watch us on, Patreon or if you watch us live on the Twitch. But occasionally you can tell visually that Darren is very uncomfortable with the story that I'm telling.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And a good co host would stop or change direction. I tend to dig even deeper and go farther. Which led to this story. You know what did not happen to me on Valentine's Day?

>> Darren: What's that?

>> Mike: I didn't piss myself.

>> Darren: Yo. That's awesome.

>> Mike: At all. Not even a little bit. That's right. You know, a little dollop of tea.

>> Darren: Isn't that, sad? When you're happy with that, you're impressed with it. Most people expect that, you know, every day it's like. But you, hey, guess what didn't happen.

>> Mike: We're getting up there in years.

>> Darren: We are, I'm like five years older than you.

>> Mike: Yeah. And, there was a piece of advice that an older gentleman gave me once. And part of the advice was never trust me to fart.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah. I get up often to pee in, the middle of the night. Yeah. And I got up to pee and I occasionally fart. Welcome to the show. I occasionally.

>> Darren: We're happy that you're here.

>> Mike: I occasionally.

>> Darren: Oh, this is a good one.

>> Mike: While I'm peeing.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: It's one of the few things I do well.

>> Darren: Son of a.

>> Mike: One of the few things I do well.

>> Darren: We're less than a minute and a.

>> Mike: Half into, so this is probably.

>> Darren: Sometimes I fart when I pee. Sometimes.

>> Mike: This is. It was just like one or two in the morning, and I like, oh, here comes one. and lo and behold, twarnt a fart and. No, no, I'm gonna clean it up for the. For the kids. I ended up having to take a shower at 1:30 in the morning, throwing away the underwear and apologizing to Booba. She wasn't in the room, but she heard everything.

>> Darren: We're starting over.

>> Mike: No, it's perfect.

>> Darren: That's never happened to me. Never? No. No. Really? No, I've never. I've never. No.

>> Mike: Have you?


Bess skid marked across our permanent carpet on Saturday

You've never. So you've never done exactly what I just did or you've never trusted a fart when you shouldn't have you sharded, I guess, is the.

>> Darren: Yes. Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: You had,

>> Mike: you had.

>> Darren: That was something that I realized. Yeah. I don't want to talk about this.

>> Mike: 245 episodes, man. It had to come m up at some point.

>> Darren: We have enough problems getting people to listen.

>> Mike: People love this, okay? Their favorite thing.

>> Darren: And I was. Anyway, we are. End of the day, you're, you know, you're getting undressed. Getting. It's like, oh, wow. That happened.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: It's not that bad if it's at home, you know? Didn't say it was tiled flooring.

>> Darren: What's the flooring? Kind of like, when you're the dog, you scoot your butt across the floor.

>> Mike: Which, by the way, now that you mentioned that Boo Bob does that, doesn't she? No. She did that for the first time ever on Saturday.

>> Darren: Okay?

>> Mike: And I was the only person in this film family that was horrified. And that scares me even more.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: She plopped her buttocks directly upon the carpet and did the old boot scooting boogie.

>> Darren: Looked like R2D too.

>> Mike: Into the bedroom. Bess barely even looked at it.

>> Darren: Left a CSI trail.

>> Mike: She. Look what she did. She skid marked across our carpet. Our permanent carpet. I know you can change carpet, but who's gonna do that right across the carpet? And Charlie. I told Charlie what happened, and he and I quote, laughed.

>> Darren: Uh-huh. Quote, unquote. Laughed, unquote. You use a quote when somebody said something. I had to he said, quote, boy, that's funny. I like on the car.

>> Mike: And then everyone was walking away from this disaster.

>> Mike: And I had to come down here. Not here, but to the kitchen.

>> Mike: Where we keep the poop cleanup stuff. It's a long story. And go back upstairs with the roll of paper towels and that and do, ah, hazardous waste cleanup. And I, I'd let everybody know. You're welcome. Yeah. To you can walk in and out of the bedroom with your bare feet again.

>> Darren: Last week we talked about Pete Rose, legendary Cincinnati Reds baseball player. He passed away and I mentioned that a long time ago. He was in a commercial that I directed. I worked with him and we played some bloopers from Pete. in that commercial it reminded me of this thing that I did when Letterman was on CBS and he had the Late show with David Letterman on CBS's website. You could go to lateshow.com, okay. And that's where you saw a wrap up of, the previous night show. And then you see who's gonna be upcoming guests. Whatever. They had a section on their website, the top 10 contest. And every week they would put a category, right. And then people would submit entries. And if one of your entry made it onto their top ten list, I won one, T shirt, two mousepads. And then like the fourth time I won, there they, they were out of prizes.

>> Mike: Scratch sticker. Remember those?

>> Darren: I do remember those. Yeah.


Mike: Top 10 least popular Major League Baseball mascots

They had a category one time and this is the first time that I won this thing. Okay. And it was the top 10 least popular major League Baseball Master Mascots.

>> Mike: Okay. Okay.

>> Darren: I'm gonna run down all 10 of them. And Mike, I want you to guess which one was my entry. Okay? Okay. Okay. Top 10 least popular Major League Baseball mascots. Number 10, the Florida Marlon Brando.

>> Mike: I'm not gonna go with the first one, but that sounds like some stupid that you would say.

>> Darren: Number nine, Walker, Texas Rangers Ranger.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Number eight, the Pittsburgh Pirates. Scurvy Suffering Sailor. Number seven, the Tampa Bay Mumbling Octogenarian.

>> Mike: All right.

>> Darren: Number six, the Arizona Dustin Diamondback. Number five, Drunken shirtless belligerent fan. Number four, the New York Yanker.

>> Mike: I remember the New York Yanker.

>> Darren: Yeah. Number three, the Minnesota Conjoined Twins.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: Number two, the Washington Intern.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darren: Number one, Gamblin Pete. So which one was my entry?

>> Mike: Yours was either the Marlon Brandos or the Pittsburgh Scurvy Pirate guy.

>> Darren: Nope. I was number four, the New York Yanker.

>> Mike: You were the New York Yanker.

>> Darren: New York Yanker.

>> Mike: Holy crap.

>> Darren: And here's the thing.

>> Mike: I remember that.

>> Darren: Yeah. This contest, they mentioned the category on Monday.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Okay. And then the winner is, like, the following Monday.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: It was Sunday. Right. When I looked at this one. Oh, crap. And I. And I was. This is the first time I saw it. And I sent in New York anchor, and I got it last minute. Right.

>> Mike: That's awesome. Yeah. There you go. That's solid entertainment right there.

>> Darren: Right.


We heard loud conversations next door during our beach vacation. It escalated back and forth

>> Mike: And I pull it up as we decide to go get dinner because we're all a little cranky and hungry. We get in the room. We notice that the walls of the room are about as thick as two sheets of loose, leaf paper. Because we can hear quiet conversations of the people next to us.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: Like, normal voice talking.

>> Darren: And you know what? Sometimes that can be fun.

>> Mike: That factors into our trip later. It was a bit fun at one point. So the end of the first day was. And then when we get back to the hotel now we're hearing the yelling of the people next to us.

>> Darren: Oh.

>> Mike: So Bess wanted the room that was right next to where you can see the ocean, but that's also the room with the door that connects to the other place that we can hear.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: And the dude is yelling about something on the tv. The mom is yelling about something about the kids.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: So we swap with the kids, and we get the other room that's kind of back a little bit, and you can't hear very much.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: All right.

>> Darren: But so all through the course, the kids in the. In the louder room.

>> Mike: Yeah. Because they don't care. They're loud anyway.

>> Darren: Well, they're not paying for it.

>> Mike: Right. So plus, it was also a little bit psychological warfare. It's like, you guys think you're going to be loud. Let me. Let me put Charlie and Andrew.

>> Darren: Charlie, go get them.

>> Mike: Yeah. We progressively, as the week went, it became more and more crazy next door until one day. Yeah. We heard some very disturbing sounds. So we had gone to Busch Gardens, and I'll get into Busch Gardens here later. And we'd spent a couple days at the beach. Bess was done. She wanted to. She wanted to be inside for a bit, while I was taking the boys out to the beach.

>> Darren: Right. And a, little nappy nap.

>> Mike: Yeah. I'm trying to think the best way to. To do this. Let's.

>> Darren: This.

>> Mike: This is what I heard. This is what we heard.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: I want to go to the beach. It's a beach vacation. That means you go to the beach. You don't sit on your Ass in a hotel room on a beach vacation. I can see the beach, but I'm not on the beach. I'm paying $3,000 to be at the beach. And I'm sitting in here.

>> Darren: Look at you.

>> Mike: Look at them. And not on the beach. I want to go to the beach. I'm going to the beach. And that was going on for about an hour. And then an hour. And then in response, the man yelled out, can I get a cup of coffee? Can I have a freaking cup of coffee? Is that okay? It was. I was very close to the Walter White. So right now, what I need is for you to climb down out of my ass. Will you do that for me, honey? Will you please, just once, get off my ass? I'd appreciate it.

>> Darren: I really would. So the. The woman wants to go to the beach.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: And the man wants a cup of coffee.

>> Mike: He just wants a cup of coffee.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: It escalated back and forth. One of the last things I heard, and me and Charlie were. We saw each other when this was yelled. I, was back in the quieter room, and Charlie was in the loud room. And I wish I could recreate the smile that it gave when this came through the wall, but I just heard a, You just pulled out all my ass. Ha. The grin that hit Charlie and Andrea with that. And then I, at best, almost choked because she was. She was. We were eating snacks. She was just like. It was like popcorn.


Bess called the police because she heard sounds that sounded like someone being slapped

Listen to this. And I just said, I'm. I'm taking the kid. We're gonna go down to the beach. Are you sure you want to stay here? She's like, yeah, I'm gonna. She's like. She actually said, I'm thinking about calling the police because there was a kid in there. Right. A child. Right. And we heard sounds that maybe it wasn't good.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: Well, I guess I should be more specific. it sounded like somebody was being slapped. And we weren't sure if the dad was being slapped, if the wife was being slapped or the kid. And.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: And so Bess decided.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: When we. When I took the kids down to the beach, I get a text. I called the police. They're on their way. I was like, oh. So anyway, the police came. They must have passed the family because apparently he had recovered from his ass hair wound and had his coffee. And they were going down to the beach while, Officer Murphy was coming up, and. And they passed each other in the hallway. Bess gave a description, you know, and said, this is what happened. I'm, you know, Obligated to report it. They have kids in there. We're not sure what's going on.

>> Mike: So I don't know what happened from there on. I know that they didn't get kicked out. We thought that they might get kicked out.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: But no, they were there the rest of. But they were stone quiet the rest of the trip. Like we didn't hear.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Crap from over there. Like we. We actually thought that they'd gone left during that day. Yeah, but no, but it's like, don't.

>> Darren: People realize that other people are nearby?

>> Mike: See, I. We thought we had a lot of time to think about this because we were there for a week, you know, and this is not all we did. But I told Bass, I was like, we were the next to last room on that floor. They were the last room on the floor. We were the only neighbors that they had, so the only people they would have heard would have been us. And we're not that loud, so they may not have known that they're carrying, you know, all their. I literally could have taken this equipment there and it would have been a, podcast episode. It was about that. It was about that loud.

>> Darren: God.

>> Mike: But yeah, they. They calmed down eventually.

>> Darren: I can't remember how many weeks ago it was, but we had Joe Chambers, who is the guy who does the Johnny Cash impression of heavy metal songs. So we had Joe Chambers on the show. Well, we played a clip of Joe Chambers singing the Ace of Spades. I reached out to Joe and I said, do you take requests? Yeah, he says, sure. What do you want to hear? I want to hear Holy Diver. Okay, so Joe Chambers does this cover of Johnny Cash singing Holy Diver by Dio. And I swear to God, it sounds exactly like a song Johnny Cash would sing. And he killed it. And he said, he told me that I could play anything his that I wanted to on the show. But here's Joe Chambers doing Holy Diver.

>> Mike: Holy Diver. You've been down too long in the midnight sea. I watch the coming of me ride the tiger. You can see his stripes but you know he's clean. Don't you see what I mean? You got to get away, you got to get away. Holy diver. Got shiny diamonds like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue. Something is coming, For you. Look out, race for the morning. You can hide in the sun till you see the light. We will brave if you'd so right. You got to get away, get away. Between the velvet lies.

>> Darren: There's a truth.

>> Mike: That'S hard to Steal the vision never dies. life's a never, never ending. That's awesome, dude. That's awesome.

>> Darren: Yeah, it's. Isn't it amazing?

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darren: So, Joe, thank you so much.


Joe Chambers sounds exactly like Johnny Cash on Tik Tok

If you go on the Tik Tok, look up Joe Chambers, 50. Follow him. Share his music. Help him out. everybody needs a. That's. Swear to God, he sounds exactly like Johnny Cash. It's amazing.


Bess and I went to a Mexican restaurant for Cinco de Mayo

>> Mike: We got another holiday dinner. story here. Bess and I decided to go out for Cinco de Mayo. We went to a Mexican restaurant, and one of my favorite overheard exchanges that I've ever been a part of in a restaurant happened. Enjoy. yesterday was Cinco de Mayo.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: That's the 5th of May for our Canadian fans.

>> Darren: Happy Cinco de Mayo to all who celebrate.

>> Mike: So Bess wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant. And you can't go more. You can't walk more than five feet in this area without walking into a Mexican restaurant. It's driving me nuts.

>> Darren: That's true.

>> Mike: They changed, Bagger Dave's by the theater now as a Mexican restaurant.

>> Darren: What?

>> Mike: You've already got, like, two or three of them in that area. Anyway, I digress. So we went to this Mexican. Mexican restaurant. We sit outside in this. Inside, it was packed. People were screaming, running around, and there was a dude in a Transformer costume walking around. I don't know why. Yeah, but apparently that's a thing. Not only at that Mexican restaurant, but at another one that Bess took Andrew to, there was a robot walking around. So that's. I don't know. The. The Transformers. Apparently, after the war was over, me, they went into the public sector, and they started working, Mexican restaurants. Anyway, resistance is futile. So we sat outside, and there was nobody outside.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: But then as time went on, more and more people started sitting outside.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: As normally happens, the loud couple that I want to watch is sitting behind me, and Bess is watching them because she's sitting across from me, right? And I hear, this lady say, it is too cold out here. It is too cold to be sitting outside. and then there's some silence, and I can't hear now. Bess, at this point, is not listening to a damn word that I'm saying. Her eyes are locked behind me. And then a little bit more. Is this all that's on the menu? This is all they have. Where's the rest of the food?

>> Darren: What all? And then what all do you want? There's nachos. Yeah. There's a burrito. There's a taco.

>> Mike: Like we've been out here forever and they're not coming around to take our drink order. They're just not. And then the guy, you know, came out. and it. They only have Pepsi products.

>> Darren: Okay?

>> Mike: They told her that. So she ordered whatever, went back in. I wanted a Diet Coke. I can't get a Diet Coke. It's just everything. And then finally the guy, and he was about this loud.

>> Mike: You know, I'm tired of your got up and he laughed. No, he left her at the table. He went inside the restaurant. I thought he left, period. So I almost choked.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: I almost. I wanted to turn around so bad. Bess was, you know, just. Her eyes were wide. A few minutes later, he came back. He came back and sat down. And I did get a couple looks at him before I left, but I wanted to high five the dude. And I just, I just, I asked mess. It's like, would you be able to just go back to your meal if you were talking to me at a restaurant? And I just. That loud. Said, I'm tired of your. And walked out and then came back. Would you be able to. Because they just were just going about their dinner like nothing had happened. Like, that's just, that's just a Monday night.

>> Darren: What happened?

>> Mike: She didn't say anything back to it. I didn't hear her voice. He did. It did its job. She didn't say the rest of the night. Uh-huh. It was amazing.

>> Darren: That's awesome.


Uh, I would buy his dinner, so. Would you like to sit with us? Good for him. Yeah, that's perfect. It

I would buy his dinner, so.

>> Mike: Great.

>> Darren: Would you like to sit with us? Good for him. Oh, I'm tired.

>> Mike: It made my Cinco de Mayo.

>> Darren: that's. Yeah, that's perfect.


Cameron has interviewed for a job at Chick Fil A

It's time now for the Chick Fil A story of the week. Speaking of Cameron, we may have to stop making jokes about Chick Fil A. Okay? He has interviewed for a job at the Chick Fil A. Yeah.

>> Mike: Nobody listens to this thing anyway.

>> Darren: Well, I know.

>> Mike: yeah.

>> Darren: So Cameron had friends over and, the other day, and his friends like, oh, your camera's dead. I said, yeah. He said, you have a podcast. I'm like, I do. And he says, you're cool. I'm like, we are? Yeah. All the cool dads have a podcast. Yeah. So if he goes into Chick Fil A, he starts telling them, you know, my dad and his buddy Mike mention you guys on the podcast all the time. Someone, a manager is going to listen to it and then come in the next day. Cameron, we need to talk about a. Ah, Potential breach of contract here.

>> Mike: I have.

>> Darren: And that potential breach. And by the way, Cameron said he's already planning, if he gets the job at Chick Fil A, what he's going to do on his last day. Okay? So he's clearly not planning on making it a lifetime gig. And I told him, I said, listen, if you work for Chick Fil A and you decide to leave on your very last day, all day long, you're going to say, you're welcome.

>> Mike: I've got one word for Chick Fil A. Oh, boy. Accountability.

>> Darren: Okay, don't start.

>> Mike: No, won't be no.

>> Darren: That's right.

>> Mike: If you guys do your job and.

>> Darren: Don'T screw around, there'll be no problem.

>> Mike: I don't have anything to talk about. Nobody wants to hear a podcast where I'm talking about. Yes, I went to Chickfila Filet and I ordered a chicken sandwich and they gave it to me and I paid and left.

>> Darren: They got my name right and they gave me the exact change.

>> Mike: That's not a fun story.

>> Darren: No, it's not a fun story.

>> Mike: That happened to me the other night.

>> Darren: When they call you Darwin. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: I was. You know where they. They take, like 15 orders. They have multiple lanes of traffic going through there, like at the airport. And they're running out, and my pleasure and you're this and my pleasure and you're that. And the. The guy handed me a couple of bags and it said, did you have the Powerade? And he's holding drinks. I didn't order any drinks. I'm like, no. And then another Chick Fil a person, I could tell because they have the red shirt, walks up giggling out of the building, comes up giggling and says, no, the other black suv. And then he handed me a bag and said, there's your order. My pleasure left. There was maybe half of my order that they got right. Now they normally get my order right.

>> Darren: Yes. And I. I think the last time they screwed up my order, they like, when Libby goes to Chick Fil a, she'll order 24 packages of the Chick Fil A sauce. And they only gave 23. So we had to pull back around.


The following story involves Darren's wife and was exaggerated for comedic purposes

>> Mike: The following story involves Darren's wife and was exaggerated for comedic purposes only.

>> Darren: Please listen accordingly.

>> Mike: Usually my only problem with Chick Fil A, I've got two main ones. They're just recurring, and I've quit talking about them because I've done that bit. But just to recount for, newer listeners, you can go back and listen. I. About the fact that they got seven Working in the line.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: They don't need that.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: And then the other one is, they interrupt me while I'm ordering to layer in their own flavor. And I don't need that. I need a. What's a good name for the order? My name is Mike. Let's use my name.

>> Darren: That's the best name you can use as my name.

>> Mike: I'd like a Cobb salad with the, You want it fried like we do? I hate that. I've identified the particular Chick fil A wanderers out there that say that. You've got some of them that know to keep their mouth shut and just let me order. And then you got the others that come up, say you want the nuggets fried like we do. Like we do is what bothers me. I enjoy the fact that there's a choice. Right. of course I want the fried nuggets. I'm an American. Yeah, this is America, the last time I checked. I want the fried nuggets. What kind of psychopath is getting grilled nuggets?

>> Darren: No, you don't do that.

>> Mike: Screw off. Yeah, give me the fried nuggets. But it's the. Like we do. The hell's up with you? You are not the first chicken joint on, this block.

>> Darren: Like, they're the only person to ever fry chicken. How about Kentucky Fried Chicken, also known.

>> Mike: As KFC because of the haters.

>> Darren: Did you know that there's KFC flavored Mac and cheese?

>> Mike: I saw that. There's a.

>> Darren: Shut up.

>> Mike: there's a Cane's down the road. There's a Popeyes down the road. They all do things like they do. You don't have to say like we do. You're not the only chicken joint frying up chicken you don't own. Kentucky Fried Chicken has it in their name.

>> Darren: Uh-huh. They fry them. And they're not the first people to fry chicken. No, no.

>> Mike: Legend has it that people fried chicken before 1985.

>> Darren: That's right.

>> Mike: I've heard that. That happened.

>> Darren: So I think Jesus fried chicken in the Bible.

>> Mike: You guys, you. That's the title. That's the title to our Christmas episode. It is. It's gonna be. I don't care what you say. That's what it is.

>> Darren: Well, one. This is in our Christmas episode.

>> Mike: That's next week.

>> Darren: All right. Yeah.

>> Mike: Look.

>> Darren: Oh, God.

>> Mike: You.

>> Darren: I'm sorry.

>> Mike: You people. And by you people, I mean you people listening right now. You, our listeners, you people who eat fried chicken, you get to hear this, ranting from me.

>> Darren: You're welcome.

>> Mike: You're welcome. Yeah, but in general, in normal life, I don't rant like this at people I don't know.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: I just don't.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: I have some social skills to a degree, but I tell you what. Uh-huh. When. When they say like we do. Oh, they get close. Dude. You ever seen those videos? I've seen a lot of the. The Tick Tock videos of the dumb asses that try to feed the bear their Snickers bar outside of the window.

>> Darren: Oh, my God.


If he gets the job at Chick Fil A, Libby says he's weird

>> Mike: And the bear comes over and they find out, and the camera.

>> Darren: The camera shuts off quickly before the blood.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, It's. It's like that. They're testing me. I'm like a bear. And they're hanging a stickers bar. Stupid.

>> Darren: Are you.

>> Mike: There's a social contract. You're there to take the order, I'm there to tell you what I want. It's no judgment.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: I have no judgment. Just, you chose the job, I chose the joint. Yeah, let's. Let's do this and let's keep the whole thing. Let's keep the police out of it.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: That's all I'm saying. You give me my food, I'll give you the money. And I'll go with my life. You go with your life. I'll see you again next Tuesday. Yeah, that's it.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Like we do.

>> Darren: Anyway, Libby has already told me that if he gets the job at Chick Fil A, that I'm gonna have to let it go with the you're welcome. And I don't know that I can.

>> Mike: Do that with the you're welcome all the. I mean, the my pleasure.

>> Darren: Yeah, yeah, that is. I mean, I want them to say, you're welcome. Like a person. Yeah. Honest. God, that's in kindergarten when we were taught manners. It's like when someone says thank you, you say, you're welcome. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: I. I think I have a lot of plans for if I ever become a millionaire and don't need to work. I'm not going to just go off and. And not do anything. I'm gonna apply to all kinds of jobs and I'm gonna work them and try to get fired. All of them. And a place I'm gonna apply to.

>> Darren: Sounds amazing.

>> Mike: Is Chick Fil A. Yeah. And I'm gonna say my pleasure, but I'm gonna be weird about it. They're gonna order.

>> Darren: Oh, it's my pleasure.

>> Mike: Pleasure.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: I'll. I'll try to get the golem. You know, my Precious. And make it my m. Oh, I'll do it like in the Goblin took my Chickfila. I will. Yeah. Yeah. I'll ask them how they're doing, but I'll just keep the conversation going until they drive away because that's another one.

>> Darren: I hate that stick shift. Well, I love driving a stick shift. I remember. Do you like to peel the tires? Yeah.

>> Mike: And I'll do. I'll talk to them and then I'll try to one up them.

>> Mike: Oh, that'll be so fun. Like, what do you got planned today? Oh, we're gonna go fishing. Really? I went fishing the other day out, the Pacific. Caught a marlin. This about 15ft.

>> Darren: The picture of it.

>> Mike: I was catching so many fish, it got boring.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Have fun on your stupid little lake trip.

>> Darren: Love you. Bye. Yeah.


Darren and I have been doing this podcast for five years

>> Mike: This has been the Chick Fil A.

>> Darren: Story of the week.

>> Mike: Darren and I have been doing this podcast for five years.

>> Darren: Five years.

>> Mike: We've talked about damn near everything. So we've. We've talked about, the other podcast, the. The one that doesn't get broadcast.

>> Darren: That's right.

>> Mike: For personal, legal, spiritual, all those types of reasons. Right. But we've talked about everything that people can talk about. And we're still. We're still best friends. So it's reasonable to assume we're going to know each other until we just drop dead.

>> Darren: Yes. After the podcast, I like to think you and I are still going to be best friends.

>> Mike: Yeah. So we're going to end up in the home together at some point. At some point.

>> Darren: Do you think we'll be in the same room?

>> Mike: No, I don't know. I can't handle that.

>> Darren: But.

>> Mike: But Libby. Libby and Bess will be in their wheelchairs over at the Scrabble table or whatever the hell they're going to be. They'll be doing their book club reading.

>> Darren: That's right.

>> Mike: Being smart.

>> Darren: Right.

>> Mike: Darren and I are. We're free spirits.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: And we've decided now that we're going to spend the majority of our time trying to escape that place. Yes. And we spent some time planning what our route would be and, oh, what.

>> Darren: A plan it would be.

>> Mike: I'm telling you, when we're in the home, I know we're going to be in the same home. I just. I know we're going to be in the same home for this. Probably the same reason. And Bess and Libby will visit us.

>> Darren: Well, I've told together that Mike and I are going to be in the same home. And she's like, well, where am I going to be? I'm like, you're not going to lose your mind. Somebody has to take care of the children.

>> Mike: Yeah. Bess will call Libby and say, is it your day to bring the peeps or do I have to take the peeps? And you know, and you know, you'll be out there with.

>> Darren: You know, they make chocolate pudding. Yeah. Flavored peeps.

>> Mike: You'll be out there in the front yard with your gown wide open, waving at cars.

>> Darren: Yep. Yep. can't wait. I. I'm really looking forward to that.

>> Mike: I'll be trying to escape the fence on the other. On the other side. And it's just going to be a hoot.

>> Darren: Uh-huh. And you forgot where you're.

>> Mike: I forgot where I was going with it.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm just saying.

>> Darren: Ah.

>> Mike: That when we're in the home. My mom used to be a nurse at a nursing home.

>> Darren: Oh, okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: And she told me stories about sometimes the residents just tried to escape. And I was like, that's exactly what I would do.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And we've talked about this before. Every night I'm seeing how far I can make it. And you're coming with me.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: we're, Because we're going to. We're going to be like what, 80?

>> Darren: I'm thinking 60 after.

>> Mike: Okay. Six.

>> Darren: I'm looking at six years after. After 60. Uh-huh.

>> Mike: They don't care. Just as long as they get you back home safe in your pajamas.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Under lock and key. Yeah. they don't care. Like you. Can we could just go out and find a car.


Here's what we're gonna do. We're walking out the front door. I'm dead serious. Most of the other residents are trying to

>> Mike: Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna leave out the front damn door.

>> Darren: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Because no one has the balls to do that.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: Most of the other residents are trying to climb out the window. We're walking out the front door. We're going to a gas station. We're going to hide in the bushes until someone is going in to pay for their gas. And then we're getting the car and flooring it due west. Right. And we're going to see how close to California we can get.

>> Darren: Oh yeah.

>> Mike: And if we make it all the way to California, we're ditching the hospital gowns. We'll buy new clothes along the way.

>> Darren: With what they are, who cares?

>> Mike: We'll be beach bums. We'll just lay on the beach somewhere in la.

>> Darren: Me m. And you, man.

>> Mike: Is LA near the water?

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: Whatever. We'll just go until we hit the ocean. And you know what? If we see a dinghy, we'll, get in the dinghy and we'll row our asses out there and see if we can make it to Hawaii. Yeah, we're 80.

>> Darren: Oh, yeah, we could get to Hawaii.

>> Mike: Like a pair of men. Dude, you want to lay in a hospital bed, just waste away with all your family around you saying, oh, we. Or you want to be out there getting chased by a killer whale, with your bud? and we'll have beer on, the dinghy with us. Somehow we'll find that along the way. Yeah, we'll just be out there, dehydrated, shorts, on a mast.

>> Darren: Everywhere we stop. I'm just like, did I tell you I'm on blood pressure medication? Yeah. Okay, there. Get in the car.

>> Mike: But at some point, someone will tap us on the shoulder. It'll probably be either Cameron or Andrew.

>> Darren: Uhhuh.

>> Mike: Uh-huh. Saying, dad, you're in the pool again. You're not. You're not supposed to be in the pool unsupervised and walk us back to our respective, rooms.

>> Darren: Did I ever tell you that I have a family member who walked out of the nursing home? I mean, but the thing was, this person wasn't like, I'm getting out of here, trying to escape. I think I'm going to go for a ride type of thing and just grab some keys and took a car, just go and just started driving. And they like, oh, yeah, they found the person. I can't say who it was. I don't know why. I'm not gonna get sued.

>> Mike: This is. I'm dead serious. And they're gonna use this as evidence.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: Trial.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: But at 80, who can't? They're just gonna take us back.

>> Darren: And what they're gonna do is, like, you know what? We should have listened to that podcast back then, and we should have paid attention to. Because this is what you call the sign.

>> Mike: This is the sign. This is foreshadowing.

>> Darren: They should have listened.

>> Mike: Well, I'm going to buy a license plate.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because we're going to take that.

>> Darren: Buy one.

>> Mike: We're going to. Mike would just take one off another car.

>> Darren: I have a screwdriver.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: I can get license.

>> Mike: We'll just change license plates every.

>> Darren: All along the way, every five minutes.

>> Mike: Yeah, go through. I've played gta. We'll just go through a car paint place, give them 100 bucks. They'll paint your car a different color. Yeah, go on down the road, get all tatted up.

>> Darren: Now, I'm not gonna do that.

>> Mike: I'm doing that because they can't. I'll be like the Mike Odle that you're looking for. Does he have a. A tattoo of a Big. On his shoulder? No. Well, I do, because, you know, you're 80. Who cares?

>> Darren: No, I don't think I'll ever do that.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: I can't do the tats. I do not like the needles, and I don't like pain.

>> Mike: Or we could go north.


Mike: We almost hit a moose driving to Niagara Falls

Who's gonna look for us in Canada?

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: Nobody. Get up there, tame a moose. Ride that thing around. It wouldn't even be able to get near you.

>> Darren: The only time I've ever been to Canada. We went with Libby and a friend of hers, Gail. She's. Gail's a friend of mine, too. And we're driving back, and Gail fell asleep in the backseat. Libby fell asleep in the passenger seat. And then, of course, I fell asleep behind the wheel. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darren: I swerved the car back out the road. What happened? Wake everybody up? Scare everybody to death? And. And Livy says, what happened? I said, oh, yeah, we, We almost hit a moose. And Gail, I think, still believes me. Yeah. M. And the great thing about driving in Canada, Mike, is that it's, in kilometers. So you can speed like crazy.

>> Mike: Yeah. You can drive.

>> Darren: You drive 65 kilometers an hour. What is that, 200? That's math. But they pull you over. Like, I'm driving 60.

>> Mike: 65. Yeah.

>> Darren: Just stupid. Just play stupid.

>> Mike: I saw a video the other day of a guy trying to get a picture of a moose.

>> Mike: And it was standing in the field.

>> Darren: No.

>> Mike: And the moose heard the. Yeah, I guess he was dumb enough. He still had the click, you know, some phone. Still.

>> Darren: The moose was dumb enough, or the guy.

>> Mike: No, the guy was done. Oh. Moose are pretty smart. PhDs of the. Of the furry animal kingdom.

>> Darren: And by the way, if you're a moose, welcome M. To irritable dance.

>> Mike: You're welcome. But it's hilarious because he's maybe 50ft away from said moose. And the moose hears the click and turns immediately and starts walking. The guy, dropped and screamed. Was laying on the ground, screaming. Uh-huh. Which is exactly what you're supposed to do with a moose.

>> Darren: No, that's.

>> Mike: That's all you can do. No. Understeed himself.

>> Darren: You run, zigzag, chase.

>> Mike: Moose can just try and chased down the. The biggest sprinter. My, point is that dude screamed and soiled himself and dropped just because the moose looked at him. Now, picture an 80 year old like me. Me riding a moose.

>> Darren: Oh, you grab hold of the antlers, do whatever. Yeah.

>> Mike: You know, they don't. The moose is going to think it's awesome. You know, they respect, elderly men who climb on their backs.

>> Darren: They love it. They love it.

>> Mike: And I would get perfect.

>> Darren: They're designed for it.

>> Mike: How to get a megaphone.

>> Darren: You can put like four people on a moose.

>> Mike: One of those things they use, you know, come back with your hands up.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I'm gonna ride that moose.

>> Darren: Attention all booze.

>> Mike: To Niagara Falls. And me and the moose are jumping.

>> Darren: Off of Niagara Falls in a barrel.

>> Mike: As I'm going off, I'm yelling out yippee Ki through the megaphone. But I'm gonna say it. I'm not saying the way Bruce Willis says. I'm saying the way Hans Gruber says when he says. Oh, yeah, what does it say? Yippee ki. Yay.


If we're in Canada, we'll get Mike Chisholm

I'm gonna say it that way.

>> Darren: What you say? It's Canadian. Going off the Yippee ki.

>> Mike: Yippee.

>> Darren: Yeah. I go with boot. The.

>> Mike: Yeah, boot.

>> Darren: If we're in Canada, we'll get Mike.

>> Mike: Chisholm to come with us. exactly.

>> Darren: Yeah. he lives in Canada. I mean, he is actually from Canada. He's Canadian.

>> Mike: I could be. I don't want to kill a moose, though. Maybe I. We'll put a bungee cord on the moose.

>> Darren: Uhhuh.

>> Mike: Uh-huh. So the moose will come back up, Right? Or whatever they say.

>> Darren: And now.

>> Mike: Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit.

>> Darren: Out of my hat. Again, Nothing up my sleeve. Presto, wrong hat. I take a seven and a half.


Mike and Libby have been doing this podcast for five years now

Now, here's something we hope you'll really like. You know, my favorite part about that story is. Well, that when I went home and I told Libby what we were talking about, and she was instantly like, wait, why am I not part of this? I'm like, because somebody has to take care of the children. You're gonna be the sane one.

>> Mike: Yeah, exactly.

>> Darren: I never once assumed that she'd be in the home. She's gonna be at her actual home with her sanity. Oh, this has been such a thrill. So much fun. And we want to thank you guys so much, not only for this year, but for our loyal listeners who've been with us all five years, we cannot possibly thank you enough. Mike and I, we love doing this podcast. We're going to continue doing it as long as we love it. And Mike, I thank you. This was a great idea of yours. Let's do a podcast and I'm m thrilled. This is my creative outlet. I have more fun doing this than, definitely than.

>> Mike: And it's changed so much over the years.

>> Darren: Good Lord.

>> Mike: I was going back and listening to stuff from year one and I was like, that's not even. That doesn't even sound like us anymore.

>> Darren: I know it doesn't. So again, thank you so much for your support. Let's look, forward to the next five years and even longer. And as always, we appreciate it and we hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Mike: Well, is it recording your voices?

>> Darren: Yeah. You look like that dude from Harry.

>> Mike: Potter with the googly eye.

>> Darren: No, not the guy with the googly eye. The doodoos. googly eye guy or orifice.

>> Mike: I think I look good. I look damn good. You look red.

>> Darren: Gotta get down with a.

>> Mike: Get down now, now, now. There's. That's more. There's. There, there. I like, look at that right there, bruh.

>> Darren: Daddy looks good.

>> Mike: Getting on it. Only fans right here.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: $10 a month. Month.

>> Darren: Yeah.

>> Mike: that's another thing I've been doing to best turning off your ring. No. Whatever. She. She'll say something like, can you get me a water? And I'll be like, can you give me a water?

>> Darren: And how are you still married? Honest to God, I think you're. I mean, you may be more annoying than I am.

>> Mike: Look at that. Yeah, that pops that collar that slaps that color. Color, color, color. That's best. Gets mad at me because I don't. I say color collar. Yeah, she says it's color, Color. Cooler Color.

>> Darren: Cooler Color, Color.

>> Mike: I called the barbarian horse color.

>> Darren: Called the what?

>> Mike: Cold call Color. Color.

>> Darren: Color.

>> Mike: I'm a color.

>> Darren: Color.

>> Mike: I'm one who calls. Yeah.

>> Darren: Yes.

>> Mike: M. I could have used some dude.

>> Darren: Wipes, but doesn't smear.

>> Mike: Do you ever look back at your post every once in a while like, am I being a little bit of intelligence?

>> Darren: Am I being too,

>> Mike: See it every once in a while?

>> Darren: No, no, no, I haven't commented.

>> Mike: No self awareness at all?

>> Darren: No, I have no self awareness at all. I don't. I don't even know I'm here.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darren: He, did not say that.

>> Mike: Where's the rest of the interview?

>> Darren: Really? Yeah.

>> Mike: Fred.


Fred Hernandez apparently was watching live. He's a figment of my imagination

Fred Hernandez. It was Fred Hernandez apparently was watching live.

>> Darren: Okay.

>> Mike: He's a figment of my imagination. Oh, we haven't done a Mike's reading now update in a long time.

>> Darren: Oh, I thought that was for a reason.

>> Mike: They don't have pairs no, which is why they can wear those short shorts.

>> Darren: They turn sideways. Have they tucked?

>> Mike: I highly recommend you cut that.

>> Darren: Yeah, yeah. You look fine.

>> Mike: And I look like the guy from Empire Strikes Back.

>> Darren: Low by.


Game over, man. Mhm. We now continue with our show already in progress

We now continue with our show already in progress. That's it, man.

>> Mike: Game over, man.

>> Darren: It's game over.