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Sept. 14, 2021

IDS #55 - He Farted Wet Enough to Make My Hiccups Stop


Welp, they're banned again.  Darin doesn't know who people are plus interesting facts about hyenas.  We discuss the Great Barbecue War of 1807, and Darin's annoyed at Popeye's Chicken.  "Thicc" apparently has a rating scale.  A fan weighs in on the show, and Darin teaches some practical jokes related to parallel parking.  Weird places to wake up - including a laundry basket.  Mike's dog has an interesting place to put her head, and the duo talk Dick Cavett!!

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Transcript
00:00:00Previously on irritable dead syndrome. The monk has Liz was acting monkeys. The the monk was acting particularly monkey. Monkey today on Tuesday on Tuesday. The monk was monkey. I'm going to ask you something. Please don't put this as the cold, over the podcast with no regard for all common sense. Your your hoes Mike and Darren. Hey everybody. I'm there. I'm like, welcome to earful Dad syndrome. It is episode 55 and we're very excited that you're with us. Yeah. I'm trying to get that sound more fake. And we are very excited that you're here with us. Insert name here.
00:00:59Waka, waka waka. So the last time we did this, I didn't do any math 11 is 55 fives. My favorite number. It is my favorite number because it's divisible by 5.
00:01:23The nerd. That's a nerd. Stop again. We're going to lose our momentum here. Welcome. Hey, we got some new listeners from Europe. We do. We were back on the charts and Slovakia. How fantastic? I love Slovakia. German government listening to us, which I didn't even wasn't even sure. That was a real place. He's from Australia. Okay, all we got to downloads from there. I know I sent her a link here, and I said, do your magic. And then maybe because of the link that I sent to her days at the sodas and never again.
00:02:04I don't know, stop bad-mouthing kangaroo, but what are you going to do? So anyway, if you remember early on in the podcast, it was episode, what four or five, was it that we had to ban. We had to ban a litter of the show. He was acting. He was rude. He was incorrigible. He was just his like that guy at the party that shows of, hey, everybody look at me, talk to me. And then he sits down. He'll never leave, he was uncouth. He was at, thank you very uncouth. We banned him from the podcast. Okay? After a while, if rain in the Shawshank Redemption, preferred him is obtuse obtuse. Yes.
00:02:48I don't know what that I don't know. What the hell you talking about. Overtime. Yes. He
00:02:56His attitude change, his behavior change. And he showed that he could become a better listener, a better supporter of the podcast and it overall a better person and we are excited to unban him. Well, we've got news, he is banned again. He's a repeat offender. He's a repeat offender and he's proof that going to ban gel does not. It does not cure the problem. He doesn't care of the problem and he doesn't reform. It does not the person, it does not. So here's the thing, this person we want to go ahead and is banned. Again. I got to do to wash my mouth out with soap out where Banning him again because he is a patron of the show and when I'm Banning him because he's a patron. Oh, no. No, we're not Banning him from being a patron. Yet the spending of the show. We still want. His mother was a happily take was going to take his money, but he's just no longer allowed to listen to the show. I want that to be clear. OK, Google.
00:03:56Turn the volume. All the way down, exactly.
00:04:03Yeah, as a patron. Okay, you are allowed to vote for episode titles. Okay, and when we go through the show, we find what we think is our favorite title. Then we grab another clothes, and then we put a couple more on there to fill it out. It's like, I'm watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Who was the first person in the United States? Was it George Washington, John? F, Kennedy or Snoop Dogg, you know, it's not soup. Okay, you know, that right. There are show titles that, you know, are not supposed to be a show and we always pick our favorite. We actually hear some behind-the-scenes. We can go ahead and post it. Right? Like it's only visible by me and Darren. Yeah, but, you know, we went we need to have the ability to listen to what the other person dead. So that we don't have any more quack mistake, right? Or, you know, sometimes we'll have a late night. Text Darren sound effects in the in the video.
00:05:03Bangor or you'll come back and say, Hey, you can maybe that story about the alien abduction where they shoved a curtain rod in my ear is not appropriate, right? Okay. And try to take that out name it what we think it should be named exactly. I've been very regimented and disciplined. There's been a couple times when the Hughes has voted for something or like five or six weeks ago that we had an episode that was supposed to be called ice cream. Be delicious. It's a good time. It was the best title and they went with don't screw with lasagna. Okay to go. What was it? We wanted the show to be called your mama. Don't count Crackers In The Rain.
00:05:52I can't remember.
00:05:58I think I know what one of the titles for this going to see and I was over. So this this last one episode 54 with the first time when we we finally made we as it as it he made an executive decision. It's called truck nuts, Troy. I don't care what they voted for. The worst title Kroger Jail jail. That one was the Snoop Dogg of the choices and it should know that they should be smart enough to know that what type of people do? We have his listeners? Many patrons for the show. We kind of weird. I feel like we know them to a degree. We kind of what generally know. I thought they're going to pick. I thought I knew them and we thought there's no way there's no way they're going to Seattle with truck nuts in it and they're not going to pick or not going to pick. There's there was a Kroger jail, fail. This is a good title. I think that was actually what where, what's a good title?
00:06:58What's a good name? It's a good name. Kroger jail and truck nuts, Troy and you get heathens like to hughes's and I'm telling you, I'm texting. You is like, oh my God, they're voting for the least interesting title that they could possibly, but we're not doing this. You know, when we get more patrons, you know, when it becomes an actual majority of people, and we see like, there's little battles going on with rattles, are I feel like I'll release the dictators. Hold now.
00:07:30I will say that truck nuts, Troy and the Kroger jail thing, tied. And we reserve the right to choose the winner. It's me, you and Dave Lay, It was 3 to 2. They're so it's more of an electoral college vote by to close of them. So what we've done is what you should do. It was appropriate. I think in any democracy is when the people vote against what the ruling class want to have happened, if the ruling class bands, the people and retains power. So, here's the next. What we've done Chris, use your banned from the podcast again. After this segment. You need to turn the podcast off Lisa Ferguson. You are also banned from this podcast on probation. She's probably provoking him. He may have been, there's been reports. Yeah, substantiated.
00:08:30Sports driver. Leave them. Okay. Chris is at a higher level of the Communist is a higher level than she is. And there's been reports that she has heard things that she should not be here at her level. Right? So sorry, I think not only is she bad but she's also my probation. I think we need to get our legal team. Okay, Andrew Jackson Givens on the. So, anyway, you guys you're still patrons. Please keep sending money. You're banned from the podcast, but we need to download. So you play, turn the volume down. Yes, any of you and I hope you've learned your lesson. If you have any friends that listening thing, I guess you're not allowed to talk to them about the prank cast except to say you should download the newest podcast. Exactly good. And I'd like to take this moment to say that if you're a new listen to this podcast, if you would like to support us financially, and go under patreon and you can sign up for there are several.
00:09:30I become a patron to the show. What you do is you help us financially and by that, that helps us get money to advertise afford to stay exactly. The, the wedding, the host of the hosting, the all the stuff, the software that were reportedly had to help us not doing it. Cuz it's some point we're not buying a at one point is going to be like in the basement with your buddy. Eating this portion of irritable bowel syndrome is brought to you by Barney Miller or Hal. Linden and Abe Vigoda star in this Emmy award-winning comedy series. That's fun for everybody. Tune in each week and enjoy the wacky. Antics of police officers. Who somehow managed to keep the streets safe? In Greenwich Village is 12th Precinct. You won't want to miss a single episode Barney Miller now streaming.
00:10:30Crackle. See you've been sick. Yeah, we're on an off-night for a number of reasons. One of them is that you were hacking up a lung last Thursday. I was at work and I sneezed a couple of times just to sneeze right. Friday morning and will Friday morning, but it with a bullet. Luckily. I'm one of the people who have an option of working from home and I consider this a blessing. I had a sore throat. I work from home. In case this turned into anything turns up. My son also has a sore throat and a cough or keeping an eye on it. But you have this happens every year. When the temperature drops about 10 degrees, we both get one of those things. You need to eat more ice cream sandwich. I know, I love ice cream sandwiches, especially since I started doing the show with you and you talk about them, every single flip and week. I have a craving for ice cream sandwiches. The size of Montana. I would eat an ice cream sandwich.
00:11:30Able to do Saturday. I've got a really bad cough and we both went to Urgent Care. We both got tested and my son had an upper respiratory thing. He took the rapid test negative for covid, itec a rapid test negative for covid. They figured out that I had sinusitis. I'm coughing to beat the band. I swear. I'm almost blackout coughing and coughing so hard and I get this almost every year. I cough so hard, you could probably hear me from your house. They gave me antibiotics and steroids. I'm on steroids. And then I reset my PCP and she hooked me up with some other pills to take for this cough. Cough is almost completely gone, but she says it lingers for like 4 to 6 weeks, 4 weeks.
00:12:16So anyway, if I start, that makes me when I call just hearing that. So if I go into a coughing fit, I apologize. I feel a lot better now. Thank you for asking. Yeah, that's good. I don't want to know, well, even sicker than I am, but it's time now for the week.
00:12:38My wife loves me so much. She hates absolutely hates going to the grocery store. She loves me so much. She went to the grocery store cuz she told me, she says, I'm going to run out to the pharmacy and pick up your prescription for you. I said, okay. Thank you. That's very sweet. And an hour later, you go to the Kroger Pharmacy. Don't you know, you know what we needed groceries and Darren always goes, she went and so that was awesome. Very sweet of her. And I have been trying trying so hard to limit the amount of sweets that a. She bought me a box of Little Debbie Swiss cake rolls because I was feeling bad. And then she bought the boys Pop-Tarts. And then she bought the boys ice cream. And ask about the boys donuts and the kids, like, Mom could go to the store every week, what? Flavor, Pop-Tarts, the brown sugar cinnamon, all those, that's the
00:13:38Repeat the class. In my opinion. There are two worth having and I think one of them the Frosted strawberry and the brown sugar do with a frosted Cherry. Okay, I do that. I had them and I do like them. I think they pale in comparison to the strawberry when I was a kid. It was always frosted blueberry. Haha, but I progressed to y'all Sherry and so I was thinking that I'm not going to have a Kroger story because Living went to Kroger instead of me and I asked her. I'm like did you run into anybody know did the cashier say anything funny and I know anything happened in. The produce department, was in a real, anybody at the Crowbar. Now, why did you even go to the store was? Did you walk by the cheese with? Nothing? Did not know what happened? But I'm just like, what are the parking lot is, always something going down to nothing. Nothing. So I had, I have nothing. There's always the random jackass that session across
00:14:38I know you have to stop cuz you don't want to go to jail for manslaughter session. Say they said I was upset that I wasn't going to have a Kroger store in until today. This morning. My boss told me, you know, what work another day from home until you feel a hundred percent better. So I'm working from home. It's lunch time and I was going to run out to the Penn Station, sub sandwiches at Penn Station, so I can stop by the Kroger. Okay, and I ran to the Kroger real quick to get potato chips and milk before I got my Penn Station. So I'm walking through Kroger and I see this can't recall or a girl. She's probably in her twenties. Young person that I know is that I am more than double that age. I'm to the point where anybody in their thirties. Looks like a kid to me, either. These are younger. I'm like what?
00:15:38So I see this about this young lady and I know and I for the life of me, I can't remember where I know her from. Yeah, and I don't know if that bothers you but it kind of me because I'm getting to that age where I'm starting to forget names and and I was like, I don't want to forget that. We have a Rubik's Cube in my car and I saw this damn thing every day to help with my memory skills. I really do. Cuz this is something that I'm concerned with. I can't remember anyone's name. I meet somebody in in literally two seconds later. I don't know their name, but it's like, even if I forgot someone's name, I can usually still remember where I know this person from ya. So I'm trying to figure out where I know this person and I am 51. She's probably 20, I'm not going to just stare at her cuz then on this creepy old man staring at this girl. And anyway, I'm like, now, I have to go to my church. A definite work with her. She was too old to know. Jacob said, don't think it's from school or did this kids have karate with her? I don't think she's from marching band.
00:16:38I know where I know where she works at Kroger.
00:16:46You go. There's so much. You feel like, you know, the people there now.
00:16:57So I learned, I learned a new valuable technique years ago. It was I forget what it was. It was just show who they were talking about, celebrities meeting so many people and they forget the people's name Jeff. So they just say nice to see you instead of hey such and such as like that, nice to see. You remember not to meet in front of our dear friend of the show yet. Is he I know where you're going over. The years has signed all these autographs from where he hosted the kids club fox19 TV show and this and that whatever people will come up to the same man. I used to love your show, and he said well, thank you and they said and you sign an autograph for me one time that I bet you. I just I know you. I bet you I can tell you exactly what I said. You do that every time.
00:17:55This has been the Kroger story of the week.
00:17:58So we've had some unusual conversations at the dinner table. Okay, at my house. Okay, what's one do you want to hear? So I don't know where we're having dinner, everyone. We're having a good time, you know, female hyenas have a penis and I said, I'm pretty sure they don't. Am I again, I'm going to say that. I'm pretty sure that they they don't write and one. Why would you know this and why are we talking about this at dinner? Exactly, so it kept trust me. So we have to get the phone to get on the Google find out that female hyenas have.
00:18:53And this is a weird. I've never said at the dinner table. I don't think I've ever said this word on the podcast, and I've definitely not said in front of my kids. The female hyena has an elongated clitoris, that resembles a peanuts. Okay? For the female hyena is very painful and difficult, which is why a lot of hyenas died during childbirth for the Serb. Some male hyenas have a shortened penis that resembles a clitoris.
00:19:24So so along those lines, let me ask without along the lines of a clitoris or a penis my family. Specifically my wife loves to bring up, disgusting things that happened during the day while we're eating. So we'll be sitting down, right? Neither thing is I always should have seen Dakota's vomit this morning.
00:19:44Like, I don't want to yeah. So I've learned to like, stop her before it comes. After I can tell, when it's coming, right? In in Andrew, you will be sitting there and it's something you should have. No, hold on. Wait, is it vomit or poop or urine or something right coming from? Those are dead bird. Haha. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to let's wait until this meal is over, right? And then we'll talk about whatever came from orifice for will live. He's a nurse so you can talk about anything. You want gossip. Asian diarrhea had hemorrhaging from the brain is your clitoris exploded, you know, she will be okay, doesn't nothing but worth nothing. Fazes her asleep from her years of working in the in the, ER, as they saying in the South or in the early, as it were,, if it came up. I can't remember if I may have zoned out. I don't know, but I heard somebody at the dinner table, say he farted wet enough and it made my hiccups stop.
00:20:43Wet enough enough and it made my hiccups stop and I just I just stopped right there was like I don't want to know what you're talking about. But I'm going to write this down because the engineer in me wants to know about the wetness scale of part. You know, how far do you go up? And at what point does it cure other ailments and other people? I don't know if it was the sound, the smell of the combination of that that or the just a shock in the shop or turned off the hiccups. Yeah. I saw, I don't understand that this reminded me of a story that happened at the dinner table years ago. Okay, Libby had made this delicious chicken meal, and there's barbecue sauce on the table, and I asked Jacob. I said, do you want barbecue sauce? And he says, no, I don't like barbecue. Sauce. What are you nuts? What are you? A psychopath? I don't want it, and then Cameron didn't want any barbecue sauce. And I said,
00:21:40You guys realize that people fought and died for the right for us to have this barbecue sauce on a table and I did. And then of course me. I've got to go through and I said, go to school tomorrow and talk to your history teacher and he'll tell you all about it and they're like dead, you're crazy. I'm like, I might be but not where barbecue sauce is contained and we ended dinner. We went to bed and I'm at work the next morning. I thought and I emailed crazy thing here. Darren objects that my son may come up to you and talk about a war involving barbecue sauce. If it's not a, could you do me a favor, dad, dad?
00:22:33And lie to him and tell him about this and he replied with in a minute since you mean the great barbecue or of 1807. Sure. All that is awesome. That's awful about. It was completely ready to go. This portion of irritable Down syndrome is brought you by Otis elevators, high on your buddy, Dave way. And for the last two weeks. I've been taking the stairs. Why? But I'll tell you, it turns out that the hotel, my wife book for vacation didn't have an Otis Elevator. What's up? I complain to the manager, but he says, there really wasn't anything he could do about it. Regardless. I'll never stay in that stuff again. I am brand lawyer. And the only elevator I ever step foot in is a notice. There's nothing like the feel the smell and the comfort of an Otis Elevator being inside. A notice. Well, it just feels like home now back.
00:23:36I dig horseradish sauce and I have become addicted to making brats and Mets and dipping them in horseradish sauce. And part of the GIF. That is, it has the same effect on my family as their stories about feces and dead things has on me when I'm trying to eat. And I enjoy the when you, when you bite into it, it is part of it tastes good. And then for a second, you're gasping for air and you get the horseradish see stuff in your nose and he's like, my God, I'm going to die. This is how I leave this plane of existence choking on this hot dog, and then that goes away. And then what are you do? You dip when you get some more Meanwhile your family? All right, he's going all my God. That's disgusting to have. Never been able to tolerate horseradish sauce. Yeah, you think it gets like this weird? Yeah.
00:24:36Fred is so I give away my secret sauce here. Okay. When I make, especially when I make turkey burgers, I don't know why this tastes really good on turkey burgers. But if you grill, a burger or turkey burger, what you do is you take barbecue sauce, you mix in ranch dressing and honey mustard or spicy mustard. So good. It'll still smack your mother. My boys. Absolutely love it. And whatever I make breakfast. And are you making your secret sauce? Yes, I am.
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00:25:53We don't talk politics know, we are on, we are a non-political show its true. Having said that the recent years have been filled with political Strife. Some would say really and I came across something that has it. I want to share with the world to help with that. Okay, go to YouTube or listeners and look up Dick Cavett and watch old Dick Cavett. Okay, I recommend if you do this, let's say it's
00:26:3511:30 12:00 1 in the morning. Ryan, you're having trouble sleeping. Watch this. He works in a couple of those one is, he's a Savage. Okay, when I was a kid and he would be on the background and I was like justice wimpy, little guy has it in last night, then then then he doesn't write. I kind of get what he's doing. He is insulting the snot out of these people like hardcore on his show to their faces and in did they just agents? Amazing? So that's that that works on that level but the political thing. Okay. So what's the couple of different clips in the where I came to the political thing is there was one clip with which had Hugh Hefner on one side, the owner-operator of Playboy Max get us and I'm watching this.
00:27:35And they openly Center why I'm explaining that they openly pointed out that Hugh Hefner was. It didn't call in the devil. I think they said that he was the personification of all that was evil in their minds Dick, Cavett still there. What do you think?
00:27:56I'm not good with impression when it comes over to him. The first thing he does is put the pipe in his mouth and lights it up. So, it has and our age. It's like, you're watching that go like all they did used to do that back in the day. Oh, yeah. I seen it on TV all the time. So, you know, about opposing views. You've got the Playboy guy, and you've got feminist. Okay. There's I don't want to get into the politics of that but there's some differences there and you're watching it and I'm like, okay, one side will say something and I'm like, I can see that but that's like, cartoonishly weird. And then it'll say something like, oh, well, you're cartoonishly weird to just like it's an opportunity when you, when you come and there's tons of Clips, I watch Gore, Vidal goal against Norman mailer. That's a fun. When there's tons of these things were you. We will identify, maybe, we'll, maybe one with one or other side, right? And you get to see
00:28:53How ridiculous what you believe looks like Through The Eyes of watching, these people sitting on stage in the 70s watching, you know, somebody that's for one thing or the other just light up and then call somebody a broad across, think of it. Oh my God. I can't believe you said that and then they respond with that while we just working at whatever. When I can't remember, it's all over the place. When meanwhile Dick Cavett to sit in there just throwing Barb's left. And right. I was watching something on Facebook and the Facebook Facebook. Yeah, and I stopped. You know what I said, stop making political comments about anyting a long time ago and you want to keep some of your friends. Well, it's like yelling at the wall. Okay? Going to change anything about it cuz it's a wall, right? Come in.
00:29:53I stopped watching late-night talk shows years ago because now they're all political there. So political,. I was like that every single person that came through their Carson. They were there punching bag, you know, and was part of the exact part of what I liked about the Dick Cavett. Is he so far removed, from what we see is pop culture. It's almost cartoonish. I mean, they're talking about Nixon and different and they're having like these different people from that era. And I mean, the way that they're dressed in the way. They're they're talkin. I was expecting one of them fought a musket and start unloading. I know, you know, or will, you know, it's just, it's weird and it's funny. Do you remember the Smothers Brothers albums? And I found, she had, I think five hours of the Smothers Brothers and I put this on in. This is one of my earliest exposures to Comedy them, right? Steve, Martin, and then occasionally, she would let us stay up and watch.
00:30:52My cars, so I'm listen to the Smothers Brothers and they're just funny and mom always liked you best and blah blah blah. I didn't find out until my thirties that their TV show is extremely political. Yeah, I can watch some of it. Got cancelled by CBS. Really? Yeah. I'll have to go back and watch him cuz I always think that was viewed them. They were almost like, Mister Rogers with the guitar. I know what are the coolest things that I've ever seen happened? Was I think it's 1967 may be okay, don't check them out of your ear. Christie's. Fact, check that you're not want to not lift its ban from the show. The Smothers Brothers were nominated for best writing. Tommy Smothers took his name off the ballot because he was afraid since he was just causing so much problem that they weren't going to let them have it because he was part of it. So how his name off the ballot? They won the Emmy Award for best writing that season. Wow, you're so all these years.
00:31:52Have gone by and he could have had an Emmy for writing for that show. I think it was.
00:32:00It was a 30, 35 years later. They decided to grant him an Emmy Award and they brought him up and let him have his speech and in 1967, the date and everything War for it. So the Emmy Awards is one of those situations where they made something, right? So I thought that was pretty cool. I think it's important for me and I'm not going to talk about my political beliefs, but I've been one way of than the other one of the most eye-opening things I did was love you was Read Literature and few things not just from the other side from the perspective of the other side. So you can pick without naming news networks. You can watch them and they will have what they say is this side and they see is the other side. But it's there's a little peanut it's you know what I mean, but actually reading it from the other side and he gets some really good perspective.
00:33:00Watching The Dick Cavett Show is a way to do that through a lens of hilarity. Haha. You can watch that. I could probably pick somebody opposite me politically. I know I could do and sit together and watch them with watch the eclipse with them and we were both have a hoot. It's just hilarious, but it's a way to see the other side and your side and Ashley and also get a bit of history. And watch this mild-mannered little dude, with a big just freaking wreck these people. It's great. This portion of your run to buy this liquid concentrated wallpaper stripper with its unique enzyme action, dissolves old, paste and Cubs wallpaper removal time in the half. Note. Your time is, couldn't with diff. Hi, this is Dave way, you know, I've been around a long time in my mini adventures. In this world. I've seen fast cars, wild bars and women so hard. They melt the floor under your feet.
00:34:00But I've never seen anything quite like the wallpaper stripping power of death. Oh, what did I mention that? No steamer is needed. I know it sounds too good to be true. But I'm serious as a pimp on payday. New steamer is needed. When removing wallpaper with diff look for it. If wherever quality wallpaper stripper is sold, the f is the only one that really works.
00:34:30Dakota keeps sticking her head in our asses, for the record Dakota is also known as I've got a scar on my neighbor. She jumped on me. So, here's the thing with boo, ba a dog. Previous for meet, Molly. Sure. Did I meant Molly, Molly, Molly is in a tree out in the front of birth and Somali got along with other dogs person. All right. Yeah. She we had to keep her away from people. This podcast would not be happening while we were still here. She mellowed out in her later years because you did meet her, but there was a good 10-year 10, 12 year, run there, where we at least really careful. We didn't want her to bite. Somebody run. Shepherd, Lab mix. So, what did we do? We got another Shepherd Lab mix. I was
00:35:30Answer cuz Molly was pretty big and we got another one like that where you can do what do with big dog? I noticed a Dakota didn't seem to grow at the same rate that Molly did I started to suspect that she was part Chihuahua.
00:35:45She's not a big dog. Okay, dog. Now, but there was a long time. She look like a rat dressed up as a dog. OK. Google with us that much. I have pictures of her when she would lay on top of best. But for the most part, when everybody's laying down, she would leave the room and go out in the hallway and sit just outside the door and watch us. And just watch the, the strategy is a Shepherd. So we just assumed that booba go to do the same thing. She's a snuggle dog. We're not used to that. It's taking a while to get used to it. But the way that she snuggles she will Orient herself. We're in either me or best.
00:36:27You know, she sleeps on top of the covers were under the covers. She Nestles her head right there and betwixt buttocks. Haha, right there. I've been known to fart silently in the middle of the night. Haha. And there's been more than a few occasions where I have woken up. Revised head is nestled firmly within betwixt my buttocks. The only thing between us is a couple of sheets and maybe a comforter. Haha, and she's right in their rank it out hard, her head pops up.
00:37:02Like a gopher, you know like Napalm. Just heading to go for a walk and looks around scared to death.
00:37:11She'll jump up, do a few circles and lay back down, sometimes over on best side. Sometimes back on my side. She comes back on my side. She's smart enough, not to put her head back, betwixt my buttocks.
00:37:24But she's not smart enough to not do the same thing the next night and the next night. And I'm like, do you not smell what's happening? Since what's about to happen? Do you enjoy the vibration on your head? What is it about that area? That you got to put your head right in there. The worst is when she flips around and I wake up on a Sunday or Saturday morning, lazy with her, half of my eyes and there's a dog in my right in my face with her legs like up. Haha, to the sky.
00:38:00When it made me miss Molly slightly because I I miss having a dog that will. Okay. We've had family time. I'm going to go over here and I'm going to guard you against the Demons of the night. She's like the bat dog days over there. She's ready to bounce if anything happens to us. And then I like the snuggle dog. I don't like a head in my ass. We used to have a beagle Conrad and when he was younger, he would sleep in the bed with us. And then as he got older we would let us sleep on the floor because it hurt his legs to jump in and let him sleep on the floor. But yeah, there were a couple more days where I wake up and there's a beagle nose literally half an inch away from Hoosick.
00:38:46You know, he's never would put us up had my ass yet. I mean, maybe he didn't love me as much as boohbah loves you. Yeah, I don't know. I mean one thing I did do with Molly and I feel really bad about this still is she was maybe two years old. She was laying on the bed. I mean, best friend bad. She was like, just like the middle of the day, we're taking a nap and I made the sound like fart as loud as I could. Because I used to be able to crank those out like an air raid siren, right? And she flipped it scared her so much. She flipped. And she flipped over the side of the bed and landed hard to where she yelped. I like laughing myself silly. If there are new people to the podcast welcome. I would like to remind people, they might is famous for he lives in a three-level house. Mike is famous for being in the basement.
00:39:46Having one with cold Brewing, you said going up two, flights of stairs to where his wife is standing and letting it go. I share, because I care. Yeah.
00:39:59Irritable. Dad syndrome. Part of this nutritious breakfast.
00:40:03I have a just stopped for this week. I was, you know, sometimes I go out and things happen and I'm annoyed, and this time I was very, very upset. And the reason I'm very upset is because the place where I went Popeye's Chicken, okay, I have always always loved Popeye's Chicken cuz I'm trying to think of a time where I went to Popeye's and the chicken wasn't anything short of delicious poke. Its a little overcooked or something, but that maybe one time out of the 155 million times. I've been there. So I'm working from home and let me. And I decided we're going to get Popeye's chicken sandwiches for lunch yet. So I drive down to Popeye's. There's like 10 people in line, and I shouldn't be that long. So I get in line and I'm waiting waiting. We move up a little bit.
00:41:03Progress. So wait, wait, wait, wait, we move. Wait wait, we move. I'm in line. Maybe a half hour. Yeah. I finally make it up to the thing. Not where I place my order. The speaker the speaker. Thank you.
00:41:22Hello. Hello.
00:41:28Hello. Anybody there? Hello. Do you know? It's like I didn't hear. Nobody was working there at all. These idiots like myself are, but hello, wait, nobody was literally. Nobody was literally working in the building and all these stupid, like, me, would, you know, if there's a line, big as hell? Yeah. We are closed. Broke it off. I'm actually headed for the first time. I've like that actually have the money with Wendy's a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, that's crazy. And I understand that with the pandemic. There's been a lot of restaurants that haven't made it. There's a lot of restaurants that are having trouble. There's a lot, who are, we went to Red Robin and as we were walking in there, all these people who were walking out because they only had one cook. The only had one server and said that like we can't take any more people than we have right now. Can I get there?
00:42:26But my God, if your store is closed, put a sign up, exact I wasted 45 minutes of my lunch break. Yeah. Yeah, we trying to get some food while you mentioned, Red Robin. I mean, I went there and there was a sign that said, there's got to be a long. Wait, and we went to pfchangs to hours before I'm not trying to be insensitive to their problem of finding people to work. I get that I there's a lot of restaurants that are doing that they're having that same situation put a sign of the Station closed right? And there's a lot of stuff going on, but I want Popeyes Chicken.
00:43:06Right, so I'll tell you what, fry me some chicken. Remember. When all the restaurants are closed, happy needs nuggets. Exactly. Yet. Papa is one of the restaurants that was thriving. I mean, every time I went there, they couldn't get the chicken out the window, fast enough, you know, cuz they always have a problem with their something. When I go, there is always a, I need X chicken tenders. We don't have extra chicken tenders. We have why chicken tenders? I don't want, I don't want the wide, we don't have the Exile. Jesus just put something in the bag. As long as there's little biscuits that they put crack cocaine. Yeah. Yeah, the crack cocaine biscuits. Yeah, they dip them in like extra honey brains or something.
00:44:06Get a pack of honey that they'll put on when we're home. And we have access to biscuits, we have access to honey. It's rare that I think to do that. I do do that. But if we go to the KFC formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken or to the Popeyes, you give me a biscuit. You better have some honey packets coming. So I told you about the person who's moved into my office with me, my office mate and I still, is she to me and my head is paint be, you know, what she has? Like 7 years. I don't care. Yeah, it my mind.
00:44:47Got a bun in her hair and she's knitting. When you walk in or mid-twenties. I don't know. I'm over half her age and she taught me something the other day. How did Mitt? I know know?
00:45:07How to whittle a salt shaker. Steve told me that there are multiple levels of thick.
00:45:16I'm reading a text message from the, our thread that we have with me. You and I started laughing when Jim said that somebody was sick. And I said, I said thick as what I think it is, right? And my office. Mate says, yes. Yes. And when you describe a gross thick, you don't say she's thick, you say she thick, okay, you said there's multiple levels of thick stick. So yeah, you think of you, a lot of eyes. Instead of the sea to be instead of stick, but I said, I didn't want to sound insensitive important topic. Like thick guy didn't want to sound insensitive, but I was rattling off names of certain celebrities or whatever. And she was telling me who was thick, it was thick with 2 C's
00:46:16If it was thick with three C. Okay, I think that the podcast audience is demanding examples. What? Said Wednesday at 2 C and A 3C
00:46:26So we've decided not to do this thick example because there's no way, no no, no.
00:46:35We don't you just be one long, beep, a review. Steven Hubbard sent me a message that said, dear old dad syndrome. I spread it out a bit, but I've listened to the best of your Double Down syndrome. Episode 52 year 1, in our defense. We thought it was funny that he said it was fun and funny stuff. Vintage man made me uncomfortable, Steven. Thank you for your message. I think it's a terrible thing just it was a crime against humanity as we recorded it and we had a podcast meeting about whether or not we had even everyone. He retired. And then we got our lawyers involved. Yes, Andrew Jackson. And I think we had Dave record a, you know, we don't want we don't want someone to happen upon that. We had a c y, a, a clause. And then
00:47:35You like, well, it's in our early episodes. No one's ever going to hear. It's going to be fine until he once. And then we put it, not only did we put it in our best of that. We timecode it so you could just click and go directly to it and we're missing it again. This portion of irritable bowel syndrome is brought to you by zipper. Lou, are you tired of wasting hours of your precious time fussing around trying to open and close sticky? Zippers? Well, have a seat. Tony. I have a product for you. Just rub, some zipper Lube across that annoying zipper and your problems will magically disappear. Easy up, Easy Down, Easy all around zipper Lube available. Wherever quality zipper related products are sold now. Back to you, Mike and Eric.
00:48:24Speaking of Clips on Best Clips, little project that I'm working on with, that is grabbing sections pieces of the show to put on a different types of media like YouTube and into things. So, a lazy thing that that one could do is just take the whole damn episode, right? Put it, and throw it up on there. I think it would be interesting to get like segments. So we came up with a number of segments that we enjoyed. I would like our listeners. I don't care. If it's a new listener, old-time, listen to write refuse any of them people.
00:49:05If you could if you get through if there's a particular segment that sticks out to you, that you really thought was really enjoyed and you're willing to do this, tell me the episode number and we're in the episode. It starts spotting. If we, once we know the episode, we can find out why you want them to go with know what do all this work, bringing all this stuff. And now, you're subjecting them to the real thing again. Again, I know I would just, if they are, if there happened to be giggling and look at where the time is. Let me know, send it to you going to be reviled at syndrome. Email address is on there. That is probably the best way to do that when our Facebook group in and make a comment, then it happened again today. What did I do?
00:50:04My kids are out of the house and I'm like, what are you doing that? And they said, in my defense? I thought it was funny that I could ask him to do. If you start spewing that. And then like in my defense, I thought it was I'm going to do a perfect defense. Jim tepperman's a fan of the show. OK Google great idea for the outcasts. He sent me a link if it's the are you a psychopath test? I'm going to take the test. Okay, which one of us scored highest on the psychopath test, how much info you get from? It doesn't show what you do. You answered on the quiet, eyes at the end. I have a name yet.
00:51:04But I was so excited about it. So we're going to do this. Are you going to answer it? Honestly, when a person I just want to know what you guys think. Am I? The psychopath is Mike more of a psychopath. You might tie we might I might we should make this a poll on patreon and if you guess correctly which one of us a psychopath you will win an autographed copy of UHF by weird. So many people are going to be riding in. I don't have a chance. So I have a prediction, a prediction. I think we're both psychopath. I think the difference between us is that. I know I'm a psychopath and I think you secretly don't think you're a psychopath, which makes me more of a psychopath. Yeah. I'm curious as to where we raked and even though I say, I know I'm a psychopath
00:52:04You would have no insight. You're really a psychopath and that makes me, even though you're dead or cycle of a psychopath know. I've talked to you. Just wondering which one of my personalities is going to end up. I mean, it's like I think about the conversations, we have all the microphones are on and then I think about the conversations we've had when these bad boys were turned off and it's okay. It's been with you drunk at the Metallica concert crazy to the party. I don't know about you, but I'm about to go out to the lobby and get myself a treat. Now, back to our program.
00:52:47I was teaching my son to parallel park reminded me of the story and I don't know how many pranks you pulled in your life. If you were ever a big prankster that many years ago when I lived in Tennessee, I lived with my mom. Okay, I was in high school. I went out with my buddy, Jake Maynard living at home. With your mom said she was going to dinner with a friend of hers. The movie theater was right across the street from the restaurant. We're driving by, and I saw mom's car there and I said, pull in real quick.
00:53:20She had parallel parked on one side of the street. Okay, and I'm thinking let's let's leave a note on on mom's car. Like we're going to tell her something and then I realized the spot right across the street where there was another parallel parking spot was empty mom's car, parallel parked at like a boss and I parallel parked on the other side of the street. This will cause confusion, and it'll be one of those. So,
00:53:57We went to the movies, we stayed out late, and I, when I got home, she was in bed. I got up that morning and my mom is walking around the kitchen.
00:54:04Like some hundred-year-old person who didn't know if she was home from the war, not whatever. You just walking around, staring aimlessly. You cost an existential crisis on that side.
00:54:18Best walking and then Mom are you okay? It's just you know that we went to that restaurant and I thought yeah. Yeah she goes and then there's the sidewalk and you can park on Alex. Yeah. Yeah, she's going through this whole thing about why, why she parked on this side because it had rained, and she didn't want to get out and step in to get her shoes wet. And she said, when she came out, it was the craziest thing with what, what happened, mom? What my car was on the other side of my fellow wasn't she was going to see if there is a bomb that made her realize that. Maybe she's losing her mind. Was that the car was locked. Driven home. Here's what you did to this woman early.
00:55:12She was up at 3 or 4 in the morning pacing around. And her mind was split in the two things that she was dealing with one is I know, I didn't park it. On the other side. In the other thing was, I've got to tell Darren, but if I tell him, he's going to have me committed, a Better Call Saul know when you broke her down by the time, your lazy ass woke up. She was a broken woman and she decided my God. I need help, and I'm going to put myself in any put my fate in his hands and just eat the he'll decide what's best for me now and brought that story to you. And what did you do? You twist it even further. I let it go on Quad 4, maybe 5 minutes before I said, Mom, I moved your car.
00:56:04And she's like, I thought I was losing my mind and if she was cool with it. Now, let me back up here. The rest of the woman who I was upstairs. I don't know what I was doing. I'm doing my homework or whatever and she starts screaming. Holy hell. Did you get down there quick? I come down. Her hand is covered in in, in red is just covered in blood and her hands shaking. She's like, I really need you to get me a Band-Aid. It says you can't play something. A Band-Aid. We got to get stitches and I'm calling to its frosting. I made that then good job.
00:56:42Justice vaguely reminds me. Vaguely reminds me of a story I did before but I enjoyed it so much. I want to tell the so best and I had this thing, we live in an apartment in Troy, we had this thing where we would yell buses leaving in 5 minutes. If we're going to leave at 9, if you like 8:55, but I'm leaving in 5 minutes and it was always, we always take it a step or two further is like I'm walking out the door when the other person obviously wasn't ready, slamming the door turning on the car. One time. She we were going to take the movies back. This is back in the olden days when you would like take a physical movie from a place and then when I get back to the play, no way Brewster company, so we're just going to take the movies back and come back. The Blockbuster was like 5 minutes away from our apartment. So it's a good ten-minute Journey whenever she
00:57:42Wanted to come with me. She was bored. I'm like, buses leaving in 5 minutes. I'm leaving you in 5 minutes to go. Take these movies back.
00:57:51Do this whole thing. Got their start the car. It hits the universe. 5-minute point and I have like, I'm being funny. I'm like, I pull out of the parking space right in front of the door to our apartment. Like she's not come out. Just got to see me sitting here. Haha. And then like, well, I'm just going to add you down to the road here a little bit. I get maybe ten or fifteen feet away from the apartment. She still not coming out. I get down to the road and I just go on the road and I just start driving the best, haha.
00:58:22And in my head, I'm thinking I've already gone this far and it's only 5 minutes away. I'll be back. I may be back before she even knows that I left right? Or I may be coming back, right? As she's getting pissed and that'll be funny. So,
00:58:41It turns out that Blockbuster was actually about 10 to 15 minutes away cuz you have no concept of time. I think we just discussed this before. I came back probably about a half hour 40 minutes later and she was and I was doing my best, I walked in. Did you say in my defense? I thought it was funny though. I wasn't that smart yet. I was a little terrified, open the door because it didn't. This is how dumb I was back. Then it didn't dawn on me to how bad this was going to be in till I was pulling back and I'm like, oh I need I'm going to see this woman. I'm going to walk in there and it's a cell phone cell phone to call her.
00:59:28Well, I did, but I vaguely remember having a plan, if he called me which was to say, hey, you know what I said? The bus was leaving in 5 minutes and I meant it as she never called me a sign that I probably should have gone about a hotel and then come back the next morning. It was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. So I wasn't really, I walk into the apartment and it's it's like your wife been so mad at you that it's like they're not mad anymore. I don't like it. Go ever so far. He's never raised your point is, there's a point where you're going to walk in heels, thought about me. One walk in just going to be a sarcastic. Remark you walk in, there's going to be yelling, you walk in to the next dates, are to be a butcher knife involved, and then it goes back to the calm exceptionally unsettling, because they've made their mind up about something that point. That's where she was.
01:00:28I prefer the yelling and I'm just like, the only thing I could think to say was I took the movies back.
01:00:40And I get the, why did you do that tonight? I didn't say in my defense. I thought it was funny, huh? I do remember saying, I mean, it was kind of funny.
01:00:52I don't remember much after that moment. I do remember two things one is that I've never done anything like that again. And the second thing is that everytime, I bring it up cuz hey, that was pretty funny. It's it's like the one that whole thing comes back is like, you don't know what happened. That wasn't funny at all. It reminds me of one other Frank that I pulled my buddy, John and I were leaving. We work together WJHL. We're leaving after work. We are going to go over to his apartment to grab something. Then we're going to go out for the night, on our way to his place. We passed a very small beauty, salon beauty salon gift, probably a four seater. Anyway, there's a big sign in the front that said, perm, special. And I'm like stuff. I had a magic marker. Why we had a magic marker. I don't know. I wrote a big s in front.
01:01:52Which made it a day sperm. Especially. Okay. Yeah, they had this Spurs special for about a week before they noticed and took down the sign. Try to make the letter s look like the rest of the letters or is it just a balls-out? Screw it. And I kind of wanted to go in and ask if anybody, you know, ask for the special like a lot of guys are going to disappoint.
01:02:27So I haven't done stand-up comedy in a long time. Okay, but one of the bits that I used to do and you were there when I did the show at the American Sign beside was one of the bits are used to do it. My Act was, you know, you have a drinking problem. If you ever wake up in a laundry basket. All right, you're naked during a sombrero. You're in the bottom of the steps. One foot in the drywall. The other foot. It's like, how did I get here for my clothes here? Whose apartment Atlanta drinking problem. Making sure it's fun to slide down one, but it's so I was going to do that. Anyway, that was one of the things that I did that night at the American Sign Museum. What I haven't told a lot of people, okay.
01:03:14Was when we got home, you, did you try it out? No, let me know. I got home. It was a good show. Okay, it was my Premier. And if that was the first time I ever got paid to do,, do, you know, my name was on the poster and it was a sold-out show and a lot of friends came and got to see it. A lot of people, I didn't know came and I got good reviews, and I'm on a high and we're getting ready to go to bed. We should play go check on the kids cuz Jacobs watch the camera that night. We go up there. Sleeping in the same room. Jacob is on Cameron's, bed. Cameron is sleeping in a laundry basket. Cameron's. Never heard this bit of mine, and we're up and put them in the bed, because he's going to wake up with a horrible. Horrible headache, neck pain.
01:04:14It was on my bed, cuz it's logical. Course. There's the floor, is Jacob's bad. You could have laid on your bed next to Jake, like, a hundred other option. Solana's level. There's a lot of choices before you get the laundry basket. Oh man. This is where the fun episode. It has. Yeah. We want you to, we want you to come back. If you enjoy the show. Let us know, send us a review, drop us a line on Facebook, or Instagram, or the Tweeter, or or what? Have you. Let us know what you think. And please subscribe to the show and make sure to follow us on Facebook by the best of us on Facebook and Twitter. We're always posting, you know, when we're going, you know, we're doing the show, that's when it drops, all that kind of stuff is out there and then go to the website, we randomly put things up like the gallery. I've been putting up show transcript.
01:05:14I think they're funnier than the show. Well, here's the thing with the show transcript over and over and over and over again. I talked about how people can't spell my name. We get the show transcribed. My name is misspelled on the show transfer. Mine is too sometimes. I mean, I'll see you some signal words. Like, I know what we were talking about. It doesn't separate us by speaker. So you ready? Whenever one of us is talking, usually they, when they were going, so, when you're reading this, it's like reading the inner workings of the of a psycho, like a psychopath. I know what I do when I try and transferred this episode to be like, oh I was telling a joke about to going down that weird.
01:06:09It's weird. It's fine. I know that there's eight as something in there for the listeners to do some kind of contest and I like, pick the weirdest segment out of there. But there's some strange went in there. I think Raiders of the Lost Ark was in one of them and we weren't even talking about that. I mean, it just pics and pics things that sound like what you're saying. One of these days, one of us is going to either run for office or one of our kids is going to run for him and they're going to come back and pull something for transcript. Where I said something like, God knows what we keep forgetting to tell people at the end of October. We're going to be in Cleveland. Yeah, we're going to the Gojira concert on the 29th. We're going to be at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. You have the 30th gift. If you're in the Cleveland area come by and see us, we will sign. Autographs will take pictures will be happy Pleasant people. I will put on the ACT while you're around us and then we'll talk about you. And yours is as some say, it was
01:07:09It'll be a hoot. Yes, sir. All right. Thanks, everybody. Talk to you later. If you'll enjoy this episode, then I know you'll enjoy our other episodes and guess what? They're all available to listen to right now from our website irritable. Dad syndrome.. Will. See you next week.
01:07:27Come on and write me up for 125. Post. My face Wanted Dead or Alive. Take my license. All that. Jive. I Can't Drive 55.
01:07:47It's right after Eyewitness News, 11 at 11.
Transcribed by algorithms.