The Podcast for People with No Friends!
May 17, 2022

IDS #90 - Karma Chameleon in the Wal-Mart

IDS #90 - Karma Chameleon in the Wal-Mart

#drstrange #walmart #lakotaschoolboard #cincinnati #boygeorge #mountaindew 

In this week's episode, Darin talks a bit about Doctor Strange:  In the Multiverse of Madness.

Mike wore a Tool shirt to a church thing, and got shot in the - well, just listen!

A quick report on the Lakota School Board meetings (yes, you read that correctly - we're talking School Board on a comedy show)

Plus... Karma Chameleon in the Walmart, Flaming Hot Mt. Dew, This is Us, and the third installment in our series: Songs that need to be retired.

Check us out on Newsly here --> https://newsly.me and use the promo code 1RR1TABLEDAD 

All this and a bunch more!

Support the show

Transcript
00:00:00I'm going for a Flash Gordon. Hee, Haw book is what I really want.
00:00:30Woke up to irritable dad syndrome, the perfect podcast for people who have no friends. Here. Are your hosts Mike and Erin. Hey everybody. I'm Darren. Mike, welcome to e.r. Episode 90, guess you explored. It were at that age that leave this for years. Were the age were a few drop dead. People be like, oh, yeah, of course.
00:00:57Of course, that shows over 90 episodes and I'll tell you, I hope that our listeners aren't sick of us talkin about which episode, but for me, personally and blows my mind. We've made it this long the week, cuz our because it just seems like yesterday. We were at number 12. We are at 90 already so much fun. It is fun. It's fun. So we have some stuff I want to talk about. There is a national news story, that's centered around our area, a mile away from a mile away from us, the Lakota school board meetings have become quite a treat and I'll repeat that a school board meeting has become quite the treat for meetings, aren't supposed to know about one, two nights ago, lasted for about four and a half. A 5-hour done and me and my lovely wife Bess were there for every single minute.
00:01:56I could make it my youngest son had a band concert, but I was having a messed up but absolutely understand. We have our third installment of the songs that need to be retired. And this one is going to get stuck inside your head. You're going to get mad and I don't care. I went to an event with a bunch of holy people wearing a towel shirt and got shot in the Jimmy.
00:02:20And I've got a new just stop that. Actually, it's a re-up of an older. Just so before we get started. I want to reach out to all our listeners cuz we have fans Nationwide. We have fans all across the globe really in countries all over this great Earth of ours. As all the planets Earth is the best honest to. God. This is just the best Planet. So proud to be a member of the earth community. So there's a TV show. What's on NBC called? This Is Us. I've never seen the show. I have watched every episode and it's safe to say that and I can't be macho at all when I admit this but I cry almost every single episode. Okay, because there is heartwarming. I cry because it's just perfectly said it but it's a great show and it's going off the air. OK. At the time that we've recorded this, there's two episodes left. And Mandy Moore who is the lead actress. She plays Rebecca Pearson.
00:03:20And she has said that people who watch the final episode. They're going to need to call into work. The next day. It's going to be just never stating. So I'm reaching out hoping that some of your people death syndrome. Listeners can join me. I need, this is us support group because it's me, my wife and my mom. So when I hear this is us, cuz you're not the first person to mention the show, to me, the one I hear it. You know, I'm the gamer, the group, you reminds me of a game called The Last of Us. And they are actually making a TV show of that. Now, that is about a zombie apocalypse and people murdering each other. Well, it's a stretch to really stress cuz of the show, takes place in the 70s and incorrect time and in the future, so they Flash Forward. They flash back a lot. So it's like Back to the Future exact location.
00:04:20If you keep going back and forth, back and forth and so the couple Jack Pearson and Rebecca Pearson got married in the 70s back when and it's in Pittsburgh. And so used to wearing their Steelers back windows. The dream team was going on. There is like the greatest man who's ever walk the planet. So I'm going to reach out. If there are any, This Is Us fans, join me and this is a support group according to episodes tonight. So by the time we, I think both of these episodes are going to be good done and over with cuz I'm going to need some help, some serious. Thank you. Yeah, and by the way, whenever you core a 2 episodes, we may sound weird. We may react or not react. So if okay, or am I a joke about that? I hope he doesn't hear. Yukking it up about Mountain Dew.
00:05:22The entire country of Italy was what's just washed washed away, down, straps. All right. Okay, don't Italy gone. And you and I are talking about this is us. I think it's something like that ever does happen. We would probably schedule an emergency recording session and say, Hey, listen to get in there. But until then, I don't know.
00:06:01This portion of our show was brought to buy Whoppers all beef footlong hot dogs and let me ask you a question. If you knew a car was a total piece of crap. Would you buy it fell know? You wasn't. So why would you buy inferior brand hot dogs. Now? I know you're saying Dave, buying a car and buying a package of hot. Dogs are two totally different things, and you're probably right. But where was I going with this? All help? It doesn't matter. Plumbers are made with 100% pure beef with no fillers and no preservatives. They're packed full of flavor and sold at a reasonable price. Get a ruler and measure it yourself. If you were hot, dog isn't a footlong. They'll give you your money back, guarantee back to you, Tony.
00:06:44You're a Marvel fan. Did you see? Doctor strange, not yet, the Multiverse of Madness on scared to see it because I haven't went, I didn't watch the 12 is me. Is that the one de me 1 Division 1 Division. I don't want that. I didn't watch Loki. OK, and the one you said. It's a cartoon or whatever. Yeah. I feel like I need to see all those before I see this, right? Or can I just jump in?
00:07:09You can get kind of Guinness. I think I saw a spoiler.
00:07:15You did see a spoiler. Yeah, I know. I haven't I haven't seen it. I really, really want to because there are Marvel heroes where I watch the movie because it's a Marvel movie and I got to watch all of them and then there's ones where I'm legitimately excited about their stuff. So early on for was a okay. He's one of the Avengers. I need to watch this movie. Now. I'm excited about the Thor movie, love and thunder. Doctor Strange. I was excited for the first one. I love it. I'm excited for this one. I'm dying to go. See it. Absolutely. No idea. Anything about Doctor Strange. Okay. I didn't read the comics. I didn't know what it was. All I know was I have seen Benedict Cumberbatch, which I'm convinced is not his real name. That's like new English version of Rodney Dangerfield. It's a stage and you cannot do that cannot possibly be his name. Benedict Cumberbatch.
00:08:15So when Doctor Strange first came out, I had no idea what it was and we were going to the movies that weekend, but I think it was, like, the only thing showing at least surprised. Yeah, very, very, very awesome ruler. And the first doctor strange. That one pretty much stood alone. So you picked up on Samuel Jackson drove by, with his iPad. So, waves or something. But before, that Multiverse of Madness you do. And I'm not going to spoil it for anybody, but it gets creepy, something really creepy happens. Okay, there's something that I wish they had them and when you see it will talk about that.
00:09:06I told you the past two or three episodes that my mom has moved up to the area over these past however, many years, she hasn't been able to go to any of our kids, a band, concert award ceremonies or in their scouting events and those next few weeks, if she's thinking about moving back now or so, he tells us he reminded us. He says, Hey guys, we've got an award ceremony tonight. That's right. That's tonight. So I called Mom. Hey, do you want to go out to the school? Jacob has an award ceremony tonight. It's not a band. It's just for his academic accomplishments. He has a GPA of 3.85 in higher. I know how was my day.
00:10:06Some weight, so I went and got Mom and we go down to the school and it's me, Mom, Cameron and Libby and we're in the gym and and there's the floors. It's half full. Okay? Okay. It's like half full of students who were being honored tonight for academic achievement. And we're wondering where why is it half full? Where is like, all these and the principal was talking about how, you know, he's very proud of the students and, and you know that it's not only do they have such a, an excellent GPA, but they also do that with her extracurricular activities. And that's why you don't see some of these students are practicing or or, and so cross the floor and she looks, where's where's Jacob? And I said, you know what? That's a good question. Cuz I was also looking across the wall. Wondering, where's Jacob? And I leaned over to Cameron.
00:11:06Where is Chick-fil-A in the four of us are just scan the floor right now. I feel like, just know. Jacob. Oh, dude, I am texting him. And the students who have this whatever and then, you know, their record, please stand and we're like applauding while I'm texting. Where are you sin? And he reaches back to me. He was at percussion Ensemble practice, man. I would have been so impressed if you were at home, I'm playing PlayStation with a bag of Doritos on his chest. Tonight could have told us.
00:11:48You were coming, We would have celebrated privately in the comfort of our own home cuz he forgot he had. Because last week I forgot to take Cameron to a doctor appointment. Totally forgot. And I get the same thing on my phone calendar that I have an appointment and a half hour is already at school. I'm not going to be able to get him and get to the doctor appointment. So I called with the messages. I totally. And then yesterday, I took Cameron to an appointment that I forgot had been postponed until I get there. And you said, you had the doctor. She's not here today. Like, what do you mean just look to see if we called you rescheduled?
00:12:46If I can get to scatter brain from me.
00:12:51So we have established that. I don't listen to you very well agree with that. So you invited me to an event. I did it cost money. Yes, and you asked me and one of the things that you I think you've come to learn about me and best knows this is that you will ask me to commit to an event and then I'll say OK, Google it make me call best. Let me talk to Andrew. Let me consult Charlie. Let's see how to go to feels about it and I'll get back to you and then I never, I never call back. I never text her anything and your kind of left in limbo. Yes, and it's so you finally you do you say nothing that are you going or not? Because we got to, I got to pay him money and I I said, okay, all I knew was that there would be go-karts. I don't even think I remember you saying that, the I knew there would be Hatchet throwing. So what I told Beth was Darren's taking me to a place.
00:13:51Where you throw hatchets? Haha, you get you get drunk. What do you call it? A hatchet. It's an axe throwing hatchets. What a weed in the road. You throw hatchets while drunk and then you ever my head. So you were my head. Imagine Vikings with big bugs.
00:14:16Got so down our beards. So I begin to put together my attire. I wear my black jeans, which I've come to, I used to be against black jeans, astute listeners of the podcast. Will remember when I was just completely get some right now. Any more of their their, their their the bomb, haha. Okay, and I wore a tool shirts. Haha. A black tool shirt. Okay, that's for sure. That had a symbol on the back. I want to show it to the to the viewers here.
00:14:46No, that's not an evil symbol of what it looks like mine, but it looks good. Looks it looks less than Christian it. That's what Mike is forgetting or what mic is. Not telling you loyal listeners is the event to which I invited. Mike was a men's night out at my church. I show up in that attire. Still, my favorite thing about that symbol is not a lot of people unless you're a tool fan not to let people know that that's a tool thing. But it does cause eyebrows to raise. It's not an outright. You don't like Iron Maiden. You see an armada t-shirt. You see like the mummy with a hatchet or he has something like that. It's heavy metal. You look at that. It's like, okay, that guy's into something weird. So I shut that you told me that the food was Chick-fil-A. I was my first clue.
00:15:41I didn't know what is Chick-fil-A until we got high. Once If You Don't Own, Me was a church thing the language into it. I would have told you they're going to serve Chick-fil-A. Last time, we had one of those men's night out. It was full length. Okay, where you throw the football, we did them? Yeah, we we did that. And they had, they brought in barbecue. Okay? Okay. So you made your own BBQ sliders with coleslaw and they had the chips and cracks notwithstanding. Okay. If you go to a scouting event Boy, Scouts, they're going to serve you Fried Chicken. Yes, every time we went to ask anything. It was a surprise for what is it? Fried chicken, chicken chicken.
00:16:21If you go to a church thing, you're going to get Chick-fil-A. So and then I noticed everyone, you were introducing me to was, this is a person in my church. This is first in my truck.
00:16:35Yeah, but after a while, I figured out that this was a church of you, remember that? I told you, we had no. No, I don't remember you ever telling me. I don't disagree that you told me because I probably it makes a lot of sense that you would have told me. And I would have completely ignored you while just ignored you and not heard that haha. So then I'm here, wearing Satan's Garb. As far as waiting for someone, you know, I didn't realize it was charged until like they put us in that room and that football guy got up and started talking about something. The pastor for the Cincinnati. Bengals go kart. The go-kart was awesome. Well for some
00:17:28Darren Darren doesn't understand that the left lane is for passing. So Grandpa Cox is in the left lane. The first time we went around, I didn't realize there was a sharp turn that one point and I went straight into a corner and had to. I almost had to throw it in reverse and go-karts don't have room and my buddy Ted went along. Ted laugh to me Anthony Latvia. Second time was embarrassing. Dating you use out of his mind, be a second race. I was somewhat. Keeping up with him. Actually T-boned him a couple times and I started my interest started to wane. Have never told, I had never either, I had always imagined going paintballing, and I was going to get, like, a Carhartt like, you know, like really thick padding.
00:18:28Okay, all sorts of things. I and what they gave us was the Michael Myers coveralls that he kill everyone within the first island. We got those and like a BMX bike. The coveralls that I put on there like three sizes, too big. I look like a little kid, who got in his dad's closet and was burning. His works are my past my hand and fast my feet. I know I'm short but I'm not sure I'm there in my fancy. New expensive black jeans and I noticed that the left leg of my Michael Myers coveralls is completely ripped all the way down. And the guy said, I don't worry about that. Worried about the painting on the. I'd let you know. I don't wash out. Now. Nothing's protecting my Jimmy Levy, fine. That's not answering my question.
00:19:27What you're telling me is nothing is protecting. Nothing's between Cowboys and the paintball. What he's saying is you'll be fine. Yeah, there's going to be instruction the instruction and I remember this very clearly. You hold your gun up over your hand and walking. He was he was so proud of it.
00:20:02He did that. And then he went back over that rule again and he just kept doing that and then he walked away and then we went over and it was like, I don't know. What was that kid? Like 13-14. I don't know that you're going to be in that corner. W that corner. I will tell you to go, you just go and then he said, I are going to shoot each other once or twice or three times. It's up to us to us. You can you can you can you can do until I'm done yet. We could have said, I can't take it. No more for me, would have been one. So now I'm the game of the crew, right? I've played War. Call of Duty than is good for me twice, and never been to. So, I'm looking at this and like, I've been right here and these aren't going to kill you when I turned into the wall and like, I just want to see what's in it was powerful to be kind of like, I don't imagine that. It is long as I get out of here without that. He was worried about one lie.
00:21:02Finding my ear off desk, mind doing paintball, but I don't want to lose an ability. I hear you. You know what I mean? Yeah, so it starts and I'm like, I'm just waiting for somebody to come around the corner and I'm just going to shoot. I think it's going to be that easy and then I hide and it's getting boring cuz nothing's happening and then I come out around the thing off and I heard a wrap on my neck, my exposed nudnik the one part of my body. At that point. I had nothing on it on it. I got paint on it. It was like this yellow stuff. So probably like, okay. And then I get hit and enough for me to go, but and then my arm got hit. And then right on the right side of the only Town USA.
00:21:50Luckily.
00:21:52Luckily, my boy was over on the left side of Jimmy Fallon.
00:21:58The right side was okay, was okay, you know, there was no injury, right that happened. I didn't say dead man. Walking. I'm out. I'm out, just don't know. And I go out there. I like, well, that's the thing that I've done and I will never do it again. We were in there, like, 2 minutes and we didn't even know, I think you probably it made because you said you had people getting 3. So, when I got my helmet, you like I said, my coveralls were huge. And so I, and then I got my helmet. I'm trying to put it on, over my glasses. I can't get the helmet on over my glasses. So I took off my glasses. You know, why I have glasses, cuz I can't see.
00:22:41That's why I wear glasses. It's not because they make me look. So, so you're out there with no glasses on the googly eye, trying to shoot people on the number for 4/4. I doubt if there's ever an unfortunate accident and I do lose an eye. I'm totally getting the googly eye.
00:23:03Harry Potter, so I don't have my glasses. I've got my helmet with my protective visor and I'm like, oh great. I mean, hopefully, I can see some images or whatever me. I can see. I can't read anything and I just go up the steps and somebody started shooting here and I just came over and I just started firing. I think I got you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you guys have no idea who I said cuz I'm just shooting it said whatever. And then I was like, okay, I'm just up here. Yeah, I'm bored. So I was going to go down the steps and trying and then I got shot in the back. Now, I'm done. So the paintball and I'm not going to do the paint soft music.
00:24:03Rumor. You Break Stuff. This the rage room where you can smash stuff. So this is a church event and we go in there, and there was some awesome music.
00:24:15I'm not going to cuz I don't remember the F-bomb was just like I don't give a fuck bitch. Yeah, I don't give up. Don't give up, the conversation you had and I had on the way home has all of these songwriters who are out of work. Okay, they can't get paid for notebooks positions. If they bring the title to sell to other artist, oOkay song so they can't make any money. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck bitch.
00:24:53I like that. I like where you're going to have something there for years. There's a, there's a Peter Criss song. I think it's on Destroyer hooligan.
00:25:12And I made fun of that for years, but I think that's better than I don't give a I don't give a fuck bitch. The church people was like what's going on? And I believe they're saying they don't care for what's happening. That's what one of our youth pastors. Sing along to a, of course, damaged there.
00:25:49Irritable Down syndrome is proud to be associated with newsly. The all-in-one audio, super app for IOS and Android for the first time ever. The entire internet becomes listenable, all in one place. Check it out news. Lee actually picks up articles about the most trending topics on the web and reads them to you. In a natural, human voice. Much like my own Dave way and I'm in fact, an actual human then, guess what? Are podcast. Irritable. Dead syndrome is available there to listen to us every week on news, Lee and afterwards. If you feel like Ruby do another podcast, then knock yourself out. You can find trending podcast from over, 80 countries, and digital radios. Well, so stop scrolling and start listening, download news Lee. Now just go to www.newsleader.com E and use this promo code. The number one or are another number one. Then the letters, t a b l e d. A d and receive a free one-month premium subscription.
00:26:49This is installment number 3 of songs that need to be retired. Now, you told me last week that somebody was complaining about the first song we mention should be retired, was Jack and Jack and Diane and in my wife Beth said, I like that song. OK, best. She can get over that. You're something that I do Jack and Diane last week was Cat. Scratch Fever tonight song that needs to be retired is the Pina Colada Song by Rupert Holmes.
00:27:28Couple things one is. So when you tell me the song that you're going to pick, I listen to it. I want to listen to it. I listen to it, fresh. I listen to it today. It's like this song and I'll tell you why. I tell you why it takes it. Okay, so, you know, they talk about help you smell something from your past. It takes you right back there. Yeah, just one of those songs that makes me want to go buy some bell bottoms. I never wore bell-bottoms for the Maaco Auto Body on a strut. Strut, into a place with an afro. Like, I don't like the like the way he was with his Art Garfunkel, that that thing that he had. Yes, and I want to buy like a mocha. Well, I want to buy a pina colada and get caught in the rain. I also like the song always like the song, but whenever I hear the song, it gets stuck in my head even days.
00:28:28It just needs to go. Okay, this time. So a couple things I want to talk about what the first of all. This relationship is an absolute Nightmare and they don't address the fact that they both just call each other. So, that's one of the things that, you know, it's supposed to be sweet, like you secretly wanted what you already had. But you literally call, I waited to other. By the way, you're calling your, your lady with your old lady.
00:29:00Me and Mom that I'm not your friend, been married for 20 years, my wife, and I, we've been together for 23 years. I've never once called her my old lady, but let's dive into the lyrics. Sure. Absolutely. I was tired of my lady starts out with a great.
00:29:19Not. We were having a rough patch or we didn't see eye-to-eye. We've been together too long, not recording of a favorite song. I like that. She lay there sleeping. I read the paper in bed. And in the personal column, there was this letter? I read it. Okay, if you like pina, coladas and getting caught in the rain, okay, if, if you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain, hold on. Wait a minute, so she's dating him. We don't know this yet. So after I found out that that my old lady is looking for someone who has half a brain, how much brains do I have, right? And does it mean that he's into yoga or is she sick? I don't know. This is making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape.
00:30:11Okay, okay. Okay. So I'm going to meet a woman here. Brand new, who wants to get freaky at midnight on the beach. Do you like, can't? We just go back to your old lady? Don't talk about stuff like that hotel to get sand in places where you're not supposed to get Santa.
00:30:31I don't like sand.
00:30:34Its course.
00:30:36Rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.
00:30:40And who talks about that crap? When you're first meeting that you say? Hey, DC or Marvel first, where'd you go to school? What would you say you do during the day? Do you like making love at midnight on the beach where you get sand in places? You're not supposed to do? That makes me think that she wants to hook up with somebody but she doesn't want anybody knowing about right cuz let's get all freaky and plus also that's illegal about illegal stuff on the love that you look for right to me and escaped. Okay, so then I didn't think about my lady. I know that sounds kind of mean. Well, he's also that he's already told her his lady. Can I say something real quick to get this? This always sticks out to me, even though I do like this song, at the sticks out to me is I think it's relatively well written.
00:31:39Up to that point, he's talking about.
00:31:46He's talking about banging this chick on the sand dunes in the cape. Whatever in pina colada.
00:31:59Because, you know what? I mean, but me and my old lady there, my old lady fallen into the same old do routine. So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad and though, I'm nobody's poet. I thought it wasn't half bad. It's okay. I'm like, dr. Seuss at this point. I'm not that bad. Loser. Yes. I like pina. Coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into Health Food. Where the hell did that come from. I am into Champaign tomorrow noon.
00:32:37I got a letter, he's writing a letter letter, but I got to beat you by tomorrow noon. Okay, through all this red tape, what Rent-A-Center in Banger on a sand dune. So we're going to plan our Escape. How much planning does it involve? It's noon. You want to get busy in 12 hours on the beat anything I've ever planned at a place called O'Malley's was. Never not a good idea, not work out. Well, so I waited with High Hopes. I think, I guess, I guess you showed up cuz then she walked in the newer smile in an instant. I knew the curve of her face. You don't describe a woman having a curvy face and I just don't do that. It was my own. Lovely lady was my old lady.
00:33:37My lovely lady.
00:33:41That's, that's that's a mystery right there. That's a spark. Yes, then we laughed for a moment. And then I said, I never knew that you like pina, coladas and getting caught in the feel of the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:33:59And the taste of champagne and then he you know, he goes the stranger on the beach. If that's what we've all done that. What? I loved one of these. I love them.
00:34:17That I always think there's two things that flash in my head in the movie, Blow with Johnny Depp. That's what I think of Penelope Cruz and he says, our next actress has starred in such a critically acclaimed films as Woman On Top, snatch and blow, please welcome Penelope Cruz.
00:34:55We'll be right back.
00:34:57If you're a Content writer looking to grow your audience, do bigger brand deals and then strategies and tactics that big writers use that you should absolutely be hanging out with us inside. The influenza green inside. The Green Room is where real conversations happened by people who have been there and done it. If you're serious about, do you influence an audience? Then click the link in the show notes below and consider this your official invite to the influenza green rim.
00:35:29Tell me what I think of that, I think of that Motif, but I also think of the dude playing the guitar. Haha seemed so happy.
00:35:51It seems bored, as it looks like you makes me think of, you know, the what's up with that Saturday Night Live skit? Where does the resume running today? He's so happy. The guitar guy in the Pina Colada Song catching. I sing along with whatever. I know that sounds kind of mean, and my old lady. And that's my lady a man. That's my, The Big Lebowski is one of my favorite movies of all time by special lady. But I'm sorry, but if you did that, let's say hypothetically Woman bag and tired of this is the same old routine. He's doing yoga. She's dying from Cheetos and and drinking at O'Malley's all the time. I'm so sick of her. I'm willing. I want to go get Sandy's at the beach.
00:36:51Look up with a complete stranger and then you find out that it was your wife who wrote that.
00:36:57I know I'm willing to bet all the money in my wallet that you guys are good to go.
00:37:03So if you trust issues boys and girls, if you're going to meet somebody from a freaking newspaper, ad a library, or a police station, coffee shop, coffee shop, not O'Malley's at the mall.
00:37:26A well-lit park, you know, exactly where there's other people, do a hotel, bring some sand with you.
00:37:44Throw some in the bathtub. Try it out, if it works out. Okay? In the bathtub.
00:37:51He said he likes the feel of the ocean, you know. Anyway, in the rule is two Fridays from now, they're not every radio station at at 7 p.m. Eastern time will play the song one final time and then we were done and and I'm sorry this could be the last nail in the coffin for Rupert Holmes cuz nobody Listen to I love this segment so much but I was listening to the previous episode just so you know, I was thinking a nobody's listening to the radio and be there not look who's who is who in the millennial age is complaining about cats too. Perfect for you.
00:38:36Hey, kids, it's now time for Dave's Comedy Corner every year at Christmas. My wife pisses me off. You see, she buys me a gift and says it's my Christmas present to my birthday present problem. It's my birthday is in June.
00:38:54This has been Dave's Comedy Corner brought you this week by Otis elevators. There is nothing. Like the feel that smell and the comfort of an Otis Elevator. If you're in a building, that doesn't have a notice. Well, you leave to take the stairs.
00:39:07Okay, I've been going to Walmart a lot lately. Okay, I'm walking around in Walmart. And I had to buy a few, you know, Walmart's where you go when you need to go get oil for your tractor. Some Doritos oil formula for your trousers, a fishing pole shotgun and a in a lawn mower. Some bee bees and sour cream. Go to Wally World. Yes, and I had a selection of items. I needed to get it. I walk in and I don't we talked before about how I view Walmart, is almost like our personal, third world country. Would you go to the Breaking Bad? Walmart know? This is an, this is this is a whole different Walmart. Okay? Completely out of our comfort zone. Okay, and that's saying something cuz the one in our area is outside.
00:39:54I walk in and what kind of music was going to ask you this? So the music that's going over, the thing that's Walking Dead. There are a lot of Walmart shoppers. I think let themselves go.
00:40:14I'm just going to say that and I'm one of them. I'm one of them that you're guilty guilty, your honor. Maybe that's why I feel drawn to Walmart this year, but they don't look healthy. And they don't look youthful. They don't look happy.
00:40:35And over the over this thing, I hear Karma Chameleon planned and there is nothing weirder than, karma, karma, come and go. And I'm looking over and there is just bad things walking around and Coffee-Mate. I'll say it, it's odd. So I go, I get my items, red gold, and green, red gold, and green the last time we talked about how there were dumbfounded, people struck dumb by the automatic, check out Godsmack Godsmack.
00:41:19Ultimately, I've go in there and there's a guy I noticed, I don't know. Post Malone. You know, that kind of look at a high pie in the notes. I called him a meth addict. I don't know what he does in his free time. I don't pretty sure we haven't met. I'm pretty sure he smokes meth and he was hanging out by that. You think the referee I call it? The person that's watching the Corral of self checkout Lanes at 1. When the when the light goes have to come over and check your ID, or if you scan something they yo-yo.
00:41:57You know that guy that guy produce and he had like a red and black jacket. He had the new hat thing. You're not doing it with your hat, which I like where you wear the hat look like the straight. The thing. I hate the flat bill and he's around and I don't know why he keeps, why I don't know. Why is there more piercings than all over it?
00:42:31But other than that, the call back.
00:42:35And I'm doing my normal thing. I'm getting my foot ointment.
00:42:40My Monster Energy, Drink, Bactine, and my Snickers bar, and all hell. No, and I thought he was talking about my stuff like that, but I looked out what's wrong, what's wrong with this powder? And then he said to the referee, I ain't got time for this. I'm like, who? Well, I'm thinking, who are you waiting? So I walk I'm done. I walk past him and he didn't look at me. So I assume he wasn't waiting for me. Right? I get to the elderly gentleman or gentle lady. I don't want to assume gender and I truly don't know, right? They were about 80 and at that point I think Ginger goes out the window. They were just there, the one that's supposed to check your receipt. So I do a polite, pause. Are you going to check to see if I really did buy this food and what brutal return appointment or Snickers bar and trying to steal any diet root beer? And I look back and he's just kind of swaying back and forth and I'm like a
00:43:40What is he late for that? He doesn't have time for this, right? And be, why did he feel the need to announce to all of us in the Corral help? Haha. That's it.
00:43:58Sometimes the story is not a story. It's just a pastiche.
00:44:12We'll be right back.
00:44:15Have you ever felt overwhelmed trying to come up with another content idea? Maybe you have like two really good ideas that you're excited about and then it's crickets. Hi. I'm Crystal proffitt. Host of The Prophet podcast where we help you create content with confidence, whether it's a podcast, YouTube channel, or a repurposing strategy to make your life easier. We help you create content that you are proud to put out into the world. So make sure that you listen to the prophet podcast wherever you get your podcast.
00:44:57No, but it doesn't blow my mind. It's, you know, cuz you know what, I really don't have time for it either, you know, the other day I was at the grocery store and the woman in front of me in a maze and now it doesn't amaze me. It's cuz it's actually kind of cool with woman in front of me. Had a cart full and she looks me because I'm sorry and I said, what what? I said when I get home, my wife has work for me to do. Take your time. If I'm good. One of the other times I've been to the Walmart. I've heard you listening to Walmart. Radio. Are you're listening to the Walmart channel, so they have their own channel and someone in the Walmart corporation shows Karma Chameleon. I know she go to Walmart. I haven't heard it in years.
00:45:54Yes, first toy boy, Jordan. George. Guess. He saw, he was a Visionary. Yeah.
00:46:02This portion of our show is brought to you by Des liquid. Concentrated wallpaper stripper with its unique enzyme action, div dissolves old, paste, and cut wallpaper removal time in half by. This is your buddy. Dave again, and I can't stress enough how much I love using diff. I keep a case of my garage and a couple of bottles in the car because you just never know when you'll need it. It really is the only one that really works.
00:46:30I wanted to mention to all our loyal listeners that if you have a birthday coming up or if your spouse or if your brother your best friend, dog, yeah, your boss, somebody that you care about. If if they have a birthday coming up, send us a message in advance cuz we record the show in advance. Don't send it to it the night before cuz it ain't going to happen. But send it to us two or three weeks in advance, and we will have our announcer. Dave, like record, a very special birthday message for them. It's at the we're going to start doing a little table and happy birthday. Mike. I always look in this section because we did a show many episodes ago. Mountain Dew came out with major melon. Nasty Mountain Dew has
00:47:30Major Malin, I just enjoy it. You made a liar out of me because Steve Farrell reach out to me. So, I didn't y'all talk about that in the? Indians liked it. I didn't like that Sugar. I like the sugar-free. I'm a weirdo. Okay? Weirdo. Okay, KO ver there. And I saw, I stop this more of those where the Kroger Kirkwood, and although the food went to the Flamin, Hot Mountain Dew. And I thought, how disgusting? How do you know who once that? Nobody nobody in their right mind would ever drink that, right? And you bought some, didn't ya fix tuna? Pause the Entertainer in the Stream here. I'll go get the flame email to you and we'll try and live. Okay, everybody.
00:48:15Hello, and welcome back. Mike is putting on his headset. He went upstairs. He got a couple of bottles of Flamin, Hot Mountain Dew. I'm telling you right now, even if I love this, I want Mountain Dew to stop because you cannot perfect. The original of all them do well. Also there's a dr. Pepper Blue Mountain Berry or a dark bear dark berry, dr. Pepper. Why just look this is for the Pepsi incorporation? Okay, Pepsi owns Mountain. Do they own. Pepper? That they need to just stop if they want to make another flavor of soda, make another flavor of soda. Okay, and then just, just bill it as something else. You ready to try this. It smells like regular Mountain Dew.
00:49:00All right.
00:49:03That tastes like medicine. It does taste like Alka-Seltzer, Alka-Seltzer, in a Mountain Dew at a sting to it when it gets down in the old esophageal region is weird. It taste like metal things right after you know, thank you Mountain Dew. Yeah. No. Thank you.
00:49:31Yeah, was a blast of heat and citrus? Okay, I've said it before and I'll say it. Again. Oreo cookies are still churning out. They put out like 23 flavors a month and you can't perfect on the original Oreo. Cookie Pop-Tarts. They keep trying to make new and improved once they had brown sugar, and cinnamon and strawberry. I'll give you strawberry, but I'd like Cherry. That's it. It's all you need is kiss my ass. Yeah. Nobody wants to ask yourself that they made the s'more flavored Oreos. I'm like, why are they called s'more Oreos? Yes, right. Yes. I don't have to take off work tomorrow.
00:50:22If I have to call in to work because our appointment on Mountain Dew. Sweet Lord. I saw this thing to your go-ahead to get into it. I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad case of acid reflux and it and it hit me hard and I got up went to the kitchen and this is what I mean. I took sometimes and then it kind of does it, but I have, this is Uncle Darren's home remedy for acid reflux. If you buy sherbet. Okay, I usually buy lime Sherbert, they discontinued that. Okay. I was bitching last year about not being able to find any lime Sherbert. I can't find anywhere. So I bought rainbow sherbert. Anyway, get a bowl of sugar and you swallow the, the pieces hole and then the the cold sherbet coats, your throat and it gets the nasty burnt taste out of your mouth by thing whenever I get acid reflux, the next day. I feel hungover as hell. I feel like I have like
00:51:22Just like, I was right back to ninety-seven, to talk to you about this. But what gives you acid reflux? Is Greek Greece. And yeah, I had a, I had a sandwich was okay. I didn't think that it would do anything. But if I roll over on my stomach, sometimes you lay on your stomach in the stomach pushes all the acids to any was bad and I had to coughing fits. Why does it make me feel hungover? I don't know. I think you're hungover because of what you ate that's leading to the acid reflux from eating Ruffles.
00:52:01You had a Ruffles hangover. One of the worst ones in my life. I'm like, I don't know. That was when I realized I'm getting old, is when Ruffles sent me into a hangover. But as I saw it at an article on the internet, so, you know, it's true, everything on the internet said, acid reflux. If you, you know, whatever side I'm assuming you sleep on your side, like a normal American. Yeah, if you sleep on your left side or your right side, one of those, you're more likely to wake up with a horrible acid reflux problem, and I don't remember which one it is. But three, have you ever done this? This will scare your whole family and wake him up in the middle of the night. Was that his burp, yourself awake with acid reflux. And here's all the way up your breath away, as you're waking up in your paycheck, hit your breath of your likes. And your wife is screaming, what's wrong? And then your kid down the hall goes,
00:53:00Show me the dog is bark at you, read that Evan. Well, that's a fun Saturday night, but I was wondering like when dragons and they blew fire, if that burn their throat, if they gave them acid reflux.
00:53:14I'm a nerd and I was huge in the Dungeons & Dragons and all that kind of stuff. I just never could find it by at Sky, how much of a nerd. I was, I was so nerdy, play, the nerdy stuff with me. Right? But I remember reading anything about dragons and about a, how they would protect their inner Linings of their mouths from, there's like some kind of mucus think I was like all fascinated that they figured out how that happened, all that in them going to halfway down on my quick that they don't exist. No, they do. This is all made up, wondering. I felt really smart as I was going and then felt like an absolute Idiot by the wire or the amazing two-headed rabbit. If it was always in Slovakia or something, and if you weren't, nobody could go losing their mind if I come see you tonight to headed dragon.
00:54:14Totally. There's like a somebody took up to stuff. They take them together. It's like a picture. I think they're screwing with you on this, but that's true.
00:54:29Lakota. We are in the Lakota School District. Yeah, and this year has been a fun one. So we put the school board. We do not get political. But this, this story has taken out has so much humor in ahead of its own inherent in it. There's a school board member that has been causing a lot of tire fire strain that Strife in the community me a Best of God too many school board meetings going to pretend it's because we care about our children's education. So what happens is they talk about that both of your kids right now.
00:55:12Rupert Murdoch, so so bored and they start off here. They start talking about school business. Okay, and I'll be talkin about the different day. The superintendent talks about this thing. The president of the school board says something, they go through the motions of talking about the things and then a school board member will jump in there. And say, I feel like what is she trying to hide? If he wants everything to go through Madam president. He doesn't trust his teachers to allow this is protected anymore. So very accusatory and I have grown to love the superintendent because he has got this mask.
00:56:12You can't tell if he is laughing on the inside serious or craft fairs doesn't care about every once while he nods. He is the most professional. Has the most professional face. I think I've ever seen in the face of complete and total insanity. So this board member will just throw these things out and then he'll be leaving her last episode. I talked about the pharmacy person is with your name, you know, that specific examples that we can address it. I just know that it happens. I know it's happening. Are you hiding? I was, that was a big thing. Okay, couple minutes ago, and they try not to engage this person. But the more they try not to engage this person, the more, this person tries to engage them. And then there's another school board member who comes in randomly talking about. Nothing that has
00:57:12Anything to do with anything. And everyone there is a collective what the fuck that goes throughout the entire audience? Every time this person start talking so you have on one side. You've got the person that's throwing out the Jerry Springer /. Political. Haha. Yeah. And the other side, you've got the guy coming in and saying what the teaching our kids about.
00:57:39Know where we're not. It is it is been hilarious. So there's sign. I mean the idea to become a hoot. It's it's almost like what was at the The Price is Right, where they used to dress up, or was that make a deal? Meaning? There's a guy, the gun fighting cowpoke.
00:58:12The cowpoke gun-slinger, he's he's a, he's going to, I don't know. I'm coming to these you do. He's got an online Persona, where he's got a picture. Looks like the Marlboro Man, but then he's totally not that. I mean, it's like, camera light in Chicopee set. Like, I guess his Motif is a bit. If I were doing this, I'd be always be wearing a glazier, a shirt. He's always wearing a leather vest and he's going to get up and he's exceptionally political. I mean to the point where you say, holy Lord, how am I going to talk about this on the show without getting political right? It's kept me up.
00:58:58The comedic value of him getting up there and he is. What is it? Would he call that when you poke the bear and the bear? Exactly. And he's shaking while he's doing it. I'm just watching that and I'm standing there wearing my, you need to learn more words shirt, which by the way, I got so many compliments on it because everyone there others assume. They assume that I'm aiming that shirt at one of the school board members and they have no idea if you want to get to the lore that statement was aimed at me. I need to learn about me. So if anybody's getting offended by that you're missing the point one hundred percent because for Mother's Day, I posted a picture of my wife and her. You need to learn more words. Sure. Okay. Yeah, and I thought I was a real good picture of my wife had a friend of mine.
00:59:58I've been encouraging my daughter to read more books this summer. That's not what the shirts about. So the meeting goes through business and then they have public comment, but you have to comment on stuff that's relevant to the school board meeting. Then they have the next comment section later on, which is the Jerry Springer. Our talk about whatever the hell you want. You get up there and say hi to has a Flamin Hot flavor, but you damn lizard people. And why do we have this in our school will do. Well, I've got one right here and it's in the school. There's two things. If you if y'all we had some listeners in this area, go to Lakota school board meeting you, you will love it. You will love it. And I want you to watch a couple things. One, trying to figure out who I'm talking about when I say the one who throws out the accusations and demands answers. And everyone's like, what the hell are you talking about?
01:00:52Identify that one. Identify the one that comes in with, something, completely unknown to everyone. What are you even talking about? Yeah, but more importantly sitting in the direct Center is the president of the school board and she does her best to remain professional and keep the circus going and you can hear it in her voice. Haha. When it starts at think we're going to come to order and we're going to talk about this. She one do we want to have a emotion to go to issue one? Would like to thank if it went out today or this week, I swear the last one. She did not do this, but in my sick mind, I've jacket. I was here like, okay, we're going to Jesus.
01:01:33We left on the, on the Facebook page, the comments on the Facebook page.
01:01:45Anybody ever, ever if that's cool board, ever went back to actually talk about school or the students or the district. It would lose all entertainment value. One comment stood out to me and I'm not going to call the person. But if it's a bit too, which means like listen, let's stop with the personal attacks because when we do personal tax in a we're lowering ourselves to to their level. And that these comments on the post and can only strengthen the resolve and allow her to claim. That martyrdom example was look, when you wrestle with the pig, you both get dirty, but the pig enjoys he never once used when you wrestle with the pig. So so your comment was, let's not do the personal attacks. Because when you wrestle with the pig,
01:02:42See my version of that that I heard growing up, was you play chess with a pigeon? There. Just want to knock on the pieces over to come.
01:02:50Yeah, absolutely go. And it's fun watching some of the back and forth because as much as they try to say no audience participation at the freaking audience participates, I mean, yeah, it's it's like a Rocky Horror Picture. Show in Play Store rice, they run laps and every once while there's time. For that, like, it's great. Do they drop their phones? And I know I was exaggerating. I think there was somebody the police got involved in this last one because the spouse of the gunfight invest where haha turned around and told somebody to go something. Haha and then the lady that she said that two had a cop come over and they were going to toss her. I was waiting for that to happen to be kicked out of the thing and your buddy was there. You're the camera, buddy, right dreadlocks.
01:03:50How to say, happy birthday to it. You didn't know, this is been a fun episode, guys. We're going to wrap it up at one of the midget. I know we do this every week, but we're serious. We want you to go to irritable Down syndrome. Calm. And if you like this episode, we've got 88-89, just like it. Well, not just like, it's some of them away. Better support this 5 cash. You can go to the auction. You can donate a dollar a month. You can donate a little bit more and you get bonus stuff when you don't need to add a bit more. And I we certainly would appreciate it. It would help us keep this thing going. So we thank you for listening. And as always we hope to see you again next week on irritable dad's and that's a wrap folks time to get on with your lives. Will see you next.
01:04:38What are you some kind of moron? Why don't you have hair dryers in the park bathroom? There's so much more sanitary than paper towels. Anyone knows that except for turnip, except for turnip daughter is an idiot.
01:05:04I made this in one of your pottery classes. It's terrible.
01:05:09Is sugar so bad, how can Jesus made it taste so good?
- Wenbin
Founder and CEO of Listen Notes, Inc.