IDS #285 - A Piece of Toilet Paper and a Dream

Last week, we did not wish people a happy Thanksgiving

>> Mike: Yeah, I think when we get to the point where we have our assistance. Say something.

>> Darin: Yeah, once we get our assistance.

>> Mike: Once we get our assistance and they're talking for us and we're not talking to each other. Yeah. We'll have different. We'll have different names. There'll be. Captain, Beefheart would like you to quit farting right before every show.

>> Darin: Can you tell Jiminy Prick that I.

>> Mike: Can we be Cricket and Tabs? I want to be Cricket and Dabs.

>> Darin: Oh, you're Cricket.

>> Mike: I'm Cricket. I'll be Cricket. I'm a mod.

>> Darin: Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Now with more antioxidants, here are your hosts, Cricket and Tabs.

>> Mike: Hey, I'm Cricket.

>> Darin: And I'm Tabs. Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 285, and right off the bat, I need to apologize. Last week, we did not wish people a happy Thanksgiving. M. We record this show a week in advance. And you would think that we would be smart enough to realize when these episodes are recorded, when these episodes drop, that one's gonna drop. A couple of days before one of the biggest holidays of the year where people celebrate with their family, they give thanks. Yes. For everything that people have given them and. And for the things that they give others. And we totally screw that up. And so from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. And I want you to know I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. We are going to try to do better with the upcoming other holidays. Anywho, how you doing?

>> Mike: I'm okay. You know, for Thanksgiving?

>> Mike: This year. Yeah, I'm going to. Or I did.

>> Darin: You see, we're recording this episode on Tuesday before Thanksgiving, so it will drop after we have had our turkey roll.

>> Mike: So I'm thinking we always give thanks, but who are we thanking for what? You know what I'm saying. I know the. How the original holiday started.

>> Mike: But are you actually thanking someone this year?

>> Darin: Well, I thank the friends and the family who I celebrate my day with.

>> Mike: Yeah, whatever. Okay, here's what I'm thinking. I'm going to start making lists of things that people give me and not say thank you until Thanksgiving. Right. So if it's. Let's just. Let's play this for you.

>> Darin: Do they have a. It's our pleasure in.

>> Mike: Our pleasure. Yeah, they did. They get a big bowl of chicken nuggets. It's our pleasure once a year. Our pleasuring.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: your mileage May vary, but. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make a list. Like, if you. It was a horrible joke. Joke. Let's just say you give me a, tablecloth.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And, you're gonna hand it to me. I'm just gonna take it.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Not say a damn thing until.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Thanksgiving.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then I'll text you.

>> Darin: You're gonna.

>> Mike: Hey, Darren, thanks for the table. Thanks for the tablecloth that you gave me on January 2nd. Right.

>> Darin: No, I don't think you understand the meaning of Thanksgiving.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah, I think you're totally missing the point completely.

>> Mike: It's where the Pilgrims.

>> Darin: The Pilgrims were thankful they landed on Plymouth Rock.

>> Mike: Well, next to it. They didn't land on it.


The Pilgrims ate nothing but tuna and trout back in 1300s

>> Darin: They're like, how do you get on this damn rock? My boat's all banged up on top of a rock.

>> Mike: And then they didn't. There's. There's no. I don't know if you guys know this. I don't know if you're any geography buffs, but between Europe. Uh-huh. And the Americas, there's not a Buc. Ees.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: There's not floating in the middle of the ocean or anything.

>> Darin: Can you imagine if there was?

>> Mike: Dude, you can't stop for snacks or anything. No, no, no, no, no, no. So you get.

>> Darin: People died of scurvy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: They didn't bring enough fruit.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: So. So they.

>> Darin: They land, and they had two of every animal on the. Wait a minute.

>> Mike: Yeah, no, that's olive. Brought the dove leaf. Anyway, the point is, the Pilgrims, they parked their boat right there at Plymouth Sound, and they got out and. Excuse me. They got out and they just walked around hungry.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: They've been eating fish for. How long was the boat ride? Like, five years?

>> Darin: Ah, six.

>> Mike: Nothing. Nothing but tuna and trout. And I know trout's a river fish, but this is back in the 1300s.

>> Darin: If you can prove it wrong that they ate something besides trout. Eels. Go for it.

>> Mike: Whatever. Seaweed.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And they landed on. Right next to the rock. They tied the. The Christopher. They dropped their anchor, drew rope out and wrapped it around the rock.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then walked out. And he said, man, I could go for some maize. Is that what he did? And then there were a whole bunch.

>> Darin: Of pumpkins, and I could go for some maze.

>> Mike: The big dinner. And then while they're sitting around eating the. Eating the maize and the pumpkins and the. And the horse, they. I mean, they didn't really know what the horses were for.

>> Darin: Did have to Eat some of the horses.

>> Mike: one of the guests.

>> Darin: What's your favorite part of the horse? Do you like the dark meat or the white meat?

>> Mike: I'm a. I'm a white meat, you know, right. Right there on the flank.

>> Darin: Yeah. Hello.

>> Mike: One of the guests said, hey, Tomorrow morning at 4:30am The Maze Store is going to open and maize and you'll be amazed.


We hope you had a happy Thanksgiving. We're wishing it to you now

Amazing prank. And that was the first Black Friday.

>> Darin: Yes, it was. If you guys came here for historical facts, then this is the week to be here.

>> Mike: absolutely. What we're saying is. Happy.

>> Darin: Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving again. We're sorry we didn't wish you that on the last episode. We're wishing it to you now. I hope that you watched plane strains and Automobiles. I hope that you.

>> Mike: Every year.

>> Darin: The other Thanksgiving movie that we watched and I've mentioned it on this podcast, is Free Birds with, Woody Harrelson and Owen Wilson. They are turkeys who go back in time in a time travel space machine.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: That's sanctioned, by the government. And they try to go back to the first Thanksgiving and take turkeys off the menu. And I swear it is hysterical. Absolutely. I love that movie. And we watch it not every Thanksgiving, but we've watched it many, many times.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The other really good thing to watch is the WKRP in Cincinnati Turkeys Away episode.

>> Mike: As God is my witness, I thought, turkeys, I thought they could fly.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Speaker D: Oh, my God. Turke, Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of my.

>> Mike: Car.

>> Speaker D: Running around, pushing each other. Oh, my goodness. Oh, the humanity. People are running about. The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement.

>> Darin: We really should have talked about this last week.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Anyway, we hope you had a happy Thanksgiving.


Mike Carpenter says he has a problem with his dishwasher

Before I got here. I was at half price books, screwing around, killing time before, ah, I got here and Mike calls me up and says, hey, we may not be doing this tonight because he had a dishwasher, problem. Water everywhere in the kitchen.

>> Mike: Cat astrophy struck. Yeah, the odor household struck us right in the old dishwasher.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I, looked down, the dishwasher was running and I noticed a puddle in front. Now I some, not supposed to be there. Some may panic. I said, who left water in the door of the dishwasher and then lifted it up and spilled it on the ground. Now, I'm not a student of physics, but I've taken it before back, in the day. Yeah, I know. The design of our dishwasher does not allow that to happen.

>> Darin: No, it doesn't.

>> Mike: I was lying to myself. Yeah. But I sopped it up with the towel, went on about cooking the dinners, and then looked over and there was a fresh new puddle, and lo behold, it went underneath, and between, the bottom of the dishwasher and the wooden floor.

>> Darin: That's what you call a leak, and that's what you also call a problem.

>> Mike: Yeah. So I got all. And that's when I called you because it looked like it was a large problem. Right.

>> Darin: It may still be.

>> Mike: It could be. It could be.

>> Darin: Yeah. I hope not.

>> Mike: But I called you, and then I got the screwdrivers, and I took the front thing off, and I got in, looked under there.

>> Darin: Off the front thing.

>> Mike: Off the front thing. Left, the side and the back thing.

>> Darin: Well, okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: and then I put a towel down there, sopped up the stuff, saw where it was coming from. I think I may have solved the problem. But we're not going to run it again tonight. We're going to try to run it tomorrow and see if I solved it. But I got it to a point where I was like, you know, I want to get the podcast done.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: I want to get it done tonight. Right. So then I said to Bess, I'm, going to go ahead and call Darren and see if he wants to do 7:30. And she said, and I quote m.

>> Darin: She could say that for several reasons.

>> Mike: And I was. I was in the midst.

>> Darin: May not have anything to do with the dish.

>> Mike: Like a. Like a good husband. I had already started dialing your number, and I didn't stop.

>> Darin: Sorry.

>> Mike: That got you on the old proverbial horn and said 7:30. And you're like, yo ho with a bottle rum or whatever the hell you say. And then we hung up. And, and then we had to clean up a little bit.

>> Darin: Yeah. well, while you were dealing with that. Yeah. A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was at another record store and I found the Steve Martin Pennies from Heaven Radio special album. While I was at Half Price Books, I. I found two more Steve Martin albums. Okay. $2.

>> Mike: The one right down the road here.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: At the Bridgewaters or Breaking Bad one.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Two bucks a piece for these albums. Okay. They're in really good shape. And. And, ah, excuse me. These albums, came with the posters that came with them.

>> Mike: No, they didn't.

>> Darin: They still have the posters in them. And I'm standing there in the middle of Half Price books going, no way. And I Couldn't buy them fast enough. now I bought Comedy is Not Pretty.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And let's Get Small. Now I already have let's Get Small on vinyl. Now I have two copies of it because the version that I bought previously heretofore did not have the poster in it.

>> Mike: So the starting to sound like me. Am I rubbing off on you a little?

>> Darin: A little bit. It's Steve Martin, dude. I am a fan of Steve Martin. I've been a fan of Steve Martin since I was a little kid. Steve Martin is the person who made me want, to learn how to juggle. I remember when he was on the Muppet show and I wanted to be funny like Steve Martin. And I bought joke book after joke book after joke book whenever the, the school bookmobile would come.

>> Mike: Scholastic.

>> Darin: Yeah, the Scholastic bookmobile would come and I would buy these joke books. And then when I would go to my grandmother's, house, if my uncle Bob Carpenter was there, he. Uncle Bob would say, hey, Darren, tell me a joke. And I used to be a lot, I don't know these jokes. And then it's like I would get my whole routine out of these books and I would tell him joke after joke after joke. But that was because I wanted to be funny like Steve Martin.


Steve Martin albums come with posters of him in pink suits

I've never became anywhere close to being as funny as Steve Martin. I'm still trying M. Anyway, the let's Get Small comes with a cardboard thing. It's not an 8 by 10, but it's close to that in size. And it says best Fishes Steve Martin.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah. And then let's Our Comedy is Not Pretty is the Yellow album. And that comes with a fold out poster of him in a pink suit. And I can't believe that the posters are still in these albums. And I also can't believe that they're two bucks.

>> Mike: It's a pretty good deal.

>> Darin: It's like, how can somebody not want a Steve Martin album? Y' all are crazy. Yeah. Anywh who I was so excited with my, with my little, vinyl haul, as it were. Okay, you paid the money. You're expecting to see a professional show, so let's not waste any more time. Let's go with professional show business.


Jacob likes some music that I like and some that I don't like

>> Mike: Hey, so speaking of the vinyls and the music, Bess and Andrew and I, Charlie had a sleepover. so Bess and Andrew and I got a chance to go to a, pretty fine Changs. We haven't been there in a long time. Right. And we used to go there all the time.

>> Darin: That's where Bono went before he got the world's largest turd.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And extracted from his body.

>> Mike: Yeah. We were in there and, Andrew, out of the blue, said, you know who I've been listening to lately? I'm like. And I don't know who he listens to because he always has the earbuds. Donnie M. Mcflugalin. And the. In the series five.

>> Darin: And. And the flugel tones.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I. I said.

>> Darin: He said, wait, so Andrew's always listening to his earbuds, too. Oh, my God. Jacob has his phones on constantly. All the time. Yeah, all the time. You're upstairs, there could be a fire. I mean, bandits could come into the house and pillage and deflower us, do just horrible, unspeakable things to us. And we would be going. Jacob, dear God.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: There was one night where Libby and I sat in the living room and yelled for five minutes, jacob, please help us. Please come down.

>> Mike: You could have been having a, Your diaphragm could have burst.

>> Darin: He couldn't hear us. Anyway, I digress.

>> Mike: Anyway, I said, who have you been listening to? He said, pink Floyd.

>> Darin: Shut up. There's hope for our future. And I said.

>> Mike: I said, what? And then. I can't help. This is what I trained for my whole life. All the concerts and everything, you know, I saw them in 1994 at the, Ohio Stadium.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yep.

>> Mike: And then.

>> Darin: And then we saw the Roger Waters.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I. We talked about the Roger Waters. I said, what album released? He said, dark side of the Moon. I was like, you know, they played a lot. So I had video of, what is the. The last song?

>> Darin: David Gilmore.

>> Mike: The last song on Dark side of the Moon. Oh, is it Brain Damage?

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: So I took a video of that from our Roger. Roger Waters Experience. And then I also had video of Roger Waters coming up and doing the Salute thing to us, which, you know.

>> Darin: He was like six feet away from us.

>> Mike: yeah, he's right there.

>> Darin: That was so right there. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. I was like, oh, wow.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So, yeah. So now he's into the Pink Floyd's.

>> Darin: Good for him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: That's awesome. I remember back in the day, I would come home and Jacob would be listening to Van Halen. And then he went through a period where he was listening to ELO a lot. And then I loved when he would go through his, The Cars. He loved listening to the Cars. I was like, this is awesome. And then something changed.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he got into. And I sound so old. There's some music that he likes that I like. And there's some music that he likes that I am not crazy about.

>> Mike: So give me an example of one that he likes that you like and one that you. That he likes that you don't appreciate.

>> Darin: I can't remember the name of the band. Okay, hold on. I'm trying to.

>> Mike: Trying to remember, like to welcome our Dayton viewers.


Darren: Jacob likes some hip hop. He likes some of the heavier stuff

>> Darin: Hi. Hi. I'm Darren. I'm trying to remember something.

>> Mike: Well, you already said the Cars. Yeah, cars.

>> Darin: He love the Cars. But I'm trying to think of the name of a new group that he.

>> Mike: That he really likes. Donnie and the Flugel Horns.

>> Darin: Donnie and the Flugel Horns.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: Captain, Zip and the. And the Open Floss.

>> Mike: The Zipper Hits, by the way, Andrew Dice Clay. One of my favorite things that he would call people is Zipperhead.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I don't know why, but hey, Zipperhead, get over here and, just floor me.

>> Darin: I will tell you because, you know, Jacob likes. He. He likes some of the heavier stuff. He likes some of the hip hop. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of hip hop. There is some hip hop that I can tolerate.

>> Mike: So where's he at on the hip hop range here? Would he. Let me ask you this. When I went to go see Ice Cube, would he have enjoyed going with Uncle Mike to see the Ice Cubes?

>> Darin: Probably so.

>> Mike: Ok.

>> Darin: probably so. He likes a lot of the. What I call the auto tune. Oh, hip hop.

>> Mike: Ew.

>> Darin: Yeah. And I. I have a hard time getting into the auto tune stuff. So I was like, okay, you're so into hip hop. So I said, let's meet the middle. And I played some Rage against the Machine.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Boy, did he love Rage against the Machine.

>> Mike: I mean, who doesn't?

>> Darin: The Renegades of Funk.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: He had never heard Rage against the Machines cover of Renegades of Funk. Okay. He. We get like, I don't know, about a minute into it, he goes, okay, all right, all right. Like, Dad's not that, Yeah. Uncool as you thought. Dad, I think you're cool. My kids do think I'm cool. Do you kids think you're cool?

>> Mike: Ah, on occasion, yeah. On occasion, I have my moments. Yeah. Charlie thought I was cool when I platted in COD and he platted platinum ranking.

>> Darin: Oh, when you go, yeah, yeah. Ah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. M. Yeah.

>> Dave: You are listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, the most popular podcast in Canada.


Darren started decorating for Christmas early because Thanksgiving weekend is off

>> Darin: I started decorating for Christmas. I was telling your wife that we are going out of Town. The weekend after Thanksgiving, we're doing Thanksgiving here, and then Friday we're driving to North Carolina. And that is usually when we start decorating for Christmas. So since that weekend is off the table, we started decorating early. Okay. And, man, the older I get, the longer it takes to decorate and the harder it is. I also have a problem because I collect Christmas ornaments. I have hundreds of Christmas ornaments. I have two large Christmas trees and two small Christmas trees that I have in various rooms of the house. And I've gotten to the point, like, who the hell bought all these Christmas trees? Yeah, you did, Darren. Yeah, you did. Well, one belongs to my dad, okay. When he passed away and I was cleaning out his house, he had this little artificial Christmas tree. About six, foot tall. Yeah. Little thing, looks like crap all beat to hell. But once you put like, the Charlie Brown Christmas tree, once you put all the ornaments and the lights and stuff on it, yeah, it's really cute. And I put that up every year for my dad. Okay. And a lot of the ornaments on it were ones that I'd given him. And then there's ornaments that he gave me and. And I'll decorate the tree and I talk to dad while I do it and I'm like a freak and I get all emotional and crap. So anyway, I got that tree, up, but haven't even come close to doing the rest of the. The rest house. But my neighbor Chris Michael, you've met him. Yeah. Always wanted to punch him in the face.

>> Mike: I did. One year.

>> Darin: He had his Christmas lights up two weeks ago.

>> Mike: My question is, what the hell?

>> Darin: Really? I mean, he does it despite me and he doesn't realize that I don't care, but he's like, I'm gonna get during this time because he texts me, haha, look outside your window, Darren.

>> Mike: Did he really?

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So they had put up their back porch lights and Libby had gotten home and we were talking and we saw that Chris and his lovely wife Mary were on there. we. I have no problem with Mary. All my problems are with Chris. Yeah, I have no problems with Mary at all. So we went over there to talk to Chris and Mary while he was putting lights on his front porch. Usually I'm the one giving him all. Libby was like, yeah, those are, Those lights don't look very level. Those aren't. She leans over to me. She's kind of looks like he just.

>> Mike: Threw them m up.

>> Darin: I think somebody could try a little harder to impress.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I've almost got my outdoor lights on.


This section of the year is my least favorite. I'm in a bad mood about winter

Who in your house does the most of the decorating do you enjoy best does.

>> Mike: No, no, you don't do any of it.

>> Darin: I mean, I'll.

>> Mike: I'll be there and participate until I'm allowed to leave.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: But, yeah, I'm not a fan of, I don't. I'm not a. I'm not a. This section of the year is my least favorite.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah. I mean, I do take quite, a bit of time off, around the Christmas time. But in general, I'm in a bad mood from about October 15th until about April 20th.

>> Darin: That's a long period.

>> Mike: About half the year, about six months. I'm in a bad mood.

>> Darin: I think it's because you have the winter, the sad. The seasonal.

>> Mike: Seasonal effective disorder. Yeah, I do like, I'm a St. Patrick's Day guy. That's my favorite holiday. Have I talked about that on this thing?

>> Darin: You've talked about St. Patrick's Day. Yes.

>> Mike: It's my absolute favorite. Nobody expects anything of you. As a matter of fact, if you can get it through your day, Normally, you've won St. Patrick's Day.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: And, as a YouTube fan, I mean, come on. Right there.

>> Darin: Yep. Irish.

>> Mike: Yeah, Irish, as it were.

>> Darin: You can hear people play the bag.

>> Mike: Eat the Lucky Charms. We can go watch somebody mutilate bagpipes. everything's green. I enjoy green. Yeah, it's green. Looks good on you. I enjoy green. Yeah, I enjoy green quite, quite, a bit. And it's also going to continue to get warmer and less wet from that day forward. And then I don't mind the swamp ass days. I don't. People complain about them all the time.

>> Darin: I know. You know what?

>> Mike: July and August. Yeah. Just bring it on.

>> Darin: I used to have neighbors who said that they preferred winter. And I looked at him in the face, I said, you are a psychopath. How can you possibly prefer winter? How, How? Yeah, I used to get real depressed when fall would roll around because fall would lead to winter. winter. Thank you. And, I've kind of gotten over that because I enjoy wearing the hoodies.

>> Mike: I like hoodies.

>> Darin: I like the hoodies. I like hot cocoa, and you put a little Bailey's Irish Cream in it at night and stuff. I hate the pumpkin spice. I like when the ladies tuck their jeans in their boots. That's always fun.

>> Mike: I don't like boots at all.

>> Darin: All the ladies look like Han Solo. Yeah. But winter is just not my favorite Time of all. But you know, the. I'm trying to make the best of it because winter, it has Christmas, but once Christmas is over with, it's like bring on spring. And I was trying to get to a point and yeah, excuse me, I really veered off track, so.


One thing that annoys me about Christmas is the Hallmark Christmas movies

>> Mike: But in the process, you've reminded me of another thing that annoys me about Christmas, which is something that we're doing differently this year. I've wondered what is it that annoys me so much about all the time, that I have the days that I have at Christmas. And it hit me when the kids and Bess were talking about what shows they're going to marathon. And I realized that's what it is. I have multiple days in a row where we could marathon shows. They all have to be Christmas movies and Christmas this and Christmas that and Polar express for the 19th time.

>> Darin: I mean, I don't enjoy the polar.

>> Mike: I don't like it at all.

>> Darin: We own it. And I, and I'm a big fan of Tom Hanks.

>> Mike: I'll watch. I mean, I, I'll say like when they say let's watch Polar Express, I'm like, I. I've been told to not grunt so loud. So I don't. And I will admit that once it starts going, I'm like, yeah, okay. This is all right. I mean each of the characters looks like they're gonna strangle you in the middle of the night.

>> Darin: Right? It's creepy.

>> Mike: It's creepy. The uncanny is there like crazy. They were naming, Stranger Things and Andrew, you know, we talked about. What's that called? Marathoning. The Lord of the Rings.

>> Darin: Binge watching.

>> Mike: Binge watching. The Lord of the Rings.

>> Darin: I love binge watching the Lord of the Rings.

>> Mike: The next season of Fallout's gonna be coming out or is out. I don't know, it's. I thought it was already out, but.

>> Darin: Apparently it's not out yet. Okay.

>> Mike: I thought about getting caught up on the Star wars stuff and I was told that this year that's a possibility. Now Christmas may be a happy day for me again.

>> Darin: Get to.

>> Mike: Because I can watch something other than the Christmas movie. You know why I don't like Christmas? It's the same reason. Okay.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I don't like any movie where, you know the end of it walking into the start of the movie. Titanic's different. Like a Christmas movie. No matter how the movie starts, there's going to be some point where the jerk in the movie gets the Christmas spirit and quits being a jerk.

>> Darin: Well, you're talking about like the.

>> Mike: The, Christmas movies.

>> Darin: I know, but like the Hallmark Christmas movies. Where have you ever played that? You spin the wheel and then you make your own Hallmark movie.

>> Mike: Oh, I know what you're talking about.

>> Darin: Those are. And those. Oh my God. I remember I was on a, business trip and I was in my hotel room and we had a couple hours to kill before the. Everybody met for a dinner. And I'm going through the. What's it called? The tv. Yeah, the tv. And there was a Christmas movie with Danica Keller. Okay. Danica Keller played, Winnie.

>> Mike: Thank you. On the Wonder Years.

>> Darin: The Wonder Years.

>> Mike: And then she started doing math.

>> Darin: Yes. Yeah. So math or meth?

>> Mike: Both.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Dave: Yes.

>> Mike: Science.

>> Darin: So I'm watching it and there's like 20 minutes into it. I'm like, who is she? Who. Who is that? And I could not figure it out. And then I realized that it's winning. And it was like the stereotypical Christmas movie where she falls in love with one guy, but the other guy, who she went to school with, was in love with her. And I'm sitting there just cackling because I'm enjoying this. Yeah. Stupid Hallmark Christmas movie, right?


Muggins says he couldn't find Christmas lights at Costco

Yeah, but it's like, as far as. It's like, okay, I can watch Elf a thousand times.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I love, love, love, love.

>> Mike: I. I dig for a while, you know?

>> Darin: I never get tired of it. Why don't you just say it? The worst toy maker in the world. I'm a cotton headed ninny. Muggins. A Christmas Story. I can watch A Christmas Story.

>> Mike: I'm done with Christmas Story.

>> Darin: I'm pretty much, I'm done with Rudolph. I can't hardly watch Rudolph anymore.

>> Mike: We started getting done with Christmas vacation. We started thinking like the last year when we watched it was like, yeah, it's good, but I mean, come on. But so I. I've had this conversation with Bess before, and she said, oh, it's. It's different than the other movies. You like the ones where they find a sword and then they have to beat the big guy?

>> Darin: Hu.

>> Mike: Which movie is that? I'm like, just slow. Slow your roll there. Slow your roll. She's like, oh, oh. What about the one where the guy doesn't have a gun and then he gets a gun and then he saves other people from people with guns?

>> Darin: Or what about the gun?

>> Mike: Was that. Was that Die Hard or John Wick? Are those the same movie?

>> Darin: What about the guy who gets kicked through the glass? Then he stands up, he gets kicked through the glass again.

>> Mike: Rambo or Commando or Command Rambo. And I'm like, just, you know, chill.

>> Darin: Commando.

>> Mike: Commando.

>> Darin: I know there's so many of them that are just the same.

>> Mike: I admit that. But, I mean, I don't know.

>> Darin: My point is, m. I needed more lights to go on my front porch, and I'm looking for these lights that are blue and purple. Okay. And so we were getting ready to go out.

>> Mike: I was gonna run by green and purple. Or.

>> Darin: I'm sorry, blue. They have blue and purple, and there's a really pretty purple lights. And Libby been wanting them for a while. So I was like, well, okay, I can run out to Home Depot. I get a text from my mom saying, hey, are you going to Costco today? And I'm like, well, I wasn't planning on it, but if you want to go, I mean, we can. So Mom's like, sure. That'll be fun. So we all went to Costco, and I thought, well, I'll just buy some Christmas lights at Costco. because if you buy Christmas lights at Costco, you can buy, like, five miles of Christmas lights for, like, a dollar.

>> Mike: You buy enough lights for Cincinnati.

>> Darin: Exactly. You can buy them, and then you use them for the next. Next 15 years. Okay. Just so many lights. You've got to back up a U haul. Right. Well, I'm walking around Costco, and where would you think the lights would be in the front? Well, I would think near the Christmas trees.

>> Mike: which are near the front. Right, right.

>> Darin: Sort of in the midst. Up in the fronts. Well, they have all the tars and the.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. No, behind the registers.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: You know what I'm talking.

>> Darin: So anyway, so I go where the Christmas trees are, and they got no Christmas lights. Why would they not have lights near the Christmas trees? Yeah, right. So I ask a person, excuse me, I see the Christmas trees. I don't see the Christmas lights. And this woman says, well, they should be with the trees. I like. Well, that's. They should be, but they're not. Would they be anywhere else? And she said, quote, I don't know.

>> Mike: Very helpful. Very helpful person.

>> Darin: Thank you, Costco lady. So I walked around with tears in my eyes. I couldn't find Christmas lights. I found another person, and I asked the same question. I see where the Christmas trees are. Where are the Christmas lights? And I. You, not the person, said, they should be with the trees.


Kevin McCarthy went to Costco during the Christmas season looking for Christmas lights

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Like, am I. Am I living in a time loop?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Did I enter the Matrix? What?

>> Mike: Groundhog Day in Costco.

>> Darin: What is going on here? And I finally. That that person was no help.

>> Mike: Did Ned Fleeterman come up and you had to punch him to get him to shut up?

>> Darin: Exactly. Yeah. Do you need some life insurance? Because you can always have a little more. Am I right? Am I right? That's. What's that first step? That's a doozy. I found a third person. I asked them the same question, and this guy said, well, they do have some Christmas outdoor lights. Oh, no. His explanation was, well, since all these trees are pre lit, why would you need Christmas lights? I'm like, because you're not putting the pre lit tree on your front porch, Kevin. I was getting a little hot.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he said, well, I mean, we have these outdoor lights and these were the lights that projected just like big, not even the spotty things, just like big rays of light. And I'm like, yeah, never mind. Never mind.

>> Mike: That's where the dads that say, just buy one thing and turn it on and go home.

>> Darin: Yeah. So three people I asked who were just convinced that they should be with the trees, but they're not. And here's the deal. If m. You work at Costco and you're working there during the Christmas season, shouldn't.

>> Darin: You know where the Christmasy stuff is? Costco, Come on. I'm done bitching.

>> Mike: There's not a whole lot at Costco when you really dig down into it.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: You've got where the wine is. And then there's other stuff.

>> Darin: We bought a shepherd's pie the size.

>> Mike: Of Connecticut and you've got where the meat is. You just go by and look at it. There's no way in hell you're buying any of it.

>> Darin: We saw this giant rack of ribs for like 300.

>> Mike: 300?

>> Darin: I'm not 300.

>> Mike: No, I get you. That's the comedy section. Go through there and cackle on your way back to the toilet paper. You get enough toilet paper to wipe a hundred asses for a year. and you come up to where the coffee is. And then, you know, if you want to buy toothpaste for the next 10 years.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And that's it. And then they have the weird toys. I was going through there. They had all kinds of really cool toys. That I want.

>> Darin: Right, right.

>> Mike: But I called Bess and I'm like, bess, they have, There was a Star wars thing that was awesome. It was like a virtual reality that you fight Darth Vader, but it wasn't like a dinky one. It was a really cool one.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: You think, Charlie, No. Charlie hates Star Wars. What?

>> Darin: What?

>> Mike: What? What?

>> Darin: What the hell did you just say? No, he doesn't.


Dave: Mike peed himself on Valentine's Day on this podcast

>> Mike: He doesn't hate Star Wars. She's like, well, he doesn't like Star wars anymore. I'm like, okay.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Well, there's the, like, really cool Fortnite. Does he still like Fortnite? No. And then there were Lego. Does he like, leg. I got leg out. And she said, no. It's like, does he like any toys? She's like, does he have. Do they have footballs there? And I'm like, they do, but we've got, like, 15 footballs. In our living room. Do we?

>> Darin: Not to mention all the ones that are still in the yard.

>> Mike: Yeah, I don't know what the. Anyway, we're going through, you know, we've talked to the kids about what they want for Christmas. One wants cash to buy stuff at the sports store, and we don't know what the other one wants, right? So. Oh, there's that. I did find a nice gag gift. I'm not going to buy it, but I did want to talk about it.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: The Shart emergency kit.

>> Darin: Oh, I've seen that.

>> Mike: Yeah. It comes with the disposable underwear and the wipes. And the button I just sharted, which. The button's my favorite part. You call attention to the fact that you just survived a shark.

>> Darin: If they sell you all those things to conceal that you did it, why would you exactly call addiction to it?

>> Mike: Exactly. Yeah, I would. I would wear it all the time.

>> Darin: Well, you're the one on this podcast and told everybody about it. And you did it on Valentine's Day. and not only did you tell.

>> Mike: Everybody about it, I reminded everyone about it the next year, and we put.

>> Darin: It on our best up. So we repeated that story of Mike pissing his.

>> Mike: It's a good story.

>> Dave: Hey, this is Dave. If you would like to hear the story about Mike pissing himself on Valentine's day, download episode 168. This is our best of volume three special, and it's available at our website, irritable dadsyndrome.com.


Andrew finally convinced himself he needed an oil change in his Kia

>> Mike: I have another Kia story. I have a Kia adjacent story. Are you ready for this?

>> Darin: yeah. Can't wait.

>> Mike: So I finally convinced Andrew that he has to get a oil change in his car at some point, right? So we got an appointment this past weekend. we take his car in, we drop it off on a Friday. This is how we do our thing. So they do the oil change sometime in Saturday. We come by Saturday to pick it up. We go in there.

>> Darin: I got my oil change today.

>> Mike: And Dennis. Dennis at Carx. Oh, yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, oh, oh.

>> Mike: You know Dennis.

>> Darin: I do know Dennis.

>> Mike: Yeah. He comes over and he. He says. He points at the thing, at the numbers. On the receipt. Because I'm trying to give him my card.

>> Darin: I'm sorry.

>> Mike: Let me just.

>> Darin: Let me just preface this story. Mike is an engineer, a chemical engineer. And so with this story, he points at the numbers. So you can imagine Mike at his.

>> Mike: Points at the stuff that he's. That is supposed to cost at the things. Oh, the amount.

>> Darin: The estimate.

>> Mike: The total. Yeah, the total.

>> Darin: Oh, the total.

>> Mike: And it says zero.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And I'm like, what? He's like, this one's on the house. And I look up, and he said, buddy, you spend so much money in here already, I don't feel right charging you for this oil change. He's like, we're about to build a wing on the east end here and name it after you. And I laughed my ass off. And Andrew thought it was so cool. I was laughing, and I had tears coming up because, we have our. The Kia.

>> Darin: Dude, I swear by the car X in our neighborhood, because I go there, too. I have taken our last. It's like my Pontiac Vibe, our Nissan, Libby's Kia. my mom brings her van now to the car X. Yeah. And there's another car that we. I think we rented a car once, and we just decided to take it to car just for fun. And that guy did the same thing because he was the one who broke the news to me that my Honda CR V wasn't long with this world. He says, your engine is going to die. I don't know if it's today. I don't know if it's a week. I don't know if it's two months from now. It is going to die on you.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, I sold that car to Chuck, who used to work at Carx.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: You remember Chuck?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Yeah. Chuck used to work at Carx.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And always took care of us. Always, always, always. And so I don't know what their deal is. Like, when they hire new people. It's like, are you going to be as good as Chuck? Okay.

>> Mike: You're hired.

>> Darin: You know?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. I tell you what is so weird, not owning a car.

>> Mike: Yeah, You're. You're.

>> Darin: I do not own a car. I'm at the. What's, it called? The,


Michael says he's at the mercy of everyone in his family when needed

the, What's the word?

>> Mike: Transportless.

>> Darin: I am transportless. But no, I'm. If I asked, I am at the mercy of everyone else in my family. Hoping, depending, counting on someone to be home when I need to drive somewhere. I work from home. And today everybody was gone. And it was weird because I'm like, I can't just run out somewhere if I want to need to. But it's like. So today.

>> Mike: So we. Yeah, we've bought tickets to the Nine Inch Nails. And you asked me. You're. You can drive right to me.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And like, if I answered that question no, then you're not going to go see Nine Inch Nails.

>> Darin: I'm not going to be able to go.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Well. Well, we're screwed.

>> Mike: Sit on your front porch.

>> Darin: Exactly. But no. So today, Libby's car had a recall and it needed on a Kia. Wow. Who would have thought that her Kia had a recall notice and it needed an oil change. And we had bought the.

>> Mike: You know, they drink the oil.

>> Darin: They drink the oil. They just.

>> Mike: They.

>> Darin: It's is like a, frat, party.

>> Mike: Drinking so much oil, they throw the oil back.

>> Darin: Exactly. They just guzzle it down. So she needed an oil change. She needed a recall. And we're driving to North Carolina, so let's check the tires. Make sure you got enough windshield wiper fluid. Yeah, all that other stuff. So last night we dropped her car off at the dealership, and then today she had to go into work, so she borrowed Cameron's car. Right. And then my oldest son was at school, so it's like, ain't no car on the driveway. And I'm like, somebody's got to come home. So I had to. I, had to call my mom and ask if my mom could take me. 55 years old. Mom, can you come pick me up? Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah, that's right.

>> Darin: That's awesome. And Mom's like, sure. And then she's like, honey, make sure you wait out in front for me and I'll look for you. That's time for me to come get you.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: But, yeah, thanks, mom, for coming and getting me. But you know, Chris and Mary. Chris has his problems. He's got a lot of problems. But I was talking to him about the whole thing because he asked where the car was. I said that sold it. And I told him the thing. It's like I'm at the mercy of everyone in my house, and if I can't borrow Cameron's car or Libby's car or Jacob's car, I'M screwed. He goes, well, you can always just come over and borrow one of my cars.

>> Mike: Oh, Chris with you, right?

>> Darin: Would you just get.

>> Mike: He just wants you to come over and look at his Christmas lights.

>> Darin: He, he, yeah, he's a snake. And what he's gonna do is he's gonna let me borrow his car and he's gonna say he's a damn.

>> Mike: I loaned during my car. He's a damn snake. We're on to you, Chris. Michael.

>> Darin: You. I know you're trying to be nice. You're just trying to make me look.

>> Mike: He'S gonna wait till you're down and out.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And he's gonna ask you to do something unseemly and you're going to refuse because you have morals.

>> Darin: And so.

>> Mike: And then he's going to say, you know, I didn't want to bring this up because I'm a, I'm a respectable man.

>> Darin: I'm going to come home one day and I'm like, Libby, do you remember the time where Chris loaned me his car? She'll say, yeah, well now he wants a lung.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: He wants me to give him one of his lungs.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Or one of my lungs.

>> Mike: Yeah. And to take somebody out, he probably. He wants me to poison.

>> Darin: That's right.


Unnamed person with red hair at a Panera. Chris knows who it is

>> Mike: Unnamed person with red hair at a Panera.

>> Darin: Just someone at random.

>> Mike: No, he knows who it. Chris knows who it is. He's got in an envelope on his right front pocket and he guards it there. It's a sick bastard.

>> Dave: This portion of Irritable Dad Syndrome is brought to you by Hill's Department Store. Hills is where the toys are.


Irritable dad syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production

Now back to you guys in the studio.

>> Darin: I'm in the car with my son Cameron, and the radio's on and they advertise this throat lozenge. And they said, finally, a lozenge that works as hard as you do. And I looked at Cameron, I said, I don't think they've ever seen me work.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I want a lozenge that works harder. Yeah, I do. Please.

>> Mike: Yeah. What the hell?

>> Darin: If I'm taking a throat lozenge, I want to feel better.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. I don't want something in there saying, what's the WI Fi password? You know, she needs it to do something.

>> Darin: I don't need it to just sit there and wait for somebody else to do it. Boy, was that a great story to close with or what?

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Yeah. If you want to hear other fantastic stories like that, you know where they can find it?

>> Mike: at the Irritable dad syndrome. Dot com. Irritable dad syndrome.com worldwide website.

>> Darin: Yes. And if you go to Irritable Dads and dot com, you can go to what's called New to the Podcast. And you can see best of volume 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1.

>> Mike: All the pretty stuff.

>> Darin: Some of the, our great episodes. We've had fantastic guests. And if you're at our website, and if you feel like it, if you. If you find it in your heart, because Christmas is coming up, and if you would like to contribute to this podcast, if you're eventually. Yeah, you can do that at Patreon. And, oh, my goodness sakes alive. You talk about an early Christmas present. That's what you're going to find when you go to Patreon. We have all kinds of bonus deleted clips. We have uncensored material because sometimes Mike says naughty words.

>> Mike: Say the poopy words.

>> Darin: He says the, poopy words sometimes. And, our editors will occasionally release a clip of those, words uncensored.

>> Mike: That's a lot of fun. And joined soon to get the 2025 Christmas card. Yes, people, I'm telling you. Oh, this year's Christmas card, it's gonna be a banger. There's gonna be one for the. One for the fridge.

>> Darin: Look at the graphics from last week's episode with Cricket and Tabs.

>> Mike: Yeah. And.

>> Darin: And that's kind of what you're gonna get. Yes. We hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production.

>> Mike: Hey, I'm Cricket.

>> Darin: And I'm Tabs.

>> Mike: You're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome. We're glad you're here.

>> Darin: Yeah. How you.

>> Mike: You're excited, aren't you?

>> Darin: I'm always excited to be here.

>> Mike: Getting very close to incriminating people.

>> Darin: I'm one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break.

>> Mike: Why are you red? What's. Where's the red? I don't know.

>> Darin: It's not my. Let's look at the red setting.

>> Mike: Which of these is the red setting?

>> Darin: Looks like.

>> Mike: It's amazing.

>> Darin: What a $8 table set.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Looks like we're on the Millennium Falcon or, Battlestar Galactic. Hey, I'm Cricket.

>> Darin: And I'm Tabs.

>> Mike: Hey, you're listening to Irable Dads. No, I don't want to do two Haze. Would it be bad to go I'm Tabs. And I'm Cricket.

>> Darin: It doesn't flow.

>> Mike: Okay. One, two. Hey. Perfect. Yeah, just. Now I look like I have jaundice.

>> Darin: Yeah, you. You're a little yellow. Look at the sky.

>> Mike: You know why?

>> Darin: I'm a little shines for you.

>> Mike: I'm a little saturated.

>> Darin: And all the things you do, they're all yellow. Hey, everybody.


Bess accused me of sharding last night. And I just went to bed

Thanks for coming tonight. Appreciate it. There's a tip jar at the desk.

>> Mike: Bess accused me of sharding last night.

>> Darin: That's awesome.

>> Mike: And I did.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Just a. Just a.

>> Darin: So she didn't accuse you.

>> Mike: She just called me out.

>> Darin: Called you out on it.

>> Mike: Ah, yeah. And I just went to bed.

>> Darin: Just laid there in it.

>> Mike: Well, I did go to the bathroom and do as much as I.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: As I could with a piece of toilet paper and a dream. But at the title, a piece of toilet paper in a dream.