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Sept. 28, 2021

IDS #57 - With Apologies to Alanis Morissette


TicketMaster Sucks!  Also, Mike goes to see Alanis Morissette, Garbage - and then The Sword and Primus (busy week!).  Weird couple at Primus show (too many puppies!)  Darin eavesdrops on a couple discussing the finer details of sheep movement, and has his values shaken to the core by a random avocado fondler.  Darin's rabbit won't stop pooping - and Mike's kid gargles salt water (and puts Mike in his place).  Darin goes to a virtual funeral for his friend Tim Cable.

The show ends with an action-packed telling of "The Great Ice Cream Sandwich Fight of 2021", full of drama, intrigue, and the fine art of putting ice cream above all else.

All this and more!!

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Transcript
00:00:00You wrote down gibberish and you needed me to keep the gibberish in there cuz we're going to start this podcast. And the first thing we do is what we're going to stick with.
00:00:22Welcome to irritable dead syndrome. Made with 100% recycled material. Now. Are your hosts Mike and Erin?
00:00:30BBC, four live in the basement on the west end of the and we are viewing a rundown of the episode, and it looks quite interesting. And yes, there is some missing tourists, that was written down him. It would be helpful for where the host. However, the other hoes just completely random confident and very welcome to episode 57. What is that? That's a velcro thing. That for some reason once we went live and are taking off the mask. You know, I just felt like, hey, let's start pulling velcro. That's what professional, that's what they do casters and radio announcers had podcast hate. We have one Hades of a show for you to do today. We have a very important show or tonight. Would you happen to be listen to the Ticketmaster Ticketmaster?
00:01:30So in 2020, I had tickets to 5 concerts 550, some of them. I really really, really wanted to go to other ones. I kind of wanted to go to and one of them I got was best wanted to see Alanis Alanis Morissette was touring with garbage. Whom I like it was the Jagged Little Pill tour and Liz. Phair guy who I'm still not. I always thought that was an event. I didn't know that. That was a, I'd swear. I've still not entirely sure cuz it was fair than Elizabeth. The fair is that, I don't know who the hell that is. The only way there used to be a festival. There are no, no, no, no, no. Hell. No, it was a and I'll remember what it is. It probably. As soon as the podcast is over with K, but it was all female acts like the Indigo Girls Jewel.
00:02:30Run that one Jewel call Liz Phair Liz, Phair, PJ Harvey. Okay. Now PJ O'Rourke Dolly, Parton, it's a band, but I don't know who's I can't tell you one song by PJ Harvey PJ O'Rourke. That I wasn't prepared for a deal if she wanted to go see that Alanis Morissette in concert. And so I got tickets. They're relatively expensive. I got decent tickets. Bro. This is a Riverbend every time she's been there before. She's been out in the lawn in 2020. You told me that the price that you paid for these tickle. Yeah, that's right. Cuz I tried to pawn you off more like Rolling Stones tickets. Okay, we paid it. Yeah, we prayed about this much.
00:03:30Rolling Stones, that's a lot for Alanis Morissette. And I like, so I don't know if you watch the news much but a lot of things happened in 2020 cost concerts to see yes. Now, some bands tool decided to completely cancel, right? Which annoys me because I had really good tickets, the tool show and I would have liked it. That to him. It's been postponed by other bands, like Alanis, just postpone it and then Billy Joel and Stan. Basically, wearing to put it in the future and give, you can go, you can go, if you can't, you can't best could not go in. And over the course of the years. She's like, I don't know if I really want to go. That's a lot of money and I don't know. So best started to town in a little bit. Three weeks. Darren three weeks, three way to show ya, I say, okay, she decides. What can we sell them?
00:04:26Can we just transfer them? Now? There is the option to transfer tickets to somebody else and we talked about let's just transfer it to one of your friends and take a cash payment, right, but then I said, well, nobody's going to pay that amount for those tickets. Let me try to sell them legitimately on the Ticketmaster Marketplace. Okay. It makes you charge a minimum amount, which is ungodly, cuz these things were really expensive, so they weren't going to sell. So it goes for a week. They're not selling. Okay, I decide to try to change the price. There's an option there. I want to edit my listing. I press edit, listing a little box, come up says something happened. Something went wrong. Please. Try again later, later. I try again. Something happened, please.
00:05:16Sorry about, I want my sweater back about 2 weeks out about a week away and I decide to just cancel the thing. I told Beth was like, I'm going to either try to transfer them to somebody or I'm going myself because she was a completely not going. Like, I don't want to waste all the money. I do, you know, it's it's going to be really expensive ticket, but I have someplace to sit my beer.
00:05:41So I tried to cancel, haha. We're sorry. You can't do that at this moment. It's it's not you. It's us try again later. So I emailed them. The reason I emailed you, the voicemail, right? It says, we have ceased telephone operations. Oliver were all busy, and we're not taking calls, and if you need help, there's a contact us button. On your ticket order page. Click that and it'll create an email for you, which is basically. All it does is create an email to Ticketmaster to get customer service with your ticket number for your the concert. You're going to see the subject lines. Okay. So I do that. You either call the number that they won't answer or you email somebody who won't respond. So
00:06:26It's the dramatic step of the night. So I email and I very calmly, explain the situation. I'm very detailed in these type of situations. I try don't like to continue to eat. It's annoying to me when people don't, give me all the detail in the beginning because I tried to pay it forward. So to speak and give them all the detail that they need. We would like to eat a transfer, the tickets, or do something else with them. Please remove them from the marketplace. I get a note back saying, you can remove the tickets from the marketplace. Yourself. Just press remove from list at. Okay. I respond back almost immediately. Okay. Are you saw in the previous email? I told you I can't do that. That's not working on your site and I sent them a screenshot where it says, it's not you. It's us that type of thing. They can an email back. We checked your tickets and they are not on the market place. You're free to transfer them at your leisure. Okay? Yeah. It's like the back on it won't work. Now. We're about a day away from the concert.
00:07:26And there's a little things like a little panic button. When you when you go to email them, you click a thing that says concert is within 3 days. Like I guess I was go to the top of the pile or whatever right-sided that now my language starts to get a bit more indirect. I send them as soon as screenshots. I tried it on the mobile device. I tried it on the computer. I tried it under a different account on the computer. I tried different browsers. I deleted the Ticketmaster app. You brought any downloaded after clearing the cache, exorcism everything. I possibly could to prove that the problem is not on my end. Right. And I got the same result every time I cataloged all these, they're on the computer up there right now. So I sent them the Holy Grail of e-mails. There's no way. I mean the legal team is probably still reviewing that email. I can email back.
00:08:22Try deleting your cookies and then go to ticketmaster.com and it's stuck the van thing. So I start sending emails like crazy. I sent emails like every couple of hours at this point for the day of the concert. I'm now I'm using all caps. OK I've done full bloom around these guys. The ticket that the concert is now, you're like T-minus 12 hours and I can't do anything with these tickets at this point. It's not even showing that I have tickets. Help you say, do you have tickets if you'd like to transfer a little while? I was on the way to the concert now, but I was thinking we were thinking day of well, I mean, it is Atlantis. It's we paid a lot of money for these but she was concerned that we didn't know for sure if we had the tickets, right and who wants to deal with babysitter and all that stuff or or anything? Cuz Andrew had practice. We're going to have to leave Charlie with someone who wants to deal with all that. So she was staying home.
00:09:20So, I go to the concert. I'm already annoyed. This was a present for her. And now, I'm like, left with the option of bringing you. So I call you. I was like, I get down there and I now the tickets of completely. I've got a big red X on them. Not taken screenshots of this to like an X with a folder with, like a?. Like the tickets are gone. And I thought, oh, I look that up while I'm driving down hello. Unsafe anise. And it says, they do that when they're changing the status of your tickets because I'd read online that if you go past the point of, when the concert starts, it will revert the tickets back to you and you can use them.
00:10:01But you have to wait until the concert is started. And I didn't care about the first group going on. I cared about garbage and I cared about kind of about Atlantis. So anyway, I get there, I go up to the lady with the ticket thing and there's no barcode. I'm like, these tickets are jacked. They're mine. I don't know what to do. She said very calmly, like it's common. Just go to the box office to help you out and I was simultaneously elated and pissed because all this, but I went through a Ticketmaster, all they had to do, by the way, in these emails that I was sending him sending them my phone number and I was saying this could be over in a five-minute phone call. You're not listening to my problem. You're not reacting to my problem. Sending me for me to talk to me on the phone for 30 seconds. I'll be nice. All you have to do, is say go to the box office. I go to the box office. The guy takes my ID, text him, a few things. Give him the paper tickets and I'm good, it was
00:11:01Over in 2 minutes. Yeah, all that garbage was awesome. I got it like halfway through Atlantis has that and I'm like, I really don't want to be stuck in the parking lot for three hours after the concert. So I I just pulled right out. They for ironic know that was for the end of that sound pisses me off.
00:11:24I think she played that actually. There were some songs that I wanted to see that but I'm here.
00:11:38Is everything. All right? Cuz I got one and over puppy. And another one is close to that one. She has a say, went in on my papi. In the other one of my kitty cat. I got to hand in my pocket hand, in my pocket. The other one, I liked it, but I got to give it to you. That impression was dead-on. Here's the deal act. Like I'm going to get to the end of the story in a minute. Okay, I pride myself on getting good tickets like getting good placement. When we saw you to. Those are those are like the great tickets. We stood for that, but I go hard core on this. I take the stuff very seriously and I get nervous. I'm always a nervous. Wreck is on those are general admission to get there to write time. It is something I have to do with the right time. They have to high-five in or whatever. All that stuff. It was nice to go to a concert that I really didn't care. If I
00:12:38Saw the whole thing. I was happy to say that I was there, but I was happy to see what I saw. But those last 5 song. I'd rather get home before 11. I'm going to one last piece of the next day. I get an email from Ticketmaster. How was your time? We're sorry, we couldn't reach you before your event. Hopefully everything worked out. Fine. Thank you for using Ticketmaster the day after the day. After the day after regrettably. We could not get in contact with you. And I came very close to respond with like the chain of 15, more emails who farted indeed. I would still be sending in that and say if you've got a lot on your stove is an act of God. Are you a little bit of Acer, a little bit of an act of defiance. I wore my Pearl Jam shirt to the Alanis.
00:13:38Haha. I was waiting for them to throw me from the show and that I've point where it says Pearl Jam, that's a thing or write you guys are, and I flipped them off at Genex finger and walk away a cup. OK weeks. And I remember when we went to see Billy Idol, I do and I was complaining because we got the virtual chicken and you like what you get with the 2021 at Papaw and, hey Gramps, you know, as of yet, I'm having something on your phone in your hand, the paper tickets and I wanted to give them to my neighbor's Chris and Mary. Yeah, I could, I would walk across the yard and say, you guys want to see Billy Idol. Here. I would have to go on and transfer. I would have to send an email. I wouldn't have to call somebody and get out here cording. They don't interrupt me cuz I wouldn't have to do any of that crap because I could just take the paper tickets and just hand them to somebody. Yeah, if I needed to sell them, I could take my
00:14:38Paper Tickets, they could give me paper money and of story, cuz then, there you go. So, two things one. What if your house burns down, then your Lantus tickets are going to phones in the house house. Burns down to be outside live streaming. A second thing, is that when I was there and going through this, there was a little Darren, you know, me like Angel on your shoulder. What about the agree with you? But I am perfectly happy. Being a hypocrite on this. Okay. I'm perfectly happy with you and also thinking your dumb ass because it when name time when I got this Billy Idol tickets, I was looking and looking and looking, where do I click to have them sent to my house? Cuz I'm old school. I love having the tickets. Come because I have a big ol hug and box full of concert ticket. And one of these days, I'm going to make a big collage or something out of my concert ticket. Yeah. I have a Siri.
00:15:38Siri okay. Might help you that if I keep interrupting during the something will come true. Yeah. Yeah. Is that when I went there, I had the virtual ticket kind of and they gave me a paper ticket. I'm wondering if any concert if you go to the box office, if they'll print you off of a real ticket on from your virtual ticket ticket, cuz I keep it in my freaking scrapbook, pretty sure. Let's, let's try it. Let's make it a zero. Let's go to try to get a paper ticket. Okay, that's what we'll do when I had to cuz you hate Ticketmaster. I'm not a fan of Ticketmaster Ticketmaster. Okay. What a pissed me off. He had ever go, go get in the bed with Ticketmaster and fine. I had to download the app. So now I have the Ticketmaster app on my phone which to me feels like the equivalent of having a leech. Yeah, they know they're talking about you and I've got a leech on my body and I can't get this leech off. Right? And I drove her friend card is going to put it working now that you have
00:16:38But I had to get a new Kroger Plus card, but there's a place in Cincinnati where you can go and you can buy tickets for Riverbend and you can bypass Ticketmaster. Yeah, but on the Ticketmaster you get to choose exactly which see her when you go to the place. You can pick where you go. Really, really honest to God. What have I ever lied to you? Except when I said, I thought you're funny 2 weeks ago.
00:17:05Yeah, that's where I go. That's where I buy my tickets. Really? I pick him up myself. Turn off the paper tickets. I have them in my hand. I put them in a fireproof safe and I keep them in there. So I carry my tickets with me. I hand them to the guy, they scan it and then I put them in my scrapbook. So while you're waiting for the concert, do you Whittle sit in the rocking chair out there with gold with old blue?
00:17:43Here. Till they got a song about the Beast. They do.
00:17:50This portion of irritable dad syndrome is brought to you by Otis elevators. Hi. I'm your buddy Dave way. And for the last two weeks. I've been taking the stairs. Why what? I'll tell you, it turns out that the hotel, my wife book for vacation didn't have an Otis Elevator. I complain to the manager, but he says, there really wasn't anything he could do about it. Regardless. I'll never stay in that dump again. I am brand-loyal and the only elevator I ever step foot in is a notice. There's nothing like the feel the smell and the comfort of an Otis Elevator being inside. A notice. Well, it just feels like home. Now back to the show.
00:18:36Hey, guys, you left the music on again. So, you went to see that concert and then I went private just a few days later. Did you wear your skull cap? I couldn't find my do-rag do-rag, or what did we decide? It was a bandana. I couldn't find it and I was going to wear my Rush belt buckle, but I'm too fat for it and I cuz it's big. It's a big Buckle in. This is going to rest on something and rested on that buckles. Not going to reference in his up his time. I sizeable Tommy. So yeah, I went to see privacy and I put up a, a, a contest. I think I was going to talk to you about this off the air, but I figured. We'll talk about it on are. Okay. Okay, I want to do it. I want to do a periodic contest. I want to take a cuz I have tons of concert pictures. I wanted to do it.
00:19:32I did today is give me the artist and the tour that this is from, and whoever gets says it first gets a shout-out or a something.
00:19:44They win. Absolutely nothing. So, Chris use one, the first one.
00:19:49He correctly identified Primus. Haha didn't say the tour named. Okay, cuz he doesn't follow directions.
00:19:58He's not even supposed to be responding to Tito Fender cuz he's banned from are showing I want to give Chris Hughes a shout-out Taha. Chris Hughes identifier of the show.
00:20:13But to complete his answer, it was the rush. Tribute farewell to Kings tribute to take a note, when I bought the ticket and then they changed the torque name to Tribute to Kings. Okay, the album is farewell to Kings. So they played a Primus said they played about 10 Primus songs. They do window and I had a Big Brown Beaver, and I did see, wynona's got a Big Brown Beaver. Windows has a Big Brown Beaver. The first time I saw Primus when they open for Slayer. Haha. I did not see wynona's Big Brown Beaver. That's the only time I've ever seen him. That that's why I like them now is because I saw I was forced to watch them for 45 minutes. I never cared about him. I saw them on the horde tour and it was Neil Young Blues Traveler. Primus got was at the one. The Ramones Ramones were horrible. Just horrible Horizons of rock developing everywhere and all day show.
00:21:13I knew a little bit about Primus they came on, I might be pretty fun. I lost my mind when they did cuz I was so excited. Me and my buddy Coburn went to see Slayer together and promised that we kept talking about, we're over and see, Big Brown Beaver. Yeah, and they never did it. And I was bummed and Les Claypool.
00:21:49They're dropping like sex of wet cement. Oh, okay. So the interesting thing about this is that this concert took place like three or four days after the Atlanta's concert Atlantis was at the Riverbend Amphitheater. This is at the PNC Pavilion other if you have long enough arms, you can touch. Yeah, so I did where I wore my Rush shirt in SpongeBob that I didn't do that. There were a lot of you. Look at t-shirts, the number of t-shirts of bands. There were a ton of Rush bands there. Okay, what you would expect. There were some Primus fans. There were a lot of Slayer t-shirts. I didn't expect that the concert started. I was a prime. I saw the sword. Okay? Yeah. They were awesome. They can move around that much but the sword blade there. An opening act. Yeah. Okay, they open for Primus. Never heard of them. Basically the New Black Sabbath and then, you know,
00:22:49Started. They did their Primus set. They did a really good job in terms of Primus music. That Rush fans would enjoy really long. Trippy the receptor. I went in his Big Brown Beaver, right? So when I set that, I was in the front row of where you sit, okay.
00:23:10Are you telling me you sat in the row where you sit in front of me? Are they?
00:23:26So there's some guys next to me. Okay, there's an empty seat. Then there's my seat and there's like a row of. Like there's like five or six empty seats. Some Rush bands came couple seats down for me. I've got like, one of the place Primus get to the first tune. Their second team comes on and this guy who looks like an accountant and his wife. I don't want to say Karen but okay. Okay. I like she doesn't look like she should be at a Primus,, You know, I mean, she's not having a good time. So he sits down right now though. She had a very good time. Okay, he sits down right next to me and I'm like at the parents are complaining. Well, he looks she she look, she had like a very mom. Look, I think what you're trying to say.
00:24:12Carry-on, so this guy was kind of like the accountant type got no offense to accountants out there that rock. I know, at least one they had a calculator on, okay. He had like shorts with the shirt tucked in in the whole thing.
00:24:25And he looked over. So it's left, Primus is allowed band and we're right in front of the speaker and he looks over at me and he's clapping and he yells in my face and I don't do Matty Papa and I just did what you just did. I laughed and said what even though I know that too many puppies is a Primus song and I said no, it's not too many puppies names. Like why? And I ice I tried to repeat it in the middle of Mira pain.
00:24:55It just starts clapping like crazy like okay, it's weird.
00:25:00It was like watching Stephen Colbert lose his mind at the he could, you know, it was odd. His wife was like, moving around like a snake. Okay, She's wiggling around all over the place. They were really into the primer show me. Either way. They're going off. He's screaming and appropriately even wear Primus concert. Okay, get through a few songs and then they leave. And I like, okay, thank God, I cuz I hate this is having me before in concert people just come up to wherever and then they in the name of a Taurus bull back or they go away and that well, that was a close one of those got to sit next to a pair of jerks the entire shift. So we got a few more songs Through they do the. There's a couple of songs before the intermission. This couple comes back, the wife can barely walk. She's stumbling and, and is she more or less impaired than the woman waiting in line for t-shirts at Billy Idol 2.
00:26:00Into the Dead. She she gets there. Okay, gets there. She was close to that. She, she almost fell over the rail and I hope it again. If somebody's like that. And they've got a Rob Zombie t-shirt or a Primus t-shirt or a tool t-shirt. I'm okay with it. A mom that looks like she literally just dropped her kids off the preschool looking like that. So, it's a bit, it's a bit off. But if it's a mom who literally just dropped the kids off at preschool. She needs to have that happen. That's true. Now, now she's just all over the place. He's got her in front of him. I'll let your imagination run wild. They're getting very friendly with one another and I'm trying to enjoy the show, so they do their thing. And then there's the intermission where they have ice and a picture out. The be right back with the crown. I think I put them in your bed syndrome. Com.
00:26:58They leave. If I leave for the intermission Primus comes back out and starts with the first song from farewell to Kings in the rush Portion. By the way, anybody's thinking about going to see the show actually go see this. Show. You're not going to see Rush play anymore and outside of the voice and they had to slow down a couple times for the drummer. I think. I mean, they're not as precise as Russia's, but they did a damn damn good jobs and get and Les Claypool was very open about the fact that he can't see his eyes getting late. If you guys want me to and he was he was he was so funny to hear the whole thing. My favorite song, one of my favorite songs off of that album is Xanadu. It's the second song 9 minute song. It's one of these looks like it's amazing. Now, it's not the Olivia Newton-John, Electric Light, Orchestra song from the movie Xanadu.
00:27:54So she now they changed position. So now she's right next to me. She's right next to me. She has no concept of space. On the left side. I can still my view of the screen. I could just barely I can see like most all of us all the screen where I had to move to get away from her flailing fist. Now, I can only see most of it and it kind of annoys me. Yeah, I paid for a seat over here now, and she's having her Janis Joplin moment and he's screaming and clapping and yelling too many puppies much really. Just it's really just getting annoying. So she hits me probably about 3 or 4 times and every time she does so sorry and she pitched forward over the rail. She didn't fall completely over because he was right there to grab her waist and pull it back up. And she's just comes like
00:28:46Sorry, this thing is going on at the whole time. They close to saying something, like you try to be polite. So I think I'll say something to somebody. If there be not like another dude. I'll say something to him. Hit me like two or three times a week late, but I'm now back up. So think about how far you have to go to say something to someone's wife, when they're right there. Yeah, that's where I was. I was about to say, you need to get some help about that program. You need something.
00:29:18You need to, you need to either dress to match how you are or be how you are dressed to be, but you can't do both, right? You can't dress him in there, like a kindergarten teacher dress, like the church lady and be Slayer woman that. You know what? I mean. Anyway, it kept going and going and going. Finally, they get to the last song that I had already decided. I was going to leave at the end of The Last Song of the farewell to Kings album because they typically only play one or two Prime songs after that. And again, that venue, it's more important for me to get home and not watching it possible to get out of it. Right? So, the last song is cygnus X-1, Suresh. Angela know that's like a big deal. They had an amazing animation going. I mean, they knocked this thing out of the park. She hit flat-out hits me like in the neck and I'm like, you know what I'm done. I'm going to watch the rest of the song from the exit cuz I'm going to be going out there. Anyway, I go out to the exit. I got a full-on view. Now. There's people three feet behind me.
00:30:18They're doing the same thing that I'm doing. There's a lot of Rush band out there doing exactly what I was doing and I'm watching it. And one of the venue people comes over and says you can't stand in the aisle and I'm like, and I just your back to the people behind me as I am. I okay to stay and where they are. Yeah, that's fine. I literally just while staring at her in the I took one step back and says, it's okay. I got she said yeah. That's fine that way and then I heard one of the guys want me to take you. So what happened anyway, the song ends and I'm like, I'm smart. I'm getting out of here. I'm going to be the only one in the parking lot. Wrong every Rush band in that place, which was 70% of the. I mean it was like he would like the concert ended and I'm starting the next song that you were just to see if people going up the parking lot. As I was leaving. There was a group of people walking by it. I just said cuz I'm a friendly guy. That's why I said is is left at the end of sickness and one.
00:31:21Yeah, of course we did. Okay doing an entire Rush album. They are huge rush fam. Okay, and they have done the reason I thought this would be a good concert and it was is when they open for Slayer, they played. Cygnus X-1 is there, is there last song? And because I and I was like, I was half, listen to them half not. I'll let this is a rush. This is Russell. It sounds just like I knew they would do a good job or promise that Rio. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they did it up. Right. I mean, the drummer, God help him. He the first side or it is about the first song. Makes me want to listen to The Rush version again, but he had a little trouble on that. The guitar player did great wasn't as precise as Alex is a thing about. Russia's, when you listen to him. You kind of forget how literally every sound you hear is supposed to be there at the way. It's their perform. It's like all three of them are doing a Non-Stop solo. Oh Yeah.
00:32:21Together is a word. It's it's insane. Really? Yeah, and I have become a huge rush, man. They're my second favorite man over the years. And I've read a few things and then that's something I read the other day. Just kind of cracked me up on their hemispheres album. They were talking about Getty, was having trouble explaining to Alex how guitar thing was supposed to go and Neil would have went to be telling them how a base plate, so they just learned each other's instruments display. Hear a Neil when you do the drugs and you don't even notice it in the song they could have done whatever or something like Owen go Boingo Fair.
00:33:09This portion of irritable bowel syndrome is brought to you by Barney Miller. Hal Linden and Abe Vigoda star in this Emmy award-winning comedy series. That's fun for everybody. Tune in each week and enjoy the wacky and Dixon. Police officers who somehow managed to keep the streets safe. In Greenwich. Village is 12th Precinct. You won't want to miss a single episode Barney Miller now streaming on Crackle.
00:33:32You're talking about the weird couple at the Primus concert. I ran into a weird couple at Target nowhere near off the shelves. I'm going to randomly go up to people and ask too many puppies in a dreamy voice looking around. And I overhear this man and girlfriend wife. I don't know sister. I have no idea what they're having this conversation. If he's asking her, if she thinks that he would be able to lift a sheep.
00:34:11Livingston substance abuse his girlfriend. If she thinks that he could lift a sheep noise, sheep of the same thing, and then they laughed, and then they walked away. And I think it's a block away. They didn't know each other. If they did know each other, they were together. All my God. That's all day. Is a lamb. The same as a sheep. Lamb, is a baby. She is it really? You don't know, I thought of baby sheep was a chef chef like a baby cow, is a cow puppy, right? It's a calf, a baby sheep as a lamb.
00:35:07Are you ready for the Kroger store the week here? Today? It's time. Now, for the Kroger story of the week. I'm at Kroger. Okay, and I'm in the produce department and like I told you before, first thing I get in, Kroger the bananas bananas, I grabbed a couple of things I move over and I'm going to get some avocado. They got the good fat on, whatever the hell that means. So I'm waiting to get avocados in this woman is there and she's got her hand in the plastic bag and she is feeling every avocado touch things. Are you allowed to do that? I thought ya we're got to file a restraining order. Like the guy I talked about before there's a walking through and just grabbing some random grapes out of the bags, like licking them waiting and waiting and waiting and I thought, holy crap, if she's passing all of these avocados. That means that they're all either too hard or too soft. She looks at me and she goes there, all either too hard or too.
00:36:10She finally grabs one. I like, will you got the only good one, but I was thinking if that was my criteria for finding a woman. She would have been the rest of the trip was pretty much uneventful. Nothing in the Crowbar. There's nothing by the cheese section. No one in the cereal, aisle cat that my cashier, the who I always go in for a history lesson. He's working at all of the self-checkouts. Okay, why you putting him over there? Put him over here where he can talk to more people. So I was pissed off about that. I'm going out to the car. I'm loading up my stuff and this woman is walking down, and she looks at me and she smiles at you earlier. And she goes. Thank you. Your welcome. You reminded me. I forgot to get toilet paper. Hell. You're welcome.
00:37:08And that's the true story of the week.
00:37:13This has been the Kroger story of the week.
00:37:17Speaking of toilet paper on Friday night and I went to Beachwood high school, which is in Fort Mitchell Kentucky the TV station where I work on Friday nights, we have the bullets are sports. Team goes live from a high school football field who can covering a big game for the week. I go out there with the blitz Blaster. Okay. This is us a Houston Sher Gunn T-shirt cannon, got 50 some T-shirts and after they record their all their hits during the news cast, and we go out and shoot, t-shirts into the crowd crowd, goes crazy for these free t-shirts. So I'm at Beachwood. Have you recently shot one like completely over the stands to where they became close? And I have to post these pictures on her website. They toilet papered the hell out of Beachwood, high school. I don't know if his Beachwood students. I don't know if it was tough cat, the other team who's playing them that night. But oh my God, it was the most
00:38:17Insane amount of toilet paper, one of the best toilet paper jobs I've ever seen. So I posted on my Facebook page. I said, I've seen a lot of toilet papering and my day. In this one, takes the cake and some friends, from high school, chimed in and said, thank you did more than see put toilet paper job, you know, you mind who he and I together and I'm like the bloods on your hand. To ya. Don't be acting all pure and innocent. So then, and this is where you come in to the store. Leslie, who I went to high school with. Okay. We'll use the toilet paper, her house all the time. Okay. We totally pay for her house several times.
00:39:05She jumps in and saying, oh, yeah, I remember the time that you guys did this, and did this, and did this, and hahaha, and smiley face, and LOL, and Emoji Emoji, and she wraps it up with, by the way. I am the biggest closeted fan of your podcast.
00:39:23Closeted fan has never come out and admit it that she listen to the podcast and she said she's listen to every episode and she wishes that we did more episodes a week. Very flattering. I wanted to say thank you for listening to the Five Guys. Yeah for forgiving me for toilet paper in your house. All the times that we did and and for your friendship. I ran into her a few years after high school and she had told me she says, you know, I'm a nurse now you better hope you never get sick and she had their toilet paper in your house when you ran into it. I was scared of her. I was literally scared of her for a long time. I thought she is going to kill me. She did not funny at all one time. We tore the paper to her house and one of my friends had stolen something out of her car as a gag.
00:40:23I don't know. If you plan on giving it back home going to assume that he plan on giving you back. Where is to be a gag? And he doesn't get it back at the comes. And that's where the line was and I will admit. That's where the line was crossed. I Didn't Do It, although I didn't say. Hey, you have to put that back either. Hey, I'm going to come in your house and kidnap your kids.
00:40:43Slavery. Just what is a gook?
00:40:46So, they caught wind of it at school and the office secretary, who was like, another mom to me. I was best friends with her son. Here. We all get called into the office, and we were looking really, really big trouble. And if we apologize, if we promise never to do it again, they won't call any authorities, whatever. And so, we stopped and I've apologized, so, yeah. Absolutely. We did, we cross the line when we had that, but I thought she was going to kill me. So then you flash forward a few more years at our 20th, High School reunions. Okay. I see my friend Courtney and I and I'm like, oh my God. Hey Courtney, how you doing? Is so excited to see you. She was throat on our 20th, High School reunions.
00:41:37So Leslie comes up smiling ear-to-ear. Laugh and gives me this big hug introduces me to her husband and her stand there. Like, it's all water under the bridge. It was very cool. We're really good friends. Now, I'm extremely happy that she's become a fan of our show to tell somebody about exactly lesbian. Spread the word interrupt, this program for a special announcement. Congratulations to Leslie Cowley whole irritable dad syndromes listener of the week. This has been a special announcement.
00:42:16My rabbit is pooping all over. Every little rabbit turd has a rabbit pellets there, like a little bit bigger than BB's will clean. The cage will go into another room. Will come back and there's 14 more rabbit turds.
00:42:33We'll move those. And what you're supposed to do is put them in the litter box. And then the Rams going to go all my poops in the litter box. That's what I'm supposed to, boo. I'll talk to go poop over there. This is a dumb rabbit. I mean, he's adorable. Yeah, he's a stupid as a rabbit we've ever ever seen. I mean, there's not much room in there for brains. You know, that
00:42:54Anyway, we keep we keep trying to litter boxes and we've had them for a little over a week. I mean, I know you don't expect miracles and eventually he'll be pooping everywhere. Absolutely everywhere and it's giving me inspiration to welcome our new sponsor for the show. This portion of our show is brought to you by figis fertilizer. That's right. Rabbit. Boo, we here at you're double dead syndrome. Are up to our belt loops and rabbit pellets. At first. We thought, what are we going to do with all this? And now we found out we're sitting on a gold. Mine rabbit poop has four times the nutrients of cow or horse manure and it's twice as rich as chicken manure and a smell. It's packed with nitrogen phosphates, potassium, minerals and micronutrients. And if you buy figis, you'll know exactly where your fertilizer is coming from straight from the butt of Darren's rabbit. So, what are you waiting for? Give your
00:43:54Garden the extra help it needs to grow, stronger with Vicky's. Fertilizer now, back to the show.
00:44:02I got a story, Andrew gargling, salt water. I've been waiting to hear a good gargling Story. 4 weeks. Okay, so he has braces. And one of the thing that made a very hard to guard, one of the things they told him to do is gargle with warm, salt water. If it cuts like your your mouth on my x-ray, braces, I had braces. I think I could probably get some money for pain and suffering that I went through. Oh, yeah. I like the thing that came around and went in, it was brutal, tighten them, and then you could even bite through sliced cheese at hurts so bad and then on the back, would they put the silver things from them that the flipper and being my normal self, your own business, minding my own business, he comes in, he mumbled something about, you know, his braces hurting and and he's going to try to do some salt water and he comes over.
00:45:02Invest as well. Yeah, I get some salt and put it in the water. So you goes and gets a cup of water. Then he gets a teaspoon and he pours he doesn't know which kind of salt again that doesn't get the popcorn song cuz it's small and it dissolves quickly. Okay? Okay, so he gets that he measures of that exactly. He comes over and me and Bess are having a conversation about something. So he keeps interrupting this and this and this much salt that much, but it is right now you have water and you got salt to put the salt in the water and he put salt water myself and it goes over to get another spoon. How the thing I best stops. Listen to me. She's like, what are you doing? He's like, I've got to Stir It.
00:45:56And we both me and best both. Look at him and in unison, say stirred with the spoon, you put it in with, don't get a new spoon. Just put it in, Stir It.
00:46:07Same spoon. Yeah, with the same spin that he's getting annoyed with us. I can't imagine what. Okay, I can't imagine I can't remember what it was that I was going to tell him. I was going to be if I was trying to be funny. I was going to say something funny cuz I felt like we had been nagging him a bit. I think he generally didn't know how to make salt water and we were just kind of be a jerk about it, right? So he's behind me. I'm sitting at the table up there and I say all and don't forget to in them for my mirror.
00:46:42Mid best lost it on herself. Silly. She could not breathe. She was laughing so hard. I looked back and he has his huge grin on his face. And I lose it laughing because he just tore me a new one without actually saying any words. Made fun of me. Haha, and then went on, and in gargling salt water, spit it out in the sink for everything and then went running on up to his room. I mentioned last week that, my friend, Tim cable passed away and they had his funeral and what they did was, they made it virtual so that people
00:47:24Who were unable to come from out of town, could watch on the internet and also they didn't want to be responsible and have a bunch of will come and be indoors when covid is still, if so, I'm watching his funeral online and it's very sentimental. It's very touching. I mean, it's a funeral, you know, it's it's hard to watch. You know, it's like you wish you were there and his wife was amazing. She had just incredible things. His kids all came up and spoke. They were all amazing. They did a great job each and every one of them and my friend. Lisa text me and she's also watching now. Lisa used to work with him and I had WJHL, she text me and she and I are texting back and forth during the funeral.
00:48:12Is it in our defense if we weren't texting? Yeah, in our defense, we were texting when the the minister was talking. We didn't we weren't rude. And when the kids were up there away. Well, it's the modern version of whispering across the aisle and you know, they're doing and it reminded me cuz Tim and I were at Lisa's wedding. Okay. Eliza had a Jewish wedding is up there with her husband and they stepped on the the bottle. And they said mazal Tov in any way. So during the ceremonies the, it's a rabbi, right? I keep want to call it, a Jewish, call him a Jewish priest. I love Jewish phrase. I mean, Turbo Lover, was their biggest hits. So they're standing up there at the rabbi start speaking in Hebrew.
00:49:12And we're just sitting there waiting because I don't know about you, but I can understand if I'm like, Tim shut up. So, you know what? Talking with Lisa. And I told her the story. She didn't know. He was cutting up at her wedding which is just like him. So it was my first virtual funeral and I'm in hopefully it's my last virtual. I've been to too many funerals. This portion of irritable bowel syndrome is Raichu by Whoppers all beef footlong hot dogs had a crazy day are the kids driving you nuts, and the boss is climbing on your ass waiting for you to work late again, I'm Dave Lay and I know the feeling it seems like life is constantly trying to rip me a new one and this always happens on my night to make dinner.
00:50:12So what do I do? I'll tell you, Sally. I throw some Whoppers. All beef footlong hot dogs on the grill, and just like that. Everybody's happy. Whoppers are made from pure beef with no fillers or preservatives. They're packed full of flavor and they're perfect for any meal or a late-night snack. Get a ruler and measure it yourself. If you are hot, dog isn't a footlong. They'll refund your money guarantee. So, after this podcast is over, run out and grab a package of Whoppers, all beef, footlong hot dogs. You'll be glad you did.
00:50:44Tillamook makes ice cream sandwiches. Okay, our lawyer informed us of this and that's part of his job. Yeah. I'm glad that he thank you Andrew. So we are we go to Charlie's football game. Okay. Okay, we get done with Charlie football game that we've been out in the sun. This is on Sunday. We've been out in the sun this entire time. We're all sweaty and nasty. We want to go home and I want to stop were very close to a Kroger. They always have blue bunny ice cream sandwiches and I think we've established before. Those are my favorite ice cream stay as they are currently. So I want to go in there and I need to get some other things, like food that we need to eat. But I'm just going to be in there for like maybe 5 minutes, but most of it doesn't take place in Krogers is just incidental to this. I won't use Dave. Now, I've talked to you about this before my trip, when I know I'm getting ice cream. I get the very Larry lines that I get. I've been in the store with you and
00:51:44For adamant, you are a military and then it's the first thing that makes it into the house. Or do I leave my kids wandering in the street while I bring the ice cream in and put it in the freezer. Okay. That's how I roll Mike and I were at the grocery store one time. Yes. We went to the Crowbar together, huh, and then I had to grab a couple things my cycle. I've got to grab a couple things to Mike was standing about to put his hand in the cooler. To get the ice cream sandwich. I said, I need to get a gallon of milk.
00:52:15How long am I got to stand here at Bob? Bob down, woman cream, very seriously. I get it. The last thing I go up to the thing. Now, I'm waiting in line because the person next to me is having trouble dealing with the little conveyor of of stuff. And now, your eyes are waiting there, waiting until the person in front of them, has her stuff completely dealt with. Before they begin placing, their items on the conveyor. Okay, that's selfish. I hate that. Anyway, I get my stuff now, I'm annoyed because my original Speedy exit is been delayed somewhere, ice cream, leading into soup. So I run out to the car. So I put him in there and I say, you know, before I get there what took you so long as that I had to get some things that were necessary and there's ice cream back there. Ice cream sandwiches. So we had to go. We get in the car we get right on 129 and come to a stop. There is a wreck. Oh boy.
00:53:15Great. So now I am and I'll admit it. I'm thinking about my ice cream sandwiches.
00:53:23How long do I have before? They're no longer ice cream sandwiches and they're just vanilla soup with with cookie stuff floating up. So I look on the highways have Google Maps going 15 minutes, even if you're going home, cuz it tells you what time you're going to get there? Just looks at traffic and everything. If you don't do that, you should know how long it takes. Normally 3 minutes from that point, but I knew was going to take 20 minutes. Haha, because that's what Google Maps that you don't use it for traffic speed, traps. All that stuff now. What I'm going somewhere that I know where I'm going. Okay. Boomer. Anyway, it helped me get like, I had to go home a whole different route, but that's at the end of the story. Okay, so we're waiting. Okay, we're in the traffic. And I said that's going to be about 15-20 minutes in the car and then best as well as though, that needs an oil change. That's the kids in the back. And then this is Willis, open up the ice cream sandwiches like a hole.
00:54:23She thinks everybody she's she's about to open them and expose them to more heat and I say I don't know that we need to open up the ice cream sandwiches just yet and she says well, I'm hungry. I want in and we're we're all dehydrated. And I said actually Sugar is going to make you more hydrated. You shouldn't be put in when I get to stare and see if she says the kids need something to eat. Haha. I said there's buns, there's buns in there cuz I'm not cuz I cuz I was going to make hamburgers and hotdogs have a meet the Buns. Don't eat my ice cream sandwiches and then Charlie from the back says really
00:55:08And Andrew is like, I'm getting ice cream sandwiches. So he starts reaching into, I was like, thank you. So they open up the box of ice cream sandwiches. And I said, you know, I might become passive aggressive. I like, okay, I guess we're just going to let the ice cream sandwiches melt. That's fine. I spent a lot of money. Those are my ice cream sandwiches. If any one of you takes a bite and starts talking about how much they suck your walking home, cuz they've done that before. I'm right in front of me, but you need to calm down.
00:55:47Wish I was worth. So now it's always worse when you tell the wife that, so now I'm steaming 5, like, I've gotten to the edge of an argument has been mostly good natured, but I'm skirt the edge of an argument here. So I stand out. Okay, now I'm waiting, and I'm looking up the road and Amber. Keep saying, just pull in the grass. Just me. He wants me to go through the median and turn around on 129 answer. You just hold on, but I don't want to do that just yet and I'm looking up to see what's going on. It looks like it's a bad wreck. Right? Okay, we're there for another three or four minutes. I'm thinking the ice cream's melting it smell, but officer my ice cream sandwiches or melt, and I'm thinking. Now they've opened the package. So there's more space. That is available for the are the warm air to get the sandwiches are going to be melting faster. Right? And I'm thinking of what I remember from heat transfer in school. I'd by the way, I studied this. I know you're infected Heating and Cooling unlike this is, I don't know. It's not exactly like twice or three times fast.
00:56:47But they are melting it at a higher rate. This is all going through my head, but I'm not saying any of it cuz I don't want to get into a fight. I'm just looking at the road. I'm waiting to see what's going to happen. I see a tow truck,. Oh, dear lord, and go sideways on like they haven't even started moving this yet. So often the grass, I go and start screaming for Black Hole my God. Oh my God Freeman at me while I'm about to pull into traffic the wrong way for a few seconds before we get going the other way. I use Google Maps to get home. We're driving. It may be a five-minute Journey at that point. So the moment I'm getting home. We've been in the car now in the hot sun for about 10 to 12 minutes, okay?
00:57:32And I can't help myself or maybe two minutes from the house and I say to best, you know.
00:57:39You didn't really have to rip those ice cream sandwiches open, right? She said, well, you said, we were going to be in the car for 10 to 15 minutes. Had I known that you were going to turn around and do this. Then I, if I wouldn't have opened them and I said well.
00:57:54We're going to end up having been in the car for 15 minutes. Took 5 minutes. We waited 10. That's 15 minutes. We're in the car. The same amount of time that you thought we were going to be in the car. So that argument doesn't really hold up. And and now I've already I can't stop myself and your honor. When the only thing I was saying is that, when you open the ice cream sandwiches, you expose more of the, you get more surface area available to the Heat and then it begins to to melt them more. And she says can I add one thing if when you take one ice cream sandwich out the friction, when it rubs against another one, that right there, you can start late and then there's a moment of silence and she says, you say you would rather me and the kids just shaky. They just played a football game, their their shaky. And I file it that once it
00:58:5120 or 30 seconds.
00:58:55And then I said,
00:58:57I'd rather you guys be shaky to me have melted ice cream sandwiches. That was the wrong thing to say. And anybody in that in that situation. You should probably not say that because that guy the dark look.
00:59:12however,
00:59:13we got home a couple minutes later. I rushed, I don't remember turning the car off. I think I might have coasted into the driveway. Still in Drive, jumped out walls and you're treating threw them into the freezer. Okay, the ice cream sandwiches are a human heart and you are the helicopter pilot who's taking it. There's a will there's a time limit at which point they become useless. Let's remember that the Kroger near us. The one that is the focus of most a Kroger store. He's right there. Not the best at stocking Blue, Bunny Ice Cream bars. The one that I came from is, okay. I just means if I wanted again, I have to go back to that coronavirus market for the whole 5 minutes away. So yeah.
01:00:02Open ice cream sandwiches. I run in full run. I ran over booba. I want to believe I didn't kick her out of the way. I think. I just ran Pastor. I threw those into the freezer. I grab the other box and put them in the downstairs freezer, cuz they know they already opened one of them. So, now I've got to stay in your car for such an occasion for when you buy ice cream. Then you just put it in there. Then someone can be dead on the interstate and you'll be just fine because at least your ice cream's. Okay. Here's the thing. Yeah, if you're concerned about the kids eating haha. I still don't see why they can't just eat the hamburger buns. If it's, if it's just a matter of pure survival. Survival. Normally, I would judge the absolute out of you on this story, but this
01:01:02Happens to be the same week. I've talked about my problem with Swiss Rolls Little Debbie snack cakes. I have a problem. Okay, I have a real bad problem with the Swiss Rolls. Yeah. Those are my favorite because I my absolute favorite. Like, if I had like little cinnamon rolls or later, like the world is round long chocolate one with the queen.
01:01:37And then the second. Yeah, then you the third, which is the second cousin come to in a pack.
01:01:48So I told you that last week or the week before, I was sick for me, for me, for me. She bought them for Darren, her husband who I've, we've been together for 20-something Years cuz she bought them for me and you bought the boys Pop-Tarts. Wish I had some okay? Okay. The Pop-Tarts her and I'm sure the Pop-Tarts to our, an eight pack, I had to and I let the boys each have six. Okay, I'll write. So, there you go. And then she bought them donuts. And I had one out of the 12th and I let them have the rest of the, okay. OK. Does not mean that anybody has a right to any of the Swiss Rolls. I'm not saying I disagree with you at this point. I'm just saying your cases to started to take on water. Listen, to get Archer.
01:02:48I have a problem. Alright, okay, cuz everybody knows this. This is not this, this is like when I did. I didn't know. You were ticklish. Everybody knows I'm ticklish. Everybody knows. I love the movie. Sling Blade. Is the things about me that people know. So, Jacob is going to band. Okay? Okay, and he packed a lunch, okay.
01:03:09And I'm holding air quotes up. When I say lunch today, to just grab random things from the kitchen. Two pieces of cold pizza. I like eating cold, okay.
01:03:20And you took a pack of my Swiss Rolls. And I said, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, no, no, no. No, these are off the table and I take them out of his out of his. His lunch box gaming me, but you didn't give in to it. Did you give in to it after about 20 minutes? I was just like fine here just to take it. Okay. Just take it back. First it before he took it. Can I tell you something? I absolutely did not want him taking that Swiss. Roll. Can I tell you something? And I'm not proud of this. There was a moment when all three of them were taken by to the ice cream sandwich. I briefly thought about slamming on the brakes or their face would go into.
01:04:16Go at it. It'll get ice cream all over their face. That I would say a bun that would have been a problem, a hamburger, but would not have spread all over their face. That's right. Now. I'm in a mood here in this damn thing for listening to the podcast.
01:04:39Tell people to go to your favorite ice cream sandwich, story. What's wrong with you? On Instagram and Twitter cuz I've been putting contest and all kinds of stuff up, there was going to have all the prizes. He's going to have all the cool stuff cuz none of you are participating in it, what's going on? But seriously, we want you to subscribe to the show. We were asking you nicely, leave a review and come back next week, break week is going to be even better. Yes. We've got a story or two. Oh, yeah. Oh Lord. Thank you for listening to
01:05:25Irritable. Dad syndrome is a mark Goodson Bill Todman production.
01:05:33I'm here, but I'm here in there and have him and his hair.
01:05:45Black Ops 1 and epoxy and another one. In the other one of my kitty cat. I got a hand. In my pocket hand, in my pocket, the other one on my cable.
01:06:08I need to rethink how I've been living my life at this point.
Transcribed by algorithms.