IDS #327 - Toilet Paper, Saxophones, and Swingline Staplers

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Irritable Dad Syndrome was videotaped before a live studio audience.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Get those good good vibes going. How come you never wear your headset? I don't like it. Okay. I trust you. Okay. I trust you. I just want to we we look, you know, we got when we have the headsets on, we look more professional. But if that's not, if you don't want to look professional, nobody cares about how professional we talk. Nobody cares. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Do you care?

SPEAKER_03 0:29

I do care. Okay. So I care for everybody. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

My grandpa used to say, listen, we all like the same things. Everybody be after your grandma. It's time for Irritable Dad Syndrome, nominated for 13 Cable Ace Awards. Give it up for your hosts, Mike and Darren.

SPEAKER_03 0:52

Hi, I'm Darren. I am Mickey Cricket. Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Since tonight's comedy podcast, this is the first episode with Mickey Cricket joining on board, filling in for Mike Odal. Yeah. Hi, everybody. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Mike couldn't make it tonight. That's right. Literally couldn't make it.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

We're happy that you're here. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

Good to go.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

You kind of kind of got to feel your way through the open. It's like, what's what kind of night is this going to be? Is this going to be an easy, we go through the rundown? Well, uh, some clips and snippets and quips and and uh those things come around, or is it gonna be a drag this thing, uh wretch right in there, and you're pulling a tooth out? Kicking and screaming.

SPEAKER_03 1:34

I think it's gonna be the kicking and screaming. Yeah. Because when I walked up on your porch, you uh greeted me. You were outside to greet me. Yeah, which I thought was rare. Yeah. Very odd.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Usually I don't do that unless I'm on a bender.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Yeah, you said that you had a bad day. Yeah, I said some bad words. Yeah, you did say some bad words, words that we never mentioned on this podcast. Not unless you're a patron.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

If you'd like to join the Patreon and hear some of those bad words, uh-huh. You can go to your www.irritable dad syndrome.com and you click the little link that says Patreon. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

Um by the way, there is a mountain of uncensored clips.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Holy Lord.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

The uncensored clips that our editors send out, it's worth its weight in gold. So I just restocked the um the barrel, as they say. You got some in the chamber.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

I got we're good out till Christmas. Oh, right.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

And there were multiple times, because it comes out weekly. Uh huh. There were multiple times I my finger was hovering over the mouse button thinking year one or two, I would not have put those on there. Right. But year six, yeah, have at it.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

So yeah, if you want to be a patron, go to irritable deathcenter.com, go to Patreon, and there are several options that you can choose and click one of them. They're all good. And and they are, and they help us keep the lights on, so to speak. And uh it lets us uh keep the old uh steam engine rolling there.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Yeah, and if you ever are interested in starting your own podcast and you want to see what it's like, don't join the Patreon for free. Go watch one of the live streams and see what this sounds like and looks like unedited. Uh-huh. You'll never know.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

My goatee was not white six years ago when I started this.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

I will say, because uh Andrew is in college. That's your son, Andrew. Yes, my son Andrew. And him and one of his friends are considering starting a podcast.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

Oh, okay. My son Jacob has uh done one or two episodes of his podcast.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

And and he was, you know, he's like, uh, maybe you could give me some advice. Either he said that or I said maybe I could give you some advice. I can't remember how that went.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

Doesn't sound like something Andrew would ask you.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Andrew seems smarter than that. I said my advice is just start. Yeah. Right? Because if you showed me what irritable dad syndrome is today, if you took this that we do and the website and everything and placed it in front of Mike in 2020, I'd have been like, uh, that's too much. I can't.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

That's I look at how we started and what we do with the podcast now. Oh my god. It's night and day. We do so much more stuff now than we did when we started. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm proud of every episode. So yeah, go to irritable death syndrome.com if you're new to about 98% of them. Well, don't listen to the Halloween episode. If you go to irritable death syndrome.com and you're new to the podcast, and I I know I keep saying this, but just fast forward through this part. Yeah, yeah, there's a section called New to the Podcast, and that's where it has our six greatest hits episodes, and those are all just bangers. Yeah. Check us out.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

You mentioned the Halloween episode. I know you were about ready to kick in the first topic, and I'm just gonna keep wrangling this from you.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

That's fine.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Have you watched the original Halloween, the 1978 Halloween recently?

SPEAKER_03 4:48

Yeah, it's not not recently.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Okay, it doesn't it doesn't hold up? No.

SPEAKER_03 4:52

Okay, no, and the last time I watched it, it did.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

So I watched a uh Patton Oswalt do uh a bit on it.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

I love Patton Oswald.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

And he talked about how him and his daughter watched it, and she could not stop laughing her head off. And I was like when when me and Bess, I think we were going to watch it with Andrew, and then he went to go play basketball or something, and just me and Bess ended up watching it. And every 10 to 15 minutes, one of us would say, This just isn't what I remember it being. Right. But yeah, uh, so one of Pat and Waddles, and I again this is from Pat Oswald, but I I can't get out of my head. When Michael Myers is just standing out in the road looking up at the house, you're like, call the cops! Yeah, he's right, he's it's broad daylight, he's right there.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Yeah, he's just just get him. Yeah, but at the time, like we didn't have cell phones, so you probably would have had to go downstairs into the kitchen where most people had their phone. Uh-huh. And then, like, if you take your eyes off of the bad guy, he he's gonna disappear.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

But the the and the other the other one, and I'll I'll quit talking about this, was he said that uh Michael Myers he he goes in and he steals his murder kit basically from the hardware store. Yep, yep. And the cop is uh investigated and actually says, uh, just looks like some teenager stole a Halloween mask, some rope, and a knife. It's probably nothing to worry about.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

I don't think so. Sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. All he stole was a giant barrel, some acid. Yeah. Before we get into the big swing of things, I wanted to congratulate Steven Root. Stephen Root is one of my favorite actors. Oh, yeah. I think he's one of the most underappreciated actors until last night. This is the 15th of September. Last night at the 78th Annual Emmy Awards, Steven Root won the Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actor in a comedy series, and he won it for the TV show Widows Bay. Now, this is what the kids call a hot take. Okay. That's where I'm going to say something, and a lot of people are going to disagree with me on it. I really like the show uh Widow's Bay. I think it's a great show. I don't think it's a comedy. Okay. Not that I don't appreciate because there is humor in it. Yeah. It's a horror comedy. I think there's more drama than comedy. Okay. And if I was the producer of the show, I would have put it in another category. Although, if it went into another category, it probably would not have won. It won 14 Emmy Awards last night. I know the most of any comedy series. What's it called? In Widows Bay. Widow's Bay. Widow's Bay. Yeah. And Steven Root is 74 years old, and he much deserved acclaim years ago. Oh, yeah. So many years ago. He has done so many amazing. He's one of those guys you don't know his name. But like, oh it's the Milton guy in office. The swing line stapler.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

But then they switched from the swing line to the Boston Stapler. But I kept my swing line stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the swing line stapler.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

He's the judge in ideography, and his my favorite line of him ever and anything he's ever done is when he walks in, he says, We're gonna get some justice done up in here. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Yeah, and then and he's in Oh Brother were Arthur. That's a mighty fine picking and a singing. He's the blind DJ, right? And my favorite role of him was News Radio, where he played Jimmy James. Oh my god. News radio had a stacked cast. I mean, every single person on that show was amazing. And they were NBC was trying to sell it as Phil Hartman's vehicle. But I mean Dave Foley and Jimmy James were, and Andy Dick were as funny or funnier than Phil Hartman in most episodes. Anyway, I love Steven Root and I'm thrilled that he won, even though he beat Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford was nominated last year for Best Supporting Actor in the Comedy and lost. He was nominated this year and lost.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

What has he ever done, though? Really? I don't even know what he was.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Harrison Ford has just kind of gotten by on his looks for a long, long time. But he is amazing in the show shrinking. Okay. So Steven Root wins and he goes up there and he thanks his family, thanks the producers, he thanks the cast of Widows May. Then he does something which is absolutely awesome. He says, I want to thank the other nominees. I want to thank Harrison Ford. He looks and points at Harrison Ford. He goes, My kid came up to me and he said, You're in the same category as Harrison Ford. Like that was the coolest thing in the world. And then what does Harrison Ford do? Harrison Ford points at him and goes, I'm in the same category as you. Because Harrison Ford is awesome. So anyway, I I wish Harrison Ford would have won, but I'm thrilled for Steven Root. And if you haven't watched News Radio, watch every episode of News Radio. I've go back and clips watch the swing line stapler. My God, he took my swing line stapler. Put a burned down the building. His character, Milton, is just the greatest. So I went to the doctor, had my annual physical, and I am now on more medication. Yeah. I'm not at a point where I have to make changes, but my doctor is having me make some changes before I get to that point. Yeah. So I have finally, and I didn't want it to come down to this, but it's come down to this, where I'm making these changes in my diet and my lifestyle.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

Oh God.

SPEAKER_03 10:36

This is going sour. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, I am getting depressed because I love cookies and I love little baby snack eggs. Not as much.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Just for not as long as I could do celery. It's really, do you want a 20-year sentence of celery or a three-year sentence of cookies? It's really the choice, right?

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Yeah. We would get in the habit of coming home and making some cookies, uh, chocolate chip cookies in the oven. You put your milk in the freezer, and oh my god, it's just the best thing in the whole world. So the last two or three nights, I haven't been doing that, and I found out that grapes taste just as good as cookies. Can I give you a hack that I've learned? You told me about the banana and the almond butter. Did I really? Yeah, last week. Did you not listen to last week's episode?

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Not all the way through. I've listened to part of it. But I've added on apples and honey and cinnamon. Put those together. Okay. Yeah. Slice yourself up an apple. I like all those things. Yeah. Make a little puddle of bee vomit, put some cinnamon on it, and then you just you take a little wedge of apple, roll it in the honey there, and pop it in the old uh bean eater, and it's uh it's a spicy meat to boil. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

I will uh consider that. But this morning, because of your advice, I bought some um magic spoon cereal. Oh my god. Had a bowl of peanut butter magic spoon cereal and I put a banana in it, and it tasted like cardboard with a banana in it. Yeah. Anyway, I'm trying to make some changes. Yeah, it's it's I don't like how much I weigh.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

I don't. I really don't. Uh I can I recommend oats overnight?

SPEAKER_03 12:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Yeah. Because it'll it'll literally fill you up, and you'll be like, Mike, come on. It's not gonna fill me up.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

But it's like $500 a month or something for oatmeal, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 12:21

Uh you can buy it straight now at Costco. You can buy a big old box of it for about $1,500, but it lasts like two months. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

So do I still have to eat it overnight? No, no, no. Oh, okay. No.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

I mean, you can. You can set an alarm every two minutes and wake up and eat an oat.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

That was another one of my problems. I was eating at l at night. I was eating so late at night. Yeah. You're not supposed to eat past eight o'clock. No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

It messes with your um whatchamacallit. Your uh your your pinch. Your Jimmy Janger.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

Yeah. What? I'm trying to do better. Okay. And uh keep me in your thoughts and prayers because I'm Jones and for I'm just j' I haven't been snacking during the day. I'm eating smaller portions. Uh yesterday for breakfast I had two eggs. Oh my god, what am I? A caveman?

SPEAKER_02 13:09

I would say this on the fitness thing. So when Andrew was um but a young tyke, we decided we were gonna do the taekwondo.

SPEAKER_03 13:18

Okay, I remember that's when I first met you.

SPEAKER_02 13:19

Uh-huh. And at the time, uh, I was going to the gym all the time, and they were gonna do warmups and you know, tay the taekwondo, and I know it's taekwondo, I just like saying taekwondo. Taekwondo is physical and all this stuff, and I'm like, whatever. It is physical, whatever, whateves. I'll be fine. And the first couple of practices, I was not, in fact, fine.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

You kicked your ass, didn't you?

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Kicked my ass. And I had to run around with your bare feet, shut up.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

Oh, oh, I couldn't do that.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

And then I got to the point where I was keeping up with it and I was proud of my side. And then uh, and then Andrew got out of it, and I I went on back to my normal route. So then Charlie comes up. Now, oddly enough, Charlie wasn't interested in learning how to hit people. He already knew he was born with that skill.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

When I first you told me Charlie was gonna grow up to be a cage fighter.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Yeah, yeah, and then a bounty hunter, and now he's changing a bit. He's now we're looking at doctor, lawyer, or you know, graphic design, all kinds of all the world is his oyster. Yes. Uh, and then he's decided now that he's a cross-country runner. I'm like, well, dad likes to run every once in a while. Uh-huh. And he's like, and I was like, How far are you running? He's like, two miles. I'm like, two. Two. I ran two miles just asking you this question. So I go out with him last night. We're gonna run your because he had a or not last night, the night before last, he had a meet yesterday. Yeah. And he wanted to go to the track the night before, and we would run it together. And I was like, okay, great. And we start running, and I'm keeping up with him for about the first three feet, and then he just keeps going faster. And I realized that all these years, when I've told Bess I'm going to go, quote, run, uh-huh. What I meant was I'm going to go lightly jog.

SPEAKER_03 15:04

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

You're going to walk and I immediately jog, and I was like, just don't let him see you walking. Just don't let him see you walking. Uh-huh. I got about a half mile in, I'm like, well, he can't see me. There's trees here. I'm just going to walk for a little bit. Yeah. And I come out of the trees and he sees me walking. So then I start running again, get to another set of trees, and then walk. He was an uncomfortably long period of time when I got done. And it was very, was that called humbling?

SPEAKER_04 15:28

Ah, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

And then we went to his meet yesterday. I'm super proud of him because his first meet was last Friday, and he ran the two miles in 14 minutes and nine seconds. Okay. And then last night he did it in 13 minutes and I think 30 seconds. He like cut his time way down.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

But that did not stop me when we were at the finish line, and he's coming in from yelling, go faster. Because that's what you need to do. Would it kill you? Yeah. To show a little bit of a yellow in fairness, I yelled that at all the kids, but I could not believe he's doing really, really well.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

You're such a great dad. He's kicking ass. I used to do that with my boys. Don't send any nasty emails. I don't want any quotes or links to a Dr. James Dobson clip or something like that. But Jacob would come home and he had taken a test and he got a 96 on the test. And I would look at the test and look at him and say, Well, you couldn't find those other four points? Would it kill you to bring home a hundred sometime? Would it kill you? Would it? And then they would just say, they knew I was playing. And it got to the point where they looked forward to that. But I love doing that so much. Oh, oh, that's great. Yeah. I guess uh we just don't care about perfection in this house. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

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SPEAKER_03 17:22

I hate, and I mean hate, hate, hate, hate. Whenever you and I go to a concert, one of the most amazing, the one of the bestest things about it is that you always buy the tickets. And I can just give you the money. So Libby and I were talking, and we are going to see Collective Soul here in a few weeks at the Hard Rock Cafe Casino here in the Cincinnati's. And we were downtown, we were driving down there for a party, and we thought we'll just go by there and buy our tickets in person. Uh-huh. You know, go to the and you know what turns out they don't have a box office. No. You can't buy tickets in person. Nope. My question is, what the hell? Why can't you buy concert tickets at the venue in person?

SPEAKER_02 18:09

Because this is 2026.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

It's ridiculous. So we went home with tears in our eyes, and I got on Ticketmaster, and the I found the seats that we were gonna get. We're not as high up as we were for Rush, but we're closed. So I I found my two tickets. They weren't that uh really weren't that bad. But the ticket master fee is almost what the tickets are.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Almost the same.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Yeah. So I've seen Ice Cube at the hard rock. Yeah. It's outdoor, right? I mean, you're gonna it's when you see them, you're gonna be outdoor.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:43

I think it is. I don't know. They have like an outdoor thing. Okay. Um, so you can't really get a bad like placement.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

Yeah, that's where I saw Billy Idol. Okay. But it was just like um, just like, and that's where I saw the offspring of for their 25th anniversary smash, but that was just like an outside thing where everybody stood. Yeah, that's what there's seats for this.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

Well, they might bring chairs out because they know it's collective soul and everybody's old. I don't enjoy buying tickets. I view buying tickets like being a sniper. Yeah. Okay. I don't think snipers really enjoy what they do, right? But they're like, nobody else is gonna be able to do this. I'm just let me uh let me get lined up. Yep, and uh we're gonna get these tickets. Yeah. Because here's the deal. If I have it in my mind that I'm going to be sitting in a certain place, and then I let you buy the tickets, and I'm not sitting in that place, right? I won't say anything, but I will judge you the entire time.

SPEAKER_03 19:43

Secretly loathed me.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Every artist, I don't care who it is, has a song that you don't really care that much for. And it's during that song I would turn to you and say, Would it have killed you? Those seats right there were $10. I'd pay $10 to be right there. But no. I'm in between sweaty mixed sweatpants over here. This dude back here is breathing down my neck, and there's a seven-foot-tall Goliath in front of me with this camera out.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

Well, that happens at every show that you go to now.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Oasis, the Oasis Brothers are going on tour in 2020. Mark and Tim Oasis. Mark and Tim Oasis. Yeah. They're doing a grand uh U.S. tour of Las Vegas and Boston. Okay. A two-city tour. Yeah. A two-city tour. Just coast to coast. Coast to coast.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

Yeah. No, so Collective Soul, I had to uh I went on Ticketmaster. A month or so ago, I thought that my credit card had been uh hacked into. Oh. So I had to cancel that card and get a new card.

SPEAKER_04 20:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

So uh I knew that when I'm trying to get these tickets for Collective Soul on Ticketmaster, that I was gonna get to a point where I had to change my payment. So I found the seats. One, two. I mark those, that's what I want. And the this time around, I did not insure the tickets. Oh, yeah. So I'm like, it's in two weeks. Okay. So I didn't insure the tickets. Then it gets to the other point where what's your uh name? This is my name. What's your address? This is my address. Zip code, I know that. I put that in there.

SPEAKER_02 21:07

What gets you hard?

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Yeah. Oh and then and like how much time do you have? So I I'm going through and I'm putting all the things in there, and then it comes up to the part with the credit card, and I'm trying to edit my credit card information.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Yeah, that's that's a rookie mistake.

SPEAKER_03 21:22

And I I go to uh edit and it says, uh, no, no. And it won't the the section where I put my new number in is grayed out. Yep. Meaning I can't get to it. Right. I'm like, what the flip? What's going on? Why? Hello, and then I'm pushing, pushing, pushing, and then I get the thing, hey, we're gonna release your tickets here in a second. I know that there's something that I didn't click. So I go back, and as soon as you go back, it releases the tickets. Boom. So I went, put my thing, put this ticket, this seat, this seat, put my name, put my address, uh, my zip code. I'm a Gemini. This, this, this, and this, and this and this. I get to the tickets again. The mistake I'm making, Mike, and it took me three times to figure this out, is I'm trying to edit the credit card information. I've got to change the card. No, I've got to add a card. And I'm like, why would I add a credit card? Yeah. Why would I add one? I don't need separate, you know, different cards. So I'm an old fart and I'm sitting there bitching saying, it would be different. I could have just bought them at the box office at the place where you go. You know, you can do that at the Taft Theater. You can go to the Taft and buy tickets. Okay. That's what I always do when I go see shows of the Taft I Dragon. So to add insult to injury, I go through all this to buy these collective sold tickets because uh my credit card has changed. I found out today, uh a month or so ago, I thought my credit card was hacked into. When we got back from the cruise, uh, I was at the airport in Florida, and I'm at a convenience store there in the airport, and I'm trying to buy ten dollars worth of snacks, which is one bag of MMs and one soda. It's like $11 or something. And I swiped my credit card, it wouldn't take it. Swiped it a second time, it wouldn't take it. Finally got it to take on the third try. Now, when I got home, I'm like, I bet you that my credit card got suspicious, thinking that somebody in Florida was trying to. I was proactive and I reached out and I said, I was in Florida and I was trying to use my credit card, and uh I just wanted to know that that was me. And they said, Oh, well, that must be why there's a hold on your card. Oh, and I said, Wait, there's not a hold on my card. I was at I was at Kroger yesterday, and they said, uh, what time were you at Kroger? I said 9 30 a.m. They put a hold on my card around 11 o'clock. So my card had a hold on it, and then I'm checking, I'm checking, I'm like, and then they said, Did you make this purchase? Yeah, did you make this purchase? Yeah. And then they said, Did you make a purchase at Willis Music in Florence, Kentucky? No, no, I I did not. And they said, Okay, well, someone's hacked into your card. So they canceled it. They canceled my card, we'll send you a new one. It takes about a week and a half to get my card. So flash forward to today, I'm looking, I get an email again from the music store in Florence saying that I have a payment due. So I called him up. I shouldn't have a payment due because a month ago I thought I'd been hacked and I reached out and I had my credit card canceled. And the guy says, What's your phone number? I gave it to him. He says, You actually have a monthly bill with us because my son bought a saxophone from them and we bought the plan where for ten dollars a month they will clean it, service it, fix it, do any that type of repair if it needs a new dongle or a spit valve. I need a new dongle and a spit valve. If the trunk needs to be waxed, they'll do that, right? I'm like, are you kidding me? No, and here's the thing Cameron hasn't played that saxophone in almost three years. So I have been paying ten dollars a month for three years for a saxophone that he's not using. That's awesome. And I would said, so it's just all compounded. Yeah. And uh the guy's like, if I were you, since you've since you've already paid, you need to take the saxophone, get it all cleaned and repaired, and and uh the the what the they'll go through everything with a fine-tooth comb, and then you sell it because you have proof that it has been uh maintained and is in uh excellent condition. So I'm gonna sell that damn thing and try to get my two years worth of maintenance. I can't believe I did that.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

You're listening to the only podcast that matters Irritable Dad Syndrome with Mike and Darren. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Have you seen the trailer for the movie Whalefall that's coming up? Oh my god, yes. Okay, so I have a deep, deep fear of the ocean. I I know. And and creatures in the water, period. I know. And this movie is just uh it's right up the it's it's like it was tailor-made to scare the out of Mike.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Yeah. Libby and I went to the movie and that trailer comes on, and she grabbed hold of my arm and almost pulled my arm out of its socket and like Libby Hindu. Libby. Yeah. So stop owl.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

Yeah, so it freaked me out so much that I looked it up on the Wikipeds. Yep. It's based on a book. Yeah. I went ahead and read the summary of the book. I know how it ends, so now I feel like I can safely go see it because I wouldn't be able to handle it.

SPEAKER_03 26:37

Well, don't tell me what happened.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

I'm not going to tell you what happened, but the last time we had a movie that was like this that freaked me out that much was uh Open Water. Have you seen Open Water?

SPEAKER_03 26:46

I did see Open Water at the theater.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Yeah, me and Bess went to go see that, and I was doing it to confront my fear. And it didn't work out the way I intended. It like quadrupled. It was like, see, see? And it didn't help that it's a true story.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

And open water wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

Yeah. So yeah, the Wellfall came out. Excellent trailer. Looks like it's going to be a really good movie. I am a bit tired. The end of the trailer, it does the with like shots of the thing.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

And it dips the black in between.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

And it keeps doing the j it has about 15 more than it needs. It went from this is an intense movie to really? What happened? Did you let did you let Willie in the bush again? Booth booth.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

What? Did you you let Billy in the bush again? Damn it, Billy, get out of the bush. That's way different than letting him in the bush. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's my concern with that. I was like, did they show like all the cool stuff in the trailer?

SPEAKER_02 27:52

Because he's in a whale, right? I mean, there's not, it's not like going to be another scene in the colon, you know.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

Have you heard of Steven Spielberg? In the 90s, he released a little one of his uh smaller independent films called Jurassic Park. Okay. Okay. Okay. And the trailer for Jurassic Park did not show a single dinosaur. Okay? It was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Really? It made a gazillion dollars. At the time, it was the number one box office film of all time. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And uh also, and the thing with Steven Spielberg, that year, so at the Academy Awards, Schindler's List won Best Picture, Best Director, and three or four other awards. And then Jurassic Park won three or four. And Steven Spielberg was just like you couldn't touch him. He won Best Picture of the Year and had the highest grossing motion picture of all time. Anyway, so he makes Jurassic Park, but you don't see a single dinosaur in the trailer. Now, after the movie came out and they had in theaters now, you could see some uh dinosaurs. But I was concerned when I saw the trailer for Whalefall that did we see the most exciting part? How can there be anything more exciting than what you saw in the trailer? And I don't know how they can top that.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

Yeah. I mean, there'll be a scene of him packing his bag when he's getting ready to go on the boat or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 29:19

It's gonna be right, dear Dear Lydia. Still inside this whale. Now how am I gonna I wrote a letter? How am I gonna mail it? I'm inside a whale.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna go. There's another new trailer for a movie, Artificial. Have you seen that trailer? No. It's about the AIs. Okay. And it's got Andrew Garfield in it. Okay, I like him. He is in Social Network. He was Spider-Man. Yeah, he was in Spider-Man, but he was also in Social Network. He was Mark Zuckerberg's buddy. Yes. And then turned whatever. Right. Mark Zuckerberg. Newsflash. Not the nicest guy. No. Yeah. Zuckerberg turned on his buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And uh my favorite thing.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

If you knew so much about Facebook, you would have invented Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 30:03

That's true. The trailer for Artificial, it has that same feel that the social network has, plus it has Andrew Garfield in it. Yeah. It's a pretty intense trailer. So if you haven't seen it, go check it out. But I loved the comments because somebody commented, this is basically the Social Network 2, right? And then the reply to that was like, or the Terminator prequel. Which I thought was great. Yeah. But there actually there is a Social Network 2 coming out.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

Somebody else is playing Zuckerberg, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why Dude didn't play Zuckerberg again. Yeah. Yeah, good times. Go to the movies.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

Went nowhere. This is the kind of that the patrons are going to pay for.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Oh, well, this is this week, really? Mike going off about Zuckerberg.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

Yeah. You would have loved the beginning of the Emmy Awards because Marishka Hargate, she was hosting, and she was uh during her monologue, she was sitting there talking about how great it is to be part of this community, and and the arts are so important to everybody, and she admires all the people in the audience who respect the craft and do what they can to the imagination, the creativity. And then she starts doing Nicole Kidman's shtick from the AMC. So somehow, somehow it's right. Somehow Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. And Nicole Kidman's like, hey, stop it. You're stealing, you're stealing my bit. And Merce Carr. He's like, No, I'm not. She goes, Yeah, you are. And I'm like, Mike would have loved that.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

Do you guys have a neighborhood Facebook page?

SPEAKER_02 31:39

Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

Okay, we have a neighborhood Facebook page. Uh, Libby and I are on it. Chris and Mary Michael, we're on it. Of course, Chris Michael's on it. Aaron Durbin is probably the king of it. Jason Durbin are on it. Okay. And uh a lot of our neighborhood is on the neighborhood Facebook page.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

So do you talk about the people who aren't on it?

SPEAKER_03 31:59

No. Well, I don't know people who aren't on it. All right, right, right. Uh, but here's the greatest thing ever was that a couple of kids, these punk ass little kids, decided to go ding-dong ditching, ringing doorbells and running, and this woman got a great picture of them on her doorbell cam. They're trying to cover their mouth with their shirt. Yeah. And you can totally tell whose kids they are.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:29

They rang her doorbell and then ran. And so she posts the picture on the neighborhood Facebook page. Hey, whose kids are these? She says, I'm not mad. I just think it's funny that they're trying to cover their faces. And it's like we can totally tell whose kids they are, right? One of the dads in the neighborhood said, Yeah, they came and did the same thing to my house, but instead of ringing the doorbell, they kicked the door. And he said, That wasn't cool. But I'm like, It's like they knew enough to cover their face. But not well. But not enough to stop ringing the doorbell. Yeah. And I said, Those are the same kids who probably called me up and asked if I had Prince Albert in a can.

SPEAKER_02 33:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

You better let him out. Yeah, yeah. He's gonna suffocate. Yeah, cut the refrigerator.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

He's gonna go catch it.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

You put a bag of dog poop and you light it on fire, and then you run. Years ago, somebody hors d'oeuvre our house. Have you ever had your house hors d'oeuvre? Uh somebody rings the doorbell and runs. I come out, and on my porch were two uh wheat thin crackers with cream cheese and a little slice of cucumber. Okay. I'm like, this is like the rich people version of running on the doorstep. I stood on my porch and I yelled, Boy, you got me good this time. They went through the hell. They went through the effort of making two hors d'oeuvres and ringing my doorbell and running. Like, what was the thought process? And then there was the time that somebody left a box of zero candy bars on our porch. Okay. That was Chris Michael. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We ended up donating those to science.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Yes, science. I think I've told the story on the podcast before, but me and Dan went somewhere in Cincinnati, somebody's house, and teepeed it. I didn't live from live in Cincinnati. I wasn't from Cincinnati. Right. I had no idea where we were going. I do know that the people had very tall trees. Yeah. And we had multiple rolls of toilet paper and we're flinging them. And it was fun watching them like go and then go over the tree.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Oh my god. Toilet papering houses was so much fun. Yeah. Yeah. If Leslie Collie's listening, I apologize.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

But we had so much fun. This is going nowhere. Oh no, no, no. It was going somewhere. Okay, right, right.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Because uh in high school, I toilet papered a few houses. Okay. And one day we were going to go toilet paper my friend Lee's house. And we get to his house, and uh it was me and a couple other people who I will remain uh nameless. I mean he knows who was there. He left his doors unlocked of to his car.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

So we decided TP, the inside of his car. We're gonna do the entire car. And we had so much toilet paper. I mean, we didn't have like four or eight rolls of toilet paper. We had packages of toilet paper. We opened the car doors and we rolled the window down a little bit just enough to get the toilet paper under the door, through the window, under the door, through the window, around and around and around and around. And while the doors were open, we went over the windshield, under the windshield, over, under, over, under, and then over, under, over, under on top of the car. Okay. Until we could not see any more vehicle. Then we toilet papered his gear shift, okay, the brakes, okay, his steering wheel, the seats. We wrapped, we mummified his car. And we were laughing so hard. I'm surprised he didn't hear us inside the house doing this. And oh my god, was he pissed? Because it took so long to get it out. And it rained. I know, I know, I know. It did not rain. I'm like, dude, you don't leave your car unlocked, especially with me as a friend. And he used to go toilet papering houses with me. So, I mean, he can't, how dare you do something like that? Because he used there's blood on your hands too, my friend. But uh God, when I worked at Win Dixie, these punk kids come through one day and says, Excuse me, sir. I said, Yeah, how can I help you? And they said, What's the best kind of toilet paper? And I said, Well, are you just using it for you know, using the bathroom or are you toilet papering houses? And they thought I was a snitch of one of the feds. So, oh no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that. I said, Gotcha. Wink wink. Okay, well, back when I used to use toilet paper for personal reasons, I would buy Scott tissues because it's almost double the amount per roll and it doesn't break when it goes over the trees. So you're gonna get a solid, you know, it's like you throw it hard enough, it's gonna get a solid drop without breaking. But trust me, I know you guys are not using this to roll houses. And I gave them the thumbs up and I walked away. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. Well, you did what you did. It's like good deed. There you go. Yeah, I you know, these kids they need to learn. Yeah, they really need to learn. Does that make toilet paper houses anymore? Uh I don't think so. I can't think of the last time I saw a house that had toilet paper on it. It's been a couple years.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

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SPEAKER_03 38:42

You ever go to the UDF and get ice cream? No. Right around the corner.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Well, yeah, I don't want to be a they have really good, what's that called? The peppermint stick stuff at Christmases.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Yeah. Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_02 38:54

I don't get it from their from their tubs, but from the thing.

SPEAKER_03 38:57

So I can't remember what was going on, but Cameron decided to take us to UDF and buy Libby Nye ice cream. I'm like, dude, you're the best son ever. Yeah. You're better than my other son. Thank you. So he takes us to the UDF, and there in a tub, which you refuse to eat out of, was blueberry lemon ice cream.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

Oh poofart.

SPEAKER_03 39:18

Oh my God. It was so good. It had crunchy little pieces of lemon candy in it with a blueberry and a vanilla swirl with like a pie crust kind of thing. Oh I had a problem. It was really, really good. So thank you, Cameron. That was awesome. We loved that. A couple weeks later, we are going back to UDF and they didn't have the lemon blueberry ice cream. And I looked at the guy and I said, Oh my god, you don't have oh, that's like my favorite. And he goes, Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

Sort of story attached to it.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

He just looked at me like, what are you gonna do? Yeah, sorry, what are you gonna do? Yeah, and so Lindney's like, Well, honey, why don't we get this or something? I said, I really wanted the lemon blueberry ice cream, and this guy here, he could care less. I'm joking with this guy about how he could care less, and he looks at me and goes, Yeah, I don't. He just he could seriously give it and I was like, I kind of admire that.

SPEAKER_04 40:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

Like, you know, where is his career going? He's slopping out ice cream at the gas station.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

I'm having a weird situation with my phone. Okay, I know I'm getting calls from telemarketers, right? So for the longest time, I stopped answering my phone when it had the same area code. So newsflash, we're not originally, we didn't get our phones in the Cincinnati.

SPEAKER_04 40:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

So we don't have a 513 area code. Right. So if I see a call from the non-513 or yeah, from the area code that we have, nine times out of ten, it's a scam because I don't know the people up there anymore.

SPEAKER_03 41:00

I don't talk to them. Right. Well, you're better than that.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

Recently, and you know, with my personal stuff going on, I've had to have a lot of different people calling me at different times. Right. Phone calls that I need to take. And I finally started getting some emails a couple of weeks ago saying, we can't get a hold of you. We've been calling, and they'll put their number. I was like, oh, wow, okay. Right now I have to start answering the phone. Right. But I'm still getting the telemarketing calls. So I follow all the little videos that you see about how you're supposed you're not supposed to answer, you know, with a yes or whatever, or give your full name because they can sign you up for 50 years of whatever.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

That puts you on a list.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

Yeah. I've adopted a way of answering the phone. I don't say this is Mike, I don't say this is George or anything like that. I just answer the phone, hello. That's like I just like the most pissed, uh-huh, uninterested person that you could imagine. And so when it's an actual telemarketer, you can tell you get that little one second of silence, and then they come on Hello, you know, hi sir. Uh, we're doing to know if you're interested in selling your property at blah blah blah blah blah blah at some robot voice. Right. No, I'm not interested in selling the thing. Click. Yeah. You know. But then most of the time now it's somebody who wants to talk to me, who needs to talk to me, who's a bit taken aback by my hardcore hello. Yeah, you're mad. Like they caught me in the middle of smurdering somebody. Yeah, what do you want? Like dextering somebody.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

Yeah, let me wipe this knife clean and then I'll pick up a pen and write down the information.

SPEAKER_02 42:37

The main problem I have with it is I don't know where this story goes.

SPEAKER_04 42:43

No, where are we? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

It seemed like it had a good start. Goes nowhere. I don't know what to Is that the second or third thing tonight we've had that was not. I just uh I don't think I'm getting enough nourishment. I didn't get enough rice. I have a certain amount of rice I'm supposed to eat every day. Uh-huh. We ran out of rice, and I'm all whatever vitamin is in rice.

SPEAKER_03 43:09

You're out of it has vitamin R. I don't have vitamin R in me. You know what? I was at the grocery store last night and I was stuck like in a fog. I was like, I don't know what we're going to eat. I don't know what I'm going to buy. And I thought, well, let's get some of the standards. And since, you know, I'm making some changes of my diet, I didn't buy this or this or this or this. And then it's like, I don't know about you, but it seems like every time I go to the store, we buy the same flipping things. Yeah, yeah. And we cook the same meals over and over and over. Now, granted, we're still eating them, but after we went to the Dominican Republic and we had sauteed snails. We had chicken and rice and uh red beans and rice and and plantains. Yeah. And I devoured that. Those are so we've been doing chicken, rice, and red beans over and over again. But yeah, I'm looking around the grocery store like, I'm Know what the hell I'm doing. I don't even know what to do. I don't know where I'm going. I'm and then I would just kind of I'm standing in the middle of the aisle, and then I started wondering how long could I stand here before somebody asked me if I'm okay? Sir? We're closing in five minutes.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

You just run into bad situations. Have you ever bought the uh ice cream cone things and then just eating those straight out of the box? In the store? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 44:27

Well.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

No, but now that you say that.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

Now I'm tempted to.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

That's the sign dad needs to go away. You're gonna be out in the front yard waving at cars with the robe open. Yep. I'm gonna be standing in the middle of the aisle at Kroger's just eating ice cream cone with no ice cream in them.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

That day, I'm telling you, that day is coming. It's coming sooner than later. Because I even texted Libby because I just was at a loss of what to get. And of course, she was uh showering or doing dishes or something and didn't answer. I'm like, well, I guess I'm just gonna die here. Yeah. I bought like half the groceries that we usually get, and I don't know why when I go to the grocery store, I think that I have to get enough food for like seven whole days. I live 11 minutes away from the grocery store. I literally could buy something to make on Tuesday and then Wednesday go and get because there were when I worked at Win Dixie, there were people who would buy for the day. One of my favorite customers, I I absolutely love this woman. Every time she saw me, she would stop and talk to me for 10 or 15 minutes. I told her, I said, You don't have to come in every day. You can take a day, and I love talking to you. You can take a day off, and she's laughing, but I don't know what my deal is. I feel like I have to buy enough meals like I'm mad jack on Grizzly Adams. You go into town, you gotta get enough flour, you got enough sugar.

SPEAKER_02 45:58

And if something upsets the apple cart that week, this happens more than I would like to admit. I'll buy tons of chicken and I just don't get to cooking it all through the week. And we've had situations, I don't like to talk about them, but we've had situations where I've thrown multiple expensive uh breasts of chicken just right straight in the trash. Yeah. Like there are starving people all over this house right now because there's nothing to cook.

SPEAKER_03 46:24

Because we let it go bad. Well, what we do is we have I hate the way my refrigerator is laid out. You put food in there, and then eventually you have to put something in front of it. Yeah. And so it's like our meat drawer gets overfull with the meat, and so then you put it in the sliding vegetable drawer. The meat isn't supposed to go in the sliding vegetable drawer, but you can't just leave it on the counter. Yeah, then everybody's got salmonella.

SPEAKER_04 46:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:50

So and nobody wants that.

SPEAKER_04 46:52

Right.

SPEAKER_03 46:52

So you you put it somewhere else, and then eventually something gets in front of it, and two, three, four days pass, and one of the people in my family, besides me, go, I didn't even realize we had that. I'm like, it's uh because we're not trained to move things around and look behind things.

SPEAKER_02 47:09

No. It is nice when you find ice cream you didn't know you had that.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

I've never found ice cream I didn't know I had. I have found ice cream that someone else had already eaten. Uh-huh. And that that's that's a problem. One of the kids had gotten into it and uh uh eaten all of it. And I'm like, did you think that dad might want some of that?

SPEAKER_02 47:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:30

Good times.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

Should we take this behind the bar and put a bullet in it? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:36

It ain't getting any better than this. So, yeah, we want to thank you for listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome. We want you to go to IrritableDad Syndrome.com. And like I said last week and the week before, and the week before that, tell your friends, spread the word. When you go to work, tell your office mates, tell the it was like I was listening to this nut so bonkers podcast the other day. Oh, what podcast are you talking about? Oh, what it's the irritable dad syndrome. Tell people you hate. Yeah. That's yeah, yeah. Seriously. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:05

Go to you're you're bored. Yeah. Make them bored.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

Go to church, and then when everyone's walking out into the uh into the wherever they park their cars, yeah, the parking lot, and then talking to people before they go to lunch with their family. Say, you know what you guys would love? If you loved what you heard today, you're gonna love irritable dad syndrome.

SPEAKER_02 48:22

You go to a church that has pews. Oh, yeah. Just carve irritable dad syndrome.com in the pew.

SPEAKER_03 48:29

I got a better idea. Right. Slip it into the Bibles that they have in there. So whenever the hymnals come up, then you open it up. It's like, what is this? Yeah. It's a message from a mom. It is. Yes, right. We're going to hell.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

That's right. Just sit right there. We're going to hell. If you're on a roller coaster, there's still some operating right now. Like we're at the tail end of summer. Yes. Kind of in a way. Yes. Just yell out irritable dad syndrome. Irritable dad syndrome right at the top. And people will remember though. Like, why did that happen? What did he yell? Oh, he yelled irritable dad syndrome.com.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

Why are Mike and I telling you this? Because we're desperate. We're so desperate. We've been doing it.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

Hearing people tell us how good the show is. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

But you're not joking. We do hear that. We do hear that. We have loyal fans who really enjoy this podcast. Yeah. And so I'm like, if we had more loyal fans who really enjoyed this podcast, that would be great.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

Yeah. I mean, what do we got to do? Come to your house and type it into your browser for you.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

I'm not above doing it.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

I'm not above doing it.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

I've got a car.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

Yeah. Send your address to syndrome.com. We'll help you through it.

SPEAKER_03 49:39

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

What? That's just certain restrictions may apply.

SPEAKER_03 49:46

But they're going to send it to our website. And then we're going to go to their house and show them how to get to their website. And show them how to get to their website.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

Our audience is a unique breed.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

The math ain't math in Mike.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

Oh, it'll math.

SPEAKER_03 50:01

We hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

Irritable Dad Syndrome is a Mike Odal, Darren Cox production.

SPEAKER_02 50:11

You ready to uh let's kick this uh in the uh old hootin annie?

SPEAKER_03 50:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:19

I can't see.

SPEAKER_03 50:21

Oh, got your contact lenses in? I do.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

I just I'm old.

SPEAKER_03 50:24

Yeah. Do you guys have do you Papa was a rolling stone? Wherever he laid his hat was his home. And when he left, all he left us was alone. Do you have the rundown up?

SPEAKER_02 50:43

Oh, I should. I should. That's I could do that. We figured it out one time, remember that? That's right. We figured out how we could do that. Well, we'd like to thank you for joining here too. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

We'd like to welcome our uh date viewers.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

Wa hoppa! Hey! Hey! We about to get some justice done up in hell.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

I am not going to stop on the way home and get something sweet.

SPEAKER_00 51:11

Okay, Mel. Oh no, it's not okay because if they make me if they if they take my my tablet and out, I'll I'll have to I'll get the building on fire.

SPEAKER_02 51:27

Patreon listeners will think that marbles is currently being strangled. He's not.

SPEAKER_00 51:35

Have a great day and stay cool.