IDS #298 - The Spiffy Nibbler

This week's Irritable Dad Syndrome is a real barn burner

>> Mike: Did you send a rundown?

>> Darin: I did. I did.

>> Mike: It's probably a better.

>> Darin: You know what we need to do is just put together a montage of you asking, did you send a rundown? Episode 276. Did you send a rundown? I did. Episode 277. Hey, did, you send that rundown? I did Send a rundown. 278. Did you send a rundown? Yep. 279. I sent a rundown.

>> Dave: Hi, this is your announcer, Dave Lay. Mike and Darren are off this week, but before they left, they put together this incredible collection of deleted stories, outtakes, and previously recorded segments made especially for this episode. Boy howdy, this one is a real barn burner. So hang on tight and we hope you enjoy this special episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome.


I have a problem with the weather channel. Because they do two things

>> Mike: I have a small rant by the way.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I have a problem with the weather channel. Because they do two things. One is every weather event is a global catastrophe. I'll get an alert. I'll get it. I had to turn alerts off because my phone was just dinging constantly.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And if it's not an incoming weather front, then it's, you know, aliens to try to signal something weird is going on.

>> Darin: I think the Martians are behind.

>> Mike: I click over and it's like, massive storm coming. Everything that's not nailed down is going to blow away your, kiss your loved ones goodbye. Make sure your insurance is up to date. You know, make peace with your God, all this stuff, Right.

>> Darin: If you ever told your dad that you love him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You look at the. Now's the actual forecast.

>> Mike: It says five mile an hour, wind, slight drizzle.

>> Darin: I'm driving. There is an orange car in front of me. It's a Mini Cooper. It's a little, It's a little car. You've seen a Mini Cooper? It's a very.

>> Mike: I've never seen a Regular Cooper.

>> Darin: Small. I haven't seen a Maxi Cooper or just a mid Cooper, but there's a Mini Cooper in front of me. Yeah,

>> Mike: Put, put that where you need to put it. That's what she said.

>> Darin: Anyway, so there's this orange car in front of me, and it's a Mini Cooper. And I, I swear to God, the license plate, you know, you got the, the little, the frame of the license plate. Yeah, the frame of it said powered by at the top. At the bottom, orange juice.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And then the license plate is. Oh, juice.

>> Mike: okay.

>> Darin: And I'm like, my God, does this person love orange? Put some thought into that they really love orange juice. Yeah. Because I was going to Half Price Books, and they turned left at the red light, I turned left at the red light, and then they pulled into Half Price Books parking lot. And I really wanted to talk to the lady about it. And I thought, actually, I don't really want to talk to her. But I'm like, how much do you love orange juice that you would. But I mean, who loves orange juice that much? I mean, I. I like orange juice.

>> Mike: I mean, it's okay.

>> Darin: It's. Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: it's just there.

>> Darin: I mean, I'm a bigger fan of apple juice, but I'm not gonna put it on my license plate. Yeah. I mean, powered by orange juice. I think she's in bed with big orange.

>> Mike: The ones. The ones that get me are the. Like, if you see a BMW and the license plate is my BMW. Like, I mean, why did you even spend the money on that?

>> Darin: Yeah, you know, I mean, I. Hey. Hey. Is that yours?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: My. My. My trumpet's out of tune.


What do you think John Williams did when he figured out the Imperial March

>> Mike: What do you think John Williams did when he figured out the Imperial March to Star Wars?

>> Darin: He probably peed. Probably peed his pants a little bit.

>> Mike: Do you think he figured it out on his own and then ran in to tell everybody about it? Or do you think, dude, do orchestras jam? When it's a composer, I would think, yeah, sure. Does he just like, hey, you over there. Do this. And the dudes. Wood with the cow bell? No, with something that sounds cool.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then this dude over here that has the big gong keeps trying to put it in every track. Do it with a two. And then the. The piccolo people come in and say,

>> Darin: can we be part of the movie? Don't ever bring up the piccolo again.

>> Mike: Can you put us in a scene that doesn't have C3PO in it, the love of God? But Sir Ramon Ramin Jawaldi, I think the guy that did the Game of Thrones, he's done a few things in the movies. Game of Thrones. He did, Pacific Rim. There's a video.

>> Darin: Pretty good movie.

>> Mike: There's a video of him jamming with the, Tom Morello. like a bunch of different.

>> Darin: He was in Rage against the Machine,

>> Mike: a guy from Anthrax. I can't remember who. Which one? It was, like five or six, like, bass and guitar players, and they're all playing the Game of Thrones in Anthony, in. In whoever.

>> Darin: Ian Asbury.

>> Mike: Ian. One of them.

>> Darin: Faulkner.

>> Mike: Ian Faulkner. Is that the guy that invented War Games?

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Falcon Falco. Falcon Rock me on Deus. Anyway, the point is, they're all jamming. I'm like, okay, I get that he jams. Is this orchestra just sitting over there going, like, man, he never does that with us. M. He never just cracks out the tuba.

>> Darin: You know, the. The symphony. When they recorded the Imperial March, they had been driving. That was badass. I mean, that was badass. They had to be outside of the main Star wars theme. Yeah, that's the most badass thing of Star Wars.

>> Mike: I used to.

>> Darin: Don't come close to that.

>> Mike: I used to work at a company. We had, There was the administration house. We'll call. It was across the street from where the plant was. Very small plant. And we had loudspeakers, and we would, like, call out over the loudspeakers. And this wasn't very far from a residential neighborhood. I don't know why they were allowed to put this plant there, but they were. When the plant manager would walk across the road from the administration every once while the production manager and the thing would see him coming, and over the loudspeaker, he'd play the Imperial March.

>> Darin: And it was awesome because it was

>> Mike: just like, going out all over the neighborhood. I loved it.

>> Darin: We got a message. Oh, yeah. our friend of, the show, she's listened to us for years. I went to high school with her. She's a friend of mine. Courtney. Courtney sent me a message. Courtney Jurgen. Yeah, Courtney. She sent me a message, and she said that, I let Mike see this, and the message was, alex Honnold, Free climbs 101 floor skyscraper in. In Taipei while listening to Tool.

>> Mike: Yeah, damn right he did.

>> Darin: I love how she's like, oh, let Mike know about this.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So the guy who Free. Climbed Free Solo. The, that mountain out there in, Yosemite, National Park.

>> Mike: Granite. yeah. Guy. No. What was the name of it? it's Free.

>> Darin: Free Solo.

>> Mike: Free Solo. The mountain is.

>> Darin: Oh, it was, Yeah, it was. He climbed Captain Crunch, without any ropes.

>> Mike: Or.


I needed to order contacts from Walmart because Walmart, uh, has everything

It's called Old Old Clementine or whatever it is. I am wearing my tools today right now. Learn to swim. And it has a curse word on it, but you can't tell because m. It's all pixelated on the screen.

>> Darin: That's right. Yeah.

>> Mike: But if this were in the 4K.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: yeah.

>> Darin: Anyway, I'm glad I told you that, because that story went nowhere.

>> Mike: That was exciting. Yeah, though I was excited. Look at that. Defiant, yet sexy.

>> Darin: You look amazing.

>> Mike: I look like I got shot right Here.

>> Darin: You act like you got shot over there. Is that a dimple?

>> Mike: No, nobody has a dimple. What? What kind of.

>> Darin: Well, stop holding your face like that.

>> Mike: Well, it makes it pop. Look, Our newest members.

>> Darin: I love doing that. I can do that all day. We did that last week.

>> Mike: We got it. Charlie is doing it so much now, it's hard to have. What, up, Mr. Huggy hugs?

>> Darin: What up, Huggy Dog?

>> Mike: Charlie is doing it so much now that we. It's hard to have a conversation because you'll be like, buddy, can you put the.

>> Darin: You m. Started it.

>> Mike: What do you expect? I know.

>> Darin: What do you expect?

>> Mike: Guess what, Huggies, Guess what? drawn here. He came into my house, where I live, where I propagate.

>> Darin: Cardinal Propagate.

>> Mike: Is that a word he said? Mike, can I take your collector's edition? Excuse me? Collector's edition. 30th anniversary Aung Baby numbered album and take it back to my house and scratch it with a pickaxe.

>> Darin: I said, can I borrow one of your albums? One of your not your favorites, one I just need to see. I want to play because I don't have any good albums. All the albums I have are like two dollar, albums from half price books, but they sound kind of garbagey. So I wanted to borrow an album that's a decent album and listen to it to see what's the thing. And Mike about crapped his pants.

>> Mike: Okay, So I had to call and order contacts, right? and I get my contacts from Walmart because Walmart, has everything. And I don't use. I don't use our vision insurance or anything because it's Walmart, you know.

>> Darin: Now is this where you used to go and lie about.

>> Mike: Yeah, I lied to this lady for years until this last time.

>> Darin: So what do you care if the contests work or not?

>> Mike: So I needed to order content, but when I call to the vision center, the message that says, it says, if you're having a medical emergency, please hang up and dial 91 1. I'm like, who is calling Walmart with a medical emergency? Who's in the midst of a heart attack? And you're like, call Walmart. They have everything.

>> Darin: Yeah, that's like when we were calling the Ziploc hotline.

>> Mike: Oh yeah.

>> Darin: And they said, by the way, I don't know what number it is, but you got to go back and search

>> Mike: for let's call the ziplock in the 40s. I think it might be 44.

>> Darin: One of our favorite episodes. But yeah, they had the Same thing I had.

>> Mike: I hate it because I. I try to stock up on contacts because I hate going to the eye doctor because I. There's so much pressure to tell the truth and I don't know what to do.

>> Darin: Ah.

>> Mike: I was. But like I said, I mean, it's. I forget which episode it is. Point is, just checking the time back. I don't. I don't want.


Darren had a weird dream about Johnny Bench. I rarely have dreams

I'm done talking about Walmart Vision, center. I bored. I did it again. I bored myself. That's how this show is going to end. The episodes are going to get shorter and shorter as we bore the out of ourselves 7 minute episode until our final episode is just gonna be us turning on.

>> Darin: And I'm Darren, damn it.

>> Dave: You're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome forklift, certified since 1996.

>> Darin: I never talk about weird dreams. I rarely have dreams. Do you dream?

>> Mike: I dream all the time.

>> Darin: I don't usually dream.

>> Mike: I remember almost all of them.

>> Darin: Yeah. see, now when I do dream, I wake up and it's usually gone. Completely gone. But I had this very odd dream because I am not really a sports fan. It's like I will watch the occasional football game, but I dreamed that I was at an event. I was hired at this event and Johnny Bench, Cincinnati Reds hall of famer Johnny Bench, was coming. It was a speaking engagement and they hired me for a very special purpose to cover this event. So I'm, in my place and I'm waiting for Johnny. And there's a chair set, and it's right where the lights need to be. Perfect lighting for Johnny. For anybody, really. And, I'm sitting there and Johnny Bench walks in and he's around the corner. You could hear him coming. And he's been going, hi, everybody. And people are clapping and, hi, Johnny, and I love you. And I used to watch the big red machine all the time.

>> Mike: Jonathan Bench.

>> Darin: Jonathan C. Bench. So Johnny comes around the corner and then people start clapping more.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: And I kind of got into him m Like, you know what? That's Johnny Bench. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And, I got all excited, but then I got upset with him because he instantly took his chair and he moved his chair. which, I mean, come on, I had it right in the light. That's exactly. So I had to go over and I had to correct Johnny Bench. I said, johnny, I'm sorry, but I need to move this chair back here. He goes, you know what? That's fine. And that's how Johnny Bench sounds.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: That's my Johnny Bench impression. So I move the chair back, and then Johnny sits, and then I go over and I grab my notepad and I grabbed my pencils, and I'm getting ready to sketch Johnny Bench. Yeah, that's why they hired me. I'm, there to sketch Johnny Bench, and they're waiting on me to give the okay that I've got my pencils, that I've got my note paper, and everything is ready to go before Johnny starts talking. And this is when I realized I don't draw. I don't draw. And I had to tell people, there's been a mistake. I don't draw. And the guy who hired me pulls me aside and he says, darren, really, this is the time that you're gonna tell me that you don't draw? When Johnny Bench.

>> Mike: Johnny Johnny. Jonathan C. Bench sitting right there.

>> Darin: And I thought, oh. And then all the questions. Why didn't I tell them I don't draw? Why did I take the job? Yeah, I know how to run a camera. I could have done that. Why are they hiring somebody to do a sketch of Johnny Bench? Is another question.

>> Mike: Here's where you screwed up.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Let me help you out next time this happens. You were in a dream.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: So in dreams, you can fly. You do whatever you want. So all you had to do was start drawing. Because in your dream, you'd be able to listen to me, you'd be able to draw. But then when you wake up, you need to remember how you did it. Yeah, you can draw like that. It's like the Matrix when they stick the little, data things in there and they can fly a helicopter. That's all that is.

>> Darin: But, no, but I was just too honest with them. I'm like, I don't draw. And, boy, was that guy pissed at me because I just was hired, under, wrong circumstances.

>> Mike: So.

>> Darin: And I thought, I'm going to be sued. Johnny Bench is going to be pissed. Oh, and my grandmother was there, of course. Yeah.

>> Mike: That's my favorite.


One of my favorite things about dreams is there's always some random person

One of my favorite things about dreams, is there's always just some random person from your life.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You could be having, like, a normal dream. You're fighting Darth Vader.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: And then all of a sudden, your roommate from college walks out. Hey, man, what's going on?

>> Darin: Yeah. Ah, no, I had the dream where I was in a boat, and Mr. Wilcox is there, my same grandmother was there. Some girl I dated in college.

>> Darin: And, I mean, Johnny Bench wasn't there? No. But I woke up, and I'm just like. None of these people ever met each other? No. They have nothing in common. Well, the only thing they have in common is that they're linked to me.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Name a movie you go back to over and over and over, like a comfort movie.

>> Darin: Oh, the Shawshank Redemption.

>> Mike: Shawshank Redemption. That's a good one.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: one of mine is called Nibbler.

>> Darin: Nibbler.

>> Mike: Is that Nibbler?

>> Darin: Is that about the mouse?

>> Mike: Nibbler and the cheese? It's on Amazon prime, and I think it's still. I think it's been free on Amazon prime for about 20 years at this point.

>> Darin: Nibbler, Nibbler. Nibbler.

>> Mike: So have you ever seen Pocket Full of Quarters, the Donkey Kong movie?

>> Darin: No, but I've heard about it. It's a documentary, right?

>> Mike: Oh, yes.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It's classic.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It's you. You need to watch it. Go home tonight and watch it. About the guy that's trying.

>> Darin: I'll go home right now.

>> Mike: Trying to get the. The Donkey Kong record. It's. It's an amazing movie. Nibbler is, like, right next to it. And it's basically about this kid that made. Got the world record in Nibbler in the 80s. That's not necessary. Got the world record in the 80s on, Nibbler. I don't want to talk about Nibbler.

>> Darin: What is that?

>> Mike: I don't want to talk about. It's a video game where it's like, snake. Or, Snake. Like, you hit the thing and your deer tail grows out and you don't.

>> Darin: Oh, okay. I have never heard of Nibbler.

>> Mike: Do not want to talk about Nibbler.

>> Darin: Okay. Why don't you bring it up?

>> Mike: I don't know. I wanted to. Remember I told you I bore myself sometimes with my own stories that I just did that.

>> Darin: I love it. Because you didn't even gradually stop.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: And so I'm watching Dibbler, and I don't want to talk about this. Well, then, like, it's my fault.

>> Mike: You know what's embarrassing is when you do that when you're an actual live conversation with a person. Like you.

>> Darin: I don't like at a party, but

>> Mike: if, like, at a party, somebody you don't know, he's like, I don't talk to you anymore. I'm gonna go over here and get a hot dog.

>> Darin: I told you about that woman who came to our house one time, and she said, I don't want to Be here. Where's your front door? Yeah, that's what you got to do when you're at a party.

>> Mike: That's how. With my own style.

>> Darin: I don't want to be here.

>> Dave: What's your favorite color of dishwashing liquid? Tell us now on our Facebook page or at Irritable dad syndrome dot com.

>> Mike: That's one. That's a classic throwback for y'. All. He gets really upset. You get. There's things that the people.

>> Darin: I just don't.

>> Mike: People like.

>> Darin: You're an adult. You're 50 years old.


Darren: I shave because I enjoy it. Nobody cares. Nobody, uh, that I know does a thing to

I don't know how you can't take a drink without slurping it. I just don't understand it.

>> Mike: My question is, what the hell?

>> Darin: And I know you do it just to. Because you know that I do it

>> Mike: because I enjoy it. If I were sitting in this basement by myself, I would slurp that out of this thing.

>> Darin: That's exactly what you do.

>> Mike: That's right. I am me. The problem is that you're around people that change what they're doing because they're afraid they're going to offend you. I don't care.

>> Darin: Nobody.

>> Mike: I don't care.

>> Darin: Nobody, that I know does a thing to. To physically change or enhance my living experience on this planet. You shave. Nobody cares.

>> Mike: You shave your head, right?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Shave your head.

>> Darin: I sure do.

>> Mike: Do you ever. Have you ever up the management of your. Of your drip and end up getting shaved head stuff down in your shirt?

>> Darin: And now you got.

>> Mike: Now you got. Now you got scratchies on you.

>> Darin: You mean like, whiskers?

>> Mike: Any stubble? Yeah.

>> Darin: well, I take my clothes off before I shave.

>> Mike: I was in the shower butt ass naked.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I dried myself appropriately, as one does.

>> Darin: I dry myself.

>> Mike: I remove the water. Oh, do I dry myself with a, towel?

>> Darin: I dry myself in the shower and dry my feet and then step out of the shower.

>> Mike: I put on clean clothes, and now I've got a scratchy right here.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: It's. Something's in there. it's either a brown recluse spider and I'm getting necrosis, or.

>> Darin: Pretty sure you don't have a spider in there.

>> Mike: Good.

>> Darin: No. When I shave, I take my shirt off before I shave my whiskers so that I don't get stubble everywhere. And I know our audience is out there thinking of Darren with his shirt off. Hi.

>> Mike: This guy just fought, like, literally just followed us, like, oh, was he just sitting on Facebook?

>> Darin: Maybe.

>> Mike: Let me see if the followers went up, because sometimes I call on some of these things, I'll get a notification that somebody followed and either somebody unfollowed at exactly the same time, or it's being duplicitous. Oh, no, he actually.

>> Darin: I, hate when people are duplicitous.

>> Mike: That's a word.

>> Darin: I know it's a word.

>> Mike: It's a word people use, as opposed to the other words used by.

>> Darin: So I'm ferrets.


Sam McNair says someone stole Jesse Jackson's fork during a college speech

I. I usually don't bring work into, this podcast.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: But I'm so excited because after 33 years of working in television, or I wrote a promo the other day and I used the word spiffy. I'm so excited because I've never used the word spiff. Spiffy before. I almost died. Jesse Jackson passed away. Did you ever see him when he was on Saturday Night Live and he read Green Eggs and Ham? I do not like green eggs and ham, Sam. I am hilarious. I thought that was hilarious. Now, when I was in college, I went to East Tennessee State University. Jesse Jackson came to our school to do a speech. Right. And so my friend Steve Farrell, who is a longtime fan of this podcast, he was president of the Student Government Association. So Steve was going to be having dinner with the Reverend Jesse Jackson before the speech. Okay. And Steve and I both took public speaking classes, and we were going to get, like, bonus points or something for going and seeing the speech or whatever. So before Steve had this dinner with Reverend Jesse Jackson, I pulled him aside and I said, steal a fork. Okay. When Jesse Jackson is done eating, I want you to steal the fork for me, the one that he used. M. He's like, I'm not going to do that. I'm like, steal the fork. Now, I didn't think he would do it. After the dinner, I'm waiting on Steve because we're going to watch the speech. He comes over and opens up his jacket. He goes, here, take this. He stole the fork. He stole Jesse Jackson's fork. Now, he could have taken any fork.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Any fork at the table and handed it to me and said, this was Jesse Jackson's fork. And I would have believed him, but, he stole the one that Jesse Jackson used.

>> Mike: Here, take this.

>> Darin: And then I thought, we're going into this speech, and I've got this fork in my pocket now, like, what if security had pulled me aside? Sir, do you care to tell me why you've got a fork in your pocket? Because he stole it.

>> Mike: Yeah. You know,

>> Darin: I still have it somewhere.

>> Mike: That's awesome.

>> Darin: I never threw it away. I know I have it somewhere. It's. I've got boxes and boxes and stuff that I used to have at my mom's house. And it's got to be in there somewhere.

>> Mike: Petite.

>> Darin: I just can't believe he stole Jesse Jackson's phone. So I was thinking of something that would be funny. Okay. Say you're a serial killer and the police arrest you. And as they are carrying you away with handcuffs.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Or, like right before they put you in the chair and right before you die, your final words is, what if you started yelling, 8 times 5 equals 40. 8 times 5 equals 40. Can you imagine? Like, people would be thinking, are there like eight burial sites with five people in it?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And then there's like 40 more bodies. Or at 8 o' clock, or five minutes after 8, or at 5, 40. I mean, they would go through all these scenarios, in their mind, trying to wonder what's the significance of 8 and 5 and 40. God, that's stupid,

>> Mike: yo.

>> Darin: You don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here. I was trying. I was trying.

>> Mike: A valiant effort.

>> Darin: I was trying and I. God, this is. Yep.

>> Mike: Yeah. It's a very.

>> Darin: They all can't be winners.

>> Mike: It's a. It's a variant of the thing where they. You can hire somebody to stand like a mysterious woman to stand. Standoff. Oh, that's right in the distance of your funeral. Or, a bunch of. A bunch of guys that show up in black suits saying, we had a lot of respect for so and so. A lot of respect.

>> Darin: And, you know, like, oh, nor McDonald said something like, you want to just write this note about. Just make up this name. Boy, I hated Richard Sattler.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I hate to hate that son of a. And then it's like you'd go your whole life and you'd find like, why did dad hate him so much? Yeah.

>> Mike: Leslie Nielsen didn't have a fart box in his coffin that was going off randomly.

>> Darin: He might have. He might.

>> Mike: Yeah. Did you see that? Did you see him on Conan o'? Brien? I'm sorry, I know we're going off Tangent.


There's a comedian who says funny things and then there's a comedic actor

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Where he was. He was doing his, you know, he did the thing. Well, that. But he also said, I've been. I've gotten this reputation for being a comedic actor.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And it's, you know, the. The way you're a comedic. The way you be a comedic actor is like, I'm going to say something.

>> Darin: A comedic actor says things funny.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Then there's a comedian who says funny things.

>> Mike: Yeah. He says, I say the same thing, but I say it funny. So he gave an example. He's like, I'm going to go, you know, get some ribs at the bar.

>> Mike: And then he says, now I'm going to say it funny. And he just said the exact same thing. Right. And the crowd, it's almost like on cue, they're laughing their asses off. Right. And Conan almost fell out of his seat.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And it's, it was in the, it's

>> Darin: in the same, the setup.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: It's in, the setup is, is what makes that funny.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: reminds me, Bob Newhart was on the Tom Snyder show and Tom asked him what one of the worst jokes he ever told was. And he said that, an astronaut had went to Mars and met the Martian civilization and had come back. And they asked the reporters, all asked, how advanced is the Martian civilization? He said, about three weeks. And they said three weeks? He says, yeah, they had, on Mars they had disposable razors.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then when I got back, we didn't get them here on the, on the Earth until about three weeks later. Right.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, and Tom Snyder had like tears coming out of this, just dying, laughing. And it's just like, that joke is not funny. But when Newhart comes out and says this isn't funny, this is like my worst joke.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Like, oh my God. Hilarious. Yeah.

>> Mike: I, got.

>> Darin: Why can't our be that way?

>> Mike: I got on it.

>> Darin: I got five equals 40.

>> Dave: Well, that's going to wrap things up for us this week. Go to irritable dad syndrome.com and check out our previous episodes and be sure to tell all your friends about how this podcast has changed your, your world for the better. Thanks for listening and we hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Darin: Irritable Death Syndrome is a Mike Odal Darren Cox production. The other night, I'm watching TV with Libby and she fell asleep. Does Best ever talk in her sleep when she falls asleep? No. Okay. Libby does every now. She fell asleep and she says, she said that we need to get a speech therapy consult. I said, okay, honey, we'll do that.

>> Mike: So we'll have less and less peaks and more of a smooth, and it goes into the Jimmer Jammer.

>> Darin: Did you see the thing that I sent you?

>> Mike: The.

>> Darin: The hammered handyman?

>> Mike: Yes. Yeah.

>> Darin: That's the funniest thing on Tick Tock I've seen in months. Here's, here's how you Screw two boards together.

>> Mike: You take one.

>> Darin: One board, and then you put another board on top. And then when you put the screw into it, and that's how you.

>> Mike: That's how you do it.

>> Dave: Hold on. The show's not over yet. Irritable dad syndrome is going into overtime, starting right now.


So we've talked about the. The glop. I'm invited to Glop again this year

>> Mike: So we've talked about the. The glop.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm invited to Glop again this year.

>> Mike: so, like, 15. One of the glops, like, 15 years ago, maybe. Maybe 20 at this point.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: They used to have it at a, They used to live in a trailer, and then they bought property, and then they were going to build their house that they live in now on top of a hill, and. And then the clock moved to their new house, and they. Now they rent out the trailer. But back in the day, they live in a trailer, and they had a bonfire around it, and. Dude is hilarious. If you come to glop, you got to meet him. He doesn't come that often anymore. Jeff Heil. He's absolutely hilarious.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: He's an inventor. he's invented things. We have it like a tool that he.

>> Darin: Did he invent the paperclip?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Individual cheese slices? No. Hair dryer?

>> Mike: No. But what he did do, this particular Glock. See, Glop goes in stages. The very beginning, it's more of a family reunion. There's a lot of old people. Well, most old people are dead now, but right back in the day, you

>> Darin: know, we're the old people now.

>> Mike: Right? Literally. We are. We talked about. We are the people we talked about 20 years ago.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: You were like, we're them now.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And our kids are like, what we. It's depressing, but that's where it's at. Yeah.

>> Darin: Thank you for bringing that up.

>> Mike: The old people, it's like a reunion. Then they go away. The alcohol continues to go. The bands are playing. People get crazy. And then Glock gets crazier and crazier, and sometimes it spills over into the next day, which has affectionately been known as the show. Anyway, during one of these nights, it was, like, at midnight or so, Jeff, had a stick, and he was sitting in front of the bonfire. We were all sitting around the bonfire. And there's a guy who has been to almost all the Globs since the beginning named Sam, and Jeff and Sam are friends. And Jeff is hitting the ground with the stick.

>> Darin: With a stick.

>> Mike: With a stick. And he goes, siam. When he hit the ground. now you're laughing now, but you're drinking water and it's like 7:45.

>> Darin: Imagine three, four beers into me.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way off into the wind. We were. I was crying. My stomach hurt. I was laughing so hard because it just. It came out of nowhere. Uh-huh. We were all having quiet conversations all of a sudden.

>> Darin: Anyway, on paper, that shouldn't be funny.

>> Mike: Oh, my God, it was. And there's video of it somewhere. I might have it on one of these computers.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: One of the guys got up and said, can you stop hitting the ground with the stick? So Jeff looked him dead in the eye and we lost. I fell over. Bess was getting tears. We were all laughing. He was like, no, man, I need you to stop doing it. I need you to stop hitting the ground.

>> Dave: Why?

>> Mike: Which is what I said. Why? And he just looked over at me and looked back at, Sam. Jeff.

>> Darin: Oh, Jeff.

>> Mike: And said, you need to quit doing that. One thing about Jeff is once he knows he's got you.

>> Darin: Yeah, he's gonna do.

>> Mike: Which is one of the reasons I love him to death. He cracks me up. This went on for a while until the guy started getting violent. He starts losing his mind.


Jim came in to defuse the situation, which is what Jim does

Well, turns out there was some kind of weird chemical mix up or something. I don't know entirely what happened. But Jim came in to the thing and defuse the situation, which is what Jim does. They need to send Jim to.

>> Darin: Jim's your brother in law. Yeah.

>> Mike: They need to. Whatever conflict is happening in the world, they just need to send him and he'll get it all worked out. Doesn't matter. You can't be mad when Jim's around you. You just can't.

>> Darin: So let me get this straight. You're mad because he's hitting the ground and saying Sam.

>> Mike: That it made it more hilarious, than when he got pissed off at Sam. He was already funny. But then it was even funnier that this guy was pissed. Oh, that's a moment I'll cherish.

>> Darin: I was cleaning, out the basement.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And I found a box of wax dildos. Yes. And in the box was a bunch of stuff from my old office.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Okay. And one of the things in there was an old notebook. Now, when I joined Twitter, I think I joined Twitter 11.

>> Mike: Excuse me.

>> Darin: Or Twitter 12 years ago.

>> Mike: X.

>> Darin: It was Twitter at the time. Okay. When I joined that, I was really, really putting 184 into Twitter because I wanted to really get in there and compete with the guys who were getting a lot of the likes, the stars, whatever. I wanted to make A name for myself on Twitter. And I don't know, I kind of got close. I developed a small but loyal fan base. M. And at the time when I started on Twitter, they had a thing called Favstar. or Favstar.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: And if you join that, you could tell somebody that that's the funniest thing I've seen all day. And you could give them a tweet of the day, a trophy. Okay. It's. You can't pick it up. You can't carry it. It's not tangible. Yeah. And over time, I ended up winning 111 of those or something like that.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, that's nothing, dude. There was. That's nothing in the. There are people who had, like, a thousand of them.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: There were people who would get 20 trophies a day. Okay. They would get them. like you would get anything else. And I was trying, trying, trying, trying, trying. So. And I would tweet. I would try to tweet, like, once an hour or something.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So this notebook that I had, anytime I had an idea, I would jot something down and try and turn it into a joke. A tweet. The tweet, as it were.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And put it on the Twitter.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I found this notebook.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I'm going through it, and half the. On there, I have no clue what

>> Mike: I was talking about.

>> Darin: And this is. And I was reading some of these to Libby. here's something that I wrote in the notebook.

>> Mike: Huh?

>> Darin: Hank, the Sesame street bigot. I don't know the premise. I don't know. I don't. I don't remember tweeting.

>> Mike: That's all premise. That's all premise right there.

>> Darin: I don't remember tweeting anything about Hank,

>> Mike: the Sesame street bigot.

>> Darin: Okay. Adam and Eve. Wait, wait, wait.

>> Mike: Was that a. Would that be a puppet, or would that be, like, one of the real people?

>> Darin: I don't know.

>> Mike: Like Mr. Hooper. I don't know. Okay.

>> Darin: Like Bob Gordon.


I wrote down Adam and Eve and Hank the Sesame Street Bigot

There's Gordon, Bob Marie, and Hank, the Sesame street bigot. Yeah. So I had that written down, but I don't remember ever tweeting anything about it. Okay. I wrote down, Adam and Eve. Tickle fight.

>> Mike: Okay. Okay.

>> Darin: I don't know. Yeah, I have no clue. Self magazine. I remember this joke. Uh-huh. So it's like, I picked up a copy of Self magazine, and I was surprised I'm not in there.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. Okay. That one was pretty good.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I wrote down R2D2 riding a horse, snoregasm.

>> Mike: Oh, okay.

>> Darin: Yeah. What? That was Harmonica holder. Grilled cheese sandwich. Okay. Yeah. I thought it's funny if you get one of those harmonica holders like, you

>> Mike: know, for your grilled cheese sandwich. Yeah.

>> Darin: Like Neil Young plays and he's just eat a grilled cheese.

>> Mike: Ah, yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Okay. Glow in the dark Toothpaste.

>> Mike: Yeah, well, that's a good idea.

>> Darin: Perverted Squirrel Finally, Invisible Turkey. And I'm looking at this, I'm like, what in the hell?

>> Mike: I think Invisible Turkey and Perverted Squirrel opened for Venomous Beaver on their debut.

>> Darin: All I know is their. Their, roadie was Hank the Sesame Street Bigot. So, I mean, again, a few of those, I know where I went with them.

>> Mike: There's not many things I know in this world that are true. But there's one thing I do know. This episode is called Hank the Sesame Street Bigot.