IDS #326 - He Put The Diaper On The Dog

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Do you have anything to add, Mike? Tonight? Fingers crossed, do you? Do you have anything to add, Mike?

SPEAKER_04 0:06

I will find a way to. Do you have anything to add? You know what? When you pressure me, I can't get pressuring you. I'm just asking. The funny remains flaccid if you if you sit over there and judge and point with your little friends and laugh. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

I have no friends except for you.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

I'm calling the state that I'm giving you 110% this year. And I'm going to be churning out with good stuff like you've never seen.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Insert funny joke here. Here are your hosts, Cricket and Tabs.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Hey, I'm Cricket, and I'm Tabs. Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's Comedy Podcast. This is episode 326.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

And we You know, sometimes when you start the law mower, you gotta use the choke, and other times it just starts right up. This one, we're choking the I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

We are choking the chicken on this one. If you hey, hey, hey, uh welcome. And I'm I'm actually Darren, I'm happy that you're here. Yeah if you listen to last week's episode, you'll notice that we started the show, and then like it says, hi, this is episode, and you heard Dave Lay. 325. Why did we do that? Because last week, one, I wasn't paying attention to you, and you also weren't paying attention to me because I said this is episode 235. Hi. And then we just did an hour and a half of the show, and I I went home and I'm getting ready to edit the episode, and I noticed that I said it was episode 235. Now, loyal, loyal people who've listened to this show since day one know that it's not episode 235. That was Irritable Dad Syndrome and the Curse of the Stolen Belt, which was released November 17th or December 17th of 2024. Duh. Right? So I said the completely wrong uh episode title. So I just reached out to Dave and I sent him the smallest script I've ever sent him. So Dave recorded 325. There you go. And he sent it to me. Yeah, so I fixed it. So Sue me if you don't like the quality of last week's episode. So today, three people have downloaded episode 235. I noticed that. Is that because of you? I don't know. Okay. I mean, I listened to it once just to hear it, and I screwed up that intro also. I said that was episode 225, and you're like, are you sure it's not 235? We don't know what we're doing.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

We've been doing it, it's we've been doing this for six years. Six years. The one thing that you we have to do is to add one to whatever the previous episode's number was. Right? That's right. And we've done that 326 times. Right. But we still don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

We still don't know how to do it. Yeah, yeah. Well, last week we were coming off of the episode where we drove up in the car to Detroit, and I was all just excited because for some reason I'm always excited to be here, and I'm happy to be here tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. Yeah. Yeah. Last week you were over there with your and Okay, one of the stories I told last week was how I got a text when I was walking down the steps to the basement, and then uh hilarity ensued, and I was trying to recover from that, and Mike's over there talking about how he had this dream where he was getting ready to go whitewater rafting. I totally did not hear the part about Keanu Reeves. Really? I did not hear that you dreamed about Keanu Reeves. I did. All I heard was I was gonna go whitewater rafting and I was something something. And I'm just over here, uh-huh. Uh-huh. I had a conversation with him. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then I'm like, oh, that's a great story.

SPEAKER_04 3:41

Well, no, that fit perfectly because it is stupid and it goes nowhere.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Yeah, but I didn't hear you say Keanu Reeves, or I probably would have talked about Keanu Reeves. So you I would have thrown in some matrix jokes. I would have thrown in a John McKitz.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

I think it's perfect exactly the way it would have the way it hit.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:00

I would have done one of those.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Yeah. So anyway, last week I wasn't listening to you just like every week when you don't listen to me. So that's one for me and then 324 for you.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

So mommy and daddy are going through some conversations and we're working on ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

It's not you having one of those us. We'll talk about this in the car.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

And it's unfortunate that we're talking about it with you here at the dinner table, but that's what's happening. That's right. Because Darren can't keep it in. He can't keep it in and push it down. So here it is. It's just all over the podcast right now. And I guess we're going through it. The little blue pill. You can't keep it in. You can't push it down. This is what happens, kids, when you have two different conversations happen at the same time. I'm turning into a Karen. How so? An Amazon Karen.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

I okay. I I thought that you've been acting very Karen-Y for a while now.

SPEAKER_04 5:00

Well, that's kind of my motif, but this is real. Okay. This is not like podcast mic. This is real life mic. Okay. Right? Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me ask you this. Okay. If you order something from Amazon, at what stage are you when you are dissatisfied enough to where you will demand a refund or return it or something? Like w how far does it have to be off?

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Uh I ordered a pair of shorts that were the wrong size and I returned those. Okay. And then I ordered a uh cable, a male male cable, one that has the mail on both ends. Yeah. And I ended up not needing that, so I returned that. Okay. But I mean, I don't really order things on a whim. Yeah. I'm not one of those people. My wife is one of these people. She will, I want to try this out. I want to these earrings look cute, or this pants suit, or she doesn't wear a pants suit, suit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:55

She's like It's the secret of my success with Michael James. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

No, a lot of times she will order things and then she gets them and then uh she's not crazy about them. She sends them back. I don't really do that. A majority of the things I order are compact discs. Occasionally I will order shorts or some type of t-shirt or this, that, but uh very rarely do I return things.

SPEAKER_04 6:17

I don't know if you've noticed recently, but Amazon is becoming the Walmart of the online world. And what I mean by that is Walmart, there was the joke, uh I I forget if it was Larry, the cable guy or whatever, said you can take used diapers back to Walmart. So these diapers already got your in them, and they'll give you your money back. Amazon is almost to that level. Uh-huh. If you are dissatisfied for any reason, not only can you return it, they'll go ahead and send you a new one. And we live, by the way, yeah, where we live is by a hub. There's a hub right down the road here. Yeah, the coals. Yeah. Some items you can get within an hour, which is insane. That's true. I ordered a book, right? Okay. Yeah. And I get it in, and I'm looking at it, and I open it. I always open every book. Books are made to be opened. So I open it, it's a hardback, right? And it's got the dust jacket. You know what I'm talking about? You're familiar? Is there a little dust jacket on it?

SPEAKER_02 7:11

I don't often read books, but I but I am familiar with it.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

And I opened the front cover, and holy, there's a rip in the little flap, the little dust flap. It's about an inch and a half to two inch rip. Return it. I debated that for a while. No, I would instantly. And then I looked at the back cover and it was just bent, just a little, a little twinge. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

It's stained.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

Hey, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Hey, hey.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

We all have to live on this planet together.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

You know, and and who's to say, I mean, look at every you're looking over here. This is a uh this is great for an audio podcast. There's all kinds of over there that I would have returned. But look, I've got all this stuff stacked up. I'm sure there's some bins over there, but I've put those on. They're my bins. Right. Right?

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Oh, if you buy something and then you bend it, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_04 7:56

Yeah. Yeah. Uh so I debated it for a while and then I got on the website just to see how easy it was to return. And I noted, I didn't know this when I bought it. I noted that it's a collectible version. Now here's the deal. Okay. They call everything collectible now. That's true. Right? But this is the 10th anniversary collectible version of this book. It has like black tinged pages. All this stuff. It's the only hardback version you can get. Okay. And then I thought, well, I can't have a ripped collectible. No.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

No! God, please, no! No!

SPEAKER_04 8:31

I gotta return now. Send it back. I'm with you. I just clicked return and they like the next like I clicked return and I think it started happening before I even clicked. Thing popped up, said uh new one's on the way. We got a new book for it. New one's on the way, it'll be there tomorrow morning. Okay. Uh if you could, yeah, uh, sometime before October, take the soiled book that you have. And the red-headed. I've returned things as recently as last year, and you had to like put it in a box and take it to a place. This new message said just take the book to FedEx, show them your phone with this QR code, and walk away. And walk. Wait, you have to take care of everything else.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

You have to take it to FedEx?

SPEAKER_04 9:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

Right down here on the Union Center bul beloved.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

But I take mine to Coles. Whenever I return stuff, or whenever Libby returns stuff, since she says, hey sweetie, can you return this for me? It's at Kohl's. Okay. So but you've got to go on the ones. Cole's was an option. On your Amazon thing, you've got to uh go to orders and that what you track or whatever, then you then you have to take a picture of the barcode. Yeah, and then they scan you didn't do anything.

SPEAKER_04 9:44

No, no, no. Cole Coles is an option. I just didn't choose it. I thought, who the hell picks things and takes things to Coles?

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Some jackass like me, apparently.

SPEAKER_04 9:53

I don't know how I feel about what I did.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

Do you feel dirty?

SPEAKER_04 9:56

I feel a little dirty. I feel like I'm being a little bitch. Like, oh, you're a little bookie wookie. Then I'm pre- If we're being honest, if we're being honest with each other, which we always are, yeah. I'll probably never read it. I've got stacks of books that I bought, and I'll read like the first two or three pages, and I think, man, if I had patience and not ADHD, I would read this. And I put it away and I buy another book.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

I have books, yes, I do too. Books that I have not read that I've started fully indented to. Uh, but I mean, you don't have a reading problem like I do.

SPEAKER_04 10:30

No, but I guarantee you, in that unfinished portion of the basement over there, I know for a fact, right now, there's no fewer than 20 books in there that I examined like a detective when they came in.

SPEAKER_05 10:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

I want no molestation of anything. Yeah. And they've now had spiders crawling on them. Oh, sure. Flies have probably shut on them. The pages on some of them are already yellowed. I know that because I've pulled them down off the shelf and looked. I was like, ugh, I need to get a new copy.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Why would I do that? Buy a copy, a new copy that you're also not going to read. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:06

It's just, it's it's crazy. So yeah, I'm I'm wrestling with that. That's my uh that's my latest thing I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

My family often ask me, Dad, why are you buying that book? And the last time I bought a book, uh actually the last four or five times I bought a book was because the book was from David Sederis, my favorite author. Yeah, he is absolutely my favorite author. And I used to buy the book, put it on the shelf, and then go to the library. When I had a car that had a CD player, then I would check out the audio version and just listen to it. Yeah. And I would often get, why did you buy it? Well, because I wanted it. Yeah. Because I'm a man and this is my money. There you go. And I can buy it if I want to. Now back off. Yeah. That's what I then say.

SPEAKER_04 11:48

I'm going to say up in here. So two of the so that I bought two books. Okay. The only one of them was molested. Uh, but the other book is the one that I'm currently reading. I read a chapter of it last night, and it's exceptional. And I've noticed I like it because it's easy to get into and it moves at a good clip.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Like my pants.

SPEAKER_04 12:06

Now, the one you now, the one that I I got all bitchy about. Uh-huh. The reviews, listen to this. This is the majority of reviews. AI does this thing where it tries to summarize reviews for you now before you know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Because life is too hard.

SPEAKER_04 12:21

And most people said, Yeah, the first two thirds are kind of slow, kind of boring, and I kind of hated it. But the last third of this book is among the top, puts it in among the top five books I've ever read in my life. Yeah. And I read voraciously.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Multiple reviews. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

Like a like a lot. Like they eat the book when they're reading. Oh, they eat it.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

They get drool on it.

SPEAKER_04 12:51

It's a 600-page book. So that means I have to fight my way through boredom through 400 pages to get to the good 200. I can't even imagine reading 600 pages. The other one, it looks a little bit thicker. I think it's just thicker paper. I'm just like slamming through it. It's a fun read.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Yeah. What was the book that you bought?

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Oh, I thought you would never ask.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

You're surprised that I'm actively engaged in the conversation.

SPEAKER_04 13:16

The one that's supposed to be boring and then becomes amazing is called Between Two Fires.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

And I will admit that when I clicked it, I thought it said Between Two Ferns. I thought it was the Zach Gallavan. A book about Zach Galifana. It's a medieval horror show.

SPEAKER_05 13:31

I would buy that book. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:33

The idea of medieval and horror mixed. I'm a Dark Souls fan. Any gamers out there, that's what they that's the Dark Souls thing. I'm a sucker for that stuff. So I'm like, please, thank you. The other one is Dungeon Crawler Carl.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

That sounds like a That sounds like the code name for a guy I know who is actively involved in ham radio.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

Are you familiar with Ready Player One? Yes. It's very, very similar to Ready Player One.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Okay. Dungeon Crawler Carl. Yeah, it was it was a guy who gets a lot of girls.

SPEAKER_04 14:11

It was um, what's that called, advertised as a combination of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Dungeons and Dragons, which are two of my favorite things in the world. So it's a hoot. Okay. I enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Well, good. I'm glad and the author?

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Who's the author?

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Uh, something.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Hey guys, I don't mean to interrupt your fascinating conversation about books and whatnot, but Matt Dinneman is the author of Dungeon Crawler Carl. He also wrote Operation Bounce House. If you would like to learn more information about this author, go to his website, Matt Deniman.com. I'll let you two get back at it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

The last time I read a book, that was the book that I was reading in the airport when the people were spying on the woman and then she goes to take a shower. The Canadian Mountains. Yeah, and no, no. That's a different, but I'll tell that story in a second. No, he she was they were spying on her, she gets in the shower, and he says, Boy, man, I'd like to boink that. And then I go, Oh, come on.

SPEAKER_04 15:08

Yeah, just one word will knock your shit.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

But it was a Sydney Sheldon book, and I'm telling people that I did enjoy the book, and they said, What was the title? And I'm like, I I I don't know. I don't know. I can't tell you. I've got friends who can read a book 20 years later, they can tell you the main character, they can tell you their best friend in the book, how it started, how it ended. I have no recollection. I mean, I can't tell you the main character's name. I know that she traveled to a lot of European countries. The details, they're gone. They're completely void in my head. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

A lot of that's how a lot of details of my life are. Which is one of the things I like about this podcast. I can go back to one of the episodes in the hundreds or two hundreds, and I'm like, ah, yeah, I remember. I got surprised by the Cinco de Mayo fight the other day. I was like, I remember that.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Oh, yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

I'm tired of your sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

I listen to previous episodes and I'll talk about something that happened to me, and I'm surprised at the ending. I forgot. I forgot I did that. Thanks, irritable dad syndrome.

SPEAKER_04 16:16

I've caught myself thinking you're funny and wishing I would shut the f up. It's like this dude's talking over this guy. He's every time he says something funny, this guy's talking over him.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

I thought the exact same thing about me. I'm listening to because I keep telling everybody to listen to uh the our best of. Yeah. Okay, there's six of them. If you go to irritable dad syndrome.com, go to New to the Podcast, and there it is. So I was talking to my mom, and she had never heard your story about the giant eagle birthday cake. So I went and I'm playing that, and my God, I will not shut up. I'm just, yep, yep. Well, did you put candles on? See, did you get paper plates?

SPEAKER_03 16:59

Did you get the good ones? Paper plates and good paper napkins.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

And it's like I'm just trying to be funny and trying to, and I'm like, Darren, this story is fantastic.

SPEAKER_04 17:07

If you would get out of the way of it, taking all of the bloviating, it's one of my favorite words.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

I do like bloviate.

SPEAKER_04 17:14

I would say about 10% of the time we do throw a wet blanket on the other's situation. Not intentionally, it just happens. But most of the time, right? That compliments like the um the Rubik's Cube getting tail. It's a perfect example. Yes. Right? Yes. And the uh Bono is your Lord and Savior is one on your end. I mean, oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Well, what's wild is so last week I talked about a Rubik's Cube. On episode one of your dad syndrome, I had my Rubik's Cube because I was asking some people who I worked with at the time, what do you want us to talk about on the podcast? And someone says, Are you going to talk about juggling and doing your Rubik's Cube? And I brought that up because I thought it'd be funny. So episode one, I mentioned that we could talk about the Rubik's Cube. 324 episodes later, I talked about the Rubik's Cube. So you're welcome, Bill.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Yeah. This portion of our show is brought to you by Uncle Chappie's Soothing Miracle Lip Bomb. Hi, I'm Dave Lay, and I never leave the house if I have dry chapped lips. That's why I always keep a few tubes of Uncle Chappie's Soothing Miracle Lip Bomb handy. I keep one on the nightstand, one in my car, and one next to the microphone, so I can use it between sessions here at Irritable Dad Syndrome. I love it. And it comes in five flavors: lemon lime, vanilla cream, bubblegum, old-fashioned root beer, and spicy fajita. Right now you can buy one tube of Uncle Chappies and get the next tube half off. Uncle Chappie's Soothing Miracle Lip Balm. The lip balm everyone's talking about. Now back to you guys in the studio.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

How was your Labor Day?

SPEAKER_04 18:57

We were supposed to visit the city.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

You were supposed to go to Ann and Dave's with us, and you guys were not able to go. No, we were not able to go. Libby and I we went to we were Mr. and Miss Popular. We went to two Labor Day parties. I know, right? So on Friday, my mom she goes and plays cards two, three, four, or five times a week. Uh she's got a problem. Okay. So she's uh she doesn't gamble, she just plays they play hand and foot. Okay. I don't know how to play hand and foot. She showed us one time, and it looks like a fun game, but she and her friends they love playing hand and foot. So there's a woman who she plays cards with who invites everybody and their brother to her house on Labor Day and Memorial Day, or Memorial Day and Labor Day. It depends on which time zone you live in. So here it is, Labor Day weekend, and she invites uh uh us over, and mom is like, you know, uh my friend wanted me to bring she's like, you guys never bring your families over, and so mom wanted to show us off because we're the trophy family, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So mom was excited that Libby and Cameron and I were going to Pat's that's her friend Pat.

SPEAKER_04 20:06

So we're gonna go to Patricia.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah, we're gonna go to Pat's house. Or Patrick. I mean, it can well that's uh I'm pretty sure it's Patricia or it could be just Pat. Okay. So we're at Pat's house, and uh good lord, the spread of food. There was so much food. Okay, there was like a mountain of food. I was almost sick from eating. So I'm in the kitchen and I'm getting my plate and somebody bumps into me. They bumped into my tushy, okay. So I move over, and then someone bumps into my tushy again. And I moved over a third time, somebody bumps into my tushy the third time. It's my mom's friend, and she's doing this on purpose because she thinks this is hilarious. And it was actually kind of funny, and because I was like, what the hell's going on? I'm like, I'm trying to move. You can't be like could you get your hand off my ass? Can you can you give a guy some personal space here? Look, do you see the ring? I'm married, you know. And I sit down, and uh, I I thought it was pretty funny. And then Pat comes in and she says, Did Darren tell you what happened? And then Pat commences to rub her butt all over my shoulder. She's like, Rub, rum, rum, rum, okay, rub, rum, rum, rub. You know, this is how E.

SPEAKER_04 21:25

coli outbreaks happen.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Mom thought it was funny. Libby thought it was funny. Cameron thought it was funny. And after it was over with, Libby said, Oh my god, I just stood here and let that happen. My question is, what the hell? She said, I just stood here and let that happen. And she goes, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you have let some man rub his butt all over me? I'm like, Yeah. Uh no. No, I wouldn't. I don't think so. But anyway, happy Labor Day. Hey, let me get a load of this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Anyway, it was fun. We had a good time. And then Saturday, you guys were invited to Anna Dave's house. We had a uh party over there. Had some margaritas. Dave makes good margaritas. Holy crap. So yeah, we were over to Anna Dave's. They say hi, by the way. They wish that you could have been there. It was a good time. It was uh it was the book club that was there, and you could have given everybody sh over their choices of books that they read.

SPEAKER_04 22:29

I was told, I was told that it because it was Sunday, right? It was Sunday. Sunday because Saturday I was out and about, but but Sunday I was home. Yeah. Uh yeah, we just we couldn't make it. But uh yeah, Bess said, oh, it's it's uh it's a book club thing. Yeah, it was it was literally you could hear like a record scratch, and I'm like, I'm not going to your book club. She's like, no, no, no, it's a party. You we we're gonna start it's start with the book club and then we go forward.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Yeah, it was the girls of the book club. Girls, they're all women, and and they're uh I'm not gonna tell how they're so it was, and then there was actually a point where they were discussing what book they might read next. And I was like, okay, all right.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

Well, and I want to I've said it before, but I want to say it again in case somebody doesn't listen to the previous thing.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Can you pick a book that doesn't suck?

SPEAKER_04 23:12

I was told that a certain person in the group took offense to that because they thought I was talking about their particular book. Uh-and I want to iterate again, it's not just that that particular person picked a crappy book, it's that they all pick crappy books. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Equally.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Yes. Yeah. Have fun with your book club.

SPEAKER_04 23:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Do you remember a few months ago when you and I went with the wives and we went to see the candlelight concert?

SPEAKER_04 23:40

Is this very good?

SPEAKER_02 23:44

It was amazing. It was uh spine tingling. I loved every second of it.

SPEAKER_04 23:50

Now when we slapped his cello like he was trying to get his money's worth.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

That's right. That was a woman playing the cello, by the way. Okay. Yeah. What was the guy slapping? He was playing the viola? The bass. Bass. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah. He likes to slap on the bass. Okay. So uh it was the same four the two uh fiddle players, a cello player, and then the dude on the bass. Now, this particular candlelight concert was the music of Michael Jackson. Now, my uh uh buddy Dan and his wife Regina were going, and Libby and I were invited to go. It was a great time. Now, this time we had seats in the balcony. So, because when we went, you and I and Libby and Bess were front row. In their grill. Yeah, we were we could see how many shoe strings they had. Yeah. Each person had two shoe strings. Yeah. But we could see them. Oh, we could see them all right. Uh so it was pretty cool because we could see their fingering and wait, we could really watch what they were doing. Slap at a base. Like we could watch their hands and you know, see their facial expressions and stuff. But from the balcony, you had a really good view of all the candles, and it was pretty cool from the balcony. The problem with this particular show was this is an old theater and heat rises. Uh and uh they were they gave everybody these little paper fans, so everybody's sitting there fanning themselves like we're in 1960s Atlanta, yeah. You know, and we're just fanning ourselves to not burn up. And the lady who I'm sitting next to before the show started, oh by the way, these aren't real candles, they can't put 5,000 real candles because that's what you call a fire hazard. Yeah. Okay. So these were those little battery-operated candles. Because I walked over to one and I put my hand over it to challenge somebody to see if they could hold their handle for the candle as long as I could. Nobody thought that was funny.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

They didn't get a laugh out of that at all. Yeah. But the lady sitting next to me, I said, you know why it's so hot? It's because of all the candles and the heat rises.

SPEAKER_04 25:51

Uh-huh. Yeah. And she how did she re She moved down a row?

SPEAKER_02 25:56

She she moved down one seat. She and her friend or daughter, whoever got up in that, and they moved down a seat. So I had a seat, an empty one next to me.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

Like, how nice your family brought you out for a night. That's nice.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

I told Livy, I'm like the lady I she moved down. I think I pissed her off.

SPEAKER_04 26:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Anyway, so it's the music of Michael Jackson.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

Okay. It doesn't seem like that would translate well.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

It would have translated great if the 20 or so people sitting behind us didn't sing along with every song. Yeah. They were singing along, and I'm just trying to hear the classical music. I'm trying to hear the two fiddles, the cello, and the bass. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

And they're in the background, the way you make me feel, the way you make me feel. You really do me good.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

You really.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Ooh!

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Oh, when they started going, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm like, oh my God. So annoying.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

And then, then, I'm like Jen Little, and then the people behind us, uh, during the song, during the during the commercial break, they wouldn't stop talking to each other.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

They were yapping and talking to each other the entire time.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

That's that's a bit a new bitch. Uh I I'm not in the candlelight groups, but I'm in the rush groups, and there's a lot of people complaining that during the rush concerts and other concerts, people are just having full-blown conversations while the sh while it's going on. Yeah. And I don't think that that didn't happen with us at Rush. No, we talked a little bit in between songs.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Yeah. In between songs, if you want to say fair guys, if you want to say, Oh man, the dude, that was awesome. Yeah, yeah. He likes to slap the bass. A slap at the base. Did you see her do that thing with the thing? And then when they start fly by night, you Yeah. You shut up. You can you can talk between the songs. Unless the artist is up there telling a story.

SPEAKER_04 27:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

If they're telling a story about, you know what, it was 1975 and I'm in an apartment and we didn't have air conditioning. Then you got somebody behind you.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

You know, they got vanilla uh Mountain Dew now. It's called uh Dirty. Oh, yeah. Dirty Doo.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

When the artist doesn't look dirty, it looks clear, but they call it dirty dude. I don't care for myself. I was gonna give her the dirty dude, if you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yeah, it's like shut up. Yeah, the artist is up there telling a story. And look, I get it. Sometimes you go to a show and the artist talks too much. Okay, but listen, I'm the one who wants to hear what they're saying. Yeah. Because when I went to see Colin Hay, he would talk for like five, sometimes ten minutes in between setting up why he why he wrote a song, and he's hilarious. Okay, he's telling heartfelt, touching, and entertaining stories. He could go and do a tour just talking.

SPEAKER_04 28:48

When Bess and I saw Billy Joel, the man could be a stand-up comic.

SPEAKER_02 28:52

James Taylor could do could do stand-up comedy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

We were laughing ourselves silly. Uh we act we got to the point where we were excited when a song was ending because he was about to lunge into another three or four minutes of uh what do you know?

SPEAKER_02 29:06

You know, that's walka, waka, waka. But yeah. So here's the if you if you weren't listening to what I was saying, shut up. Yeah, you're at a show, shut your mouth, be quiet, stop talking, zip it. How else can I say it? Shut your mouth. And so, like there's uh 20, 30 people behind me. I wanted to just stand up and go, do you mind? Can you find it in your heart to shut your pie hole? Can you do that? Can you? Yeah, but I mean it's like it's uh it's not a great part of town. And who knows what's gonna happen to the idiot bald guy sitting there. Maybe the whole everybody behind me is gonna turn on me. Maybe they follow me to the car. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. It got dark. Livvy and I went to see Ray La Montagne at uh Riverbend. Yeah, and uh he was amazing. And the dude and his buddy behind me talked the entire show and then the dude would he drummed on his seat. It's not every song, he drummed on the seat, and it was and he wasn't really in rhythm. Uh-huh. That bugs me. It's like one, stop drumming. Two, learn how to stay in the 4-4 pattern for Christ's sake.

SPEAKER_04 30:24

The worst case that I've dealt with was somebody singing along along or doing something stupid during the song was myself.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

The Phil Collins.

SPEAKER_04 30:32

Phil Collins. And I know I've told the story here, and it bothers me because I have the video of Take Me Home, but I can't watch it because it's just kind of like a super, super drunk mic like I was like third or fourth row. Oh no. There were people around me that had done a lot to get those seats and really didn't want some Yank sitting there just builting it out. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

And uh If you saw him in his hometown, England, right? Yeah, yeah, Manchester.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

Yeah. I I uh again, I apologize to anybody if they ever happen to listen to the show. Uh huh. It was me, and I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

This portion of our show is brought to you by Uncle Chappie's Soothing Miracle Lip Balm. Hi, I'm Dave Lay. Uncle Chappie's is the perfect remedy for dry chapped lips, and it's available without a prescription. Apply Uncle Chappie's one time in the morning, and your lips will be smooth all day. It's cheap and comes in five great flavors: grape, coconut, lemon, sea salt caramel, and root beer. Buy a stick of Uncle Chappie's Soothing Miracle Lip Balm today. And if you're not happy, they'll refund your money no questions asked. Uncle Chappie's Smoothing Miracle Lip Balm, the lip balm of the future. Now back to you guys in the studio.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

I found out that my son uh appreciates this podcast on a different level. Okay. So he's always thought it was funny. Okay. Now when he was younger, we would go on a trip, and Libby was like, hey boys, you want to listen to Dad's podcast? And they would say, sure. And then five minutes into it, Mike would say something about, and then I put the diaper on the dog. And they'd like, he put what on the dog? He said he put a diaper on the dog. Dad, did he really put a diaper on the dog? Why did he put a diaper on the dog? Yeah. And Libby would be like, Did he put a diaper on the dog? I'm like, like, he's he's joking. Yeah. Mike, he's an idiot. He didn't. And then I'm on the podcast, I'm laughing so hard, and they're like, What were what what so what happened? What were you laughing about? Oh, I was just laughing to the punchline about the diaper on the dog story that you didn't hear because everybody's asking questions.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

You guys are fact-checking in real time.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Yeah. So it would get frustrating listening to the podcast in the car because then after 10, 15 minutes, Jacob the camera would get tired of our completely and then just dig their face into their uh switch and start playing games or whatever. And I'm like, okay, and I would just turn it off. Anyway, that's all in the past. Stop living in the past.

SPEAKER_04 33:08

That's our core demographic. I think that's how they listen to the show. They get tired of our 10 or 15 minutes in.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

But they've already downloaded it, so that counts. Anyway, Cameron was listening to the podcast, and he was listening on our Alexa. So he had asked Alexa to play one episode, and then he asked her to play the one before that, and he asked her to play the one before that. He's going backwards. He was. And Alexa got really confused and couldn't play any more episodes. So Alexa, for some reason, played another podcast. Now, Cameron, don't fact check me on this. You may have done something, but Daddy doesn't completely remember the part of the story. So Cameron started listening to this other podcast. And I don't remember the name of it. He doesn't remember the name of it. But he came downstairs and said, Dad, I listened to a little bit of another podcast last night and it wasn't good. And I said, Okay, well, that sounds good. He goes, They weren't funny. They didn't have any sound effects, they didn't have the rewind noise when they go from story to story.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

They didn't have any of that.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

They didn't have an intro, they didn't have a Dave Lay. They didn't, and he goes, You you guys have all the stuff. Yeah. And they didn't. Yeah. And I'm like, well, thank you, buddy. Thank you. And he that's why he likes Irritable Dad Syndrome. For the rewind sound effect. For the Dave Lay.

SPEAKER_04 34:30

Verything is not us.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Well, he does like our stories. But he said, Dad, I really like how you guys throw all that little stuff in there. That's important. All those little bells and whistles. He says, I think it adds to it and it makes it very much more enjoyable.

SPEAKER_03 34:48

That's right. Hello. It ain't got no gas in it. Hey, what happened?

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Haynes, have you ever bought anything from Haynes?

SPEAKER_04 34:59

I'm wearing Haynes underwear right now.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Haynes has lost their mind. We were watching a TV show. The only streaming service we have that does not have commercials on it is Netflix. The other ones that we have, we didn't opt to pay an extra $35 or whatever a month to avoid the commercials. Some days we wish we did, but we mute them. We mute the commercials when it goes to that. Anyway, we're watching uh I think we're watching the Big Bang Theory, which we're hooked on, by the way. Hooked. Cannot stop watching Big Bang Theory. So we're watching this, and a commercial for Haynes comes on, and the camera is uh like a drone kind of going through a house, right? And you see a jacket on the floor, then you see another shirt on the floor, then you see like a blouse, then you see a pair of pants, and then another pair of pants, right? And then you see like more clothes, then it goes into the bedroom, and the camera raises up off the floor to the bed, and you see two pairs of feet under the covers. Okay, and they're wearing their socks, and Haynes says, Haynes, leave your socks on. Okay. And we're like, Well, that's really dirty for a Hanes commercial.

SPEAKER_05 36:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:11

For Hanes. There the Haynes, didn't they used to be like the family-friendly, you can always trust us at Haynes?

SPEAKER_04 36:18

Fruit of Loom was the one that went racy off the deep end, the guy the with the dressed up like the grapes.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Uh-huh. Well, there was there was there was white grapes, and then there was the red grapes. Yeah. And then there was the apple. Everybody knew what the apple was. I never knew what the other guy was.

SPEAKER_04 36:34

Was it an orange?

SPEAKER_02 36:35

It was it was figs. He looked like a bunch of leaves.

SPEAKER_04 36:38

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

But somebody told me that it was figs, and I'm like, well, that's stupid. You could have had a banana. Yeah. You could could have had an orange. Yeah. That would have been a great idea. But yeah, and then Haynes had another commercial where a woman wearing sunglasses and what you call the little black dress.

SPEAKER_04 36:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

She's walking into a funeral home, right? And she walks up to the casket, and the dead guy's laying there in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and it says something about keep it comfortable, Haynes. I'm like, That's hot. Their advertising agency has just lost their mind. Yeah. Yeah. So, Haynes, if you're listening to me, I don't know what you're doing. But it's not good.

SPEAKER_04 37:17

Well, they are getting talked about on an international podcast. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 37:21

We are an international podcast. Absolutely, we are. Yeah. I mentioned the Big Bang Theory. We are hooked on the Big Bang Theory. I think there were 12 seasons. Okay. And we're currently in, I think, uh toward the middle of season four. Okay. And we cannot get enough of it. And in the uh intro for it, the theme song, it says uh the Neanderthals created tools, we built the wall, we built the pyramids. Math, science, history, unraveling the mystery that all started with the big bang. Okay. Bang! Yeah. Right. And that reminded me about the pyramids. Okay. And I've always been curious about the pyramids. Yeah. And I wrote a joke on Facebook that uh I spent about an hour or so this morning doing my own research, and I'm still no further in figuring out how they built the pyramids. Ha ha. Yeah. Big joke. But how'd they build those damn pyramids? It's ridiculous. It is absolutely ridiculous because those pyramids are laid out perfectly with north, south, east, and west. And then the points line up exactly with is it Orion?

SPEAKER_04 38:31

Probably.

SPEAKER_02 38:32

One of the constellations. So I went on Google to do my own research. And the first thing that it said about the pyramids, they were not built by slaves. They were built by paid laborers.

SPEAKER_04 38:45

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

That's my okay. One, how did they find that out? Is there a document? Is there a receipt?

SPEAKER_04 38:51

Well, I've seen there's a thing, they they were like highly regarded. Uh huh. They were like the engineers of the time. Like it was Yeah, it's in uh common, what do you call that, vernacular or whatever that they were slaves, but in reality that they weren't.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Well, who paid them?

SPEAKER_04 39:06

Uh did you know?

SPEAKER_02 39:11

Did he put an ad in the paper say, hey, wanted we need to be the papyrus, but yeah. We need five million people to come up and build these things. It's gonna take a couple of decades, okay? Yeah. And you're gonna wonder why this is uh this seems pointless, but I'm telling you it doesn't. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

So, okay. You in in all these types of questions, how did they do the pyramids? How did they build Stonehenge? How did they build those who daddies on Easter Island?

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Well, with Stonehenge, there's a big question.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

What what are what are the what are the statues?

SPEAKER_02 39:45

But Stonehenge, you know, there's the why, because you could knock those over like dominoes, but I guess it was a tribute to the somebody Mr. Henge. Mr. Hinge. I kinda understand why the they were built as a tomb for uh uh Mount uh Mr. Kufu or Karaka. But that's a big damn tomb. See, it's ginormous for a team.

SPEAKER_04 40:17

Okay, there's having nothing. You're in the middle of the desert, uh-huh. Right? Right, there's water there, there's a couple of antelope or whatever. There's no antelope. There's some grape trees. Uh-huh. Or however, you know, you're done, you're good. What are you gonna do all day? Right.

SPEAKER_02 40:35

Well, okay, there's that. But I mean, I'm so bored, I'm deciding I'm gonna spend 20 years building a pyramid.

SPEAKER_04 40:42

What else are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_02 40:43

I You're in the middle of the desert. I'm thinking there's all kinds of other things you could do. You could learn to play the bass.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

I think it started off as a dare. I would a dare I bet you can't move that block from there over to here. I bet you I can, you know, and then well, I can move a whole line of them. Make a square. That's why there's multiple pyramids. They were all daring each other.

SPEAKER_02 41:06

Well, each block weighed like a ton.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:09

Okay? Yeah. And they moved it, they they made the block someplace, moved it like a mile or so, uh-huh, and then put it down. And I was reading that they would wet the sand because it helped them pull it through the sand, it created less friction. Like, wouldn't that create mud? What's that? You would think that the ton brick would go deeper into the wet sand than it would. But there there's no evidence of ramps. Okay. There's they're like, oh nobody knows how exactly they did it. They got an idea kind of why they did it. My point is, Saturday morning, Libby woke up with me standing over the bed asking her all these questions. She hasn't even put her feet on the floor yet. And I'm like, honey, I want to know. I want to know what happened, why it happened, how it happened, uh, how much the people got paid, the paid laborers, how many were there? Were there thousands? Were there millions? They estimated, somebody estimated, that they had to have laid a block like one every three minutes to get them uh where they are and situated in the time that they estimate that the thing in the 20 years that it took to build it. That's impossible. Okay, that's impossible to get the especially when they had no technology, no tools, they were not equipped to do that back then. I'm thinking it was aliens.

SPEAKER_04 42:42

Okay. No technology that you know of. I watched another video where they clearly you've never seen the movie Yor. The caveman from the future.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

No, I have not. Is that a movie?

SPEAKER_04 42:57

It's practically, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you I forget the full name of it. Yor. Your mama. Your money. Basically, he's a caveman, and then you see him walk into like a Walmart, or I don't know what he walks into like this technological. It's it's a stupid, stupid movie.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

Yeah, but these bricks were precisionly cut. Okay. There's too many.

SPEAKER_04 43:22

So there's precision marble cutters. You can you can watch them on the YouTube. Yep. You see these like perfectly straight cube. You're like, how the hell do they do that? And then they show the video of the guy doing it. He's got a piece of steel and a mallet, and he just like goes and goes and it goes completely.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

Yeah. That's how that dude did it. But yeah, but how did they do it? Boredom. Honest to God, they were so bored.

SPEAKER_04 43:49

Load of time on their hands.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

Well, also, I mean, how did they get so many people on board to do this? You're talking about a public speaker, you talk about an influencer. Yeah. It's like he he must have promised them the world. You know, because something I read was said that, you know, that w the sun god uh Ra, yeah, the pyramid was a way to from the ground to reach the sun. Okay. Okay. And okay, I'll buy that. But I mean, you know, after five years and they've only got one row, uh it's like uh I'm gonna be dead before I meet Ra.

SPEAKER_05 44:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

I'm serious. And I also wonder if, you know, it's like Kevin is supposed to work line on this day and he's sick, so can he call Phil? Have Phil fill in for him. Phil fill in. And uh then like, and then hey, where's Kevin? Oh, he's sick today. He didn't put it on uh he didn't, you know, put it in teams that he was like, PGO calendar. That's right. Yeah. What did they pay them with? Bread? Paid him in uh monkey dung, grapes?

SPEAKER_04 44:53

Uh okay. Monkey dung?

SPEAKER_02 44:56

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. All I know is everything I've seen, everything I've read, nothing makes sense.

SPEAKER_05 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:02

Have you seen the MMA fighter that wants to fight a chimpanzee?

SPEAKER_02 45:07

A chimpanzee or a gorilla?

SPEAKER_04 45:09

A chimpanzee.

SPEAKER_02 45:10

No, but that chimpanzee will rip his face off.

SPEAKER_04 45:13

That's what everybody is saying.

SPEAKER_02 45:14

They will rip your face off.

SPEAKER_04 45:16

And I thought it was a joke, and apparently it's real. It's supposed to happen on the 11th.

SPEAKER_02 45:20

No, they won't allow that. PETA FEMA. Well, FEMA probably won't allow it either. The NAACB won't allow it.

SPEAKER_04 45:31

But the comments on the story, the the comments on the story are comedy gold. Uh-huh. Uh there's people saying, oh, they're going to put the chimp down. Uh-huh. And then somebody says, Well, who's going to put the MMA fighter down? Who said the chimp? Yes. You know, basically, he was like, once the chimp realizes that this dude's trying to fight him, it's fight or flight. It's over. Oh, it's done.

SPEAKER_02 45:53

Yeah. You don't with the chimp.

SPEAKER_04 45:55

They look all cute and fuzzy when they're sitting in the cab of a of a rig with Clint Eastwood.

SPEAKER_02 46:00

Right turn, Clyde. That was an orangutan.

SPEAKER_04 46:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Yeah. Yeah. But no, there was a documentary on, I think it was on HBO, about all these people who have chimpanzees illegally as their pets. Yeah. And there was one woman, and we think ate her face. Well, yeah, the one woman had her face eaten off by a chimp, but there was this other woman who illegally had a pet chimp that they kept trying to take away. We're thinking more happened with this chimp than than we want to know about. And Living and I are like, why are we watching this? This is disgusting. Start the next one. Yeah. And we were obsessed with this show. And these, yeah, but well, okay, yeah, PETA is not going to allow some guy to go into a ring and punch a chimp. It's just not going to happen.

SPEAKER_04 46:44

Yeah. Well, they let Conan, uh, they let Arnold Schwarzenegger punch that camel in uh Conan and the destroyer.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

That was in a movie. And that was a stunt camel. It was a stunt camel.

SPEAKER_03 46:56

Not a real camel. He did he did have a helmet.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

Yeah. I always wondered what would happen if you put a gorilla in the ring with a a giant uh grizzly bear. Who would win in the fight? Oh my god. The silverback gorilla or the giant grizzly bear. Now I'd pay money to see that. Yeah. And I would tell PETA, guys, listen, go away. Just let nature happen.

SPEAKER_04 47:24

See, I if they were honestly mad at each other, like if the gorilla He took my cigarette on the grizzly's lawn or whatever. That's weird. The idea of making two animals fight is disgusting. But if there's a way to prove Carl the gorilla kept with Grizzly John's trash every weekend, and he sees tired of it and he's gonna go take him out. That's another thing I don't like about the chimp. The chimp is gonna fight back once it realizes it's being attacked. Yeah. But that doesn't mean it wants to fight. It's fighting for its life.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

No, the chimp's.

SPEAKER_04 48:02

In its opinion, it's fighting for its life. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

It doesn't understand all this hairless ape wants to do is punch me once I fall down and it's over.

SPEAKER_02 48:11

It's kind of like that Kevin Rupert story about the chimp that went into space. Yeah. They orbited or whatever came back and they gave it a banana. Yeah. And he's like, I don't know, I don't know what the proper payment is. But what do you got to do to get two bananas? Colonize Mars. Yeah, yeah. You know, what's this monkey got to do to, you know, not have to go in the ring and fight some jackass? Yeah. I'm telling you, they are not going to let that happen.

SPEAKER_04 48:35

No.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

You're telling me that it's seriously scheduled.

SPEAKER_04 48:39

I I didn't do a whole lot of searching because I was falling asleep. I had just finished reading a chapter of Dungeon Crawler Carl, and I was like, let's see what's going on in the world before I go to bed. And oh, this dip wants to fight a monkey. Yeah. It started out with he thought it was a joke, and then one company offered him $500,000 to do it. And you know, and then another company was up in the ante.

SPEAKER_02 49:02

I just don't see what does the chimp.

SPEAKER_04 49:05

Can we just leave the animals alone? Yeah. Can we just leave them alone?

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Yeah. What does the chimp get if he wins? I'm assuming it's a he.

SPEAKER_04 49:12

He gets a sh a shot in the leg and the in the eternal night night. I think. So the chimp dies win or lose? I'm I I don't know. That's the normal uh that's what they do if an animal attacks a human. Uh-huh. They put it down. But I don't think that I don't think that's appropriate if you make it fight a human. Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

I can't believe I seriously can't believe we're talking about this. We were all fired up. You can't go fight a chub.

SPEAKER_05 49:40

No.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

That's crazy. Speaking of crazy, we forgot last week to tell an important part of the Rush concert. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

When and and this is a question that I have for the ladies. All you ladies out there listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, I'm gonna ask you, what's it like when you go into the restroom at a big venue, a big concert venue? Because when Mike and I went, there was this guy who there's like 30, 40 people waiting in line to use the bathroom in between sets. This guy runs up and we thought he was skipping line. Yeah. Turns out he works at the venue. Okay, he works at Little Caesars Arena. Arena. Thank you. Thank you. Mike. And we're like, why is he running past us and what is he doing? He is standing up there, kind of like the person at Kroger that says uh register four is open. Register at the self-checkout.

SPEAKER_04 50:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:34

There was a guy standing there saying urinal one is open. Like we can't see that some guy was just done at the urinal.

SPEAKER_04 50:41

Now, every dude that's been to a concert is listening to this right now saying, What the f for the women? Look, you don't have to tell us anything about which stall is open. And and B, some men prefer the enclosed stalls. Yes. And some prefer the urinals. Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_02 51:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 51:00

What if you got to take a sh and then Percy's over here trying to get you to take the urinal?

SPEAKER_02 51:04

No, no, no. And then it gets awkward. Oh, you have to do something more important.

SPEAKER_04 51:09

And then just so there's like 50 dudes in there.

SPEAKER_02 51:11

You have to leave a deposit.

SPEAKER_04 51:12

We are all looking. It's a thing that guys do. We're all listening. There's the telltale sign of somebody drip, drip, dripping because they've finished up and they're putting Mr. Winky back and they're getting ready to leave.

SPEAKER_03 51:23

Hello.

SPEAKER_04 51:24

You're trained. You can you can locate that like a bat, like echo location. You know exactly which one of those people is dripping. Yeah. And then they do the little shake. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 51:35

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 51:36

Don't shake it too much. You're playing like he leaves, and you you don't want to go too soon. You don't want to bump into the dude. No, you do not. But but you don't need uh guy up there.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

You don't want to stand there too long because then people start feeling sorry for you.

SPEAKER_04 51:54

But you don't need a uh a urinal caddy up there. No, we don't point him out.

SPEAKER_02 51:58

A urinal caddy. That's perfect. You it's unnecessary. This guy comes home from how it was work today, huh? Uh, you know, I told everybody where they could go pee.

SPEAKER_04 52:10

Yeah, I wasn't paying attention, and some dude started pissing in the sink.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

And I just You talk about a guy whose career choices did not go the way he was hoping.

SPEAKER_04 52:20

No. I would have been impressed if he came in with a laser pointer. He said, right, that one right there. What they need is one of those bing, urinal two is open. Right. Or the urinals urinals could be translucent and they light up. They light up. It's red while it's being peed in and then turns green when it's done.

SPEAKER_02 52:43

Green for go.

SPEAKER_04 52:44

Green for go.

SPEAKER_02 52:45

Yeah. But you don't need a guy standing there. It was awkward.

SPEAKER_04 52:49

It was weird. We didn't know if he was supposed to be doing that, or if he was on his break and he just had some kind of weird fetish. It's hard for me to imagine.

SPEAKER_02 52:59

You know what? He may not have even worked there. Some guy could have just said, on a on a dare, they dared my papa to build the pyramid. By God, somebody dared me to go in and tell people where to go, P.

SPEAKER_04 53:15

I feel like that was a missed opportunity for me. Remember when I went to go see uh Megadeth and I skipped the Five Finger Death Punch because I didn't give a shit about them? Yeah, yeah. I could have been standing in the bathroom and just pointing out, go to there, go to the third one from the left. You the fit when when Five Finger was up there. Right? The urinal caddy.

SPEAKER_05 53:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 53:38

You're going to want to use a three-wood on this one. This one's a straight putter. You get it in two. Oh, he sliced on that one.

SPEAKER_02 53:54

You missed it on that one. Usually you get a hole in one, guaranteed.

SPEAKER_04 53:57

You got to hook the dog leg.

SPEAKER_02 54:06

We're getting in on the we're not getting any better than that, folks. We want to thank you for listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome. We want to encourage you to tell your friends, uh, your family members, your mailman, uh, male person, any person that you know who is currently not listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, please send them our way. Tell them to go to irritable dad syndrome.com and they can go to New to the Podcast, right? And then they can listen to all six of our best of episodes. I was telling Mike before the show, we've done this for a little over six years. We are really at a point now where if somebody famous falls upon our podcast, we're really at the point where like, oh my god, these guys have been doing this for six years now. And it's like we have uh just a boatload of great episodes for anybody new coming on. So we're like ready to take this podcast to the next level. So please spread the word, tell everybody about Irritable Dad Syndrome, and one day this podcast will be the best podcast of all time.

SPEAKER_00 55:09

But yep. We hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome. Irritable Dad Syndrome is a Mike Odal Daringcox production, and don't you forget it.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

He doesn't emulate me, he emulates you. You say something funny, Cameron says, uh, Mike Odal's hilarious, and he repeats it over and over and over and over and over again. Daddy says something funny.

SPEAKER_04 55:36

Oh, did you say 230? I wondered why you had Mr. David Lay pop in and do the 225. But I I I I don't I I'm kinda uh I don't remember.

SPEAKER_02 55:48

And you can tell them to tell Alexa to listen to Alexa play this episode, whatever. Well, good. And the author? Who's the author?

SPEAKER_04 55:58

Uh something. Okay. See. Have Dave. I'll tell you later have Dale put it in. Uh what did we just had somebody.

SPEAKER_02 56:12

No, Mike did not put a diaper on the dog.

SPEAKER_04 56:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:17

Well, okay, I mean, and they've chipping away at her sobriety. You're chipping away at her sobriety. It's gonna be a great episode. I can't think of a single word to Jake. He's out there hanging, hanging and banging. Boom, shot alike. Oh my god. Oh my god. We actually talked about fighting a chim. I've got something to tell Liv. What are you guys talking about? Fighting a chimp.

SPEAKER_03 57:00

The recording stopped.